Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Andi
Gravel crunched beneath the tires of Zane’s truck as it bumped along the winding driveway that led to the ranch.
It felt like he was doing everything he could to avoid those dips that peppered the quarter mile drive, but I didn’t mind them.
Because with every pesky little pothole one of his tires found, his arm tightened around me, fingers flexing and anchoring me back to him when the movement rocked me away.
I liked being that close to him. Liked the way his stubbled jaw scraped lightly against my temple as I tucked myself into the crook of his neck. Liked how every breath near him filled my lungs with the scents of sun-warmed leather, cedar, and soap. Liked how…safe I felt.
We were long gone now from the chaos of the crowd and the exploding lights in the sky, but I still couldn’t shake what had happened.
I didn’t even know why, really, or what exactly set me off.
I loved fireworks, but the moment that second one cracked through the night, it was like something inside of me just…
broke. Then came the pressure in my chest. The jump in my pulse.
The way my hands curled tight without me telling them to.
Each loud crack after was a deep, percussive thud that reverberated in my chest like…
like the aftershock of being thrown against a wall.
I knew I wasn’t in danger, though—knew it was just fireworks.
But my body didn’t. My body braced. My throat closed up.
My vision tunneled. And, no matter how tightly I wrapped my arms around that stuffed rooster, I just couldn’t pull myself back together fast enough to make it stop.
But Zane did.
He didn’t ask questions. Didn’t tell me to calm down or breathe or explain myself. Just…comforted me with arms that didn’t let go and a voice that said, “I’ve got you” and meant it.
We pulled up to the house and parked by his mother’s Suburban.
Zane didn’t say a word as he cut the engine and pushed his door open.
With one foot out the door, he slid one arm under my knees and secured the other behind my back, lifting me to him as he brought us out of his truck and walked toward the porch.
I didn’t say anything, either—just kept my face buried in the crook of his neck and let him carry me, clinging to him like I had for every mile of that drive.
The house was dark and quiet, save for the soft whine of the old screen door as Zane eased it closed with his shoulder, and I was thankful that no lights flicked on and no curious footsteps met us from down the hall as he took me straight to the guest room I’d been crashing in—skillfully maneuvering around that creaky floorboard I always seemed to find no matter how hard I tried to avoid it.
Moonlight spilled in through the sheer curtains, casting a silver glow throughout my borrowed room as Zane walked us over to the bed.
The edge of the mattress dipped as he lowered me onto it with the kind of gentleness that had my heart hammering inside my chest. My arms slipped from around his neck as he slowly pulled away, but he didn’t stand up to leave…
He sank to his knees.
One hand slid from behind my back and the other from beneath me until both rested at the curve of my thighs as he knelt there on the hardwood floor in front of me.
His eyes found mine for a moment as his palm ghosted along my calf and down to my ankle where he lifted my foot and slowly tugged at the worn boot until it came off before moving to the next.
A soft smile pulled at my lips as I braced my hands against the comforter. “I thought you said the only time you’d be on your knees…” I said quietly, aiming for dry humor even though my throat was tight with emotion, “was to beg God to take me back to my gated hell.”
Zane stilled, and a pained breath escaped him as he pulled the second boot off, pairing it up with its twin and setting them off to the side. His cowboy hat shadowed most of his face, but I could see the tight line of his mouth as he rasped, “I should never have said that.”
I hated how I couldn’t see him, how he chose now, of all times, to hide from me.
Reaching for his hat, I slowly slid it off and held it loosely pinched between my fingers at my thigh.
My other hand lifted, fingers brushing through his hair, still damp from the heat and matted slightly where his hat had pressed it flat, before letting them drift to the space between his eyebrows. My fingertip brushed the crease there.
“Always so scowly,” I murmured, trying to coax some ease into his expression as I traced the outline of his face.
His eyes slid closed at my touch, just for a moment, but his jaw ticked as he swallowed hard. “I hate this.”
My heart slammed against my chest, making my breath hitch. “Hate what?”
“That we didn’t meet sooner. If we had…” He paused, inhaling deeply through his nose as he chewed on the inside corner of his lip, like he couldn’t quite bring himself to finish.
“You can’t think like that.”
“I know,” he said, but the words didn’t carry conviction.
His thumb dragged absently along the inside of my knee, like his body couldn’t help but seek the contact.
“But I do. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since that night in the barn.
