Chapter Nineteen
The present
Doll
The small frame torments me as I keep staring at it. The insect’s wings were clipped and goosebumps erupted on my skin as I focused on the details of its body.
I never asked Clayton to ever get me something like that or even mention my interest in insects.
His disappointment made me feel guilty but he always wanted me to tell him the truth no matter what.
The clock ticks, indicating the arrival of midnight.
Clayton never mentioned that I have a birthday, the concept is confusing to me.
He said I have no family, he’s the only one I have.
How do I have a birthday then?
My questions drown me further everyday in a sea of doubt.
I have always trusted Clayton and want to stay with him forever.
But, I can’t help the feeling that something isn’t right with how he makes me feel, how he acts, how he deflects my questions when they get too deep.
The world outside doesn’t seem that horrible as he paints it to be, there is beauty even in the sad dark weather.
The scent of rain is refreshing and the sound of thunder brings a chill in my bones that remind me of my body.
I would do anything just to run bare feet outside and spin in the rain again.
Thomas didn’t leave and I’m sure Clayton has done something to him.
Something bad.
I feel selfish and ungrateful to think of Clayton as the bad guy when all he ever did to me was provide all the care he could and patiently taught me how to live.
His dark green irises were the ones I always searched for safety. When his lips curl up slightly in pride when I finally do something right always fills me with peace.
I turn my head towards him as he lays on a couch, asleep as his glasses are crooked to the side and a strand of his brown hair shields his eye from the candle light.
My eyes soften as I take in his peaceful slumber, his eyebrows are scrunched a bit as he fights his own demons even in his rest.
“Please, make them go away, I’m tired.”
The memory of his broken voice as I woke up one night to his screaming and sitting in a corner with his knees hugged to his chest and tears running down his eyes as he looked around frantically, his eyes were hooded in another life.
When he noticed me, he crawled onto the floor and hugged me tightly, begging me to make the voices stop.
Those moments remind me of how vulnerable he is with me and how much he trusts me.
And I’m about to break this trust.
I slowly walk towards him as I run my hands through his hair gently. He sighs in his sleep as his eyebrows soften in comfort, seeking my touch. I lean down and press a soft kiss against his forehead.
I step back away from him towards the staircase as I turn around and start to descend slowly. My steps falter for a second and I look back over him. Doubt fills me but an instinct inside me pushes me forward.
I take the steps one at a time slowly to bid myself as much time as possible to rethink my choices.
You need to know, Doll.
The voice inside me echoes in my mind as I take a deep breath and walk downstairs until I stand before a set of stairs going downwards. No light is here, as I grab a candle holder and rest my hand on the wall as I descend. With every step my heart beats rapidly in my ears.
The walls close in the further I go into the darkness until I'm met face to face with a tall iron door. I grab the keys I hid in my underwear that I stole from one of his drawers.
The keys cling together as I hold them firmly in my grip and look back quickly, making sure he hasn't woken up yet.
I press the keys into the lock, the first one doesn’t work as I try another. Feeling frustrated as I keep fumbling the keys, my hands shake uncontrollably, almost missing the lock every time I attempt to open it.
A sound of a click fills the dark staircase as I grin in triumph. I press onto the door handle carefully and the door creaks open slowly.
“Alright, I have nothing to lose.” My tone hushed as I stepped inside.
The candlelight dims the basement, dark thick walls and dark wooden floor as I walk further it. On the right adjacent to the wall is a large desk with scattered papers and sketches. Some of them are already turning pale yellow with age.
I stand before the desk as I move the papers aside. Drawings of human anatomy and equations I can’t read are scribbled roughly.
Attempt number 121
Attempt number 278
Attempt number 56
Dark photos of disfigured human figures are stabled over every attempt as I lean closer, squinting my eyes and trying to read the words written.
I huff out in annoyance then a jar of white hair strands catches my attention. Wrapping my hand around it as I hold it up firmly, tilting my head to the side, inspecting it curiously. The glass reflects my face as I look at my own white hair.
I put the jar aside as I found a sealed file. I put the candle down and open the file slowly. I blow off the dust as I see information written and I glide my finger on each letter as I read slowly.
Name: Elsie Beaumont
Date Of Death: December 1st
On the left top corner lays a picture of a young girl with silky straight white hair, pale skin and light blue eyes, her eyelashes match her hair.
