40
Will snuck out that night to go to Gabriel’s house. It was three in the morning, and he didn’t want to chance using the light on his phone in case someone saw him, so he made do with the stars. He knocked on the door, and Gabriel let him in. As soon as the door was shut, Will was pressed against it, and Gabriel was kissing him.
The weight in his stomach fuelled the fear in him about what might happen after he told Gabriel, and he didn’t want to let this kiss go to waste. He gripped Gabriel’s sides, pulling him hard enough against him that the pressure hurt, and he deepened the kiss, soaking up everything Gabriel offered; his warmth, his breath, his musky cologne—he drowned himself in everything Gabriel until the necessity to breathe forced them apart.
“You know,” Gabriel said with a grin, “if this is what your emergencies entail, I could be down with you having one every night of the week.”
Will tried to smile with him, but the word “emergency” had pulled him back to reality. Gabriel seemed to see that something was wrong because his grin faded into a frown. “What is it?”
Dune’s name wouldn’t even form on his tongue. So Will started with the other part of the story. Gabriel brought them to the couch, and he frowned but didn’t comment on the fact that Will sat away from him. He listened to what happened with an attentive expression, and at no point in the story did he seem panicked.
“You handled that well,” Gabriel said when Will stopped talking. He’d gotten to the point where Leah had apologised and gone back downstairs. “Dune’s a good friend.”
Will looked down.
Gabriel moved closer to him. “It sounds like you convinced her. Don’t worry.” He urged Will, rubbing his back. “And, I’ll be more careful about coming over all the time. We’ll be more careful.”
Will stared at the carpet between his feet. He could not tell Gabriel. There’s no way Dune would ever spread that around. But even just thinking it made him feel so bad about himself, and so guilty toward Gabriel, that he wanted to be sick. “Dune and I—he— we —kissed.”
Gabriel’s hand paused. “Well,” he said carefully, “I’m sure that helped to convince Leah.”
Will’s chest constricted. “Leah wasn’t there.”
Gabriel quietly removed his hand. Will felt him shifting on the couch and peeked over to see him about to stand up. At the last second, when his weight was about to lift, he stopped. “Look at me,” Gabriel demanded. His voice was as blank as his face.
Will did as he was told.
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
Will lowered his eyes to the neckline of Gabriel’s shirt, staring at that as he spoke. “After Leah left, we went into my room.” This was another part of the story he hadn’t mentioned to Gabriel. “And he asked me about you.”
Gabriel twitched.
“He’s not going to tell anyone,” Will said quickly. “I asked him not to.”
“Keep going,” Gabriel said impassively.
Will’s gaze dropped even lower. Down to Gabriel’s lap, where his hand was curled into a fist. “And he kissed me.” He whispered, tears stinging the back of his eyes. “And I—” his throat closed off the words. Refusing to say it. “I pushed him away, eventually. But not, not straight away.” He took in an unsteady breath.
“Why did you kiss him back?” Gabriel had no problem putting into words what Will hadn’t.
“I don’t know.”
“Because you have feelings for him?” Gabriel asked.
“No.” At that Will looked up. “That isn’t it. There’s only you.”
Gabriel didn’t have a blank look anymore. He was staring at the punching bag, and he looked angry. “Did you kiss him so he wouldn’t tell? Is that what he wanted for keeping his mouth shut?”
“Dune wouldn’t do that.”
“But that’s why you kissed him,” Gabriel said, his voice still cold and distant.
Will had to look away again. That was a big part. He’d been scared. “How do you know that?”
“Because I know you.” Gabriel let out a harsh breath.
Will shook his head. “It’s not Dune’s fault that I was scared.”
“He’s a smart kid,” Gabriel said, his tone unforgiving. “He knew what kissing you after that would imply.”
Will reached for his hand. “No,” he objected. “This one’s on me.” He uncurled Gabriel’s fists and focused on keeping his breathing level as he asked his next question. “Do you forgive me?”
Gabriel took his hands from Will’s grip. Will tensed, until Gabriel placed his arm on the back of the couch behind Will’s head. “I’m not angry with you. But that doesn’t mean I like what happened.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Okay. Enough apologies,” Gabriel said. “And no more feeling bad. Okay?”
“Okay,” Will agreed.
Gabriel leaned back against the couch. He moved his hand to Will’s shoulder and slid his fingers underneath the collar of his shirt, slowly teasing him with this featherlight caress. Warmth blossomed in Will’s abdomen. He faced Gabriel, brave enough to meet his eyes. Gabriel was watching where his hand touched Will, heat glimmering in his gaze.
“Where did he kiss you?”
