Epilogue
I zipped Ruth’s dress for her, then put my hands on her shoulders, smiling at her in the mirror. She reached up and put a hand on top of mine.
“Do you want your mother’s ring for today?” I asked. “I’m happy to lend it to you so it’s like she’s here.”
“No,” Ruth said. “I want you to wear it. She’s always here with us. They all are.”
I thought of the cardinal on my car the day that I first kissed Eddie.
So much had happened since that June morning.
Both for us and the world. It took several months for Joseph (he insisted I no longer call him Mr. Greene considering he would be my step-father-in-law—and potentially, someday, my father-in-law as well) to wear Ruth down.
And the subject of when Eddie would officially join our family had started to come up with the kids with some frequency.
None of us, myself most surprisingly, seemed to mind.
Originally, Ruth and Joseph were slated to get married in December.
Just a small ceremony in the rabbi’s study with us, Eddie, Janet’s family, and the two nonrelated witnesses to sign the ketubah that Judaism dictated were necessary.
But the events of November in Dallas left no one feeling festive or ready for even such a small group, so Ruth and Joseph decided to wait an additional two months.
And if I was being perfectly honest, I didn’t really mind the delay. I had grown accustomed to Ruth’s presence and the extra set of hands. Though her cooking ... well ... I wouldn’t miss that.
When Joseph learned that Ruth had sold her house, he decided to do the same with the house Janet and Eddie had grown up in.
I was surprised, but he said they deserved a truly fresh start.
And the new home that he purchased was just a few blocks over from us and Janet, so both grandparents would continue to be present in their grandchildren’s lives, even if Ruth was no longer living in our house.
“We’re really going to miss you,” I said, finding that I meant it.
“You should come for dinner ... probably every night. I don’t want the children to starve.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I have the whole book of recipes that you made for me.” It was the size of a Torah scroll. Filled with advice like sticking pasta and tuna fish into a Jell-O mold and other suggestions that would make the kids run gagging from the table.
“Follow the directions to the letter,” she warned. “No improvising. You can’t improve perfection.”
“No,” I said, holding her hair back as she fastened her necklace.
“You can’t.” She turned to face me, and I told her she looked beautiful, which she did.
No, she wasn’t the fresh-faced nineteen-year-old she had been at her first wedding.
But her face was softer than it had been when she moved in, the lines of grief easing as she learned to love and laugh with someone new again.
As we all became a real family. “Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
I made final adjustments to the children’s clothes, and then we left the house, Ruth turning back to look at it one last time. “I remember the day you moved in,” Ruth said wistfully.
“And the day you did,” I added. “But this isn’t goodbye.”
“No,” she said. “It isn’t.” And she reached up to pat my cheek. I held her hand to it, marveling at how far we had come together.
“I love you, Ruth,” I said.
She smiled. “The best daughter I ever had.”
“Technically, the only daughter you ever had.”
“Shhh,” Ruth said. “Don’t spoil the moment.”
I laughed as the kids ran past us to the car. “Shall we?” I asked. Ruth nodded and walked down the sidewalk. I followed and sat in the driver’s seat. “Everyone ready to see Grandma get married?”
“Mama, look,” Susie said, pointing out the front windshield. On the hood sat a bright red cardinal. And from the way it looked at me, I knew it was the same one.
Ruth’s mouth scrunched up slightly as she regarded the bird. Then she nodded, and the bird nodded back. She blew a quiet kiss, and the bird looked at her again, looked at me, and then flew away.
“Let’s go,” Ruth said. “It’s my wedding day after all.”
We celebrated that night at Janet’s house with dinner, dancing, and extended family merriment.
But as the party began to wind down, I snuck outside to find Janet leaning against the patio wall, smoking a cigarette.
Pulling my coat around me in the cold night air, I plucked the cigarette from her fingers and took a puff before offering it back.
“We’re sisters now,” I said, bumping my shoulder playfully against hers as she took the cigarette from me.
“We are,” she agreed. “And look, you didn’t even have to cozy up to Eddie for that to happen.”
“Janet, I—”
“Shh,” she said. “I’m teasing.” She turned to look at me in the light that spilled out of her living room. “Are you happy?”
I nodded. “But I won’t be if you aren’t.”
Janet sighed and then smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. “Do you know, I was actually jealous when Ruth moved in?”
“Jealous?” I couldn’t imagine why. She had been more than clear that she couldn’t stand her own mother-in-law.
