Chapter Three
BLUE
Over the soundtrack of Seth’s crew hard at work in the background, he’s giving me the rundown on all the updates.
Things like the roofers being halfway done, some kind of delay with the electrical work, and the tile for the bathroom being on backorder.
As we take slow steps through what will eventually be the reading room, I completely zone out.
Thoughts about last night have lingered with me all day.
Mostly, I’ve been hyper-fixated on Pandora pointing out to the entire country that I’m the reason our family hasn’t grown.
Now, because intrusive thoughts are a bitch, I’m connecting dots I hadn’t before.
Dots that point toward all mine and West’s problems circling back to me.
As it stands, it feels like everything—all of it—is my fault.
Adding to the mix of emotions, I left a message with Dr. Tyler’s office this morning, and when I hear back from him, that’ll be it. West and I will have officially put our dream of being parents on a temporary hold.
At least, I hope it’s temporary.
“You okay?”
Seth’s question brings me back to the present, and I force a smile, pretending I’m here in this moment and not someplace else.
“I’m fine.” Another forced smile. Another lie.
His head tilts, and when he tucks his clipboard underneath his arm, I know he’s about to push.
“Ok, so we haven’t known each other long, but I’ve definitely learned that you have a tell.”
“A tell?”
He nods, smiling a little. Then, he points down to where my hands are clenched into fists at my sides. “You do… that. When you’re upset or stressed.”
Having him call attention to it, I unclench my hands, pursing my lips together.
Seth drops his shoulder against the door frame, keeping his eyes trained on me as he hooks both thumbs through the belt loops of his jeans.
“You know, I pride myself on being an excellent listener. It’d be a shame for you not to take advantage of that.”
His smile broadens and, while I appreciate his concern, discussing our personal lives isn’t why he was hired. So, despite the kind offer, I push my emotions down as far as I can.
“You’re just picking up on my lack of sleep,” I lie again. “I couldn’t seem to get comfortable last night, so I mostly tossed and turned. I’m all good, though.”
He studies me a bit longer, and when his smile slips, I’m immediately suspicious.
Curiosity must’ve gotten the best of him, and he took the plunge, downloaded Pandora’s app so he’s not so out of the loop.
If that’s true, he’s likely scrolled and caught up on all the gossip about not only West and I, but our friends, too.
Which also means… he caught last night’s post.
Perfect.
Suddenly uncomfortable, I let my gaze slip to the floor.
“Well, if you ever change your mind, you have my number.”
His choice of phrasing renders me silent for a moment, mostly because Scar and West’s suspicions of Seth pop into my head. But then, they’re gone, and I offer a smile.
“I appreciate it.”
Seth sighs as he pushes off from the door frame. “Of course.” His gaze lifts toward the ceiling. “Once the roof is complete, we’ve got a few repairs to make in the ductwork, then we can get the painter out here to get it all sprayed. You want it black, right?”
I nod, grateful we’ve gone back to focusing on the center instead of me. “Yep, I think that’ll be perfect.”
Seth makes a quick note on his clipboard.
“So, we’re still on schedule?” I ask.
“I usually leave a cushion in the timeline for the unexpected, but so far, we haven’t needed to eat into that very much. So, not making any promises, of course, but it’s possible we could even finish ahead of schedule.”
Hearing this lifts my spirits, which I definitely need today. “You really think so?”
He smiles, matching my energy. “I do. And I know there’s more to getting this place up and running than getting the building back in order, so now might be a good time to tighten up whatever list you have.”
At the mention of a list, I do a mental run-through of mine—staffing, stocking the reading room with new books, finalizing the furniture selections being gifted by the Ruiz family, the social media push to raise awareness of the center’s eventual grand opening.
And this is just a small snapshot of what needs to be done.
“So, how long are you thinking we’ll need? Until the project is complete, I mean.”
Seth looks around, calculating in silence. “Well, our initial projection was eighteen months, but, as I mentioned, that was a rough estimate with a lot of cushion. So, now that we’re a couple months in, I’d say… another six to eight should do it?”
I feel my face tighten with another smile.
“In a few months, I should be able to give you a more solid estimate, but—”
“No, that’s perfect. Thank you.”
He smiles back, nodding. “You’re welcome. Glad that seemed to cheer you up a little.”
His stare lingers on me again, and I look away, hoping he does the same.
“Guess we’re done here,” I say, taking slow steps toward the doorway. He’s giving off some intense energy today, and while I don’t want to read too much into it, I know this is a good time to part ways.
“If anything comes up this week, feel free to reach out. Otherwise, I’ll catch you during our usual Monday meeting.”
“Yep, sounds good.”
I take another step, and Seth’s lips part like he’s about to speak again, but at that precise moment, one of his guys pops into the room, adjusting his yellow hardhat as he approaches Seth.
“Got a sec, boss?”
Seth’s eyes slowly shift from me to the guy, and he nods. “Sure.”
I don’t speak again, just wave at them both as I head out, happy to have avoided whatever awkward moment Seth nearly trapped me in.
As I hop into my truck, I wave at my security detail where they’re parked behind me, but before I can even start the engine…
Dr. Tyler.
I stare at his name on my screen, knowing I have to answer, but not a single part of me wants to do that. I don’t want to have this conversation, don’t want to bring the dream to an end for however long it takes West and I to get back on track.
But I have to do this.
To save my marriage.
“Good afternoon,” I answer, taking a deep breath as soon as the words leave my mouth.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Golden. I have a message here to give you a call. How can I help?”
He sounds so pleasant, so hopeful, and for some unknown reason, the tone of his voice makes me sad.
I take a breath, watching cars pass. “Well, after some thought, West and I have decided to postpone treatment. For now,” I rush to add.
There’s only the slightest bit of hesitation on the line as he processes the news I’ve just dropped on him.
“Ok, well… it’s not uncommon for couples to request that we hold off on things for a while.
And fortunately, we’ve already retrieved and frozen your embryos, so there’s no reason we can’t take a pause and catch our breath.
” He hesitates again, maybe waiting for me to jump in with an explanation.
“Is there… anything I can help with? Anything you or your husband need from me or my office? We’re here to help. ”
I brush a tear away from my cheek, shaking my head. “No, I think we’re all set but thank you. For everything.”
“Of course, dear. I’m here when you two are ready to get things back on track.”
“Thank you.”
“Take care, Mrs. Golden.”
The call ends. I’m grateful for that and for tinted windows, because the second the line goes dead, more tears flood from my eyes. I’ve taken hits before, I’ve faced disappointment before, but this time… the blade just seems to cut so much deeper.