Chapter 13
Revna
It took me longer than it should have to realize I was hearing two voices coming from the stables.
At first, I genuinely thought I might be hallucinating.
My night had involved very little sleep, as usual—but the dream of the boy falling through the ice had returned with a vengeance.
Every time I woke from it, I’d calmed myself and managed to go back to sleep.
Only to be woken by the same exact dream again.
The face of the boy reaching out in desperation before he slipped under haunted me, vivid and bright.
If I wasn’t dreaming, I found myself spiraling, caught in the choking fear of what my Lurae was capable of. And knowing I couldn’t avoid using it forever if I wanted to do right by my people.
Even now, thinking about trying again had me stiffening. I forced my feet to move, one in front of the other.
But the voices in the stables were not figments of my waning sanity.
Despite the early hour, the sun barely peeking over the hills, S?ren was not alone in the paddock.
I stepped inside in time to see him finish hitching saddlebags to a slate gray mare.
The hinges of the door creaked as it swung back into place.
Volkan grinned at me from where he leaned against the wall, listening to S?ren talk.
“—left to go back to Faste and Sonja waxed poetic for over an hour about how much she hated you,” he was saying.
Volkan put a hand over his chest. “I am wounded. I did nothing to her!”
“I find that story unlikely,” I said. The words escaped before I had the chance to vet them, and I wondered why I felt comfortable inserting myself in what was clearly an attempt to reminisce on better times—times I hadn’t been part of.
But S?ren reached out a hand for my pack and my sword, the smirk he wore so familiar it made my heart stutter, and I relaxed slightly.
Volkan sputtered. “When have I been anything but the pinnacle of decorum to you? And now you’re out here insulting me.”
“It’s far more fun that way,” S?ren offered, double-checking all the straps on the saddle.
I caught myself staring for too long, the shape of his ass grabbing my attention, and cleared my throat. “I’m sure she was justified. What did you do to her?”
“It was a harmless prank. Emphasis on the word ‘harmless,’ ” Volkan said. His eyes glittered despite his overexaggerated frown.
“Volkan changed out her soap,” S?ren offered. “Put some kind of dye in it. She was blue for a week before she managed to get it out of her skin.”
I couldn’t help it—my mouth fell open and I gaped at Volkan. “You call that harmless?”
He threw his hands in the air, rolling his eyes. I could tell he was smothering a grin. “For the record, I was only twelve. How else was I supposed to show off to the pretty boy I’d just met? Thought I was doing him a favor by tormenting his sister on his behalf.”
S?ren chuckled, and I forced myself not to look at him.
I knew his smile like the back of my hand, and was fully aware how quickly it would wipe away the animosity I felt for him.
Even now, listening to his voice, falling into the cadence of his teasing, I struggled not to forget the things he’d done.
“Well, how did it end, then? Were you able to convince her to forgive you?” I couldn’t say her name aloud—it felt like the first step on a slippery slope of questions I wanted the answers to but had been barred from the right to ask. Anyone hating Volkan felt like an impossibility, though.
But to my surprise, the prince’s face fell. “No. I wasn’t.”
S?ren had stilled, hands poised to tighten the saddle. I glanced at him, twisting my hands together. Talking about Sonja, about Volkan and S?ren’s past relationship and their friendship…it was all new territory for me. But in the silence, it was easy to tell I’d made a misstep.
When S?ren spoke up, his voice was stiff. He didn’t look at either of us. “Between that visit and the next, Sonja became a prisoner.”
Volkan clapped me on the shoulder, startling me before I could speak. “I’d better be going. The two of you stay safe, all right?”
I nodded, brow furrowed at the abrupt change in subject. “Of course. Don’t let all the soldiers kill each other, okay?”
S?ren stepped up next to us and the two men embraced. I turned away, unsure if they wanted a moment of privacy for their goodbyes. Volkan muttered something in S?ren’s ear. I thought I caught the words fix things but it was difficult to tell—either way, S?ren just grunted in reply.
When Volkan departed, I looked to S?ren. “Is this mount yours or mine?”
His raised eyebrow made my heart sink. “This trip isn’t for fun. We can’t train if you can’t hear me talking to you, so we’ll share a mount.”
He swung up into the saddle, and my cheeks heated. I turned away. If I didn’t look at him, then he couldn’t distract me. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll be able to hear you just fine.”
S?ren huffed a laugh, devoid of any humor. “You’ll also be able to run away from me if you decide you don’t like hearing what I have to say. We share the horse or content ourselves with not hearing the prophecy. Your choice.”
Heart in my throat, I swallowed. The sound of hooves against the wooden floorboards alerted me to S?ren’s approach. I didn’t turn around, even when the mare pushed her nose against my hair. My hands clenched into fists.
