Chapter Twenty-Three
Despite it being dark, Rome is surprisingly well-lit. Gus puts his cap on forwards and takes my hand as he guides us back towards Cole’s villa, navigating the picturesque streets, stopping to point out the ruins of an old bathhouse or a temple to one of the gods.
“Sorry about Grace,” Gus mumbles as we turn another corner, the clip of my heels on the pavement.
“Why are you sorry?”
“She gatecrashed.”
“She’s ok. I think she just worries about you.”
He sighs raggedly, running his spare hand down his nose. “I wish I could’ve protected her from it all. I was too late to warn her about what this world does to people, and by the time I knew, she had already been flung into the spotlight. And to make matters worse, it was my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were on this gameshow in our early years of fame. It was a teen show where you basically dunk each other in gunk. Honestly, it was stupid. And, anyway, they asked us if we wanted to bring family members on to twist it up a little. Grace was my family member. She’s the only sister in the band and, I guess, there were tons of teenage girls out there who wanted to know what life was like being my sister. ”
“But she embraced it, right?”
He shrugs. “That’s what I can never work out. I wasn’t close enough to her back then. I was so busy. And then…” He swallows slowly, trying to decide on his next words. “And then I wasn’t sober for a while.”
“You couldn’t protect her,” I say. “Because you also needed protecting.”
“What I’m trying to say, is she means well.
And I guess I understand what you mean when you say you feel like your sisters begrudge you.
I know the feeling. I’ll live with the guilt of what the media did to her forever.
The body image stuff, the time she was papped running away from an ex in tears, the gunk show… I hate myself for it.”
“She loves you,” I say, because I think that’s what he needs to hear. “She wanted to make sure I wasn’t using you.” When he gives me a worried look, I add, “She didn’t ask directly, but she was watching me. You can tell she knows how to spot red flags.”
He laughs. “Well, she hasn’t warned me off you.”
I drop my gaze. “Can I warn you off me?”
“You can try.”
I chew on my lip, a thrill rushing down my spine.
I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.
“What’s it like?” I ask, changing the subject. “Being famous?”
Gus grins like he’s onto me changing the subject, then shrugs as we begin to walk again.
“It’s just my life now. I don’t give it much thought. And part of me thinks that because it happened when I was still a kid, that I don’t really know what normal life is like anymore. Actually, I’ve really enjoyed spending these past few days with you. You’ve treated me like an average bloke.”
“You’re welcome,” I quip. “And for what it’s worth, Popstar, you are a normal bloke to me.”
He squeezes my hand. “The thing is, I’m not worried about anyone seeing me.
I’m used to that. By this point, I’ve had enough adventure that if my team insist on coming to get me, it won’t be the end of the world.
It’s more that social media has made it harder for me to hide away, to escape the attention.
Everyone’s a reporter these days.” He glances over his shoulder as if to make his point.
“I’m very aware about dragging you into drama. ”
“And what drama is that specifically?”
“It’s all drama. Constantly. If there’s no drama, someone will make up a narrative. I do nothing and still get hauled into things.” He huffs out a breath. “I, personally, would be thrilled to be seen with you.”
“Oh really?”
He smiles softly. “Yes.”
“But?”
He looks at our hands, entwined. “But… I don’t know if you want the drama that comes with… me.”
“With you? With being your friend?”
He stops in the middle of a quiet street, moonlight reflecting off the warm tarmac and touches his heart. “You’re my friend?”
I burst out laughing, pushing him in the chest with my spare hand. “Shut up!” I step past him, dragging him with me to keep the conversation going. “What kind of friendships did you have with the other band members before it all blew up?”
“Oh, we were thick as thieves. In fact, we actually did rob up the local farm shop when we were fourteen.”
“What? No,” I say, my tone laced with doubt.
He nods. “Got away with an apple each and a stick of celery.”
“Animals.”
“When Will’s mam found out she marched us back down there to apologise and pay them back. Terrifying woman.”
“Do you miss those days?”
