14 FUEL TO THE FIRE
FUEL TO THE FIRE
P ERHAPS S UNSHINE OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN FURIOUS THAT Raum had kissed her without permission, but that wasn’t what happened at all. In a second, all the feelings from the dream rushed back, and her entire body—nay, her entire being —was inflamed with lust.
Lust. Pure, undiluted, untapped lust coursed through her bloodstream. Ten times what she’d felt in Naiamah’s cursed lair.
This time, it was Sunshine who pried his lips apart and plunged her tongue into his mouth, and the slight gasp he made indicated that he hadn’t expected it.
The lust infuriated her—she didn’t want to feel this way—but she couldn’t fight it, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to kiss him harder.
His bare skin was so soft, his shoulders so broad, it made her head swim.
No. She had to fight it. It was too frightening, too exposing, too—
He pushed her down, her back hitting the bed, and came over her, his big body blocking what little light there was in the room. Still more arousal surged through her. His hips remained beside hers instead of between her thighs, and the separation was excruciating.
She wanted him to pin her down. She wanted him to crush her with his size.
To hold her so tightly she couldn’t move a muscle.
She wanted him to seize what little control she had left, to steal it as he’d stolen the treasure in his hoard, until she had no choice but to melt into a molten puddle of desire.
Until her thoughts and reason were a distant dream and she was nothing but a creature of sensation.
Until the pressure and guilt she had shouldered for so long were incinerated in the fires of passion.
But at the same time, she wanted to run screaming from the room. These feelings were too much and she wasn’t ready for them. She wasn’t even sure what they were or how to define them or what it was she truly wanted.
Her heart pounded, and all her blood and awareness traveled down to pool at the base of her spine. Her desire bloomed into something dark and intoxicating. Something that begged for more.
Instinctively, her legs parted, needing something to fill the space between that only he could give her. As if he knew her thoughts, he lifted one leg over hers and his thigh shifted higher until the hard muscle was firmly pressed against the front of her pelvis.
A moan rolled out of her unbidden. It was just like in the nightclub when he’d brought her to climax with nothing but that expert pressure and the friction of their bodies. And oh, how she wanted to experience that again.
“It was real, wasn’t it?” he growled against her lips. “You didn’t fake it.”
She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she couldn’t bear to admit it, couldn’t bear to expose herself, so she said nothing, kissing him harder as she fought to rub herself against his thigh.
“You wanted me from the beginning.” His thigh pressed down and rocked ever so slightly from side to side, and the starbursts of sensation made her gasp. “Say it.”
Still, she refused to speak.
He had the upper hand and he knew it. He proved it to them both by grinding against her and stroking his tongue along hers, his body weight pressing her into the furs.
She moaned helplessly, past trying to hide her desire as she shamelessly ground her hips against his leg. So close. She was so close but the relief hovered just out of reach.
At the same time, a tiny, frightened part of her cried out in dismay. That part longed to fall, desperately so, but it needed to trust someone would be there to catch her. And it didn’t.
“Say it, Sunshine, and I’ll let you come.”
A frustrated growl tore out of her. How dare he abuse his power over her. How dare he have such power to begin with.
“Say it—”
“I can’t!” she cried, the strain suddenly unbearable.
He stopped. The movement of his thigh, the heat of his kiss—he stopped it all, lifting his head and peering at her with that unreadable face. “Why not?”
“Because!” Being so close to her peak and being denied it—twice—made her nearly mindless with frustration. “I can’t admit it because I would lose everything!”
He frowned. “What would you lose?”
“Myself! Don’t you see? I can’t—I refuse to go back on everything I am because of your passing fancy. I can’t make that big a sacrifice on a whim.”
His brows rose. “My passing fancy.”
Damn him and his inscrutable non-expressions! “That’s all this is to you, isn’t it? A game. That’d be a great one for the track record, wouldn’t it? I’m sure all your demon friends would love to hear how you fucked a virgin angel.”
His head reared back, and she knew she’d gone too far. Not only did she know he wasn’t like that—she’d learned there was far more to his character than she’d initially given him credit for—but it was also too exposing of her feelings.
