Chapter 24
Thayer
Ash slept like a baby all night, pressed against my chest and locked around me. He didn’t stir or fidget like he normally would, just stayed completely still and slept soundly.
This didn’t fix anything, but it wasn’t supposed to. It was just supposed to make him not feel like a million miles away anymore–it was a start, not a solution.
It was Saturday, so Ash didn’t have class, though he’d have practice in the afternoon. I needed a plan or something to show Ash how sorry I was before then, because he might have come back last night and let me comfort him, but there was no guarantee he’d come back again.
And I couldn’t let him go.
Ash finally started to wake up when the sun started shining in his eyes from our window. I normally shut the curtains at night, or I’d get up and shut them in the morning before it woke him up, but getting out of bed right now would wake him up far more aggressively than the sun.
Still, I gently moved my hand to hover over his face and shield his eyes from the sun.
“I’m already awake,” he grumbled, lazily taking my hand and pulling it back to his chest, holding it there.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, kissing the back of his neck apologetically. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” he mumbled, nodding his tired head a little bit. “I’m not sure it was supposed to do this, but I’m really horny now.”
Thank God it wasn’t just me.
This had been nice all night–don't get me wrong. I felt very connected to him and in tune with him–I was able to sleep last night without any fear he’d be gone in the morning…but yeah.
I was definitely feeling that myself.
“Me too,” I chuckled, making him laugh until we both let out almost painful moans at the reminder that we were very much still connected this morning. “It’s probably time for me to pull out–”
“No,” Ash breathed frantically, whipping his head back at me with a firm hand snapping to my hip, stopping me. “Nononononono,” he said under his breath, his eyes falling shut again.
“Ash, I can’t be inside you while we talk,” I offered carefully, stroking his side gently. “That’s cheating–I can’t touch you or anything without it feeling like I coerced you.”
Ash wanted to throw a tantrum–I actually saw it start in that scrunched-up face. He wanted to argue and be mad…but I was right.
It normally wasn’t a big deal if I touched him while we talked, but this conversation had to be done without it.
As much as I wanted it.
He nodded against the pillow slowly, sucking in a breath like he was bracing himself. I started pulling back slowly, just so it was less of a shock to him, but I hated every second of his lower lip trembling more and more the less of me he had in him.
It was cold.
It was almost instant how far away Ash was once I was out–I hated it. I was sure that the feeling would level out–that we were both just coming down from a very intimate and bonding feeling, but right now?
Right now, he felt like he wasn’t even mine anymore, and he was still naked in my bed.
“I don’t like it,” Ash said shakily, turning over in bed to face me.
His face was trembling and red already, big blue eyes rimmed with red as he wrapped his arms around himself…comforting himself.
“I don’t want to break up–”
“Hey, no one said that,” I said quickly, settling on my side to be level with him and already fighting my hand from reaching out to touch him. “I don’t want that either, Ash–”
“But I don’t trust you now.”
I felt every word like a bullet in my chest. I already knew that, but knowing that and hearing those words from his pouty lips were two wildly different things.
“We had a deal, and I trusted you, but you didn’t trust me–you pulled me, and I was fine,” he croaked, his voice catching every few words. “I was just having a really bad day, and then my boyfriend broke our promise–almost two of them.”
“And I shouldn’t have done that,” I said calmly, fisting my hand under the blanket to fight the urge to wipe that stray tear off his cheek. “I won't do that again, Ash… I promise–”
“And how do I know you’ll keep that one?” he asked earnestly, not to be an asshole.
He really needed me to mean it and prove it to him.
Because he didn’t want to not come back home to me, as much as I didn’t.
He didn’t need a new promise–he just needed me to mean it this time.
“Because I can’t lose you, Ash,” I whispered, untucking my hand and offering it flat on the bed for him to choose to touch me, if he wanted to. “I’ll fix it–I’ll make it right, but I can’t lose you, baby.”
Ash let out a whimper, sinking his teeth into his lip before hesitantly reaching out. I watched him debate it, staring at my hand like it wasn’t familiar to him, before closing his eyes and dropping his hand into mine.
I wasn’t wasting my inch.
He held my hand and fell forward, into my chest, only letting go to take hold of my side. Ash buried his face into my neck, clinging to me again and dispelling the cold, empty feeling I’d had since I pulled out of him.
We weren’t fixed, but my God, did it feel good to have him back, even just a little bit.
It would take time–I knew that.
He wouldn’t come back all at once, and we’d have bumps for sure, but we weren’t doing this again. I wasn’t risking losing my great thing in this life, so even if it took some rewiring in my brain, I was keeping him.
Mine to take care of, and mine to love.
“I love you, too,” Ash mumbled into my chest, his warm, soft lips pressing against my skin–a kindness and sweetness I really didn’t deserve yet.
Ash untucked his head, tilting it up slowly, cautiously, pressing his lips to mine again. I knew I always missed kissing Ash, but feeling his lips on mine now was a release of pressure in my head that had been debilitating.
He draped a hand on the side of my neck, pulling himself up more, and pushing me onto my back.
Before last night, we’d been having sex a lot, and Ash never cared to be in control in any way. He liked the mental break he got from giving it all to me, knowing he’d get taken care of thoroughly.
But today, he was straddling my waist and weighing me down on our bed.
His lips were on mine like magnets, stuck to them as he reached between us and moved awkwardly, stuttering out hot breaths on my face when he finally started taking me again.
His eyes rolled back, and his spine arched before he sat up straight, pressing warm hands to my stomach for stability.
Ash's mouth was stuck open, his eyes squeezed shut at the new feeling for both of us.
As much as I loved being the one in control, I had to admit, I was into this. I was into Ash using me and seeing how much pleasure he was getting from just small circles of his hips. I got to see every little twitch in his shaft, leaking onto my stomach while he chased his high.
“Oh God,” Ash shuddered, clawing at my stomach with the hand supporting all his weight, his hips rolling faster. I sat up quickly, wrapping an arm around his back and helping guide him against me, adding a little more closeness we’d been missing. “I’m…fuck.”
“Shh,” I hushed, guiding his hips a little more to keep it consistent for him while I fought off the pressure in my stomach. “Don’t chase it, baby– let it come,” I breathed, dropping my head to his chest– I couldn’t look at him and not cum.
Ash was hot on top of me.
His moans started turning to desperate whimpers, his nails digging into my shoulders…and I just couldn't do it anymore.
It felt too good to have him back, and he was ticking every box–I needed him.
My body went stiff, guiding him down just a little harder and pushing myself over the edge. I let out a relieved groan into his skin, holding him close and rolling my hips under him to drag it out–it was otherworldly.
Maybe it was the build-up from him warming me all night, or maybe the emotional tension–more likely, it was just Ash.
“Yes,” Ash moaned, hugging me tighter and finally giving in to himself.
His cock flexed between us, relief in every shot and every moan he let out until he was a calm, whimpering weight on my shoulder. “I love that feeling,” he breathed, rocking his hips again to let me know exactly what feeling he was talking about. “Warm.”
“I love you, Ash,” I said quietly, pulling his tired face up to steal as many kisses as I could.
Ash started giggling, taking each kiss to his skin and holding on to me happily, his hands tangling in my hair. The sound alone lit up the room again, the sun shining in and bathing him in light, making him feel ethereal.
“I love you, too,” Ash giggled, pulling my hair back softly and pressing his warm, tender lips to mine. “You’re stuck with me now, Thayer,” he teased.
Stuck?
That was the point.