Gus sighs. “I miss feeling like we were unstoppable. Like our friendship was unshakeable. Unfortunately, the industry has a way of tearing that kind of thing apart.”
We’re quiet as we pass a group of young adults heading towards a street of bars and clubs, one of whom takes a good long look at Gus. We hasten our pace until we’ve turned a corner and there doesn’t seem to be anyone following us.
“Tell me something,” he says after a moment.
“What’s that?”
“Why did a woman like you want to get married anyway?”
I groan. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Well, now you have to tell me or I’ll go insane trying to figure it out.”
I sigh. “My parents were so in love,” I say. “My dad committed to mum for life. I haven’t seen him date another woman since. She was his world. I guess that was my inspiration. And, besides, I’m a modern girl, I don’t want marriage in the old-fashioned sense. I can support myself.”
“I’m waiting for the embarrassing part…”
“I want the emotional stability. I want the part where someone is going to stand before me, in front of all my family and friends, and say they want to live the rest of their life with me, for better or worse. All of it.”
Gus gives me a disbelieving glance. “And that’s embarrassing to you?”
“It’s soppy. But I like contracts. I like how you can have everything written down and guaranteed. To me, marriage is a contract.” I shrug, keeping my eyes lowered, unwilling to find out whether I’m being judged for my vulnerability.
“I don’t think that’s embarrassing. I think that’s pretty romantic.”
I shake my head. “It’s soppy,” I correct him.
“There was so much instability in my childhood. My dad was great and I love him to pieces but he wasn’t the kind of man you could cry on.
He was too broken himself.” We’ve slowed down again.
I can see the ivy-strewn street where Cole lives up ahead.
It’s like we’re both trying to drag this walk out.
“I guess what I’m saying, is I want stability. Or at least I did. Now, I’m not so sure. I feel like I dodged a bullet with Mike and that’s a scary thought to have.”
“You trusted your instincts. That’s impressive. Not everyone trusts themselves enough to do that.”
I swallow. “I almost didn’t.”
We reach the wall outside Cole’s villa, a path of moonlight stretching almost all the way back up the street.
I pause, leaning my shoulders against it and watch Gus who’s more than happy to wait out here too.
It’s quiet, almost serene – the sound of the city a quiet backdrop.
I cross my arms and stare at my feet. “You know, sometimes I wish I had a big sister.”
“I could be your big sister,” Gus offers. I can’t help but laugh, glancing back at him to see that familiar glint in his eye.
I twist my lips. “No.”
He acts offended, touching his chest. “Why not?”
He knows why. “Because you’re a man. And…”
“And?” He steps closer. My heart pulses in my neck. My body is so game for whatever is going on here, I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins.
He knows… I know he knows.
As if he can read my mind, he leans in towards me. I tip my head back and compress a smile.
“What’s holding you back?” he practically whispers.
“Apart from the fact you’re a stranger?”
He narrows his eyes, waiting for the real reason. “We’re not strangers.”
“You’re a popstar,” I remind him. I don’t tell him that the thought of falling for him scares me because I have no idea how to navigate a new relationship, yet alone one with someone famous. Someone who could have anyone they wanted.
Gus runs his spare hand down his face and laughs, surprised. “I can’t say that’s ever been a reason I’ve been rejected before.”
I chew on my lip to prevent a smile. “What are the usual reasons?”
“Mostly my personality,” he says, grinning.
I burst out laughing, rolling my head back and smiling at the starry night.
“Fuuuck,” he mutters. “You have no idea how much I like making you laugh. It’s intoxicating, Sara.”
When I allow myself to look at him again, his expression has changed. The usual cheeky glint has vanished and in its place is a parted-lip look of vulnerability. He swallows deeply, his perfect throat working. I run my tongue over my bottom lip thinking about how much I’d like to taste him there.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I say, staring back at him pointedly.
“Like what?”
“Like that!” I say, gesturing at his face. “Like you… You know!”
