41
Leah was in the city visiting Mom, and Dad’s van was absent—Will assumed he’d gone to the pub. He’d read the brochure and recognised himself in the parts where they talked about symptoms of the different disorders, which didn’t surprise him. Even if he pretended not to notice what was wrong with himself, it wasn’t as if he didn’t know all these years.
It felt like it was someone else who called Gabriel and asked him to come over. It felt like it was someone else who left the brochure on his desk, face-up, visible to the entire world.
His bedroom door creaked open, surprising Will.
“Hey.” Gabriel gave him a worried look as he stepped inside. “You weren’t answering your phone.”
Will sat up and felt around in his pockets. “Sorry. I must have left it downstairs…” He trailed off, spotting it next to him on the bed.
Gabriel scanned Will, his brow creasing in worry. “What’s wrong?”
Will’s eyes drifted to the desk, and Gabriel followed his gaze. Will studied Gabriel’s reaction as he saw the brochure. It was impassive at first, as if he thought nothing of it. But he looked at Will, saw he was being watched, and looked at it again. This time concern crept into his expression, and he picked up the brochure.
He read the front and, without opening it, came over to the bed and sat with Will. Will pulled his knees to his chest and locked his arms around his legs. Gabriel scooted closer, and he kissed Will’s forehead before he said anything.
“What’s going on?” Gabriel asked gently.
Will’s bravery deserted him, but it was too late to back out now. “Nicolas gave me that,” he said. “He told me he’s bringing in a specialist to talk to me next week.” Will had a feeling that “specialist” meant either a doctor or a therapist, or maybe both. “Since I’m doing so much exercise, if I was eating properly, I’d be a lot bigger than I am now.”
Gabriel’s gaze drifted down to his body. He rested his hand on the side of Will’s leg and rubbed it gently. “You aren’t…” he trailed off.
Will imagined he was going to say skinny . Or maybe he would go to the opposite end of the scale. You aren’t overweight, so why…?
“I used to be really out of shape.” He dropped his gaze to Gabriel’s lap and reached out for his hand. Gabriel didn’t hesitate in clasping it in his. “No more out of shape than anyone else would have been in school, but I had no friends, and…” he closed his eyes. “I thought that was why.”
“Will.” Gabriel began, his voice cracking, but Will squeezed his hand, silently asking him to wait.
After a few deep breaths, he could keep going. “I worked out. I managed how I ate. I don’t even remember when I first started making myself throw up.”
Gabriel moved. The bed dipped down next to Will, and Gabriel’s strong arms wrapped around his hunched over form, pulling him close to his chest. Will could feel the irregularity of Gabriel’s breaths against the back of his neck.
Will focused on Gabriel’s body. His warmth, his strength, his presence. “I have bad days,” he breathed out. “Little things could set me off. Like Jack making a new friend. Or just being anxious is enough. But I have good days. Since I met you, I’ve had a lot more of them.”
“Will—”
Will squeezed his hand again, letting him know he had more to say. “I’m going to go in next week and talk to whoever Nicolas brings in and do my best to get better. It scares the hell out of me that I have to deal with this. But I want to get better. I want more good days. And I think if I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t know it was worth at least trying. So, thank you.”
Gabriel’s arms got really, really tight around Will. Painfully so. And he buried his face in Will’s hair. Will didn’t know what to expect.
“Can I drive you next week?” Gabriel asked. “You don’t have to talk after if you don’t want to. But I’d like it if you let me drive.”
Will wondered if he was thinking about the car accident. He nodded.
“I can pick up any groceries you need. Whatever food you think you can handle, I’ll get,” Gabriel continued. “And I’ll be here for you more. If you mean it when you say I make it easier, I’ll spend every free moment trying to do that.” His voice was thick with emotion, and Will’s heart swelled at how earnestly Gabriel spoke.
“I love you,” Will said gently.
Gabriel froze.
“You don’t need to say anything back,” Will continued. And he meant it. He really, really meant it, because the way he felt about Gabriel was enough. “I wanted you to know, before anything else happens.”
Gabriel unfroze. He moved away from Will and knelt in front of him on the bed, his hands gentle as he cupped Will’s cheeks and lifted his face. Will’s breath caught as he took in Gabriel. His eyes were raw and fiery. “I love you,” he said, his voice steady and sure. “And I’m not going anywhere.” Gabriel held eye contact. “Believe me,” he said firmly.
Will didn’t think he could doubt Gabriel if he tried. “I believe you.”
At that, the tension in Gabriel relaxed, and he pressed his chest against Will’s knees to reach his lips. Will slipped his arms over Gabriel’s shoulders, his fingers threading through Gabriel’s wavy hair, keeping him close.
Movement caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Will jumped so badly his face knocked into Gabriel’s, but he took no notice of whether it hurt, because— oh no, oh no, oh no —his dad was standing there, looking at them with the most shocked expression Will had ever seen. Gabriel went rigid, seeing why Will had jumped so badly.
His dad was looking at Will, as if waiting for him to talk, but all the air had gone from Will’s lungs in this sudden gush. All he could do was stare in abject horror as his dad’s gaze moved to Gabriel, his expression slowly transforming, leaving shock behind in favour of comprehension.
“Mr Simmons—” Gabriel began, moving off of Will.
“Get out,” Dad said coldly.
Gabriel had gone white. “We—”
“Get out,” Dad repeated. “Before I get the guards involved.”
Stiff, as if a machine, Gabriel got off the bed. The two of them were standing there, only meters apart, and Will had no idea what his dad was going to do now.
“Get out," Dad repeated. “I won’t ask again.”
They stared off, and Will felt horrible, sitting there mute. But he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t do anything. And when Gabriel stayed quiet, he knew that there wasn’t anything that could be said. His dad knew about them. One word from him and Gabriel could be arrested. His dad moved aside so that Gabriel could go toward the door.
