48
I told Ruth that I would take her to the hospital to check back in with Dr. Lefkowitz, but that I was staying with her, not working.
“There’s no need for that,” Ruth said. “I’m completely fine.”
“Ruth,” I said warningly. “If I have to accept that I need help sometimes, so do you.” She looked like she was going to give a sarcastic response, and I aimed a finger at the ceiling with a pointed look.
“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But if they try to make me stay, I expect you to fight it.”
“I listen to doctors—one of us needs to.”
“What doctor?” Susie asked as she came into the kitchen.
Ruth jumped up from her seat at the table and busied herself getting Susie a glass of orange juice, leaving me to answer the question.
“At work, darling,” I said. “You know how your grandmother is. Always thinks she knows better than everyone else.”
“And you know your mother, the ultimate rule follower,” Ruth said, bringing Susie her juice. “She ought to live a little.”
Susie looked from me to her and back again. “I can’t tell if you’re being funny or if you two are fighting,” she said.
Ruth and I looked at each other and started to laugh.
“A little of both,” Ruth said eventually.
“But with love,” I reminded her, cupping Susie’s chin in my hand.
“Whoa. Where’d you get the ring?”
I held my hand out for Susie to see. “Your grandmother gave it to me,” I said. “It’s a family heirloom that goes daughter to daughter. And someday it will be yours.”
“Grandma in Philadelphia sent it?”
“No,” I said. “It was this grandmother’s.”
“But you’re not her daughter.”
Ruth smiled, wrapping a companionable arm around my waist. “She’s the closest I’ve got.”
Ruth said she was going to take Pepper on a walk around the block before we went to the hospital. When I opened the front door to herd the kids toward the elementary school, a small brown paper bag was on the doorstep. Curious, I peeked inside, assuming it was a gift for Ruth from Mr. Greene.
But the bag contained two yellow cans of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
I pulled one out and looked at it for a long moment. Eddie must have brought it by sometime in the night when he thought we might be out.
“Did you get more?” Bobby asked. “Grandma said she found an extra can in the cabinet.”
It was another few seconds before I could reply. But then I called back into the house. “Ruth—I’m going to run to the grocery store after I drop the kids off. We’ll go to the hospital after I’m back.”
Ruth came to the door and saw what I was holding in my hand. “What do you need?” she asked.
I smiled. “A fourth good one.”
She pulled me in for a quick hug, which seemed to stun the children.
“Why are you and Grandma being so weird today?” Bobby asked once we were in the car.
“I wouldn’t say we’re being weird . We had a long talk last night and ... well ... I think we understand each other a little better now.”
“Then she’s not moving back to her house?” Susie asked.
“No,” I said. “She’s staying with us for as long as she wants to.”
Both children seemed to relax at this answer. Harry knew what he was doing.
But once the kids were in school, and I started to drive toward Greene’s, I got nervous, eventually pulling onto the shoulder, not far from where I had stopped with the flat tire the day before.
“You’re sure this is what you want?” I asked the roof of my car.
There was no reply. “The least you could do is send me some kind of a sign before I go do this. I know what you told your mother, but there’s a big difference between planning for something and it actually happening.
” Still nothing. “I’m scared, Harry. I’m scared I’ll get hurt.
I’m scared the kids will get attached, and then it won’t work.
I’m scared they’ll think I’m replacing you.
I’m scared it will work, and then I’ll lose him too. ”
I chuckled mirthlessly. “I don’t know what I expected you to do.
I don’t even know if you can hear me, let alone send signs.
” I sighed. “But I don’t think you’d want the kids to grow up without any kind of a father figure.
And you did tell me you didn’t want me to be alone, even if I didn’t want to hear it.
” My eyes welled up slightly. “I wish you’d made me listen more.
But we were young and stupid, and we thought you were invincible.
” I wiped at my eyes. “ You didn’t though, did you? It was just me who thought that.”
Shaking my head, I let my gaze drift toward the store. It was so much easier to keep everything as it was. There was no risk if I didn’t go in there.
