35. Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Five
Axel
D id she find him? Did she find him? Did she…?
My mind wouldn’t stop obsessing, even as Jenny, Mikhail, and the Rocktoberfest tech crew swapped out our equipment for the next band’s.
Our band glowed with happiness as the crowd chanted our name. Grind-stone. Grind-stone . We couldn’t do encores here because the schedule was jam-packed with amazingly talented groups. Didn’t mean I wasn’t tempted to head back out.
I started to remove my T-shirt.
“Uh, no you don’t.” Ed grabbed it. “You’re not throwing it into the crowd. Nor the towel. That gives away your DNA.”
“Never know what that might uncover.” Songbird hip checked me.
Since I’d been prodigiously careful with condoms, I was pretty sure I didn’t have a kid out there. Surely the woman would’ve spoken up by now.
Thornton indicated Lydia should turn off her camera.
Damn, how’d I forgotten they were filming tonight? Nothing like the complicated setup they’d done last year for the documentary. This year was just a way to memorialize our new songs and, more importantly, Marley’s first performance in a venue like this.
My mind also kept flitting back to Flightless. How the two guys, through the simple gesture of kissing a palm, sort of proclaimed their love. And they’d been affectionate backstage. I’d been too nervous to congratulate them on their first time. I was pretty sure Ed had said something. About how we’d been newbies last year and how that performance had changed our lives.
Songbird slung an arm around my shoulders. “We have to clear out.”
“But—”
“She’ll find him. And then you can say anything that the song didn’t.” She held my gaze. “The song’s brilliant, Axel. Even better than “Sunrise”.”
The song we’d debuted last year we had put on our first album with Grand Central Records, and it had topped charts for months.
The song our fans, and even our critics, really liked.
“We’re moving.” Jenny, lugging a speaker, pointed in the direction of offstage and out of the area.
I gave another hard look, all the while knowing Pauletta would find me if she found Hugo. And would likely spend hours looking if she didn’t.
Then as we hit the area beyond the stage set-up, Pauletta stood there with a rather nervous-looking Hugo.
My heart skipped a beat. Yes, I’d seen him only twenty-four hours ago. Yes, I knew his every feature. Yes, I’d found him in that crowd and winked at him.
The red hair shone in the bright lights.
Or a magnetic force had drawn me to him.
Whatever. He’s here now.
Ed nudged me, none too subtly, toward the love of my life.
Together, we stepped to the side.
“I’m sorry.” Hugo met my gaze with those stunning blue eyes. “I didn’t do right by you and I’m sorry. I should’ve seen the pain. Should’ve recognized the suffering. That’s on me that I missed it.”
“Hugo—”
“And I want to say I’ll make it up to you—but that’s got to be your decision. I can’t just ram into your life and expect you to accept me.”
“Hugo—”
“I’m trying to say I love you—”
I yanked him into my arms and pressed my lips to his. If he insisted on pretty words, then I’d listen—later.
He melted against me. He again grabbed my hair as he pulled me flush to him. Our bodies fitted together like they always did. Like they were always meant to. Like we could do this forever.
A yo drew us apart.
“We’re going to watch the next few acts. F-holes are playing and they’re fucking amazing.” Ed grinned. “Then we’re having ice cream on the bus.”
I grabbed Hugo’s hand and started dragging him toward the rows of band buses.
“I don’t—”
“You’re going to fuck me in the shower.” I kept yanking. “Or I’m going to fuck you in the shower.” We made some progress, but a group of women—all wearing Grindstone T-shirts—spotted us.
At the last moment, though, one of them pointed between Hugo and me. She said something.
All her friends smirked—in a good way—and they veered out of our path.
Hugo waved to her.
She waved back.
Have to ask him about that.
Later.
When we arrived back at the bus, we were able to get inside with minimal fuss.
“Holy crap.” Hugo stopped in the living area and looked around. “How many of you?”
“All the band members except Pauletta. Oh, plus Thornton—but he and Ed share a bunk. Economy and all that.”
Hugo made his way to the bunks and pulled back a curtain. He whistled. “That’s a tight fit.”
You have no idea. I might’ve, uh, enjoyed the company of a groupie once or twice over the years. Or maybe ten times. Used to drive Ed nuts. Now he had Thornton in his life, he complained a lot less. Huh. Guess that’s a good thing.
I slapped Hugo’s ass. “Bathroom. There’s just enough time and space for us to strip, get in the shower, fuck each other, and dry off before the rest of the band comes back.
He laughed. “No friends are going to call this time because their water broke.”
I shoved him toward the bathroom. “Glad to hear it. Turn off the damned phone anyway.” I yanked my T-shirt over my head, tossed it in the dirty laundry hamper, and grabbed a fresh one from my drawer. Then I nabbed jeans and fresh underwear as well. I dropped my phone on my bed, toed off my shoes, and continued stripping.
