Chapter Seventeen
The past
Clayton
In the black dead of the night, I lean my back against the tree trunk.
Elsie’s parents and some of their acquaintances stand afar in front of Elsie’s grave, their black clothes soaking in the pouring rain.
Annette shakes uncontrollably as I can hear her sobs even from all the distance.
John or should I say Koa, has a protective arm around her shoulder as he rests his cheek onto the top of her head then places a kiss there.
The world seems darker in this gloomy town, the fog thicker as it covers Elsie’s spirit from the cruel world.
Flowers decorate her grave in various colors as people start to leave.
Her parents stay for a while as Annette finally breaks down completely, her knees buckling as Koa wraps her arms around her body and picks her up into his embrace, his hand holding the back of her head as his own body shakes in silent sobs.
I step forward hesitantly to apologize and give them my condolences.
They accepted me into their home, thinking I was a mere orphan.
Annette always hugged me even when I didn’t hug her back.
Koa always looked at me warily as if he knew I suspected his past but he still never treated me like my father did and he was reasonably protective over his daughter.
“We lost our baby, Koa.”
My steps falter as I hear Annette's shaky voice. She called him by his real name.
“She will always be with us, Ann. Always.”
I retreat to the tree, until I feel the trunk against my back.
I can’t ruin this moment for them as I have ruined their life when I walked into their home.
I couldn’t help myself to stay away from their daughter.
I killed her, she died because I was selfish and thought that I can finally have someone.
koa walks away with Annette in his arms as they disappear into the night, the fog eating them away.
Elsie’s gravestone stands in the middle of Grimridge’s graveyard.
The memory of her holding her own birthday cake and talking with every dead soul, so they won’t feel forgotten makes my heart ache.
I hope the spirits welcome her with open arms and warm smiles that she deserves, or I will dig their skeletons out and melt them.
My footsteps stop before her gravestone.
Elsie Beaumont
The bug of her family
I take a deep breath and let the tears fall onto the muddy ground.
“I-I’m sorry.” I sniffle as my hands shake beside me.
“I never thought that one day you won’t be with me.
That your voice won’t brighten my days. I know what you will say, that it’s not my fault and you will always forgive me, but I don’t want you to forgive me, Elsie. I won’t ever forgive myself.”
I grab the daisies I picked up on my way and hold them up for her.
I kneel down on one knee as I hang my head low in shame.
“I didn’t write you a letter, because I wanted to tell you myself.
I thought we had all the time in the world .
.. .Elsie, we were each other’s only friend, and I have spent the most precious days with you.
I was never meant to have a family, but I would live all this misery and abuse again, just so I can get to have you in my life.
” A sob breaks out of me. “Mon ange, I have loved you for so long, to the point that I don’t even remember when the feelings started.
I always felt chosen and cared for with you, your presence meant safety and love.
I was a coward and never told you how much I love you cause I knew you always saw me as your friend, your protector.
But, I didn’t deserve you, so I challenged myself everyday to show you that I’m worthy and I wanted you to love me back.
My blood boiled when any guy approached you and that dick Jackson for daring to ask you on a date.
I was the one who took you to places you loved to explore and cherish.
All he did was give you some coffee and parade his father’s money. I craved to call you mine everyday.”
My knee buckles as I fall onto her grave on my hands, clutching the mud between my fingers as I let out a scream and punch the ground.
“Why?! Why would you leave me, Elsie. You promised. You promised you would always be here.”
Tears coat my face as I whine like a little boy. “I’m already losing my mind, Elsie. I see shadows and hear voices that don’t exist…I killed my parents and burned my house..and you’re not here to help me.”
I clutch the neckline of my shirt and pull onto it as I lean my head back, facing the sky and scream out to ease the weight on my chest and let out my anger on this world that seems to torment me alone.
A rusty shovel glints in the rain as it rests onto a nearby gravestone.
I stand up and grab it firmly as I rub away my tears with the back of my hand and shove the shovel into the grave.
The dirt weighs it down as I dig harshly.
My nerves tighten as I use all my strength and the high adrenaline as I keep digging out, piling the muddy dirt onto the side.
Elsie’s grave starts to hollow out as I breathe heavily. The pale skin of a leg starts to appear as I throw away the shovel and dig the rest with my hands, scared of hurting Elsie’s body. The dirt brush off her body as she lays down dead.
She’s still beautiful as a corpse.
I brush my fingers onto her cheeks slowly as I lean down and kiss her forehead, lingering for a while as I try to find her familiar scent.
I slide my arms down her body as I pull her up into my arms and hug her. “I’m sorry. I want one last hug, mon ange.” I keep her in my embrace tightly for a while.
The rain seems to get stronger as I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to leave you here, Elsie. You will never be forgotten.” Holding her body up firmly as I carry her and walk out of the graveyard with her corpse laying limp in my arms.
Seven months later…
My footsteps echo over the grass as I head towards the sanctuary that has been the only place to find peace. I have picked this area for its space and the lonely tree standing in the middle, it’s probably years old from all the branches and veins wrapped around itself.
I buried Elsie’s body in here instead. She deserves more than being in between forgotten souls.
The gray angel statue that I carved stands elegantly underneath the tree, basking in the shade.
Elsie’s name is engraved into the stone as I remember carving every detail of her features and adding daisies over her body.
The woman figure wrapping her arms around herself, indicating how she always feared to be herself in front of others and wanting to fit in.
She was such a fool.
She was the most extraordinary person I ever known and she needs to know it. I stand before the statue as I look down at her grave, where her body lays peacefully underneath the dirt.
I have planted Nicotiana plants around the grave so that the moths can grow and feed on them. Daisies scatter around the grass as the tree leaves fall over the statue.
“Hi, mon ange.”
My tone hushed, scared to disturb her eternal sleep as I kneel onto the ground.
“I finally got my acceptance letter in one of the biggest colleges abroad. I know you think I’m abandoning you, but I promise I’m not capable even if I wanted to. You will always be my home. I need to go for a few years to finally use my potential. I will be back to build our home.”
I let out a breath and lowered my tone, looking straight into the statue's eyes. “Elsie, I believe that I can get you back, but I have to see if I can do it and I promise I will dedicate every waking moment to it. Wait for me, please.”