Chapter Four
West
No one’s said a word, but I feel the guys’ eyes on me. Like they’re tiptoeing around the elephant in the room.
We’re taking advantage of Ricky’s private bar again, far removed from the music and dancing going on a couple floors down. It feels like we’re in our own world up here. I needed to get out and clear my head, and this was the first place I thought of.
“All right. Talk to me, Rich Boy,” Ricky finally says, breaking the silence. “We all saw the post, we’re all up to speed, so the only thing we need to know is how you and Blue are doing with everything.”
Staring at the bottle of water in my hands, I shift on the leather barstool, imagining myself taking a sip of something stronger, feeling the welcomed sting of it spilling down my throat.
“We’re dealing with it.”
At first, I think that answer will fly, but that belief is short-lived.
“That’s not what I asked you.”
Moving only my eyes, I peer up at Ricky where he stands on the other side of the bar. He doesn’t miss that I’m avoiding the question, because I’m not sure I’m ready to unpack the emotions I’ve carefully hidden away.
Blue’s raw, I’m raw, and the last thing our relationship or this situation needs is for me to lose my shit.
And if I start talking about everything, that will very likely be the way this goes.
However, as both my brothers glare from either side of me, and Ricky hasn’t blinked in the last thirty seconds, I think it’s safe to say I won’t be leaving here without letting it out.
My chest rises and falls with a deep breath, then I just… unload.
“I’m at my fucking breaking point. With everything. It feels like shit’s just gotten impossibly hard lately, like everything’s a damn struggle, and I fucking hate it.”
Football.
Marriage.
Keeping Pandora out of my damn business.
Everything.
“What can we do?”
That question leaves Ricky’s mouth so smoothly, I’m reminded of the life he lived before he settled into being legit. There wasn’t much he couldn’t get done back then, either. Only, most of the time, the end result was some unsuspecting family planning their loved one’s funeral.
The question hits me again, and I blurt out the first answer I can think of. “If we could shut Pandora down again, that’d be a nice fucking start.”
Ricky nods. “Might be easier said than done, but we’ve done it before, so let’s give it a shot.”
“Hell, it’d do us all a favor if she were out of the picture,” Sterling chimes in, and if the dark circles under his eyes are any indication, I’d say he had a rough couple days, too. Although, Pandora isn’t the source of his stress this time.
It’s Tiffany.
“But do we really think Shawna would be stupid enough to fire up the accounts again? I thought we were all thinking it’s someone new.”
Ricky shrugs at Dane. “Well, I suppose we won’t have an answer to that question until we ask it.” With that, he sips his drink, then shoots a look toward the door. “Diego. Tag. Mind coming in here for a minute?”
Half a second later, his muscle enters the room, and they stand before him like they’re the damn Royal Guard—loyal, dutiful, awaiting Ricky’s command.
“Diego, any chance you can track down Shawna for us? Or do you think she’s in the wind?”
“No need to track her down, boss. Can’t lose track of what never left your sight.”
A wide grin spreads across Ricky’s face, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look more proud. “That’s the shit I’m talking about.”
Diego barely smirks. “I’ll text you her address.”
“Thank you. That’s it for now.”
Both the guys slip out of the room, closing the door behind them.
“It’s settled then,” Ricky says. “Check your schedule, let me know what day is good for you. We’ll head over to her place to see if we can’t get some answers.”
I nod, feeling slightly better than I did when I first walked in, but the bigger issue weighing on me can’t be fixed so easily.
My mind tracks to Blue, and I lower my eyes to the bar.
The ease we once existed in feels like it’s lightyears away, replaced by misunderstandings, misplaced emotion, and frustration.
“What else is on your mind?” Ricky glances toward me as he refills his glass, topping my brothers off right after.
The words nearly slip from my mouth, but I catch them before revealing the many ways Blue and I are struggling right now. As close as I am to these three, I’m only ready to speak on what’s already public knowledge.
Thanks a fucking lot, Pandora.
“This baby thing is starting to take its toll on us,” I admit with a sigh. “It’s not even that it’s too much. It’s just too much right now.”
I pause for a second, in shock that I actually admitted that. Blue has point-blank asked if that’s how I feel, but I neither confirmed nor denied.
Until now.
“I still want to be a dad,” I say, focusing on the bottle of water in my hands while my thoughts race. “I just want to make sure we fix us first, you know?”
“Marriage is a whole other ballgame, ain’t it?”
Ricky’s words have Sterling scoffing to himself. “I’m not even married yet, and I can already feel the truth in that. Feels like the second I put a fucking ring on Tiff’s finger, she turned into a different person.”
To my left, Dane stays silent, because he and Joss are just coasting right now. I don’t resent him for it, but I sure as hell envy it.
“I don’t mean it’s a bad thing,” Ricky adds, “but if you don’t have strength and patience to spare, you might want to make other arrangements.”
I chuckle when he does, and Sterling probably would have, too, if he weren’t currently questioning his life choices.
“But seriously, you and Blue love each other. You’re fucking soulmates,” Ricky adds, and that proud smile returns to his face. “If I’ve ever had faith in anyone to work shit out, it’s the two of you.”
Because he’s not one to talk just for the sake of talking, I take his words to heart.
“Thanks, man.”
He holds his glass up before taking a quick sip. “No problem.” His eyes land on Sterling next. “What about you and Tiff? Anything we can do?”
After taking a long, slow breath, Sterling shakes his head. “I wish, but… no. When she gets something in her head, there’s no changing her mind. And, unfortunately, her current gripe is that Lexi hangs around.”
We know this all too well, having witnessed the chaos that went down at Dusty’s firsthand.
“I’ve explained until I was blue in the face that Rodriguez is more than just Jackson’s mom, that she’s family to everyone I call family, but that shit seems to go in one ear and out the other.”
He finishes, and Dane and I share a look, wondering if he even noticed that he let the term of endearment toward Lexi slip, calling her by her last name.
“What the fuck does it even matter?” Sterling practically growls. “I’m done talking about it. Shit, I’m tempted to just be done period.”
My gaze shifts from Sterling to Ricky, expecting him to press, but he doesn’t. Instead, there’s a half-smile on his face that I barely catch before he sips from his glass. It’s almost like… this is the conclusion he hoped Sterling would come to.
That he’d get sick of Tiff’s shit and be done with it.
That he’d be done with her.
I don’t have any words to fix his situation, considering I can’t find words to fix my own situation. So, I just place a hand on his shoulder.
“Sounds like you’ve got some decisions to make,” Ricky finally says, to which Sterling responds by downing the last of his drink.
My gaze lowers to my watch, and it’s later than I realized. Blue had a meeting at the center today, then dinner with Scar, but I’m guessing she’s home by now.
“That’s it for me. I’m taking off.”
Ricky nods. “Don’t forget to text when you find a good day to go take care of business.”
“Will do.”
“And in the meantime, maybe put some of those millions to good use,” he grins as I stand from my seat. “I know things are tense with you and Blue right now, so maybe make it a point to remind her why she fell in love with your arrogant ass.”
I laugh as I pull the door open, giving his suggestion some thought, remembering my promise to Blue that I’d put in the work to be better.
“You might be on to something.”
“Of course, I am,” Ricky nods. “And remember… go big or go home, Rich Boy. No fucking shortcuts.”
I nod at him and my brothers, then head out as his words begin forming into a plan. I’ve been thinking of ways I can keep my promise to Blue, how I can show her I’m trying.
And according to Ricky, a grand gesture might just do the trick.