Hugo stood in the doorway to the bathroom.
Making a shooing motion, I laughed.
“You’re stripping naked out here.”
“Nothing they haven’t seen before, and if you’d seen Big Mac’s scrawny, lily-white ass, you’d understand why I’m not shy. But they’ve given us about half an hour. Go.” I nabbed my lube and a condom from my drawer as well. I’d been optimistic when I’d packed these. Apparently with good reason.
“I’m naked, Axel. Do I turn on the water?”
I snagged my pile of clean clothes and headed into the bathroom. I locked the door—then checked it twice. I added my stack of clothes to Hugo’s haphazardly piled ones on the closed toilet lid.
After giving him a quick kiss to the lips, I pressed the condom and mini bottle of lube into his hand.
He grinned.
Just before I stepped into the shower, I grabbed a plastic thing to secure my hair so it wouldn’t get damp. I eyed Hugo.
He held up his hands. “I’m not going to comment about how my grandmother had one of those.”
I snagged his cock and gave a hard tug.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “You have my attention. No more grandmothers.”
“Good.” I put my hair in the plastic thing whose name I could never remember. Then I flipped the shower on. We had a limited amount of hot water but I knew, from Ed and Thornton’s shenanigans this time last year, that one could manage a quick fuck and not run out of hot. I grabbed Hugo, pulled him into the tight confines, and shut the shower door. I gestured to the lube and condom. “You good with…?”
He grinned. “Yeah, I’m good.” He leaned in for a kiss.
I met him with an ardor of my own. I wanted him. My cock dripped a couple of drops of precum that mixed in with the shower spray. “While you glove up, I’m going to wash.” Truly, I stank. I always did after a show. Suspecting Hugo wouldn’t care didn’t mean I wanted to smell funky. At the very least, Ed would razz me.
By the time I’d soaped and rinsed, Hugo had donned the condom.
His cock stood proud.
My insides turned to molten liquid.
He leaned in for another kiss. Then pulled back a fraction of an inch. “Turn around, Axel. Know that I’ve got you and I’ll never let go.”
Whether he meant just while he was making love to me or if this was a forever thing, I wasn’t certain. What I did know was I planned to never let him go. Nothing would come between us ever again.
The time to make that pledge wasn’t this one, though.
I turned my back to him and braced my hands against the cold shower wall.
He trailed his fingers down my spine.
I arched back into the touch.
He kissed my shoulder blade.
I had to blink several times. And not because I had water in my eyes. His tenderness spoke to me. As hard as my cock was—and as much as I wanted this to happen—I appreciated him taking a moment. To savor. To rejoice. To indulge.
Then he slid his finger down my crack to my hole. Slowly, he ran his fingers around my rim.
“Okay—so here’s the deal. I got a butt plug and have been using it regularly. So just fuck me already. Right?”
He chuckled. “You never were patient.”
“I was fifteen.”
“I was talking about ten minutes ago.”
“Oh.” I wrinkled my nose, even though he couldn’t see. “Yeah, that’s kind of true.”
He kissed my shoulder blade. “And I love that about you.”
I wiggled my ass, trying to press back against this finger. “That’s not the only thing you love about me.”
His motion stilled. “No, it’s not. And I’m not going to launch into a poem listing all the things I love about you.”
“Oh, thank Christ. Fuck me, Hugo. We’re on the clock.” I had no notion of how much time had passed. That and my cock wanted relief so badly I thought I was ready to cry.
He sank a finger deep inside me.
I sighed.
He wiggled it.
I grinned.
He added a second.
I held my breath.
After scissoring and pressing deeper in, he hit my prostate.
I’d spent a lot of time getting to know that wonderful bundle of nerves over the past four months. Alone. In my room. Daydreaming of the flesh-and-blood man pressing himself against me.
“You ready?”
“Oh my God, Hugo, fuck yes.” I grit my teeth, fighting the teetering orgasm my body chased as he massaged my prostate. I was not going to come like a fucking teenager until the man was inside me.
He removed his hand.
Moments later, his crown pressed against my opening.
I tried to angle myself, but I was clueless. This just wasn’t something I’d done standing up before.
“Steady.” He gripped my hips as he slowly eased inside me.
The burning pain quickly morphed into relief as he slid across my prostate. “Okay, I’m ready.”
He chuckled. “Who says I am?”
I clenched my inner muscles.
He moaned.
Yeah, that’s what I thought . I leaned forward and stuck my ass out.
