Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
C atherine Hahn’s quaint two-story house in Walnut Creek, California, was at the top of a steep green hill. It towered over the rest of the neighborhood; pines and oaks sprawled around it, their arms sweeping across a generous blue sky. Gale snapped a photograph of the house and exited the car on shaky legs.
Unlike last time, she and Lucas decided to call ahead to ensure Catherine was home and open to visitors. She’d been in her fifties in the eighties, meaning she was now in her nineties. It was amazing that she still lived alone without assistance.
Over the phone, Catherine had asked, “What is this regarding?” She sounded whip-smart and every bit the college professor she’d spent her life as.
“I have some questions about your time in Florida,” Gale had said. “We have mutual friends, and I’m trying to fill some gaps in the narrative.”
“Gosh. That was another lifetime ago,” Catherine had said. “But sure. Come by! I’m ninety-three. I have nothing to hide.”
Gale and Lucas reached the porch to find the door already open. A little old lady with crisp white hair hovered in the doorway. She wore a red cardigan, a floral dress, and a smile that showed fake white teeth. Many words sprang up in Gale’s mind to describe her. The first was beautiful.
It was funny how the definition of beauty changed as you got older.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Hahn,” Gale said.
“Good afternoon, and welcome to California!”
Gale had told her they were coming from out of state, but she hadn’t said where.
Catherine furrowed her brow at Gale, assessing her. It occurred to Gale she probably looked precisely like Lilian. A shiver ran down Gale’s spine.
Catherine seemed to consider saying something about it. But she bit her tongue and beckoned. Her smile was gone. Tension filled the air. She knows something’s up.
They followed Catherine inside and all the way to the back of the house, where a sunroom stretched into the lush backyard. Plants twisted into vines, and bulbous vegetables filled out and lost their green. From the window, Gale could see tomatoes and eggplants.
“You have a beautiful home,” Gale said. “I’ve always wanted to grow my own vegetables.”
“The garden was my daughter’s idea. She always loved taking care of things. Growing things.”
Gale’s heart felt as though it was being squeezed. Lily was raised here with this wonderful woman. Lily was raised in the California sunlight, tending to a garden, reading books, and dreaming. Did she ever think of me? Did she even know?
And all the while, Evelyn knew Lily was out here somewhere. How did she stand it?
Catherine was quiet for a long time. She gazed at Gale, and tears dropped from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Looking at you makes me miss her so much.”
Gale’s heart seized. She’s dead. Lily’s dead. I’m too late.
Lucas touched Gale’s lower back and set his jaw. He seemed to say we’ll get through this the way we’ve gotten through everything else.
Gale thought she might throw up.
Catherine walked slowly to the opposite end of the room to remove a hanging framed photograph from the wall. When she returned, she handed it to Gale.
It was like looking at a photograph of herself.
In it, Lilly was in her late thirties or early forties. She wore a white sundress and stood on a beach near the Golden Gate Bridge. She smiled in a way that suggested she had a secret.
Catherine’s face crumpled in on itself. “I don’t understand,” she said finally. “Looking at you, I don’t understand.” She folded her lips. “You said we have mutual friends.”
Gale sat down on the edge of the sofa and continued to gaze at this photograph of her sister.
A minute passed. Then another. Gale felt frozen in time.
“They didn’t tell me there were two of you,” Catherine breathed finally. “I would have taken you. I wouldn’t have split you up.”
Gale blinked back tears. Catherine’s kindness felt like a balm. But it was too late to heal these scars.
Lucas sat down next to her and put his hand on her knee. It was warm and encouraging. She wanted to sob.
“We were born in Nantucket,” Gale explained. “Lily and I.”
“Nantucket Island?” Catherine said it as though it were a mystical place that didn’t really exist.
“Lily wouldn’t have remembered,” Gale said. “We were so little when they separated us. I just learned about her a little while ago. I discovered an old photograph.” Gale removed the photo from her purse and handed it to Catherine.
Catherine’s chin quivered. “I never saw her so little. She was five when Bethany told me to take her away.” She sniffed. “I didn’t question it. I was so lonely. I needed someone to love.” She touched her temple. She was shivering.
Gale beckoned for Catherine to sit down. To focus on her health. But it seemed beyond Catherine to think of herself right now.
“Bethany wasn’t her real mother,” Gale said.
“I should have guessed that. They looked nothing alike.” Catherine sighed, then muttered, “Lily hasn’t known all these years. It’s not fair. You were always out there.”