My heart drops.
I look back at my reflection in the jar as I see the same girl stare back at me but her eyes are more hollow and skin paler.
This young girl is me.
The jar shatters on the floor as I grab the candle frantically and turn around to light the rest of the room.
My gasp echoes as what I see makes my heart skip a beat.
Two huge tubes stand vertically beside one another as they are both connected with smaller tubes.
Green liquid bubbling as two naked corpses float inside.
A woman with short platinum blonde hair, pale skin and her eyes are shut as the man in the other tube has his body covered in tattoos.
Their skins are almost green as they float in the water, lifeless.
Tags underneath each tube reads their names.
Annette Beaumont.
Koa Kozlov.
I press my shaking hand onto the glass tube, my mouth hanging open in shock as I process.
“Step back from the bodies, Doll.”
His voice has a slight edge as I don’t dare turn around to face his wrath.
“I-I have a family.” My words break out of me as I turn my head back slowly and face him.
He stands tall in the darkness of the room as his glasses glisten from the candle I’m holding. I never truly saw his true form.
A monster lurking in the shadows.
He rests his hands in his pockets as he shakes his head.
“No, I have a name. My name is Elsie..”
“No, you’re not her.”
My heart breaks further as my mind goes into a spiral of questions. “What…am I, Clayton?” Tears well up in the corner of my eyes.
His gaze softens a bit. “Doll, you’re a version of the hundreds I have created over the years. A version of the girl I loved. Elsie.”
My heart turns on itself as I feel like something sharp pierced through my chest.
“I created you, doll. To relive with Elsie all the years I lost with her. You’re attempt number 421, I named you Doll cause it felt wrong to call you by her name.
It felt like I’m betraying her with another woman.
Your eyes were never as bright as hers. But, I will accept any version of her to be mine. ”
My knees buckle as his words keep spinning the stab in my chest and my voice comes out hoarse. “How?”
His gaze looks up at the corpses then back at me.
“I went to an abroad college and became the most brilliant student. I studied biochemistry and analyzed the human body, cell by cell. Until I started to stay up every night, experimenting. The money I got from selling Nocta all over Grimridge paid for my education. I came back home and built this house beside the lake I lost my Elsie in so I can be close to the last moment we had together. The last time her gorgeous eyes looked at me with a smile. I killed her parents, sneaked into their home at night as I did when I was a kid and injected both of them with a syringe of air to suffocate them. I didn’t want to hurt them much, but it was necessary to use their bodies.
I was almost going to give up trying with how many failed versions I have buried around the house.
Till one day, you came alive and I promised myself I won’t ever let anything happen to you.
I hid the basement and the side of me that will have you running away.
I refused to let you try to live in the outside world, scared you would abandon me. ”
His eyes welled up with tears as mine fall down my cheeks in rivers with a blank stare.
“I thought..you loved me, Clayton.”
“I do.”
“No, you love that I remind you of her.”
“Doll, I—”
“No, you listen. I have done a lot of listening and now it’s my turn to finally speak!”
His eyes widened at my harsh tone.
“You created me, Clayton. You didn’t bother to choose a name for me cause I’m nothing but an object of your delusion .
… I never belonged in this world. I have no family or friends or even a place that is my own.
I trusted you… I let you lock me in this suffocating house in the lie of your safety.
I’m just your experiment that you are proud of, yeah? ”
His lips hang open in silence, hesitating what to tell me as my vision blurs from tears. I get the answer I’m looking for.
“Well, Clayton. I want you to remember this moment vividly.”
I grab a dagger that is coated with dried blood on the table with both of my hands and stab myself.
“No!” He screams out.
I groan in pain as I pull the dagger out of my chest then stab myself again.
“Stop!”
The Dagger pierces into my body again.
Over my side.
Over my chest.
Over my stomach.
Over my heart.
Again.
And again.
And again.
And again
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
Blood slips out of my lips, nose and eyes as all I see is red.
I only felt pain in the first stab until my body numbs and every stab brings me relief I never felt before.
My knees buckle as I fall onto the floor, the dagger still over my heart as I see Clayton rushing towards me with tears in his eyes and he screams. His voice is muffled as I let out a breath in peace and my lips tilt up in a smile.
I was never meant to live.