His grip on my hips tightened. Then he moved. His thrusts were slow and steady at first, but eventually—with each grunt—he pushed harder. Soon he was chasing the same orgasm I was. “I need you to jerk yourself, Axel. I can’t let go—” His hips snapped and his cock surged.
Needing no further encouragement, I rebalanced with one hand against the shower wall and took myself in hand. Three tugs later and my balls drew up. “Oh shit, Hugo, I’m coming.”
“Yes, please.” He slammed into me.
I came. Hard. With my cum mixing with the jetting spray.
He thrust in three more times before holding himself steady, shuddering against me.
His fingers were going to leave bruises on my hip and I didn’t give a shit. I fought to regain my breath as I absorbed both the warmth of the water and the feeling of rightness that settled over me.
Banging on the door had Hugo pulling out of me.
I yelped.
“Sorry.” He sounded genuinely upset. He placed his hand on my back.
“Remember to toss the condom.” Ed’s disembodied voice carried through the door. “And make sure you put on clean clothes. No one wants to smell your funk.”
A long pause ensued, and I was about to straighten.
“Or your spunk.”
Hugo groaned at Ed’s comment.
I spun around and pressed a kiss to his lips. I eased my finger along his hip, down his crack and then I tapped his hole. “One day.”
He nipped my neck. “Yes. That. And more.”
I liked the idea of more. I grabbed the body wash and squeezed some into my hand. As I lathered it up, I gazed into his eyes. “I’ve had a crush on you since I was, like, fifteen.”
“Yeah, I got that.” He offered a rueful laugh, then gasped as I pressed my hand to his belly and trailed it lower. “I’m forty, Axel, not fourteen.”
“I bet I could—”
He pressed a kiss to my lips. When he pulled back, he still had a rueful smile. “Ed.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I’m going to pay him back for this.” I considered. “Drat.”
“What?”
“Well I sort of did this to him last year, so this was payback. I don’t want to start a feud.”
Hugo grinned. “That’s very mature of you.” Then he sobered. “You realize you could have any guy or girl out there in the audience, right? Why are you spending time with a washed up forty-two-year-old music teacher from Vancouver, Canada?”
“Maybe because he gives really good blow jobs?”
He scowled.
I laughed. Then grinned. “You inspire me to be a better person and to write these songs. Fuck. Sometimes I wish they would stop coming to me. It was like that back when I was seventeen and eighteen. Songs everywhere. For a while…” I swallowed and looked down at the shower floor. “For a while, the drugs drowned them.”
He tucked his index finger under my jaw and tipped it up so our eyes met. “You like the songs now?”
“I like you.” I willed him to believe me. “I love you.”
“Well, I like listening to your songs. I love watching you compose. I want you to write all the songs all the time.”
I snickered
He pulled me into a hug.
Another bang on the door. “For fuck’s sake, I want a shower too.” Big Mac.
Hugo laughed.
I did as well.
We rinsed off, shut off the water, then dried ourselves in silence in the enclosed space. With the fan running, my bandmates wouldn’t be able to hear us unless they were plastered against the door.
Ed might not do that…but I wouldn’t put it past either Songbird or Thornton.
The documentarian had sort of become part of us.
Might Hugo as well? Possibly not. Probably not. He loved his kids. His school. His life. And I wasn’t going to be the one to ask him to give any of that up.
As long as we talked every day, I’d be okay when I went on the road with the band. Thornton wouldn’t always be able to join us, and I doubted Geneva Alvarez could just drop her reporting gig to hang out with Songbird as we did our cross-Canada tour starting in January.
Hugo tried to towel dry his hair.
“We have a hair dryer.”
“Frizz.”
I smiled.
He kissed me
We hung our towels and headed out of the bathroom and down toward the front of the bus.
Meg whistled.
Super loud and super shrill.
Big Mac covered his ears.
She grinned. “Just practicing for when we have our kids.” She set a hand on her stomach.
I stopped in my tracks.
Hugo hit my back and nearly toppled me forward.
“Good goddamn.” Ed whispered the words reverentially.
“Three months.” Meg continued to grin as she cuddled in against Big Mac. “I was recovering from surgery and, you know…”
“I hear birth control is a thing.” Songbird giggled. “Although thinking of the two of you, uh, making a baby—”
“Oy.” Thornton’s complexion took on a puce quality.
We all broke into howls of laughter.
I snagged Hugo’s hand and shoved him onto the bench behind the table, then hustled over the freezer. “You shits better have…” I opened the door.
To be greeted with two wrapped ice cream cones. One chocolate and one vanilla. Hopefully Hugo didn’t have a preference because I did not—under any circumstances—share my chocolate.
As I made my way back to him, though, that resolve faltered. Okay, so I’d just delivered the best concert of my career. But who was I to be selfish? “Chocolate or vanilla?”