Gale rubbed her chest, trying to rid it of this overwhelming tension. It felt as though a rock sat upon it.
She wanted to ask if Lily had always felt an overwhelming emptiness. She wanted to ask if Lily had tried to fill that emptiness with love and affection from men who used her and threw her away. She wanted to ask so many things. But she wasn’t sure if Lily had had the strength to share such intimacies with her adopted mother.
Lily was an island.
Lily had to be strong.
Catherine finally sat on the mustard-yellow chair by the window and gazed out through her lush greenery. She still held the photograph of Gale and Lilian before they’d been ripped apart.
Gale wanted to hear everything about Lily’s life. She didn’t want to know how it had ended. She wanted to know the intricacies of her everyday. What had she liked to eat? What was her favorite film? Where was her favorite place to vacation? Had she ever been in love?
“We lived a happy life here together,” Catherine said now. “I enrolled her in the best schools, and she made good friends, played sports, did art, and wrote little stories. Sometimes she pestered me to get married and have more children. She didn’t understand that that time of my life was over.” Catherine paused. “I lost my son when I was in my thirties. My husband left me after that. I lived decades all by myself. I felt numb. Until Lily came into my life. She saved me.”
Gale filled her lungs and took Lucas’s hand.
“I just can’t understand it,” Catherine said. “Why did they split you up?”
Gale wasn’t sure she wanted to go into the specifics of her mother and Johnny’s tumultuous relationship. So she said, “My mother is a complicated person. Her parents died when she was quite young, and I don’t know if she’s ever found a way to be happy.” She swallowed. “Probably caring for one daughter instead of two sounded appealing. I raised twins myself. I know how difficult it can be.”
Difficult. Sleepless nights. I didn’t know what was up or what was down. I was delirious.
Maybe Evelyn was delirious when she agreed to split us up? Perhaps she wasn’t in her right mind?
“Did Lily know you weren’t her real mother?”
“She did,” Catherine said. “I was always open with that. And she never called me Mom. We agreed on that, too.”
“What did she call you?” Gale asked.
“Cathy.” Catherine smiled. “We weren’t a normal family. But out here in California, ‘normal’ is rewritten every other day.”
Gale felt the next question like a wave of fear. But she had to ask it. She had to know, even if it was painful to know. That was what this entire quest had been about.
“What happened to her?” Gale breathed.
Catherine shifted to gaze at Gale. There was love in her eyes. Perhaps it was because she felt as though she was looking at her daughter, Lily.
“She moved to Los Angeles,” Catherine said with a heavy sigh. “It must have been twenty years ago now.”
“Wait. She’s in LA now?” Lucas asked.
Gale’s heart leaped into her throat. She’s not dead?
Catherine grimaced and nodded. “I never understood why she wanted to move there. Walnut Creek is heaven on earth! And everyone just adores her here. But she wanted to forge her own path in the film industry. I couldn’t stop her.”
Gale’s heartbeat intensified. “What does she do in the film industry?”
“She’s done all sorts of things,” Catherine said. “She started out as an assistant. Chasing people down. Getting them coffee. It was terrible to hear about! I urged her to go to graduate school. I urged her to become a professor! Academia is awful, but it isn’t worse than the film industry! Nothing could be! But around then, she got her ‘big break,’ so to speak.”
Gale’s ears were ringing. This was incredible. What are the chances that my twin ended up in the film industry, too?
“What’s her title?” Lucas asked. He sounded apprehensive. It was all too weird.
“She’s a writer,” Catherine announced. She sounded proud. “She’s written a few movies here and there. She was in a writer’s room for a comedy I just adored. But she called me last night to break the news. She’s suffering from writer’s block. She wants to crack through it but doesn’t know how.” Catherine wrung her hands. “Maybe you have some tips for her? Maybe you can help her break through it?”
Tears spilled down Gale’s cheeks. My sister is a writer. My twin is just like me.
Gale’s voice shook as she asked, “Do you think I could meet her?”
For some reason, she felt she needed permission.
Catherine’s smile was enormous. A bright sun.
She said, “Now that you’ve found her, I don’t think she’ll ever let you go. That’s just how Lily is. She’s loyal to a fault. She hates losing people. She loves too hard.” Catherine closed her eyes and exhaled. “I know I’ll be gone sooner rather than later. I’m ninety-three, and my bones hurt. But I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear she has you. I didn’t want to leave her alone.”