16. Trapped again
CHAPTER 16
TRAPPED AGAIN
BILLIE
W ell, I asked, didn’t I?
Worse, when I don’t respond to his confession, Glaine launches into an explanation revolving his history with Lilith. How, on a campaign to a neighboring demon plan called Soleil, he met Lilith. He was drawn to her, and she was tired of living in the female-heavy demoness realm, so when he offered to bring her to Sombra and allow him to prove he could be a worthy mate, she agreed.
Offered, I notice. Not stole. Offered .
He offered her the chance to choose him, too. But Lilith, shortly after settling into Nuit with him, met Apollyon and the rest is history. Like me, she was careful to keep Glaine at arms-length. In her case, she knew she wasn’t his mate. In mine, I’m worried that I am , and that no matter what, his Fate will trump my human free will.
And I’m terrified that I’ll let it.
The jealousy doesn’t help. The earnestness in his tone makes any doubt he might be making this all up disappear, and I have to admit that I think I suspected as much. From the jolt that hit him when he first realized Lilith was on the porch all the way back to comments he made, plus the way the doppelseers told him his prophecy still stands as though he’d had reason to doubt it…
Lucian had a vision that boils down to Glaine finding his mate off-plane and her denying him. I just thought he was referring to me because, well, obviously. But the way he is so determined to make me his mate and for me to accept him instead of refusing him… I should’ve guessed he had trauma.
Moving a demoness from another world to his home, so certain that she must be his one true mate only for her to basically give him the ‘I just see you as a friend’ speech before marrying his friend? Yup. Trauma.
Now, does that mean it was fair of him to take it out on me? At least, with Lilith, he asked her to move to Sombra with him and, for whatever reason she had at the time, she agreed. She clearly knew he wasn’t her fated mate. She didn’t give her essence to him or take his in return; I know that instinctively as the belief pops in my head, just like Glaine’s essence informs me that demons only have one chance to create a bond. So even if he wasn’t absolutely sure I’m his, now that I have his essence, if I tell him to kick rocks, I’m basically resigning him to a lonely existence.
Great. As if I needed that pressure on my shoulders.
See? This is why I need to keep out of Glaine’s head and his emotions. What do I care that he thought Lilith was his mate before me? He stole me… it shouldn’t bother me at all that he manipulated me into giving him my essence, then taking his. If he never has a mate again, that’s not my problem.
But I do care. More than I should—but not enough to make me forget the reason why I came to Nuit with Glaine.
“That’s enough about my chat with Lilith?—”
“Billie. If there’s something?—”
Nope. “I said that’s enough. Moving on. You talked to Apollyon, right? Is everything okay?”
The big demon winces.
Shit.
So… not okay, then.
Moving on .
“Loki,” I said, grasping at straws.
Glaine’s expression closes off. “Yes? What about him?”
“Loki is a mage. He got rid of the chains.”
“Yes.”
“Did you ask him? Or Apollyon, I guess. Can he do it? Can he use magic to send me home?”
Glaine tightens his jaw, his oversized fangs digging into the skin beneath his bottom lip as he clenches his teeth.
I get my answer in his reaction—and I don’t accept it.
“There’s got to be a way.”
“Loki serves Duke Haures,” Glaine says after a moment. “Apollyon is a fair clan leader, but he also is loyal to the throne.”
How much do you want to bet that’s a roundabout way of saying that they’re too afraid of repercussions from the demon duke to help me?
“This is the clan I was born into,” Glaine adds. “I have a home in Nuit because of it, but also centuries of service to Duke Haures in Mavro. Before we arrived, he sent a messenger on the assumption I would take you here with me. His grace, in his mercy, has decided not to punish us for escaping the dungeon and the chains?—”
“What? That’s great?—”
Glaine’s expression gentles. “—but he has decreed that no one is to cast a travel spell from Sombra to the human realm for me again. I’ve lost his trust, and my position as his top soldier. I am exiled to Nuit. Just Nuit. My privilege to go off-plane has been revoked.” His nostrils flare. “As has yours unless my clever female finds a way around his command.”