“I know it doesn’t compare to losing Harry,” she said. “But losing your mom, especially when you are one, is ...” Her voice broke a little as she trailed off. “It was really, really hard,” she said eventually. “It’s still really hard.”
I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, feeling my eyes fill as she leaned into me.
“Well,” I said. “You have Ruth now too.”
Janet laughed, wiping at her own eyes. “And you have my annoying brother.”
“He’s not that annoying.”
She looked at me. “Neither is she, if we’re being honest. Though the Eddie thing is a little incestuous now.”
“You’re really okay with us being together?”
“Barbara, I love you like you’re really my sister. So yes. Because he makes you happy.”
I smiled, my eyes watery again. “He really does.”
Janet nodded. “And on the plus side, if he ever messes up, I won’t go to jail for punching my own brother.”
I laughed. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go eat some cake.”
Eddie drove us home from Janet’s. The kids had fallen asleep before we left, and he had carried them to the car, then accompanied me so he could help get them inside as they were far too heavy for me these days.
As he pulled into the driveway, we looked at each other for a moment and smiled. “What a perfect day,” I said.
Eddie took my hand and kissed it. “I can only think of one that will be more perfect.”
“I’d say you should ask my father for permission, but I think those two”—I gestured toward the back seat—“are the ones who actually need to grant it.” Eddie chuckled and turned away. “What?”
“They cornered me before the cake tonight and asked when I was going to marry you.”
“They did not.”
He mimed locking his lips. “I was sworn to secrecy.”
“You didn’t do a very good job of that, did you?”
He squeezed my hand. “You told me no more secrets, about how I felt or anything else.” I had said that. “Would it have made a difference? If you’d known how I felt earlier?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But I think everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to.”
“I agree,” Eddie said, then he turned off the car. “Let’s get these two to bed.”
Eddie carried Bobby in, while I woke Susie just enough for her to walk up the stairs. I got Susie into her pajamas and tucked in, then came to Bobby’s room and changed him, still asleep, while Eddie took Pepper out in the backyard.
When they were both in bed, I came quietly down the stairs just as Eddie brought the dog back inside. “Want a drink?” I asked.
He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in to kiss me. “Don’t need one,” he whispered into my hair.
Then we both jumped as the phone rang. “Who on earth is calling this late?” I asked, dashing toward the kitchen to keep it from waking the kids.
“Ruth, I’d assume,” Eddie said.
I picked up the receiver just as it started to ring again. “Hello?” I asked.
“Barbara, darling,” my mother said. “How was the wedding?”
“Small,” I said. She had been a little miffed at not being invited, but it was just immediate family. “But lovely.”
“And they’re all moved into their new house?”
“Ruth has a few boxes left that we’ll bring over this weekend,” I said. “But mostly.”
“Listen, I was thinking. Now that Ruth is gone, why don’t I move back in for a while? I can help with the kids again. So you don’t have to do this alone.”
I shook my head, but I was smiling. “Mom, you’re welcome to visit anytime you want. And I’ll call you if I need you. But I have help down here. I’m not alone. And I can do this.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said, as Eddie came up behind me and kissed my neck. “But listen, Mom, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She started to say something else, but Eddie’s lips on my neck were more urgent, so I said goodbye and hung up.
“While I’m on the phone with my mother?” I asked, spinning in his arms. “Come on!”
“Sorry.” He grinned, looking anything but.
I shook my head. “You’re incorrigible.” I leaned in to kiss him. We moved to the sofa, where I found myself sitting on Eddie’s lap, and then—
“Mommy?” a sleepy voice called from the top of the stairs. “Can I have a glass of water?”
I quickly wiped at the lipstick on Eddie’s face, then gave up and laughed as I stood to get Bobby some water. “To be continued,” I told Eddie.
“For the rest of our lives, I hope,” he called after me.
I knew now that the rest of my life likely wouldn’t look the way I ever imagined it. But I was ready to see what it would look like.
“I’m going to need a more formal proposal than that,” I said as I passed through the living room to bring the glass up.
“Noted,” Eddie said. “Any particular time you’d like me to do it?”
“Surprise me.”
I touched the picture of a cardinal that Susie had painted in school, as I did every time I passed it.
And in the dim light of the hallway, I could have sworn it smiled at me.
The hole Harry left would never be gone.
But as Ruth had predicted, my heart had grown around it.
And there was room for Harry, Susie, Bobby, Eddie, and Ruth. And maybe, someday, even more.
“Thank you,” I whispered to the picture.
“Who are you talking to?” Bobby asked.
I handed him the water and ruffled his hair. “No one, darling. Go back to bed.”