Like you want to ravish me right here in the street, rip my dress from my body and explore every inch of me with your tongue.
He can’t fight a smirk, shaking his head. “No, I have no idea. You’re going to have to fill me in.”
“I’m serious, Gus.”
“You are. You’re very serious, Sara.”
I cover my face with my hands, trying to hide my smile and the rising heat in my cheeks. “I can’t fancy you,” I say, muffled by my fingers.
He reaches forward and peels my hands away, bringing them to his lips and pressing his mouth to them. There’s something about the way he runs his warm breath over my knuckles that sends shots right to my core, making me clench my thighs.
It’s a promise.
He knows what he’s doing.
I tip my head back, ignoring the impulses telling me this is only going to end in tears. That I can’t handle this yet. That I’m not ready.
Because my body has entirely different thoughts.
“You can fancy me if you want to, sweetheart,” Gus whispers, bringing my hands to his chest and laying them flat as he steps closer, bringing our bodies together. “I’ll look after that information. Nobody else needs to know.”
My breathing hastens as he runs a hand slowly up my side, starting at my waist, running higher, taking his time. When he traces the underside of my breasts, I almost combust right there on the spot. I’m completely at his mercy.
“Gus,” I whimper.
“I’m listening.” His cracked voice rumbles by the shell of my ear. “What do you need?”
You. You. You.
“This is a bad idea,” I say.
His huff of laughter, as his lips graze my neck tell me he only partly agrees.
“Then tell me to stop, Sara. Tell me to stop and I’ll go.
” I part my lips but the word never comes.
I’m almost certain I’m going to tell him to stop but his fingers brush under my chin, tipping it towards him and it feels so good, as he brings our lips closer, I lose all sensible thoughts.
His wine-soaked breath and perfect, thick lips are irresistible.
“Fuck it,” I breathe.
I feel his answering groan like sparklers fizzling in my tummy.
“Fuck it, indeed,” he says, as his lips crash over mine, rough and hungry.
His arms come around my waist, pulling me closer, his lips pressing harder, faster.
My hands run higher until they’re wrapped around his neck, fingers in his gorgeous curls, tugging him away, pressing him closer, all the time his breathing speaks to me in shattered gasps.
And when I open my lips to him and he slides his tongue over mine, I’m rewarded with a solid thigh pressed between my legs. A welcome, delicious friction.
Fuck.
An untethered sound escapes me. I want him to push me harder. Hold me tighter. Kiss me fiercer.
I’m so wanton, so needy, I’m surprised by my reaction.
I want him. I can’t have him. I need him.
As one of his hands releases my waist and ventures between us, a finger running lower over the sheer black material of my dress, my breathing ragged and desperate, the gates to Cole’s villa creak open.
“Hey, you two keep setting off the security senso – Oh!”
The interruption is like a bucket of ice water down my back. I twist out of Gus’s grasp and laugh at the wall, turning away from him. I hold a hand to my face. I’m so hot. There’s no way Cole won’t be able to tell.
I wiggle out of the curve of Gus’s body but he takes my arm, attempting to twist me back to him. “Sara.”
“Such a lovely evening,” I say to them both. I can’t believe we were caught! “Thank you! But I’m beat.”
“Sara…” his voice is urgent as we pass Cole, my arm still in his gentle grip. “Come on, wait up.”
I turn and laugh nervously, twisting my arm free once we reach the staircase in the hall. “It’s fine, Gus.”
He’s watching me cautiously from the step below. “I don’t think we’re finished here,” he says. “I think we need…”
I press my hand to his cheek. “We got carried away,” I say, like it’s obvious. “It’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me. We’re fine. It’s fine.”
He’s shaking his head, a small smile playing on his lips like he isn’t sure how to read me now but he lets it drop.
“Night then,” I say, my voice too pitchy, spinning on my heels and darting away before he can persuade me to do something insanely irresponsible, like going to his room to finish this whole thing off in detail. Because although I’m outrageously tempted, I know no good can come of it.
I’m already too affected by him.