Chapter 14
Ihad lunch scheduled with Tangi, but I had about an hour to kill, so I called Whitney into my office. My post about Jeremy had gone over well for the most part. There were a few negative comments, but that was to be expected. People would always find what he’d done despicable. But what surprised me most was that I’d quadrupled my following in less than a week, not that I’d had much of a following to begin with, but still. I kept up posting a few things here and there, all unrelated to Jeremy. I didn’t want to flood my content with him, and it was working. I added a few hundred followers a week. But now it was time to move into the next phase.
Whitney came in with a smile. Perhaps her recent raise helped with that. John, my predecessor and Mark’s bitch, hadn’t approved or sought any raises for the PR staff in two years. Two damn years! I’d gone to HR and demanded it, and it hadn’t taken long to come through, and that had me wondering if Clay had a hand in that. Was he telling all the Kodiak staff to keep me happy? If that was the case, someone needed to send the memo to Mark.
“What can I do for you, boss?”
She’d started calling me that in the sweetest way, and I’d grown to really appreciate Whitney. I closed the door behind her, and we sat down. “I have an idea that I’d like to run past you. I’d like for our team to write up a piece about me. Just a small thing to post on the website. It doesn’t need to be anything special. Just a way to introduce me as part of the team. In that piece I’d like to plug the rest of the PR staff. I’d like Meghan to write it, but I’m sure it will get to Mark. But do we care?”
Meghan, one of two staff we shared with the marketing department, was easily the most talented writer on the team. She wrote promotional material for the Kodiaks along with Gene, the other staff member we shared with marketing.
“I don’t see why not. I know Meghan pretty well, and she doesn’t even like Mark, so I’m sure we can get her to write a great piece. And it’s not something Mark can stop if it’s for our team.”
“Great. Would you mind talking to her about it? Maybe it’s something we could do next week.”
“I’m on it.” She got up to leave but stopped. “Thank you for the raise.”
I looked up from my computer. Her brown eyes were wide as if she was trying to fight back tears. She blinked a few times and smiled.
“What do you mean? Did you get a raise?”
She bit down on her lower lip. “I get the feeling you don’t want to take credit for it, but we’re thankful. We really appreciate it. I know you know how much it costs to live here, and this money came at a great time. My boyfriend and I are thinking of getting married and getting a place of our own, so this helps a lot. Thank you.”
I hated John even more right now, and I didn’t even know the loser. Why hadn’t he come through for his staff?
“You’re welcome. It was long overdue.”
Wait until she found out about the bonuses.
The nice thing about Tangi’s job with the Ravens was that she didn’t need to go on the road with the team. She stayed behind rehabbing injured players, and if needed, stepped in to help the Kodiaks training team. This meant she was always around for lunch when I had time to take one. We headed to a little lunch spot around the corner and ordered salad and sandwiches.
“Nice pic with Jeremy,” Tangi said, digging into her turkey-and-cheese sandwich on pumpernickel bread. We both shared a love of pumpernickel. “The both of you actually looked like a happy couple.”
“I’ve come around. We are civil, and I don’t mind spending time with him.”
Tangi arched a brow. “How often do I hear you mention that you like spending time with a guy. Maybe you could take this up a notch and actually go on a date with him.” She arched her other brow, and her hazel eyes seemed to laugh.
“Nope. He’s a Kodiak, and while Clay has given his blessing, it’s for a fake relationship. I’m not sure he’d take kindly to a real one.”
“I have a feeling he wouldn’t give a shit, and you’re just trying to put up roadblocks.”
I gave her a hard look. “Does he seem like the kind of man I’d want to date?”
“I’m not sure what kind of man you’d like to date. Why don’t you tell me.”
The playful grin on her face was a challenge. “It’s not Jeremy. I want someone serious and stable. I’m not looking for a guy who wants to play around.”
“Are you looking for a dad?” She didn’t mean it as a low blow, and the moment she said it, I could see the regret on her face. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine. Maybe you’re right.” And maybe that’s why I’d never told her about Eli. She would have hated and disapproved of him. She’d tell me he was too old, too stuck up, and too much of an asshole. She would have been right.
“Then let me be crazy and throw out there that you could give Jeremy a chance?”
“You can throw it out there, but I’m not giving him a chance. And not to change the subject, but I’m changing the subject. Are you and Ethan in for the Mainland Pantry Day? Jeremy texted that you two haven’t confirmed, otherwise we have the ten we need.”
“We are in. Just needed to make sure the nanny could take those extra hours. It sounds like a neat idea, and good PR.”
“That’s what I do best.”
“I know. That’s why I’d like you to live a little too. Maybe date a certain Kodiak.”
She wasn’t going to let this go. “How about you hurry up and eat. We both need to get back to work.” At least I could hold her off for now while I tried to figure out my life.
