Chapter Twenty
The Present
Clayton
Years of dedication fall apart as my doll kills herself. Her body starts to fall onto the floor as I throw myself at her, catching her in my arms, her blood soaks my clothes as we sit in a buddle of red.
Her eyes flutter closed as if she finally finds peace.
I watch the last hope I spent all my life clinging to vanish.
I pull her body close to my chest as the heart I created stops beating.
Agony fills my chest as I scream louder than I ever did, my throat burns with how much my voice scratches.
I punch the ground as my face reddens with all the air leaving my lungs.
I carry her body in my arms as I walk out of the house, my hands are painted in her blood as it drips down the dirt. The rain washes away our red tinted clothes. I limp my way to an empty place and set her body down as I grab a shovel and bury her.
I have buried her body more than I kissed her.
Digging simultaneously as silent tears slide down my face. Once the hole is deep enough, I throw the shovel aside and lay her inside carefully. My body feels numb as I let her go and cover her body with the dirt. Hundred versions of her are buried around in the dirt as I stand before her grave.
“My doll, I hope you finally find your peace. I have used you to ease my pain while I burdened you with my existence. I loved you as much as I have loved every failed attempt. I’m a monster, but I was never a monster to you.
I just wanted you to love me back. I wanted to be chosen for once.
I wanted to be accepted as broken as I am.
This world chose for me to be the villain that no one bothered to understand.
You were my purpose and sanity. I can't bear to bury you again. I will never torment you again. Love can’t be forced or created.
I’m sorry. I disgust myself with all this desperation.
The voices are right, It was always my fault.
I never wanted to be alone, I longed for a family and friends, but it’s not meant for me.
As it is not meant for you to love me. You deserve everything in this world.
I ruined your life and I promise I will fix it…
But, you are wrong, you were never alone. Atleast, you got someone to bury you.”
I lean down and rub the dirt. “Goodbye, my doll.”
I walk back inside the house as I enter the basement, the familiar scent of death greets me as I spill all the chemicals I have on the floor, grabbing gasoline and pouring over every surface in the house.
Once everything is covered. I smile and lay down in my bed and hold Elsie’s picture in my hand, my thumb brushes over her face.
I flick open the lighten and throw it on the ground.
The flames chase away as they get brighter and angrier, spreading around the house as they surround my bed. I keep my gaze on her picture.
“I will see you soon, mon ange. Wait for me.”