” Those deep blue eyes met mine then, and something raw flickered behind them.
“I want something with you, Andi,” he said, “but I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask for it. ”
My throat went tight, and I swallowed hard against the pain.
I wanted to say yes. Wanted to drop to my knees there in front of him and pull him closer.
Wrap myself around him. Kiss him and tell him I wanted something, too.
Tell him that I wanted him. But the words lodged around that tight ball of emotion stuck in my throat, trapped behind everything I hadn’t told him yet—everything I still wasn’t ready to face.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to be someone’s something yet.
” My voice trembled as my hands slid away from his face to rest against the back of his neck.
“I want to be, though,” I whispered. “But I’m still sorting through a whole lot of broken pieces, and I think tonight kind of made that obvious.
” Blue eyes that somehow always made me feel seen locked with mine, and I swallowed hard again. “I don’t want to offer you half of me.”
A rogue tear rolled down my cheek, and he slowly brought his hand to my face, cradling my jaw as he swiped it away with his thumb.
“I don’t need all of you today,” he whispered.
“Or even tomorrow. I just need to know that you’re not walking away from the idea of us completely.
” His expression softened, sending my already spiraling emotions tumbling into full on crying now.
“I like whatever this is.” The corner of his mouth lifted into the sweetest grin.
“Even if it’s a little messy right now.”
A watery laugh escaped me as I nodded and used the back of my hand to wipe away another tear. “Messy feels like an understatement.”
Zane held my gaze for a second longer and then shifted to stand, but as he moved to rise, he paused halfway, bracing his hands against the comforter on either side of me before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. I almost started crying again.
“Let’s get you tucked into bed,” he murmured, pulling away now to draw the comforter back. “I think we left Cluck Norris in my truck, so while you change, I’ll go grab him to keep you company—”
My fingers wrapped around his wrist before he could step away. “I don’t…want…Cluck Norris,” I said, barely hearing the words over the pounding of my heart. “But I don’t really want to be alone, either.”
Heat bloomed in my cheeks the second the words left my mouth, but I didn’t take them back. I meant them, even if I wasn’t quite sure how to say the rest. Zane’s eyes searched mine for a long moment, reading me like he was trying to fill in the blanks for all the parts I’d left out.
Slowly, I stood from the bed, still holding his gaze as I gently sat his hat on the nightstand, and wordlessly lifted my arms over my head.
He paused, just long enough to understand what I was asking, then gently brushed his hands against my sides as he gathered the hem of my shirt.
With reverent hands, he helped me out of it, keeping his eyes on mine the entire time before reaching for the oversized tee draped across the hope chest at the end of the bed.
I kept my arms lifted and let him dress me like we’d done this before, his fingers brushing the bare skin of my arms as he guided the shirt over my head, and I felt that touch everywhere as my body broke out in goosebumps.
When the cotton settled around my thighs, I reached out, returning the gesture as I rid him of his blue snap shirt before lazily lifting the hem of his white undershirt.
He let out the barest breath of a laugh, making me laugh, too, at my struggle with his height as he ducked his head so I could pull the fabric over.
We took turns then, in silence, helping each other out of jeans and socks.
And when we finally crawled beneath the covers, I nestled against him.
His arms came around me without hesitation, and he tucked his chin against my hair.
My heart was still thundering away inside my chest. Not from fear, but from the intimacy of trust we’d stepped into together. It made me want to trust him more.
I stared into the dark, drawing in a slow breath.
“This shouldn’t make sense, but it does,” I whispered.
“You feel like…like something I lost a long time ago.” I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling his scent that I was quickly becoming addicted to.
“Heath took everything from me.” The words were rough and uneven as they left my mouth.
Zane's chest lifted as he breathed in, then out—slow and careful like he didn’t want to break the moment. His fingers stroked against my spine, up and down.
“But you…” My tongue dragged over my teeth in a slow, thoughtful sweep as I tried to keep my voice from cracking. “You’re giving it all back. And I just…” I sniffed and snuggled closer to him, shamelessly soaking in the comfort I found there in his arms. “Thank you.”
Zane didn’t answer me with words. He just held me a little tighter, the rhythm of his fingers against my back slowing until they simply rested there. His lips brushed the top of my hair in a soft, lingering kiss.
And as my eyes fluttered closed, one quiet thought settled: I never meant to make a home here…but maybe home had found me.