Mainland Pantry was excited to have us, and while this wasn’t an official Kodiak event, it was still a big enough deal for the food bank to have a volunteer donate their time to take some pictures. I’d considered asking our compliance person if we could all wear jerseys, but I knew the answer would be no. They were picky about those things, and since this was an independent event, why bother asking.
Jeremy picked me up as we’d arranged, and I got into his fancy black SUV.
“You look cute today,” he said.
I turned to him in confusion. Cute? Why even say that? “You look cute too?”
He chuckled at my reaction. “I’m just saying, you look cute with your hair up in a ponytail.”
He was so weird. “So, we’re going to have a lot of candid shots taken. I’ve already asked the photographer to send us the pics. I think it would be nice to post on social media to give them a plug. Would you mind asking all the guys to do that?”
“Right. And I’ll plug our relationship. Subtly, of course.”
“You got it,” I said, pointing at him. “Did I tell you that Meghan is doing a piece on me? She writes promotional pieces, and I thought she could do a small feature on me. I’m going to mention our relationship but not make a big deal about it. The piece won’t go out on the website for about a month.”
“Sure. But based on the reaction to your posts, people still think I’m a piece of shit.”
I tapped a finger on my jean-clad thigh. “We will have to keep working on that.”
“We play Las Vegas in a few weeks in their barn. The booing will be epic.”
Hmm. That seemed to bother him. “Well, don’t worry about that. It’s one game. Now if we can keep scoring events like volunteering for Mainland Pantry, you’ll be back to being the golden child in no time.”
His brow furrowed. “Why does it sound like we are using Mainland Pantry for my gain?”
I didn’t understand his point. “We are, but they benefit too. It’s a win-win for everyone.”
His face scrunched up further. “No, you’re not getting what I’m saying. I don’t want to use people to help me.”
I was completely confused. “We are all volunteering. They get free labor and more exposure. What am I missing here?”
“The point,” he muttered.
Now I was getting pissed off. “Then explain it to me.”
“It appears I need to. You wouldn’t have thought of this idea had I not ruined my reputation. No one would have helped Mainland Pantry. Now we are doing it so that I can get some good press. I’m using them when I normally wouldn’t have bothered or even known about them.”
I still had no idea what the issue was. People used other people all the time. It was how the world worked. “Okay, but they get free publicity.”
He looked physically pained now. “But we are using them. Do I really need to spell this out with charts and graphs?”
And then it hit me. Just like Tangi had opened my eyes to my negotiation with Clay. Was I really so dense? Did I not care about people? Worse, was I a narcissist? The thought that I still couldn’t fully understand this scared me. Was that a product of having a distant mother who cared about only herself. MY GOD! Was I my mother?
“Can you stop the car for a minute? I need to get out.”
He whipped his head around to face me. “We are about to get onto the highway.”
“You need to pull over. I need air. I think I’m going to be sick.”
He pulled over into a grocery store parking lot, and I quickly got out and gasped in some fresh air. Jeremy jumped out of the car and came over to me as I paced an empty section of the lot. Thankfully, no gawkers could mill around to see my meltdown.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m my mother!”
“What?” Confusion marred his face.
“I’m a narcissist just like her. I couldn’t see that I was using Mainland Pantry until you pointed it out to me. Just like I couldn’t see that my arrangement with Clay was gross and disgusting. I asked him for a million dollars! I was going to take a downtown condo! Not to mention the hundred thousand … And it wasn’t until Tangi pointed it out that I realized how awful it was. I called the whole thing off and said I’d do it for nothing! But I just wanted to pay my student loans and maybe get something extra out of a rich guy, but it’s gross. Don’t you see?”
I may have been a bit hysterical, because Jeremy came up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders to keep me from pacing and making a further scene.
“You aren’t a narcissist. If this helps, I think you just didn’t realize it until it was pointed out to you. But once it was, you got it. A narcissist would still take the money and run.”
“But what if it happens again, and I don’t get it? What if I never get it?”
He smiled now. “I’m pretty sure you are going to be more self-aware going forward. In fact, I’m certain of it. And maybe I was going a bit overboard with the whole Mainland Pantry thing. Are you really doing this for nothing? The whole relationship thing?”
My mind stopped racing, and I faced him. He had grounded me, and I while I liked it, it still made me feel uncomfortable. “Yes. I mean, Clay hasn’t accepted the hundred thousand back yet, but I’ll insist on it. And I’m keeping my office with a window because he wouldn’t take it back.”
“A narcissist wouldn’t do that.”
“But—”
He shut me up with a kiss. A damn hot kiss that I melted into, and that ended all too soon.
“I did that to distract you. Did it work?”
I was still registering the kiss and staring up into his blue eyes, the same eyes that told me the kiss wasn’t just to shut me up. “Yeah, I think so,” I managed to get out.
