19. Chapter Nineteen
How many more days can Bethany go without talking to me? I’ve refused every single out of town job that’s come my way since Autumn left and it seems as though my boss might be demoting me. I should care, but I can’t bring myself to.
Right now I’m staring at Bethany as she slowly eats a bowl of cereal, her eyes scanning the back of the box like she’s actually reading it, even though she’s read the same thing every morning. Autumn left three days ago and it didn’t take long for Bethany to blame me for her walking out.
Autumn could’ve easily chosen to stay though, so why isn’t there any blame on her too?
Bethany slurps what’s left of her milk and then gets up from the table, dropping her bowl into the sink. She doesn’t so much as spare me a glance as she walks by. No good morning smile, laugh, or even something as simple as a hug, which causes my chest to tighten.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I run a hand through my hair before taking a deep breath and making my way upstairs. My fingers are crossed behind my back hoping that Bethany will open the door for me. Her music is blaring in her room, the bass thumping against the floor, so I knock extra loud for her to hear me.
After a few minutes I knock again a little louder, thinking she hasn’t heard me. I let my shoulders slump in defeat when she still doesn’t come to the door and then I slide down it until I’m sitting on the floor. She might not be answering me, but when she decides to come out of hiding she’ll have to ask me to move.
My phone rings in my pocket and I pull it out to see Mom’s image on the screen. I haven’t talked to her much since everything happened at dinner and I realize maybe I should. If there’s anyone who can help me understand Autumn, it would be the woman who grew up raising Savanna and me with nothing but love in the house.
“Ma,” I whisper, my head thumping against Bethany’s door. “What’s going on?”
She sighs before clearing her throat. “I want to apologize for meddling, Easton.” I know she’s always meant well when trying to set me up, but it feels nice to hear an apology for it. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. “It’s a difficult situation and I know I’ve made it worse.”
“I’m in a bit of another situation, Ma, and I’m thinking you could help me figure it out?”
“Of course, son, what’s going on?”
“The things that Bethany said about Autumn and me? They were kind of true – for the most part.”
She gasps excitedly and it makes my lips twitch before dropping into a frown. “She’s a lovely girl; I’ve always liked her. She’s been such a good friend to your sister.”
I nod and blow out a rough breath. “We got closer while she was working here and I may have messed things up, but I don’t exactly understand how.”
Her hum in response sets me on edge and I notice the music behind the door has stopped playing. I keep the phone pressed firmly to my ear as I wait for Mom to speak. If this is what it takes to get Bethany to stop giving me the silent treatment, then I’m all for continuing this conversation while she eavesdrops.
“Well, what happened, honey?” Mom asks.
“I may have told her that our time together didn’t mean anything. Then she up and quit the next day. Apparently I’m supposed to know what’s wrong with her.”
“Easton, sweetie,” my mother says softly. “People make rash decisions when feelings are involved. Have you bothered to wonder if maybe she’s has feelings for you?”
I blink a few times and shake my head. “Why would she have feelings for me, Ma? I’ve done nothing but tell her this couldn’t be more. She knows I’m terrified to love someone, so what reason would she have to be in love with me?”
She snickers on the other end of the line at the same time that Bethany’s door swings open, revealing my daughter with her foot tapping against the floor and a frown on her face. “Are you really that clueless, Dad?” Bethany asks. The first set of words she’s spoken to me in days and I’m getting called names? I’ll take that over nothing, I guess.
My mother clears her throat and says, “Son, I think you should have a long conversation with Autumn about her feelings, then go from there.You might have a better idea of what’s going on.”
Bethany starts to close her door again, but I throw my hand out and keep it from clicking shut. “Not a chance, Bethany. You’re going to stop acting like a seven year old and come downstairs to have a civil conversation.”
She rolls her eyes and shrugs before stomping past me downstairs.
“I’ve gotta go, Ma, thanks for the talk.”
“Easton, don’t let fear win. You’ll be surprised how easily love can mend you in ways living without it can’t.” With that, we say our goodbyes and I’m left a little speechless at her words before striding into the living room to hash things out with Bethany.
I raise an eyebrow when Savanna walks through my front door carrying a few bags, each containing some sort of alcohol, and I quickly grab a bag to help her out. “What the hell is this?”
She shrugs. “Figured we might need it with the conversation I’m going to have with you.”
