47
Gabriel’s head jerked up.
Will tried to read Gabriel’s expression, but all he could discern was that he was nervous.
“Hey.” Gabriel straightened.
Will came closer and saw that his skin was slick, and his hair was not just damp but drenched. “Have you been out here long?”
Gabriel buried his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know what time you’d finished up, and I was scared of missing you.”
Will had been with Clara for over two hours. “You could have waited in the car.” He averted his eyes and fiddled with the lid of the flask Vinny had given him. He took in one deep breath for courage. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
Gabriel’s nervous expression gave way to a smile. “How about I cook for you at my new place?”
“Is it far?”
Gabriel shook his head. “Twenty-minute drive, at most. Why don’t we take my car, and I can bring you back here after?”
“Okay,” Will agreed.
They got into the car. The air between them was uncomfortable, but Will wasn’t sure how to bridge the gap dividing them. It was hard to open up when it felt this tense.
Gabriel must have felt the same because he didn’t say much on the drive. It was only when they pulled into a block of apartments that Will could speak.
“Do you miss the countryside yet?” Will asked.
Gabriel looked thoughtfully at the building as he turned off the car’s engine. “The countryside isn’t the part I’m fond of, so I don’t think I’ll miss it.”
Will averted his eyes to the building, trying not to smile. “You said you liked the quiet.”
“I don’t think I can like both the quiet and you at the same time,” Gabriel replied.
Will let out a laugh. “I guess not.”
Their eyes met as they shared a smile.
“Let me show you around,” Gabriel said.
Gabriel’s apartment was on the second floor. Will examined the main room as he went in. The punching bag was set up next to the TV, and resting on the floor next to it was a volleyball.
“You kept it?” Will asked.
“I was hoping for the chance to return it here,” Gabriel answered. “I was going to drop it back at your house if you decided you didn’t want to…” he trailed off, and let out a breath. “Well, you’re here.”
Will joined him in the kitchen. “I didn’t mean what I said to my dad before.” He leaned against the counter closest to Gabriel, who stopped what he was doing to face Will. “To be honest, I don’t think I was even coherent by the time I got home. And I didn’t want you to leave.”
Gabriel rested his hand against Will’s arm. “I didn’t want to leave either.” He moved close, brushing the back of his hand against Will’s cheek. “You wouldn’t even look at me.”
Will forced his gaze to move up from Gabriel’s chest to his face.
“I was going to go back,” Gabriel said. “There wasn’t a second where I thought about just walking away when I left. But I felt like you needed space.”
“I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.” Will sighed.
Gabriel tilted his head and winced. “And I wish I hadn’t treated you badly when I got scared. Again.”
“Treat me badly?”
“You left the classroom feeling horrible.” Gabriel looked away, anger in his voice. Anger reserved for himself. “You tried to make me feel better when it should have been the other way around.”
“I would have felt terrible if you ended up in prison,” Will pointed out. “You were doing what you had to.”
“I—”
“How about,” Will interrupted gently, but sternly, “you tell me about what you’re doing here in Dublin?”
Gabriel paused, his eyes flashing down to Will. They stared off and the anger drained from Gabriel’s expression. He relaxed. “I followed up on an old job offer,” he said. “A position in DIT for university-level math.”
“This apartment isn’t close to DIT,” Will pointed out.
Gabriel moved to the fridge and pulled out cooking ingredients. His voice was casual, but Will saw the way his shoulders tensed before he spoke. “I thought if I was close to your gym, maybe some weekends you wouldn’t need to drive home after every practice.”
Will looked around the apartment, staying silent. If he didn’t think too hard about it, that sounded great. “So you aren’t my tutor anymore, and you’ll be here in Dublin, where I can still see you every weekend?”
“And more, when you finish up school,” Gabriel added. “If that’s still what you want.”
Will went quiet again. He eyed up the couch in the other room. “Can we sit down and talk?”
“Sure,” Gabriel agreed softly.
They moved to the other room, and Gabriel sat with his back straight, his expression tense and worried as if bracing for bad news. Will understood why he’d be worried, but he wasn’t able to reassure Gabriel otherwise, because what he had to say wasn’t exactly good. Not for them. “When you came over the other night, I wasn’t okay,” Will began. He focused on the volleyball resting on the floor as he spoke. He’d thought over what to say when he saw Gabriel again, but even having practiced it, the words now got jumbled up in his head.
Gabriel’s hand pressed lightly against his arm. “It’s okay,” he said. “Take your time.”
Will flicked his gaze to him. Gabriel was still tense. Still braced for bad news. But trying to reassure Will despite that. He bit the inside of his cheek, and for some reason tears were burning the back of his eyes, even though he hadn’t said anything yet.
“I don’t think it’s okay for me to be so dependent on you,” Will got out, his voice unsteady. He blinked, and the moisture on his eyes turned into a single tear that raced down his cheek. “And I don’t think that’s fair on you either.”
Gabriel let out a shaky breath. His dark eyes searched Will’s face, and pain filled his features. “You want to bre—”
“No.”
Gabriel stopped, caught off guard by Will’s interruption. Will blinked in surprise as well. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you off like that.”
Gabriel inclined his head. “Why don’t you tell me everything first, and I’ll keep quiet.”
“I need to get better, first. Or maybe better isn’t the right word for it.” Will’s gaze dipped down to the volleyball again. “I need to be stable, and able to cope with my life well enough that being apart from you doesn’t lead to a breakdown.”
Gabriel’s grip on Will’s arm got tighter. “Go on,” he encouraged.
“I think if I let you help me get better, and let you be my support, and let you be the only thing that makes me happy…" Will’s vision got blurry. “Then I won’t be okay. Because I’ve been letting you be all of that for months, and I never want to feel as horrible as I did that night ever again.”
