33. Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Three
Axel
I glanced at my phone for the millionth time at the text I’d sent.
— Meet me by the Greek food truck at ten —
He’d responded with a thumbs-up emoji.
Seriously? We don’t talk for nearly five months and you give me a thumbs-up? Did he even realize I meant ten in the evening? Like, tonight? Pauletta confirmed he was here. She’d seen him with Marley and her dad. Paulie had rented a camper van for those two. Maybe she should’ve done the same thing for Hugo.
But that would’ve meant more money. I would’ve paid, though.
Five fucking months . Too much time. I let too much time go past. He’s forgotten about me. Forgotten how good the sex was between the two of us. He’s moved on and is just here for Marley. He’s —
“Hey.” Hugo’s voice snapped me back to attention at the exact moment he tapped my shoulder.
I whirled.
He stepped back and held up his hands. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you—”
“You didn’t.” I swallowed. “Okay, maybe a little bit…” I pressed my hand to my chest. “I was just—”
He rested his hand above mine on my chest.
I wasn’t uncomfortable—far from it—but I was disconcerted. I’d expected a wave and maybe a handshake. Certainly not his hands on me so soon. Or so... intimately. I blinked. “Uh, how are Renee, Cope, and the twins?”
He’d sent me a few pictures every week.
At first, I wondered if he was trying to drop a broad hint and I was just too dense not to get it.
Then he captioned one of the photos that being both a godfather and an honorary uncle was the best job in the world, and thank God he got to give them back at the end of the day.
I remembered that photo. He’d been shirtless with two little pink bundles pressed against him. Something about skin-to-skin contact being good for their health.
“They’re great.” Hugo grinned. The lighting might be crap where we were, but a bit of his blue irises showed around his large pupils. “You don’t have to keep sending gifts.”
“Uh…”
“Renee and Copeland have lots of great people in their lives, but only one person who sends something on the thirteenth every month.”
“To celebrate their birthdays,” I pointed out.
Belatedly realizing what I was admitting to.
“They’re not fancy things.” Because now I felt defensive.
“They’re not…they’re considerate gifts. But Axel, sweetheart, there’s only a finite amount of space in the house.”
“Hey, I sent chocolates for Renee last month. That wasn’t for the kids.”
He laughed. “You should’ve been a lawyer.”
I straightened. “I’m good with arguing. Ed will tell you that.
Slowly, he nodded. “Ed contacted me last week.”
“That shit.”
“Yeah, I figured you didn’t know. He wanted to know if I was coming or not. And that if I wasn’t, to be honest so he could prepare you.”
“That shit.” I might’ve put less vehemence in that.
“He’s watching out for you.”
When he went to pull his hand away from my chest, though, I snatched it. “Don’t let go of me, Hugo. It’s been…hell.”
He stilled. “Okay, well I can tell you I’ve been in therapy to deal with some of my shit leftover from my crappy childhood and my ill-conceived marriage. It’s funny—I wasn’t deprived of anything material. I was very well-off. But I lacked love.”
“And I had love from Ed, but no one else in my life.” I winced. “The whole world knows that, thanks to the documentary.”
“Your friendship with Ed—the bromance—shows the world that even kids who grow up in horrific circumstances can find acceptance and love. And are deserving of that love.” He glanced down at his shoe and sort of crushed it against the ground. “You deserve all the love, Axel.”
“Do you know why I asked for time?”
He met my gaze and slowly shook his head.
“I needed to get my head on straight. And that comes directly from Pauletta, Ed, and Thornton. My life changed a lot in a very short period of time, and coping with all that took all my strength and focus.” I smiled ruefully. “And I also did some counseling. With someone who understood the specifics of my particular trauma. A word I both hate and embrace. I’ve sworn to do better. I’ve had long conversations with everyone in the band. Coming clean about some stuff. Apologizing for previous insensitive—”
He held up his hand, as if to stop me.
I kept right on going. “Insensitive comments and actions. When I quit the drugs and alcohol, I didn’t have nearly as many people in my life—”
His expression read pure panic with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.