“Great. So don’t worry about who you think you are, because you’re not. Do you want to take a few more deep breaths and get back into the car? I don’t want us to be late.”
“Right. Yes.”
I got back into the car and kept thinking about the kiss. I mean, I know why he did it. He wanted to get my attention off my meltdown, but damn, that kiss was hot, and now my focus was on that, right up until he pulled into the Mainland Pantry parking lot.
“You okay now?” he asked, patting my leg. The action felt like fire, shooting through every part of my body.
“I am. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. As long as you think you’re up for this.”
“I totally am.”
We went inside and found our group in one of the waiting rooms. Ethan and Tangi were there, along with Ryan and his girlfriend, Jackie. I had just finished meeting Ryan and Jackie when the other two couples came in. One was Sam and Caitlan and the last pair were Connor, and his wife Melanie. I had so many names to keep track of.
We were all getting acquainted when Mizrah, our team leader, came in. She had to be five foot nothing and seemed so small compared to all the hulking hockey players. She had her black dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail and didn’t seem at all interested in any of the guys or their celebrity. I liked her already.
“Hello, everyone,” she said, her voice betraying her size. She quickly had our attention. “My name is Mizrah, and I will be your leader today. I’m going to show you a short video before we go through our quick orientation. Any questions so far?”
No one had a question, so she switched on the safety video, and when it was done, asked us to follow her. She handed out safety vests that barely fit Ryan, but he managed to get it on his bulky frame. Next, we moved through the massive warehouse past pallets of food. The operation was huge.
“We have you sorting today, and since we have some larger gentleman present, we’re going to ask you to move some of the heavier boxes.” Mizrah then showed us how to sort through the food by date and if the canned food was damaged. She had the ladies doing that while the men did the heavy lifting. Mizrah paired us off at stations, and I tried to get paired with Tangi, but got put with Melanie instead.
Ethan passed us our first box to sort. Melanie took charge and suggested we empty the contents, go through the expiry dates and damages, then sort them accordingly. All food that passed our inspection went back into the box, and everything else was discarded. I liked that she took the initiative to get us started. It was nice to not be in charge.
As we worked through our first box, I stole some glances at Jeremy. He was moving bags of potatoes while Ryan was working on massive fifty-pound bags of flour. They were into their job and listening to everything Mizrah told them to do. It was adorable watching them take direction from little Mizrah.
“How long have you and Jeremy been dating?” Melanie asked.
She asked the question casually, more out of curiosity than anything else. I didn’t know her at all, and Jeremy had never mentioned Melanie or Connor, so I figured I’d just go with what we’d decided to tell people.
“Not long. Actually, right around the whole scandal. It certainly put a test to our new relationship.”
“I’m guessing you met him through Tangi?”
“Yeah. Tangi and I are best friends.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Jeremy is a great guy, but he did something really stupid. I hope that he’s smartened up. What he did messed with the team.”
She really was no-nonsense, and I heeded her warning. “I know. He has many regrets.”
We finished our first box, Ethan took it away, and Connor brought us another one to sort. Melanie and I had a good rhythm, and I enjoyed working with her. I’d have to ask Tangi for more info about her. As we worked, Melanie told me that she’d been married to Connor for about a year and was a dentist. She said she couldn’t stand sitting around all day doing nothing. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I didn’t press.
“I told Connor when I married him that I wasn’t going to be a babymaker who stayed home and looked pretty in pictures. It’s not me, and it never will be. And he accepted that.”
“How did you meet?”
“We met in high school. He thought he was the cat’s meow, but I put him in his place. He fell in love and so did I. I’m not a wallflower, and I don’t think you are either. And that’s what Jeremy needs. He’s been acting like a frat boy for long enough. It’s time for him to grow up.”
The next three hours flew by. The photographer Mainland Pantry had hired was taking great pictures of all of us, and when it was over, I insisted that Mizrah be in the pictures as well. She thanked us enthusiastically, and we all promised to come back. What I didn’t know was that all the guys had made donations, and Mizrah thanked them profusely. Only then did I learn that Mainland Pantry was all volunteer-run. I’d have to talk to the Kodiaks about making a more substantial donation and see if we could partner with them in the future for a food drive.
After what was turning out to be a long day, we all went out for dinner, and by the time Jeremy drove me home, I was half asleep. He walked me to the door and gave me a hug.
“I had fun today. Great idea. Now maybe we should go on another fake date? I have an off day at the end of the week. How about a nice dinner? I’m sure we could get some pictures for you to post.”
Why did it strangely sound like a real date? Maybe my tired brain was reading into things. “Sure. Let’s do that.”
He kissed me on the forehead, and I stumbled into the condo and went straight to bed, but I was still thinking about that first kiss—and damn, it was making me nervous.