Sunshine didn’t crave sex for sex’s sake and she doubted she ever would. What she did crave was intimacy. Connection. And though she hated to admit it, the feelings she had for Raum were because she craved that with him.
And knowing what he thought of her in return … It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. It was gut wrenching, in fact. And she wasn’t ready to confront it, so she’d lashed out.
“Yeah, you’re right.” His voice was cold as he sat up. Even now, her body wept at the loss of his heat. “It’s all a big game to me. If you were smart, you wouldn’t touch me. And if I was smart, I wouldn’t touch you either.”
“Because I’m the terrible angel who ruined your life.” She sat up with a scoff, straightening her clothing, fighting to regain composure. Alone. She wanted to be alone. “If you find me so repulsive, why kiss me in the first place?”
He moved to the edge of the bed, and she half hoped he would leave, half hoped he would lay down next to her again. Instead he said, “Maybe I want to fuck with you. Maybe I want to ruin your life like you ruined mine.”
Her stomach clenched. “Well, congratulations, it’s working. I am currently in Hell, in bed with a demon who hates my guts and thinks I’m a liar, and—”
“I don’t think you’re a liar. I think you’re a manipulator and a blackmailer.”
His words cut like knives. “Oh, well, thanks very much for the clarification,” she snapped, hating that her voice trembled. “It’s a very important distinction—”
“I also think you’re selfish, and I resent you for forcing me into this.
For threatening my brother’s lives.” He still wouldn’t look at her.
“You know, Meph spent half his life in literal and figurative Hell, and he only just made peace with himself. And now here you are, coming to take that away if I don’t steal your precious book. ”
The words seemed to spill out of him as if they’d been collecting behind a failing dam.
“And don’t even get me started on Eva. She may be a Nephilim, but she’s just an innocent fucking girl.
She’s barely thirty years old. I don’t get why you think she’s Heaven’s public enemy number one when all she wants is to make beats and play jazz.
Real dangerous, I know. Better kill her before she upsets the precious balance of—”
“I wouldn’t have done it!” Sunshine suddenly shouted. “I was never going to do it!”
In an instant, the lying became too much. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. She never should have tried.
Raum fell silent, and she blew out a breath. Time to come clean, I suppose.
“I wouldn’t have done it,” she repeated, softer.
“What does that mean.” His voice was flat.
“It means, even if you hadn’t agreed to the bargain, I wouldn’t have turned you and your brothers in. It means … I lied.”
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed to sit beside him, propped her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her hands. She was done fighting this particular battle. She’d never had the stomach for it anyway.
“You called me a liar, and you’re right.”
“I didn’t—”
“Whatever. The point is, there’s a reason I watched you for so long before I orchestrated our meeting. A reason beyond what I told you.”
“What reason.”
“The first night I saw you, you were at a jazz club with Daniel, and Eva and Asmodeus were performing. I hid in the corner at the back and watched you. Once I realized you were demons, I couldn’t fathom what Daniel would be doing in your company.
But … Daniel is my friend. He has been for a very long time.
I knew I should have gone straight to my superiors and reported what I saw, but I couldn’t.
I felt like I owed it to Daniel to figure out what was going on. So I stayed, and I watched.
“It didn’t take me long to realize Daniel had a daughter and that she was in love with a demon. And what’s more, the demon loved her back. It was obvious. I have seen love, and there was no faking the look in his eyes. I wanted to know more. I wanted to understand.
“I soon realized that none of you acted like demons. You were just … living your lives. Meph truly loves the witch, Iris, and Mist feels the same for Lily. And Belial … I couldn’t believe it was even him at first.” She shook her head.
“The great King of Hell just wants to cook. I’d never …
I didn’t even know such a thing was possible for a demon, and certainly not for him. ”
She lifted her head and stared into the hearth’s dying flames, thinking that the little sparks reminded her of Raum’s eyes. “And then there was you. You were even more different. Quiet and always frowning.” She smiled a little. “I watched you the most.”
“Why?”
She wasn’t going to answer that. It wasn’t necessary to make him understand, and it was far too exposing. “And then Adriel, my mentor and a powerful Second Sphere angel, summoned me and gave me my task. Retrieve the grimoire and I would reascend to my former rank.”
“Reascend?”