Chapter Thirty-One #2
She looks down at her plate, hiding her blue eyes from me. “I know, I just… you went through so much trouble to make tonight special. I refuse to bring the mood down talking about things that don’t matter.”
I set my fork down and reach for her hand, slowly lacing my fingers with hers. The contact steals her full attention.
“If it’s on your mind, it matters,” I assure her. “We can talk about anything you want tonight.”
And I hope she knows I mean that. Yeah, I want tonight to be perfect, but maybe my idea of what that means isn’t quite coming through. My definition of perfect is having her here with me, comfortable, feeling loved. Talking about heavy, complicated shit won’t ruin that.
I let her hand go, and she loosens up some.
“I’ve had some time to reflect these past few days. What if all these things keep happening as a sign that I wasn’t supposed to take this on?”
“You mean opening the center?”
She nods and the profound sadness that takes her over isn’t lost on me. “First the inspector, which now has the city breathing down my neck, and there’s also the whole… Seth thing.”
I know my wife. Yeah, she’s understandably stressed, but this self-doubt is coming from someplace else.
“What are you afraid of?”
She lifts her eyes, surprised by the question. “I’m not—”
“Before you say it, remember who you’re talking to.”
That makes her hesitate, because if anyone knows her—knows her tells, how her mind works—it’s me.
Her gaze lowers, and I lean back, sipping wine while I wait.
“I’m afraid that, with how Pandora’s portraying me, with how she’s airing out my entire life… having the center connected to my name might do more harm than good. I’m afraid I’ll be the death of something so important before it even has a chance to breathe.”
She takes a breath after admitting so much, and I wish I could take it all away. The fear, the pain, the uncertainty. But if I’ve learned anything during this time apart, learned anything from seeing her stand up to Seth, it’s that she’s strong.
Stronger than me, actually.
“I don’t know. Maybe I was just supposed to move back to the city and stay in my lane. Maybe this was too big a project for me to take on.”
“Are you kidding? You were called to do this, Blue. A few setbacks doesn’t change that. The southside needs you and the work you’re doing over there.”
She lowers her head, taking a bite of mashed potatoes while she thinks. “I don’t know. I had no idea it was going to be this hard.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a firm believer in anything worth having being worth the fight.”
She’s thoughtful for a second, then she smiles, and I know she’s thinking about us. We’ve been working to save what we’ve built, and we’re definitely worth the fight.
She rolls her eyes with a playful sigh. “Fine. I’ll keep going, I guess.”
“Nah, fuck that. I need you to say that shit like you mean it. I need to hear that you’re definitely gonna keep going.”
She laughs and tosses her head back. “Ugh! I’ll keep going.”
“You can do better than that.”
“I’ll keep going!” she yells with a smile. “You have my word!”
More of her laughter echoes through the kitchen, and I’m completely obsessed with everything about this woman. That feeling hasn’t dulled even a little over the years. If anything, it’s deepened.
Her gaze lingers on mine, and I can’t look away from her either. Being together, talking to her… I’ve missed this.
So much.
My gaze lowers as my emotions shift, rearranging themselves into a new realization.
“I messed up at the exact moment you needed me most. I can’t apologize enough for that.”
Her expression softens. There’s no anger or judgment behind her eyes, and that means a lot.
I’m in this strange space where, although I reached adulthood several years ago, I feel like I’m only now growing into who I’m meant to be.
I thought I had it all figured out, but the challenges we’ve faced exposed that I’ve been lying to myself.
Now, it’s like I’m having growing pains, relearning myself—who I’m meant to be, who my wife needs me to be.
And while I’ve made my share of mistakes, I’m more committed now than ever to getting this right.
For her.
For myself.
We finish dinner, and I’m grateful for the light conversation. This date has only confirmed what I already knew. That Blue is the breath of fresh air I needed.
“Why don’t you go relax in the living room while I straighten up.”
She tilts her head. “I can help.”
I’m already shaking my head before she finishes. “Absolutely not. I want you to put your feet up and wait for me. That’s your only job.”
The corner of her mouth lifts with a smile. “Yes, sir.”
I’m way too focused when she stands from her seat and turns to leave. I forget to breathe watching her smooth the fabric down her perfect frame, and I swear on my soul…
That dress—and her ass in that dress—is fucking killing me.
I clear the table and load the dishwasher, but decide to wait to wipe everything down because I want to get back to Blue. I find her on the couch like I asked, and she peers up when my shadow blocks the light of the candle I placed on the glass shelf near the archway.
I step closer, staring at her crossed legs nearly stretching the length of the couch
“Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all,” she answers with a smile.
Her brow arches when I lift her legs where her ankles are crossed, then slide underneath them, resting her feet across my lap. She’s warm and smells just as good as I remember. I stroke her soft skin with my thumb, tracing a vein as I think.
“Thank you for coming tonight. You didn’t have to.”
“Maybe not,” she says. “But… I wanted to.”
She’s doing that thing again, where she’s staring a little longer than she should if we’re going to keep the night PG. But then her head settles back, breaking eye contact.
“You didn’t ask how it was when I ran into Seth,” she says quietly. “No way you didn’t see the pics.”
I smile. We both know it’s hard to miss anything in this city.
“I saw them,” I say back, intentionally keeping my tone low and even. “How’d that go?”
She shrugs and her eyes fall closed as she relaxes. “He was just collecting his tools, but it was still awkward. Pretty sure Scar put the fear of God in him, though. Like someone else I know.”
She doesn’t open her eyes when she laughs at her reference to the fight.
“Funny.”
Her shoulders lift with another shrug. “Funny but true, considering I’ve seen his face, the aftermath.”
I’m not proud of what I did. That fight could’ve cost me far more than it was worth, but I find it hard regretting that I lit into that asshole.
He crossed a line that would’ve made other men do far worse.
But things have to change. Losing my shit like that can never happen again.
I can’t just keep saying I’m working on being different. I have to actually be different.
“Was he really that messed up?”
“Pretty sure nothing’s broken, but he definitely had a Frankenstein thing going on. I’m honestly surprised he came out in public before it healed more, but I’m guessing he just wanted to finish severing the connection as quickly as possible.”
I don’t say a word, because as much as I worry about her, she keeps showing me that she can handle herself.
“And now it’s behind us.”
She does that thing where she smiles with closed eyes again. “And now it’s behind us.”
My head falls back against the cushion, and I settle in still caressing her skin. After a few moments of silence, Blue’s breath deepens, and I laugh a little when I realize she’s fallen asleep.
She doesn’t stir when I pull the blanket from the back of the couch and cover her with it. I drape my arm across her legs and prop my feet on the coffee table, getting comfortable.
Most guys might not find it ideal for a night to end with your date falling asleep, but knowing my wife is comfortable with me, knowing this place still feels like home… that’s actually the best ending.
Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and keep doing the work.
Tonight… I’ll just let her rest.
*
@QweenPandora:
Ok, so #NewGirl entered the royal palace several hours ago. It’s now three a.m., and her SUV is still parked outside. My guess? The king and queen are having another sleepover.
However, something tells me there won’t be much sleep to be had.
*wink, wink*
Later, peeps :)
—P