“Sav, come on, I don’t need a lecture from you.”
Savanna shakes her head and frowns, then points a crooked finger at me. “You don’t have a choice right now because I’m not leaving until we settle everything once and for all. I’m sick of watching my best friend cry and you sitting back like she isn’t hurting over this shit.”
“That was a lot of words, even for you.”
“Sit down, grab a glass, and let’s talk.” She pulls out the wine, pouring herself a healthy dose before holding the bottle out in my direction. I shake my head and reach for the whiskey. “You need to get over this deep-seated fear you have that everyone is going to leave you.”
I sigh and shake my head, downing most of my drink right then and there before pouring some more. “It’s not that simple, Sav.”
She scoffs. “It is, actually. Do you see me sitting here?” When she cocks her head to the side and sits silently staring at me, I realize she actually wants me to respond.
“Yeah,” I mumble.
“Great,” she says with a nod. “What about Mom, Dad, and Bethany?”
Again, her silence stays until I give her a firm nod. “Yes.” I know what she’s getting at with this, but that doesn’t stop fear from consuming me. The only time it didn’t haunt my dreams was the night I slept next to Autumn. It was the most sleep I had gotten in a while without a single nightmare.
That only freaked me out more.
“The only person you’ve lost is Elena, and I’m sorry you experienced that pain, but life moves on, Easton. If Elena were here right now, do you think she’d want you wasting your life away like this?”
As much as Elena and I never loved each other in the romantic sense, we did have a deep friendship that surpassed everyone else in my life. We would sit up late while Bethany was asleep, talking about where we saw our life going, and I remember Elena telling me not to give up on finding love.
She never wanted me to stick with her just because she was Bethany’s mother.
“No,” I whisper, the whiskey warm going down my throat as I take another drink. “She wouldn’t.”
“What the hell are you doing then? This is not the way to honor her memory, Easton, and it’s definitely not the way to live with Bethany in mind. That girl wants you to be happy with someone. She thinks that you are going to be alone when she’s out living her life.”
The thought of Bethany feeling that way has bile rising up my throat and I do my best to swallow it down. Have I been so blind that I couldn’t see how my actions were affecting Bethany? Of course she’d want to grow up with another mother figure. It doesn’t mean that she’d forget about Elena.
“I get what you are saying, Sav,” I grind out, my fingers tightening against the glass in my hand. “I’m terrified, though.”
“Isn’t that what love is?” She asks and chuckles when I narrow my eyes at her. “What? You think I can’t tell when my broody brother who doesn’t believe in love actually falls for someone?”
“I don’t love her,” I mutter. Even as I say them, the words leave a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t, right?
Savanna shakes her head and frowns. “How much longer are you gonna tell yourself that? I’ve got to be honest, bro, you’re eventually going to be too late and you’ll have no-one to blame but yourself.”
What does she mean I’m going to be too late?
Would Autumn leave like she had always intended to do?
I shake my head and frown. “I can’t do it right now, Sav.”
She sighs and drains the last of her wine, pouring herself another one. “At least get the help you need, Easton. You’ve been needing it for years and everyone has been too scared to say anything to you. I’m done skirting around the truth, though. You need professional help. If not for your sake, then Bethany’s.”
That’s the only thing I need to hear for me to nod my head in agreement. If going to get help will fix the relationship between Bethany and me, while also leaving me open to one with Autumn in the future, why would I reject the idea?
“Is that enough truth for one night?”
“Just figure your shit out before it’s too late, that’s all.”
I nod, then drain the last of my whiskey and stand up. “On that note, I’m heading to bed. Are you going to join me?”
She shivers in disgust and fakes a gag, then jumps up from her chair. “Not a chance, but I’ll crash on your couch and probably take Bethany out in the morning. Give you a little bit of space to do what you need to do.”
I’ll never understand what I did to deserve the people I have in my life. My mother should’ve been furious with me for the way I acted with her. So should Savanna. Yet both of them have talked me through everything and I’ve got a better idea of how to handle it all now.
I give her a small smile, then envelope her in my arms. “Thanks. I needed this more than you know.”
Words can’t describe the light she’s shed on the situation for me and I only wish someone would’ve done it sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have listened then. I’m listening now, though. Bethany deserves to see me happy, but I can’t do that until I work through my fears.
I’ll do anything to bring her smile back and possibly also have a certain redhead back in our lives.