No doubt Glaine has been looking at my memories and seeing all of the contracts that I negotiated on Sierra’s behalf—and how often I kept from either one of us being trapped in a shitty situation even worse than this.
Sierra … Whether my best friend really is in this mess up to her eyeballs like I am, I don’t know, and without finding a way back to New York to see her again, I’m not sure I ever will. One thing for sure, though? The chains are gone, but I’m still not free.
And, because of me, neither is Glaine.
Worse, I got him fired .
That’s the modern way of thinking of it. It’s probably ten times worse for Glaine. Hundreds if I think about how many years he served as a member of Duke Haures’s guard. He worked his way to the top, taking the position as lead soldier all so he would be poised to go after the one thing he wanted most: a mate. That’s what led him to Lilith, and when that wasn’t the happy ending he was after, he stumbled on me.
What was it he told me that first night in the dungeon? It was a promise. No. A vow ?—
I will do whatever I must to show you that I will be a good and honorable and devoted mate to you. Ask for anything in my power, female, and it is yours.
I wanted out of the cell. He broke me out.
I wanted to go home… and he tried. I’ll give him credit. He tried .
But it didn’t work.
My mouth goes dry. I dart out my tongue, dabbing at my lower lip. “So we’re still being punished.”
The look on his face now says that Glaine doesn’t not agree. “It’s the first law for a reason, Billie. We’re not bonded. You have my essence… Duke Haures cannot allow you to return to the human realm to tell stories about my people.”
“But—”
“You are an honest female. If you gave me your word that you’d keep the secret, I’d believe you.”
“Let me guess? And the duke wouldn’t.”
He nods his head.
I purse my lips, then blurt out, “I still want to know what the deal with the second pair of horns is.”
If he thinks my change of subject is sudden, he doesn’t say anything about it. Probably because he’s expecting me to, like, break down or something because he’s just confirmed my worst suspicions: I’m stuck here. Our Hail Mary didn’t come to pass. We got the chains off, but that’s about it. For now, at least, I’m not going home.
That sucks. I mean it. I was living in denial these last few days, convinced that things would work out because I wanted them to. I know better. To get what you want, you have to earn it. I’ll find a way home eventually. That won’t be the last New York sees of me because I refuse to never see Sierra again.
But if what Glaine suspects is true… I will. Sooner or later. For now? I’m not gonna cry. I’m gonna do what I always do: deal with it.
I have Glaine. There’s that. Against my better judgment, I’ve grown fond of the demon. Amazing, really, when I think about how pissed I was that he grabbed me and brought me to Sombra. Even though I’ve been trying not to rely on his essence, sometimes it just happens. I know him better now. Understand him better.
He just wanted his true love.
He thought that was Lilith once, but she broke his heart. For centuries after, he hardened it, hiding that pain behind a glower and a sense of duty to the duke. He did what he was told, and when he stumbled on who he believes is his real mate? Can I blame him for acting as impulsively as he did when it was his instincts in control?
For a moment, I think he’s going to refuse to tell me. That, or change the subject himself.
He doesn’t.
“Sombra demons born with a second pair of horns are known as two-horns. I’m sure you noticed that Loki is a two-horn. They’re almost always born as mages, too, their second horns giving them increased power. But for a soldier to bear that mark… I knew from a young age I would never rise up the ranks of the duke’s commands with them, so I got rid of them.”
I look at the two pairs of horns. He went to such lengths to be the perfect soldier. Cutting off the extra pair every time they regenerated so that he wouldn’t lose his post… and after all that, the duke tossed him in the dungeon because of his attachment to me. And now he’s released him from his guard.
I will do whatever I must to show you…
In his own way, he has, hasn’t he? He’s lost his job. His standing with the duke. His position in this world… and he’s done it all for me.
And what have I done? Reminded him at every turn that I’m desperate to get away from him. That all I want is to go home. I never even gave him the chance, knowing that I was repaying him for stealing me without my permission by using him to go home, no matter what it cost him.
He wanted to prove himself. I never gave him the chance.
Well, I can now… I mean. What do I have to lose? And if his ‘clever mate’ can figure out a way around Duke Haures’s command… who knows? I traveled through Sombra with Glaine. He can turn to shadows now. Maybe he wants to check out Manhattan.