Ed gasped. He rose and swept his arms out, encompassing everyone. “Everyone make note of the date.”
I tried to swat him, but he evaded me.
“Uh, I like vanilla.” Hugo cocked his head. “What am I missing?”
Ed pressed his hand over his heart. “Axel never shares his chocolate. Ever. I think there might’ve been bloodshed if you’d chosen wrong.”
“Hey.” I tried for hurt.
Everyone, including Hugo, howled.
I handed him the vanilla cone. Then I crawled in beside him.
He put his arm on the back of the seat.
I cuddled up.
He pressed a kiss to my temple.
Meg’s explanation of how her birth control pill apparently stopped working and yeah, the pregnancy hadn’t been planned, but she figured if she could drum after boob surgery then what was a protrusion from her abdomen?
Songbird tapped Big Mac. “At least he’s scrawny. No big kids, I hope.”
Meg winced. “All the men in my family are well over six feet. I’m petite.”
“Are you having a boy?” I didn’t know when someone could tell what they were having.
“Hey, gender is just a construct.” Thornton grinned. “And I suspect she wants to keep you in suspense. You’re a terrible secret keeper.”
“Hey!” I pursed my lips. “I might resemble that comment.”
Hugo squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, you do.”
Everyone laughed.
All was right with the world.
But I needed to give more. I snagged Hugo’s hand. “Walk with me?”
He cocked his head. “Uh, sure.”
We scooted off the bench seat and then headed for the front of the bus.
“Hey, no more hanky-panky.” Ed howled that advice as we made our way down the stairs.
“You wish. Go get in your bunk and enjoy yourself. Preferably with your man.”
Hoots and hollers followed us. Once we were on the ground, I guided him back toward the food trucks.
He patted his stomach. “Even after the sex, I’m not hungry. That ice cream hit the spot.”
“We need to talk.” I didn’t want to sound ominous, and we could’ve just stepped behind the bus, but I was feeling sentimental.
“Yeah, sure.” He squeezed my hand. “Are you okay? Because that was pretty intense.”
I chuckled. “You think? The fucking in the shower part or Ed interrupting us?”
“Perhaps both?”
Still, I guided us. When we arrived at the Greek truck, however, I pulled him around to the back. Where it all started. A year ago.
“I owe you an apology.”
He blinked, his pupils wide in the near darkness. “You don’t.” He hesitated. “Sorry, I can do better. Why do you think you owe me an apology?”
“For going radio silent on you for all those months after the twins were born.” I rubbed my chest above my heart. "I was thinking of you all that time. You were my first thought every day, that I needed to get my personal shit together so I'd be worthy of you, so I could come to you with a clear mind. I wanted to talk to you. I composed a thousand texts and deleted them all. Because I knew once we were talking again, I wouldn't stop. And you deserved the version of me not all up in my head. You deserved the best."
“Axel.”
“I’m not quite finished.” I drew in a long breath. “I know I can come off as egotistical. Selfish. I get that. Part of it is the attention thing. I forget to ask people how they’re doing before I launch into my life. Sometimes I forget important things. But I’m working on all that. I want to be the best that I can be. You make me want to be a better person.”
“I don’t see what you’re saying.” He winced. “Okay, the radio silence was a shitty thing. Maybe understandable…but shitty. Then you chose Marley, and you sent me the ticket, and I wondered if this was just to be kind. Like you thought you maybe owed me something. Or if this was a desire to truly get back together.”
“Then I nearly blew you behind the food truck.”
He chuckled. “Well, there was that. Griffin’s arrival was well-timed.”
“We can watch him perform. Together.”
“I’d like that.”
I pulled him toward me. “What I’m trying to say is that I love you. I really love you. Like with my whole heart…not just my cock.”
“Oh, well that’s good to know.”
“Be serious.”
He grasped my cheeks. “I couldn’t be more serious. I always knew you were special. But not until last year did I realize you were someone I could be with. Romantically. And yeah, I love you too. The real you. I don’t give a shit about the way you present to other people. Or even the way you are with the audience. I care about you. What’s in your heart. What you’re thinking. This kind and generous man who picked me.”
I leaned in to give him a kiss. Gentle, light, and sweet. When I pulled back, I smiled. “You realize this is a forever thing, right?”
“Oh, I’m counting on it.”
“Good. Because I’m a one-man kind of guy. This is it for me.”
“Oh thank God. I don’t want to be jealous. That’s not who I am. But I’m also heavily into monogamy.”
Slowly, I drew him into my arms. This time, when our mouths fused, tongues were involved.
Later, as we snuggled in my bunk, I admitted to being the happiest I’d ever been. Just because I opened my heart.