Shit. “No, nothing like that. I didn’t turn back to drugs or booze.”
He pressed a hand to his chest and took a deep breath. After a long moment, he indicated I should continue.
“But someone can owe an apology for callous and insensitive behavior. I wasn’t so much high on myself as just slow to recognize other people and their problems. I was…sometimes I was self-centered. Coming to grips with that’s been tough.”
“I can imagine.” He waved. “Well, I have trouble picturing you as insensitive. You were always a sensitive young man.”
I drew in a deep breath. “Something…” I wiped my brow with the back of my hand. The temperature had dropped precipitously as night set in, but I was still sweating. “Something broke in me when I was seventeen.” Despite my fervent wish to look away, I held his gaze.
“Me.” He swallowed.
“Yeah, you. Not your fault by any means. But yeah, I felt betrayed. And shoved away any notion I’d had of coming out to you. Of coming out to anyone. I hid that part of me away. For what I believed would be forever.” I drew in a deep breath. “Then you came back into my life.”
“I’m sorry.”
I tried to wave him off.
He indicated he had more to say.
I lowered my hand.
“Sorry for what you heard after our amazing night together. Merkerson—”
“Is a jackass.”
“And yet you raised over a hundred thousand dollars for the school.”
“Half of which had to go to the music department.” I shrugged. “That jackass was right—we owe everything to the school. Except a straight-up invitation from him would’ve been the right thing to do. Sending you down here to play on our relationship wasn’t fair…” I chuckled. “But it brought us together. I had my first experience with cock and, I have to say, I kind of got hooked.”
“Oh?” He arched an eyebrow, not looking as pleased as I wanted. “Really?
I smacked his shoulder. “Yours. Just yours.”
He smiled. A genuine smile. “You’ve forgiven me?”
“Ages ago.” I scrunched my nose. “But I’ve had to come a long way to forgive myself. Making amends to your friends—”
“You owe them nothing. You owe me nothing.”
“—seemed like the least I can do. But if you want me to stop, then I’ll open university funds for both of them. This album…” I sucked in a breath. “I’m not mega wealthy or anything, but for the first time ever, we hired our own tour bus. Thank God we don’t have to pay Mr. Magnum back for his generosity over the years…we would’ve tried, but…well, he came to see us and said how we’d made Pauletta happy all these years and this was the least he could do. Something about his wife that only later clicked in with me.”
Hugo cocked his head.
“Not accepting of Pauletta’s bisexuality. In fact, Mr. Magnum left her after she refused to accept Mickey as the significant other in Pauletta’s life. Apparently dating someone nonbinary was as bad as dating a woman.” I winced. “So Mr. Magnum offered the woman a generous divorce settlement and wished her well. She moved to Toronto and is dating some famous guy. Having money buys access.”
“Yuck.”
“Right? I’d rather be broke and have principles than be homophobic and rich.”
He smiled. “Yeah, I get that about you.”
Okay. Now’s the time . “So, uh, I need to warn you…”
“Warn me?”
“Yeah.” Breathe . “Thornton’s doing a follow-up documentary this year. Way shorter than last year’s beast.” I chuckled. Well, forced a laugh from my chest. “Anyway, Ed wants me to talk about my bisexuality. He plans to as well.” I bit my lower lip. “And I think there’ll be a shot or two of Pauletta and Mickey as well. A whole love is love thing.”
“And Songbird?” He toed the ground again. “Because even I’ve heard the rumors about her being seen about town with Geneva Alvarez.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, who knew Big Mac and Meg would wind up being the token straight people?” And they’re hoping to have a baby now Meg’s recovered from her surgery. “They’re doing great. Meg’s even doing the drumming competition this year. She’s…embracing her life. Despite slow healing from reconstructive surgery, she’s still the best drummer out there.”
“That’s great.” He met my gaze. “I watched the rehearsal tonight. And met with Marley and her dad afterward. I admit I worried this might all go to her head—”
“She’s the most grounded teenager I’ve ever met.”