It’s a thought, and I’m still thinking it as Glaine reaches up, stroking the front horn.
“Do you like them?”
He draws me back to the conversation with his deep, rumbling voice.
“I— what?”
“The two-horns. There are those in Nuit who existed when I was mere spawn. They’d remember a time before I started to hide them anyway I could. Magic. Breaking them in reckless challenges. Then, later, with the sword gifted to me by Duke Haures when I was still a favored guard.”
He adds that last part, not to guilt-trip me, because it’s been part of his identity for so long, he can’t help it. Just like he’s used to hiding a part of himself.
“For those who don’t, it will draw attention. They will wonder if I have magic that I do not, or if being a two-horn fated soldier”—because of his green eyes—“means that I am more bloodthirsty than others. It might be better if I sheared them, but if you like them…”
“I do.”
“Then I shall keep them.”
“You don’t have to do that just because I said so,” I argue.
Glaine looks down at me, his unblinking stare showing more emotion than I’m sensing vaguely from his essence. “I know. But if it pleases you, my mate, I will.”
And though he doesn’t say it, I hear the promise all the same.
I will do anything for you.
A week passes in Sombra, and while I refuse to give up all hope, with the choice of being able to return to Manhattan completely out of my hands, I find myself acclimating as best I can.
What makes it easier? Is how Glaine holds true to his word.
I guess it helps that I let down my guard a little, too. He’s given me a place to stay. He makes sure I’m fed, that I’m dressed, and that I’m comfortable. When he sees the way I ooh and ahh over Kennedy’s strange little pet, he offers to bring me to the edge of the Nuit so that he can catch me an ungez of my own to replace Three. It’s a little too soon—especially when I think of what happened to poor Two—but I appreciate the gesture.
We’re getting along. Better than I expected, too. We have our arguments, especially when he tries to tell me what to do and I make it clear I won’t tolerate that, but since he’s learned to let me win when it counts… I’m actually beginning to like my demon.
Okay. I admit it. Without the pathway back to New York opening for me as easy as I hope, I started to wonder what if. What if this was meant to happen? What if Glaine is right about me being the one true mate he’s waited centuries for? What if I make the best of a weird situation and stick around? That way it’s now my choice.
So maybe Fate got her hooks in me. Maybe I’m giving in too easily.
Or maybe I just really, really need to get laid.
That’s part of it. We’ve managed to keep the mate sickness under control since we’ve been in Nuit. I notice that, once I start thinking of Glaine as my mate, it’s not so bad. Kinda like the ache and the need was so bad because the Sombra demon gods were punishing me for ignoring them. Once I start thinking ‘maybe’, they give me a little break to get my head—and my heart—in order.
Does that mean I’m ready to make this official with him? No. I’m not that far gone, but the longer we’re in Sombra together, the more I’m thinking about taking things a little further.
That’s one thing I can say about Glaine. It took two nights before I could get him to agree to sleep in the same bed with me. Luckily, it’s so much bigger than the cot in the dungeon, and if I subconsciously know it’s because it was built for Glaine and his demoness mate in mind, I flick that tiny tidbit far, far away. It fits us comfortably, which works for me. But though we lie next to each other and Glaine eventually ends up spooning me, protecting me even on the rare occasion he sleeps himself, he hasn’t made a single move. I can’t stop thinking about how strong he is and how he lifted me up like I was a doll before making me come harder than I ever have before, and he doesn’t even pretend to accidentally cop a feel.
I’d appreciate how much he respects me if I wasn’t going out of my head with lust for my demon.
Normally, when I was stuck like this, I would go to Sierra for help. It wasn’t often. I usually had no trouble being decisive and knowing what I wanted to do without bothering her busy schedule, but I always knew that she’d make time for me if I needed it. In Sombra, my options are limited. Going to Lilith for advice is help.
Good thing I have Kennedy.
She’s curled up on the couch with me. Freya, her pet ungez, is sitting on her shoulders while Kennedy absently rubs her growing belly. I’m on the other end, legs up to my chest, arms wrapped around them as she tells me everything I can expect about demon sex.