But no reward either.
I thought about the night Janet and I met Harry and George. Risks hadn’t scared me back then, as Harry caught me with a paintbrush in my hand, vandalizing his fraternity house lawn. He called me a spitfire that night.
Granted, I’d had a few drinks before grabbing that can of paint. This was different.
“Couldn’t you have wanted something easier?” I asked the empty car. “We got a puppy.”
I leaned my forehead on the steering wheel, trying to work up the nerve to go inside the store, when a distinct feeling of being watched made me pick my head up.
All I needed was Eddie to come out and find me upset in my car again.
I didn’t want to be a damsel in distress.
I wanted to be me. Doing this my own way.
But all I saw was a bright red bird sitting on the hood of my car, regarding me with great interest. The same color as the paint I used the night I met Harry.
A cardinal. A male one. And maybe they all looked the same, but I could have sworn it was the one that had taken up residence in our backyard.
I heard Susie’s voice in my head. Grandma says they’re a message from someone who’s gone.
“Harry?” I whispered.
The bird tilted its head, then it seemed to nod slightly before inclining its head again, directly toward the store.
“Okay,” I said. “You win. But if this ends badly, I’m looking up recipes for cardinal stew.”
The bird chirped a small “ha” sound and then flew off toward the store, where it perched on the sign, a tiny fleck of red on the line of the G in Greene .
I put the car in drive and turned into the parking lot. Then I took a deep breath, got out, and marched into the store.
On Mondays, Eddie was typically by the front, as if he were waiting for me.
Which, I now realized, he likely had been.
But this wasn’t my normal day for shopping.
And after the evening he’d had, it was entirely possible he had chosen to take a day off or come in late.
I hadn’t thought of that, and I briefly debated going back out to the parking lot to look for his car to see if he was there before I searched the store for him.
No. If there was ever a time for a grand gesture, this was it.
There was no one behind the manager’s counter, and I glanced around to see if anyone was looking. No one was. I was a regular. No one would think I’d cause trouble.
But they hadn’t seen what I could do with a can of red paint and a brush. I cocked my head, looking at the microphone for the public address system that Eddie had installed a few years earlier. That would have to do.
Ducking under the counter gate, I grabbed the gooseneck microphone and flipped the switch to “on.” I had seen Eddie use it before, but there were buttons that I hadn’t paid attention to.
With a shrug, I pressed the green button and spoke into the microphone.
“Eddie Greene, report to the manager’s counter.
Eddie Greene, you’re needed at the manager’s counter immediately. ”
Every head turned to look toward me.
I took a deep breath. Maybe he really wasn’t here. “Eddie Greene, we need to talk about a can of Hershey’s syrup,” I said quickly as Lloyd, his assistant manager, strode purposefully toward me.
Then I saw Eddie rounding the corner of the cereal aisle just as Lloyd reached the counter. “Here,” I said, thrusting the microphone at Lloyd. “I’m done anyway.” Then I ducked under the counter again, moving swiftly away from him and toward Eddie.
“Barbara,” Eddie said. “What on earth?”
“I’m only here for one thing today,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
“Look, I’m sorry if the syrup was too much. I just thought—”
“I’m not here about the syrup.”
“You’re not?”
“No,” I said, taking my hands from my hips and wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m here for you.”
“Me?” he asked hoarsely.
“Eddie Greene, if you changed your mind after—”
His lips stopped me, though I tried to continue my sentence until I realized what was happening.
A cheer erupted from the customers and staff, save Lloyd, who still looked annoyed when we broke apart. I could feel my cheeks coloring now, after the fact, at how brazen I had been. But it seemed everyone else approved.
“Janet is going to kill me,” Eddie said, then kissed my forehead.
“I’ll handle Janet,” I said. “Besides, maybe she’ll be happy.”
“Are you happy?” he asked. “That’s all that matters.”
“I am,” I said, truly meaning it for the first time in two years.
We were going to be okay. All of us. Because none of us had to do it all alone.