“Yeah. Growing up in a single-parent household can do that.” I considered my next words. “Her dad’s only using a bit of the money so he could take a leave from his job and come down here. He’s got Pauletta putting the rest in a trust fund for when Marley’s older, college money or whatever she needs. A couple of music schools have already come poking around. She’ll be able to go anywhere she wants.”
“She’s talking Julliard. Secretly she’s always wanted to get into their vocal arts program. Of course, coming from near-poverty, she’d known that would be impossible. Even with scholarships, she could never afford an American school.”
Hugo’s eyes widened. “I had no idea. She never said—”
“She was afraid you’d try to make it happen for her. And that she wouldn’t be able to go.”
He cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize she was making that much money.”
I laughed. “Oh, we’re paying her well, but we’re not that big yet. This weekend’s going to cement our reputation and the album we’re releasing—including Marley’s song—”
“Your song.”
Another laugh burst from me. “Un-fucking-relenting. Jesus, you just don’t give up.”
He grinned.
I waved him off. “What I’m trying to say is Mr. Magnum’s been looking for a new place to put his money. He might not be able to write off Marley’s education as a charitable donation, but he’s damn pleased to send her wherever she wants to go.” I rubbed my neck. “She’s not even obliged to keep Pauletta as a manager.”
“She’s going to though.”
“For now? Yeah. I recognized talent, but I wouldn’t have immediately thought to pair Marley with us.”
“Or to use your old songs.”
I glared.
Which had precisely zero effect on his smile. “You know.”
“About the new album geared toward younger fans? Yeah, word’s gotten out.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”
“Yeah, you’re so not sorry.”
“No, I’m not. It might’ve been questionable to keep your original compositions from back then—and I’d had no idea they were about me—but I can’t bring myself to regret it.”
“And not just because of Marley and the opportunity this has afforded her.”
“No, not just because. That’s an added bonus.”
“You care about your students.”
“Always have and always will.”
“But don’t want to have kids of your own?”
“I’m old—”
“Men older than you have become fathers.” I added a touch of humor.
“I’m turning gray—”
“Men older than you have become fathers.” I smiled. “And gray makes you look distinguished.” He still had a full head of flaming red hair, but the gray at the temples and the flecks in his beard that caught the light were fucking sexy. Got my libido going.
“I don’t want kids of my own, Axel. I have Scarlett and Matthew and, truly, I don’t need more than that in my life. I don’t even think I’d be a good father. God knows, I had one of the worst examples possible.”
“How is your dad?”
“Still pissed at Gavin for lying to the press about us.” He indicated between the two of us. “The I must have misunderstood what I saw, but really, he shouldn’t have been alone with a student non-apology apology bought him forgiveness from the upper crust of Vancouver society, but that shit didn’t fly with my dad.” He smiled. “And his troubles with his family’s foundation and his inappropriate appropriation of funds has him in trouble with the tax authorities and the law.”
“Oh dear. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.” My voice dripped appropriate sarcasm. Then I considered my next words. “Are you closer to your parents?”
“Oh, fuck no. I’m grateful for their help, but their reasons were all about them, so no, not much closer..” He scrunched his nose. “But…things are thawing between them and my sister.”
“You spent two weeks in Greece this summer.”
He cocked his head. “Oh, social media. I didn’t post.”
“No, but your sister tagged you.”
“Okay, which was so not cool, and speaking of not cool, Greece is brutally hot in the summer. She’s coming out here next summer.”
“Hopefully not staying with you.”
“With her four kids and husband in that house? Oh, hell no. But my parents have a mansion and a newfound desire to meet their grandchildren.” He winced.
“They might do better at that than actual parenting.”
“Maybe.” He clasped his hands. “Leonora will have no problem turning around, heading back to Greece, and never speaking to them again if they blow this.” He squinted. “But I don’t think my sister is the reason you wanted to meet me behind the food truck.”
As if on cue, my phone buzzed. This time, I winced. “No. And my time’s almost up.”