Turns out, humans and demons do fit. It’s a tight squeeze at first, but just like how the gods chose me for Glaine for a reason, when the time comes, our physical differences don’t really matter. And if they do? Like, say I was a virgin and that was the first dick I ever had? There are ways around it.
I’m not too concerned. I’ve seen Glaine naked; he’s not all that shy, either, especially after he bathes and before he conjures his shadow clothing. That’s all the more reason why I’m thinking about this as hard as I am. He looks good naked, and the first time he walked across the room after his bath, I was already trying to figure out if it would be worth a try.
He’s long. Not too thick. It’s a lot, but considering I had a fling with a bonafide well-hung porn star in my early twenties, I’m pretty sure I can handle it. If I can’t? Kennedy tells me that all I have to do is ask Glaine to turn that part of his anatomy to shadow. Not only will we fit easier, but it’s supposed to feel amazing .
I only have one question that has me holding off.
“But what if I do sleep with him? Won’t that finish the bond?”
I get the answer from Glaine’s essence almost the same time as Kennedy says, “Nah. Trust me. I didn’t want to get stuck here either when Loki made off with me. But because sometimes the body knows before the heart does, I had sex with him way before we exchanged our essence and the mate’s promise.”
See? This is why I love hanging out with Kennedy. Besides the fact that she’s the only other human woman who lives in Niut—though there’s another pregnant one who visits occasionally to meet with the healer—she also knows what it’s like to have been whisked away to this unfamiliar world. She read the spell, never expecting she would summon a demon, and when he showed up, she grabbed her just like Glaine did to me.
Like me, she didn’t want to stay. Yet, here she is, and I have to ask, “What made you change your mind?”
Kennedy smiles. “Love did. I fell in love with Loki. And after that… he promised me loyalty. His love in return. These demons… they don’t cheat. They’re not hardwired that way. When they love, they love with everything they have. And they’re immortal. That means, despite all evidence to the contrary, they’re patient. They’ll wait for you.”
Funnily enough, I agree with her. Glaine… if I told him to wait for me forever, he would. Just so long as I don’t insist I’m not his mate, he’s not rushing me to do anything. I’m the one who can’t stop thinking about taking things one step further.
I should’ve known I was a goner from that first bout of mate sickness the other day. If I’m being honest with myself, the more time I spent with Glaine, the more curious I became about the big demon. Whether it was because his absolute devotion to me directly
Kidnapping is not sexy. It’s not . But when I remember that he’s not human, that he doesn’t have the same morals as we do, and that he’s spent literal centuries searching for his fated mate only to believe that he found her in me… in his shoes, I might’ve done the same thing.
I’m attracted to him. Who would’ve thought that a hulking red-skinned demon with hair almost as long as mine would do it for me, but once I got past his alien features and just saw Glaine , I couldn’t deny the pull I felt for him. The mate sickness just gave me the excuse to act on that attraction without feeling guilty for falling for him after he stole me from my kitchen.
I thought it would be a one time thing. We took the edge off until we could get to Nuit and lose the chains. We did that. I’d hoped that meant the local mage would open up a portal and ship my butt back home, but that… that hasn’t happened yet.
It’s looking like it might never happen.
And here I am. Here’s Glaine, who hasn’t given up his vow to prove that—should I choose him—he’ll spend the rest of his life proving that I made the right choice. And while it’s way too early to give in and agree to that, what about sex?
When I can’t stop thinking about touching him, tasting him, fucking him… I can blame the mate sickness all I want, but the way I burn up when I think about seducing my virgin demon and letting him do a little more than pleasuring me with his mouth… I’m just as horny, only I’m in control of that. It’s not like I’m gonna die if I don’t bang him, but I really, really want to give it a try.
Is that because I am his mate? Maybe. Until I met Kennedy and Loki, I don’t think I really grasped that a mating like ours could be possible. Oh, he told me that night in the dungeon that I’m not the first human to be fated for a Sombra demon. He’s convinced that Sierra must be a mate to a hunter he knows, though he stole me away before he could confirm that himself.
He wants to be my mate. And though I can’t promise him forever, not yet, maybe I can be his that way.
It’s worth a shot.