You’ve already let him teach you magic, I thought. If you let him step even closer, he’ll think you’ve forgiven him.
But…I swore internally. I needed to know what the prophecy said, and we had no other leads. If my future was intertwined with S?ren’s, if the queen was using the prophecy against me to sway the treaty negotiations, then gaining knowledge was the best weapon available to me.
Silently, without meeting his eyes, I accepted S?ren’s outstretched hand and pulled myself up to sit in front of him.
The moment I settled in the saddle, felt him warm against my back, I stiffened. His hands came around me to grab the reins, and I pulled my arms into my chest to keep from touching him.
My traitorous body was more than content. I bit my lip hard until the pain and the copper taste of blood shook me from thoughts of leaning back, resting my head on his shoulder. Relaxing against him, the way I would have a month ago.
S?ren had mentioned yesterday that this journey would take us two days of riding. And truthfully, I didn’t know if I was capable of remaining strong and resisting his embrace for that long. Not when I was exhausted and frazzled at the edges from lack of sleep and the argument with Freja yesterday.
Have you forgotten the sight of Frode’s body, lifeless in the snow?
The logical part of my brain was intent to keep me staunchly away from the general behind me.
And the other half of my mind asked, Wouldn’t Frode forgive you for letting S?ren back in?
Wouldn’t he understand how desperately you need someone who is on your side and no one else’s?
“Revna.” S?ren’s voice was low and quiet, his breath brushing hot against my neck. “This arrangement is a necessity, nothing more. I will not take advantage of it.”
My exhale shuddered through me.
“You’re in control here,” he continued. I was keenly aware of where the backs of my thighs brushed the insides of his; where my tailbone met his pelvis.
I regretted braiding my hair back tight to my scalp—convenient for the ride and baring my neck to his lips.
“I won’t touch you in any way that isn’t necessary unless you ask me for it. Understand?”
Somehow I brought myself back to my right mind. I was grateful for his promise but refused to show it. “If you’re anything but a gentleman, I’m perfectly capable of sticking a dagger where it hurts.”
The huff of his laugh vibrated slightly in his chest, and I felt it through my entire body. He nudged the horse into a canter.
I pursed my lips. This was going to be a long ride.
We spent an hour in tense silence before S?ren finally spoke. “Ready to try listening for heartbeats again?”
I gritted my teeth. “No. Not when it puts your life at risk. And the horse’s life, for that matter—what if I kill her by accident and we’re stranded in the middle of the wastes?”
“Unlikely.” I heard the smile in his voice, and irritation crept up my throat. “But not an invalid concern. We still need to practice, though, so…what if I made you a wager?”
I furrowed my brow. “This isn’t a joke.”
“I’m not joking.”
The utter unfairness of the situation hit me like a shock of lightning.
I was barely managing to hold my kingdom together at the seams. The man who killed my brother wasn’t just my teacher, but my singular traveling companion.
I hadn’t slept more than three hours a night in weeks.
And he had the audacity to offer a wager and think it would be enough to tempt me into using my magic?
Hell no.
I twisted in the saddle to face him, seething. “Fuck you.”
S?ren’s lips tilted up into an infuriating smirk. “I did say you would call the shots on touching.”
I wanted to pull my hair from my scalp. Jump off the mare and run into the woods. Anything to get away from him.
“This is not funny.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“My Lurae is dangerous.”
“I know it is.”
“I’ve killed people, S—you asshole!” Gods be damned, why were my eyes filling up with tears now?
His eyes, the dark gray irises still more beautiful than they had any right to be, softened. “I have, too.”
That stopped me. My breath hitched in my lungs. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let myself cry. Not in front of him.
He took my silence as an invitation to keep talking.
“Any Lurae can be dangerous. But to have one that manipulates life and death, the way ours do?” S?ren shook his head.
“I understand more than you think. I’m not trying to force your hand.
But three weeks is not nearly long enough to accomplish what the queen has demanded of us.
Especially considering the other political duties you have to attend to.
“Hiding it away and refusing to acknowledge your Lurae would be far easier. But the only way you will learn is by practicing. And we have to start now if we are to have any hope of making the treaty possible.”
How did he still have the ability to take a single glance at me and know everything I was thinking? While he spoke, my shoulders had inched higher, knowing he wasn’t going to let this go—he was determined to see it through.
I wanted him to give up. To call me a lost cause, the way everyone else had. The way I had.
But he wouldn’t.
As I wallowed there, unable to move or summon a scathing retort, movement in my peripheral vision made me frown. I glanced down at the mare, who had settled into an ambling gait while we spoke.
That’s when I saw it—the faintest thread stretching from her heart to me. And when I listened close…
The faint thud, thud, thud of her heartbeat.
I chewed my lip. “Tell me more about this wager, then.”