“Don’t come near him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t even look at him. Understand?” Dad told Gabriel.
Gabriel was silent, finally crossing the threshold out of the door. He turned around, meeting Will’s eyes over his dad’s shoulder. Before Gabriel faced his dad with a blank, but pale face, Will caught a glimpse of fear. “Understood.”
The door closed.
Will shook. If he weren’t already sitting, he’d have fallen to the ground. “Dad,” he whispered.
“You won’t meet with him ever again.”
“Dad—”
“WILL!” Dad shouted suddenly, turning to him.
Will jumped and sealed his lips shut. What could he say? His dad had all the leverage. “Don’t tell anyone. Please.”
Dad walked further into the room, his chest heaving as he took in short breaths. “I won’t have this. You’re an athlete. You’ve just signed on with a team. What do you think a scandal like this could do to your future? You can sleep with whoever you want, just don’t pick someone that will risk your contract!”
Will went cold. “That’s the problem? My contract—” he cut himself off, angry and confused all at once. “I love him.”
His dad’s hands curled into fists, and Will remembered his old fear of his dad. He remembered the reason he’d hide behind his mom when he was younger. Even after everything with his mom, she’d never managed to look as angry as his dad always did.
“Talk to him again," Dad began, ignoring Will’s confession, “and I’m going to call the principal and tell him exactly what one of his tutors has been doing.”
As scary as his dad was, the threat of Gabriel getting into trouble was so much worse. “Don’t. Please don’t.”
“Don’t talk to him. Don’t approach him,” Dad said. “Focus on your team and nothing else. Got it?”
What else was Will meant to say? “Got it.” Even if it had been Leah who’d found out, Will would at least be able to talk with her. But he couldn’t talk to his dad. His dad didn’t care what he had to say.
“He’ll be arrested,” Dad continued, “and locked up for the rest of his life.”
Will kept his lips sealed shut.
“Phone.” Dad held out his hand.
“I need it for school,” Will mumbled.
“Show me.”
Will gripped it tightly in his hand. If it came down to it, it would be his dad’s word against theirs. There was no concrete evidence, except those texts.
When Will didn’t offer it up, his dad came over, snatching it from Will’s hand by force.
“You’re grounded,” his dad muttered, storming out of the room.
Will stared numbly at the closed door. Downstairs, he heard the hum of the TV coming on and wondered how he hadn’t noticed his dad coming home. Slowly, he made his way back down the steps and crept to the edge of the doorway into the living room.
He peeked inside. His dad was watching a rugby match. There were a pair of headphones hooked up to the TV next to him, and Will guessed that was why there’d been no sounds. He watched as his dad opened a beer can and settled down. He didn’t call or text anyone.
Will hid when Dad went on his bathroom breaks but returned, as soon as it was safe, to the same spot. His dad eventually fell asleep with the TV still on. Will quietly snuck into the room. His phone was sitting on the coffee table. Will plucked it up, deleting every text from Gabriel and, when that was done, his number. He replaced it on the coffee table and returned to the stairs.
Will waited, just in case. Just in case his dad woke up and tried to call someone. He didn’t know what he would do if his dad tried that. Only that he’d stop him. He wouldn’t let Gabriel get hurt because of him.
*
“What happened?” Dune asked the second he saw him.
Will had no choice but to go to school. His dad had gotten up. Will pretended he’d only just walked down the stairs, and Dad told him to go. Will had gone.
He’d hidden in the changing rooms as soon as he’d gotten to school. He wanted to go straight to Gabriel’s house this morning, but his dad’s threat stopped him. If he skipped school, his dad could find out, and the only thing he couldn’t risk was his dad thinking he was disobeying him.
Dune sat next to him and glanced at the doorway before speaking again. “Something with Gabriel?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he call things off?” Dune asked cautiously.
“My dad…” Will trailed off, but understanding filled Dune’s face.
Dune gripped Will’s hand hard. “What happened?”
Will looked at the doorway again and spoke in a hushed voice even though the room was empty. “We didn’t realise he was home.” Will hadn’t been careful at all. He shouldn’t have just assumed his dad would be gone to the pub for the entire night. He should have thought more about what could happen if they were found out. He was only thinking about how much he wanted Gabriel and nothing else. Will wondered how terrifying it must be for Gabriel, not knowing whether he was about to be reported and arrested.
Dune moved closer, putting his arm around Will. Will didn’t have it in him to move away. How could he worry about keeping distance between them when any second something bad could happen to Gabriel?
“And he said as long as I stayed away from Gabriel,” Will managed to say, “he wouldn’t report him. But I don’t know if he’ll change his mind, or if he’ll use it as gossip…” He trailed off. No. His dad wouldn’t gossip about it at least. He was concerned about Will losing the contract more than anything else. He only ever talked about Will’s achievements when he was brought up. Nothing else. “He could go to jail because of me.”
Dune rubbed his back. “I think the only thing you can do is keep your distance.”
“But what if I do that, and he reports Gabriel anyway?”
“If that happens, you deny it,” Dune said. “Figure out all the times you’ve been with him that someone might know and give me all the details we need. I’ll cover for you. We’ll tell them I’ve been with you the whole time.”
Will didn’t even want to think about what he’d do if Gabriel was arrested. He turned to Dune. “You’d lie to the police?”
Dune’s gaze flicked down, his fingers caressing Will’s jaw lightly, only to drop away a moment later. “For you?” he answered. “Yes.”
Will’s chest swelled. He was taking advantage of Dune’s feelings. He knew that. “Even though you don’t like him?” he whispered.
“You care about him,” Dune said. “And I don’t want you to hurt even more. So yeah. Even though I don’t like him, I’ll do it for you.”