Chapter 43
JULIET
The moon is full, which means I’m alone.
I think Roderick would have stayed if he could have. But a wolf needs to run free on this night each month. They are called to, pulled by a mystical force.
The thought of Roderick in his animal form brings me mixed feelings.
Because I knew who was changing and that the transformation was going to happen, seeing Roderick’s wolf didn’t set off one of my panic attacks.
But that doesn’t mean I’ve cured myself of fear.
And I hate that my past continues to haunt me. Cory was thorough in his control. He wanted to teach me to be terrified, no matter what form he was in.
His intimidation tactics were creative.
I used to love to go jogging. The workout was free and easy and got me out into nature.
One day, while out for a run, I felt a presence near me the entire time.
I wasn’t sure where the sense was coming from since I didn’t see anyone, but it remained with me for the whole five-mile loop.
The feeling returned the next time I went out, only I was sure I’d caught sight of an animal in the woods at my side.
Then, finally, on the third time, Cory showed himself.
He was in wolf form, and he appeared out of the woods just behind me, loping in my wake.
At first, I chuckled at my animal shadow. I was relieved to discover I wasn’t paranoid. That day, I enjoyed having a running buddy, and the next time I saw him in human form, I gave the man a sultry kiss.
The happiness at the sight of him soon faded.
Cory kept running with me, but the teasing note to his companionship disappeared. One day, when we were alone far outside of town, he nipped at my heels, as if herding me. I yelped and then laughed, waving off his playful joke.
But then he went for my heels again, this time biting and drawing blood.
I stumbled and whirled to face him, ready to yell at him to back off. But he was gone. Vanished as if I’d been alone the entire time. Then, when I confronted him about it later, he gave me a look as if I was crazy.
His reaction left me confused. And for a time, I doubted myself.
Then I went on another run. Cory the wolf accompanied me again.
So I knew that much was real at least. For a few weeks, he ran at my side, never trying anything.
I got comfortable again. Then, one day, out of the blue, he went for my calf, biting so hard that I fell to my knees on the side of the road.
Again, he disappeared, and I had to limp for two miles to get home.
I was applying Neosporin to the places his teeth had punctured my flesh when he walked into the kitchen.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I screamed the second I saw his face.
He strode up to me, wrapping a fist in my hair and wrenching my head back, making my eyes water at the stinging pain.
“Don’t speak to me like that, Abby. You were the one being an idiot.
Running that far outside of town. Could you be more stupid?
You’re lucky I was there. Lucky I keep an eye on you.
So, don’t you ever yell at me when I’m only trying to keep you safe.
” He gave his fist a shake, rattling my soul along with my head, then released me.
When Cory stormed out of the room, I was left shaken and in pain, not feeling the least bit safe.
I didn’t go running again.
I meant what I said to Roderick about loving the night of the full moon in the past. Those were nights of freedom. Times I reclaimed my sense of self and did my best to forget the situation I was in.
But ever since I moved to Pine Falls, the night of the full moon has taken on a different meaning for me. One that invites in my sense of helpless fear.
Tonight, my little house has an ominous feel, every shadow taunting me. Teasing me with unknown dangers.
After getting out of bed for the fifth time to check the house alarm is on, I accept that sleep isn’t in the cards.
Time to utilize my tried-and-true forget-the-world-around-me method.
I scoop my headphones off the coffee table, putting them over my ears before swiping my phone open and flicking on my favorite playlist.
For a few minutes, the music enters my muscles, encouraging me to move with abandon. But after a moment, I realize I’ve paused, stare focused on the strip of darkness visible between my curtains.
Is there someone out there? Can they see me?
Stop it. Just get back to dancing.
So, I try again, but once more, my thoughts are snagged by a window.
With shaking fingers, I adjust the curtains, trying to cover the glass completely.
Still, my mind leaves the safety of my home, locked on thoughts of what prowls outside.
Tonight, Roderick runs in the woods surrounding Pine Falls.
But he’s not the only wolf out there.
Somewhere under the full moon, Cory also runs free.
Maybe some people would feel better, knowing exactly where their tormentor is.
But not me. Every other day of the month, since I can’t predict Cory’s actions, I can’t picture him.
I have no idea what his daily routine is anymore now that I’m gone.
It’s only on nights like tonight that I know exactly where he is.
I can see him. I can see his monster.
And though Bear Valley is hundreds of miles away, I can’t help imagining there’s some kind of connection between there and here. That Cory will sprint through a pair of trees and appear just outside my backyard.
That’s why I’m here, in front of my security keypad, checking for the sixth time that the thing is turned on. It is, attempting to soothe me with its declaration of ARMED. The glow from its little screen is the only bit of light in my house. I want to stay in the safety of its glow.
With stiff, scared movements, I walk to my bedroom and snatch the pillow off my bed. I return to the hallway, my feet hurrying. Opening the coat closet, I pull out my sleeping bag. My movements are efficient as I set up the temporary bed underneath the safety system.
But before I lie down, I grab one more item.
My bat.
Only with the piece of sporting equipment gripped in my hand do I feel capable of sliding into my makeshift bedding.
Why is tonight worse than last month? The question whimpers through my mind.
As I work to steady my breathing, the answer comes to me.
I don’t know what the morning will bring.
It won’t be like with Cory, I try to reason. To comfort myself. Roderick is different.
The problem is, my mind is already careening back into the past.
Tears stream down my face as I clutch the bat to my chest, as if it could defend me from my own memories.