His voice choked off.
Gabriel wrapped his arms around his body and pulled Will tight against him. Tight enough to hurt. Will didn’t resist. Instead, he rested his head against Gabriel’s shoulder, relaxing in his arms. He didn’t know when, or if, he’d get to do this again, and he didn’t have the strength to resist.
“I want to be with you,” Gabriel said slowly. “And I want to do whatever I can to help you feel better. I thought I was prepared to do anything for you…” His breath released harshly against the back of Will’s neck. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered. “But I don’t want to hurt you either. What do you want exactly? For us to break up? Go our separate ways?”
“I want to talk to the therapist and let her help me,” Will whispered back. “And I want to turn eighteen, so there’s nothing that could get you into trouble with us being together.”
Gabriel shifted, so they were both leaning against the back of the couch, and then pulled away. When Will didn’t move, he tilted Will’s chin up. Gabriel studied his face.
The dread that had been twisting his features was finally gone.
“So you don’t want to break up, just take a break?” Hope flared in Gabriel’s eyes.
Will bit his lip. “I don’t know how long I’ll need. I don’t know if I’ll feel any different than I do now in a few months.”
Gabriel’s smile was soft. “We can wait and see.”
“I don’t want to make you wait.”
Gabriel’s eyes glimmered, and he kept smiling. He placed his hand over Will’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I think that part’s up to me to decide.”
Will’s chest filled with hope, something he’d been trying to keep down to lessen the sting of any disappointment this conversation could lead to. But now hope surged through him, the possibility that this wasn’t the end of him and Gabriel was too tempting to keep his expectations down. “Are you sure?” His voice was barely even a whisper.
“Yes,” Gabriel answered without hesitation. “I’m sure.”
Will took in what felt like the first deep breath since he’d entered the apartment. He wanted to ask again, to double-check that Gabriel meant what he said, but he didn’t think he really needed to. Gabriel’s steady gaze didn’t leave him any room to doubt.
Will breathed out. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Gabriel seconded. He squeezed Will’s hand again and stood. “Let’s have dinner before you go.”
Will nodded.
Gabriel, unlike Will’s dad, knew his way around the kitchen. The stir fry was cooked without any raw or burnt vegetables. They didn’t talk about their relationship during the meal, but about other things instead. Gabriel reassured Will that he had no problem finding an apartment on short notice, and he’d spend the next few months settling into Dublin. Will would try to pass all his exams. Gabriel could take up boxing again. Will would play in a European tournament over Easter break.
“Should I give you my number again?” Will hesitated at the door of Gabriel’s apartment. It was getting late, and Will needed to get going before it was pitch black. He could stay the night, but he knew if he gave in once, he wouldn’t be able to stop. Gabriel must have realised that as well because he didn’t offer.
“I have it,” Gabriel answered.
Will frowned at him. “You said you deleted it after my dad found out?”
Gabriel half-shrugged and avoided Will’s eyes. “I did. I sort of memorized it first.”
Will watched as colour crept into Gabriel’s cheeks. He grinned. “You sort of memorized it or you did memorize it?”
“Come on,” Gabriel grumbled. “You’ll get in trouble with Leah if you’re late.”
Will chuckled.
“Oh.” Gabriel stopped in the doorway, looking over his shoulder. “The volleyball.”
Will looked past him into the apartment. The ball was sitting innocently next to the TV. He rubbed his hands against his sweatpants, and it was his turn to avoid Gabriel’s gaze as heat bloomed across his cheeks. “I can get it next time,” he said quietly. “If that’s okay?”
Silently, Gabriel stepped into the hall and closed the door behind him. The lock clicked into place. The toes of Gabriel’s runners came close, and then he cupped Will’s face, tilting his head back for a sudden, hard kiss.
Will didn’t even get the chance to kiss him back before Gabriel stepped away.
“Sorry.” Gabriel grinned, looking not at all sorry. “But I had to.”
He didn’t elaborate further, and before Will knew it, they were sitting in front of the gym again parked next to Will’s car. Will was hesitant to get out. He didn’t know when he’d see Gabriel again after this. Even though they’d talked things out, the reality that it would be months before they could get together was weighing down on him, even if he knew it was for the better.
“Listen," Gabriel said. “I know you won’t like me saying this, but I want to put it out there anyway.”
Will studied the seriousness that had settled over Gabriel’s features.
“I love you, and I want to be with you. So, I’m willing to wait as long as you need,” Gabriel said.
Will’s heart beat so hard against his chest it hurt. “Why wouldn’t I like you saying that?” His voice came out shaky.
Gabriel cast him a weak smile. He offered his palm, and Will immediately put his hand in his. “If you change your mind about me, or decide that you aren’t ready for a relationship, it’s okay.”
“I’m not—”
“You could. And it’s okay if you do.” Gabriel squeezed his hand. “I’m not saying I want that, I don’t, but what I want even more is for you to be okay. I won’t get in the way of what you need.”
Will stared at Gabriel. His dark eyes were just as steady as when he said he’d wait for him. Which meant arguing would be pointless. “There’s no way I’m going to change my mind about you,” Will said.
Gabriel’s expression relaxed, and he smiled.
“I’m serious,” Will stated.
“I know you are.” Gabriel rubbed the back of Will’s hand with his thumb.
Will relaxed in the car seat.
Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “You’ll be late getting home.”
“Five more minutes.”
They waited, studying each other, smiling whenever their eyes met. Will would get better. He would get better for himself, and then he’d be with Gabriel. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he was determined.
In the meantime, in this moment, Will decided to let his last five minutes with Gabriel stretch out until one of them said something. They exchanged a knowing look, and with a smile, both stayed silent.