Will indicated his jaw, and Gabriel followed the trail Will showed him with his lips, with kisses that weren’t soft, but firm and… Will’s eyelids fluttered closed.
“Anywhere else?” Gabriel asked lowly.
Will showed his shoulder, biting back a grin. Gabriel played along. He nuzzled the side of his neck and nipped at the mark he’d left last night.
“Anywhere else?” he asked, pressing his lips against Will’s ear.
Will brought Gabriel’s hand down low and felt him grin against his skin. Gabriel pulled away and knelt on the floor in front of him. Will’s eyes flew open, pushing Gabriel’s shoulders away with a snicker. “That was a joke.”
Gabriel hooked his hands behind Will’s knees and tugged him forward to the edge of the couch. Will sucked in a sharp breath, grabbing Gabriel’s shoulders for balance. Their chests were pressed together, and Gabriel’s face was so close it was a blur. “If that wasn’t a joke, we’d have issues.”
His fingers toyed with Will’s waistband, and he bent down, pressing a firm kiss against Will’s navel. It was over his shirt, but that didn’t matter. All of Will heated up at the touch. The warmth in Will’s abdomen had become an inferno, overwhelming and delicious at the same time. There was something he wanted so badly to say to Gabriel. But he was scared it was too soon.
Will drew in a hard breath, and as Gabriel withdrew, all Will could think was that he wouldn’t survive until his birthday at this rate. His heart would give out.
*
Will was worried when Nicolas brought him into his office after training. Especially when Vinny looked surprised that he was called over. The door shut, and Will sat in the same chair he’d gotten offered the contract in, except this time he felt like a student about to get in trouble with a teacher. He wracked his brain trying to figure out what was wrong, but he came up blank. He’d been doing the exercises at home. He’d been keeping up in training…
“Before I start, I want to assure you that your contract is still secure, and I’m not going to take that away from you.” Nicolas had his hands clasped on the desk in front of him.
Will knew from that assurance that what was coming next wasn’t good. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. You haven’t done anything wrong,” Nicolas said. “How about we move over to the couch?” He stood up, and Will was slow to follow. All Will could think was that he was getting kicked off the team, but Nicolas had said the contract was secure, so what else could happen?
“My niece is in her third year of college,” Nicolas began. “She used to do a bit of modelling when she was younger.”
Will saw a flash of green and blue in Nicolas’ hand and automatically read the title printed on the front: “What is an Eating Disorder?” He reread it again. His entire body stiffened, and he jerked his head to the side to face away from Nicolas.
“She said it had started slowly at first. A little less in her portion at dinner, a little more exercise in the morning, and when people weren’t around, a skipped meal here and there…” Nicolas kept his eyes away from Will, as if aware that if he was looking at him Will would already be halfway out the gym to his car. “By the time any of us noticed, she was getting hospitalized for malnutrition.”
Nicolas paused for a long time, giving Will the chance to get up and leave if he wanted. Will didn’t know what kept him sitting on the couch. Maybe he wanted the conversation to keep going more than he wanted to hide. Or maybe his legs were too weak to move. He couldn’t tell.
“Society has been better about dealing with eating disorders in recent years, but there’s still a stigma around them, especially for men.” Nicolas offered the brochure to him, still without looking.
Will’s hands were cold when he took it. He licked his lips and stared at the front. “I’m not starving.” He surprised himself by talking. “As long as the food is healthy, I can eat it. I, I have bad days sometimes.”
Nicolas nodded.
Will kept staring at the brochure, not able to bring himself to face Nicolas. “Did you know when you offered me the contract?”
“I had my suspicions,” Nicolas confirmed, “With the amount of exercise you were doing, you should have a lot more muscle mass on you than there is. And given how physically fit you are, you shouldn’t have an energy crash every day after training.”
Will took that in. Nicolas was aware something was going on, but he still offered the contract.
“I want you to read that brochure front to back,” Nicolas continued. “I want you to take a break from the work schedule this week and eat whatever it is you feel comfortable with. And next Saturday when you come in, I will have a specialist brought in that we can talk to. And if you’re up for it, we can design a new schedule and work on anything we need to from there.”
“Okay.”
Nicolas finally turned to him and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Think it over, Will. Part of that contract is taking care of your wellbeing, and I have a lot of resources at my disposal to help.”
Will nodded again.
“You can stay here for as long as you need,” Nicolas offered as he stood up. “Take your time.”
Nicolas shut the door behind him, and Will sat there, working on his breathing. He glanced over the title of the brochure again but didn’t open it. The urge to go home and never come back was tempered by other, more hopeful thoughts. New thoughts about the future. New thoughts about being better for that future. But mainly, thoughts about someone he wanted to talk to and whom he believed he might finally be brave enough to face honestly.