Chapter 15
PROMISES MEANT NOTHING
Her first date in years.
Arden was nervous, excited, and bordering on delusional to think she was ready for this.
If it were any other man than Blaze Ridgeway, she’d most likely have backed out.
But he was giving her space when she might have wanted him to crowd her more.
He was showing patience when her own was wearing thin.
And he was making her daughter smile, which was a sure way to get her to soften.
“Mom, when is Dad coming?”
“We’re early,” she said.
She’d fed her daughter lunch at home before they left and they were meeting at The Children’s Museum At Saratoga.
Julie normally arrived fifteen minutes early so they could have a few minutes to talk, then Billy would come next.
The museum didn’t open again until one and she was meeting Blaze for lunch at one thirty.
“Why do we have to come early? I want to go in now.”
She turned to look at her daughter in the backseat. “It’s closed. They close for an hour to clean up for the afternoon. You’re going to have a great time in here. And we have to wait for Julie and your father.”
“Will I be here the whole time?”
“I don’t know,” she said. She just knew she was picking her daughter up at four here again when the museum closed. It was a nice day and she could talk to Julie in the parking lot.
“Do they have food inside if I’m hungry?”
“I’m sure your father has it planned,” she said. Billy normally did, so she had to give him some credit.
Or maybe it was because Gracie was always hungry and he knew it was easier to have a snack or meal with her to get her to continue to relax.
She wouldn’t consider it bribing. He had to do what he could to repair the damage he’d caused.
Arden saw Billy pull in first, not surprised he was early when she’d been last time.
Tit for tat.
A childish game and worse than she anticipated.
What she hated more was the thundering of her heart.
“Is that Dad?”
“It is. Stay in the car please while I get out and talk to him.”
Not what she wanted to do, but Billy got out and was leaning against his truck two spots over.
Best to get this over with.
“I didn’t think you’d get out to talk to me.”
“I figured since you were early you had something to say.” And she was going to see if she could get a read on if he left that note on her car or not.
“I’m sorry about the other day.”
“What exactly?” She wanted him to come out and admit he was wrong. That he shouldn’t have gone that extra step to threaten her. To think he could get her to back down.
“Arguing with you. Losing my temper. You probably think I’m using again and I’m not. I promise.”
His promises meant nothing to her and she had told him a long time ago to stop using that word.
“Why did you lose it?”
“I know you don’t believe me, but I really love Tina. I want her to meet Gracie. She loves me, but she’s skittish about my background. I talk about my daughter, but I think she doesn’t believe things are good between us and I’m just following the court guidelines until they are lifted.”
“So it has more to do with this woman than your daughter?”
His lips thinned, his jaw got tense, even his fingers flexed and released. She’d learned to see the signs for years, but in seconds it ended. Thankfully.
“No. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but they weren’t all my fault.”
“Don’t blame your addiction,” she said, shaking her head. “That is only going to piss me off.”
“I meant you. You were no angel.”
“Me? I don’t remember throwing things in the house and breaking plates on the floor in my anger. I don’t think I’ve ever yelled at our daughter causing her to burst into tears and hide behind you for protection.”
“Stop,” Billy said. “I mean with us. You always have to bring every last thing up.”
The last thing she wanted to do was get into it with him in a parking lot. “I’m not blameless, but I didn’t cause our marriage to crumble. I didn’t do what you did and I sure the hell didn’t cheat.”
“I’m sorry. I’m going to be saying it until my dying day.”
“Words mean nothing. Sometimes it’s your actions that come back to haunt you.”
Felt like the perfect opening to slip that word in there. The one left on the note.
She watched his face. No reaction at all.
Nothing.
Not a flicker of recognition or of guilt.
That didn’t mean a thing though. Billy had always been good at lying, even under the influence.
“Not much can change what I did. I’m trying. Can’t you give me that much? I thought you were putting a wrench in it all.”
He lifted his hand and waved, she turned and saw Gracie waving back at him with a smile on her face.
Not one as big as she had for Blaze, but it wasn’t forced for her father either.
“I see that. I applaud it. You still have a way to go. And as I told you, I didn’t tell Julie and tried to diffuse it.”
“I realized that afterward and me losing my temper with you only made you think otherwise. Tina is great. She’s keeping me on the straight and narrow.”
“Glad someone can do it.”
Seemed that Arden didn’t have that ability.
“She asked to meet you. Is that something you’re willing to do? I know you’ve got to meet her first under these rules, then you’ll feel better about her meeting Gracie. Even supervised. You know, on one of these outings.”
It was the way he said it. That it could be possible that Tina could show up here, watch Billy with Gracie from a distance and get some answers.
She couldn’t stop that. Couldn’t even prove it either not knowing who this woman was.
Maybe if she met her, she’d have an idea.
“Do you think it’s smart to introduce anyone into Gracie’s life when you don’t know where it could go? How long have you even been together?”
“Almost six months. She wants to move in with me, but I asked her to hold off.”
“Because then she’d be in the house when Gracie came,” she said. “Unless I tell the courts no. That it’s not allowed, even with Julie. So again, it’s about that?”
“I’ll do what you say,” Billy said.
“That’s a first.”
“Why do you have to be such a bitch? I just don’t get it.”
She moved closer to Billy so that Gracie couldn’t hear. Pushing through her anxiety to be heard. To stand up for her daughter.
“What you don’t get is that you put my life and Gracie’s through hell,” she hissed.
“I mean worse than hell. We never knew the person we were going to get when you were drinking or using. Ever. The only way to keep the peace was to not engage with you. Which wasn’t easy to do when you’d taunted me for staying quiet. ”
“I didn’t know I was doing that.”
“I believe you. Or I want to. But I can’t forget it as easily as you think I can.
You can tell yourself for days on end you don’t remember, and maybe you don’t.
Or you didn’t have control. Which is possible.
But that doesn’t excuse what we witnessed.
So I did what I could. I took my control back. And when I did that, you got worse.”
“I was upset,” he argued. “I lost everything.”
“From your own actions.” She turned when she saw Julie park behind her. “I need to meet with her before I leave. You can stand here if you want or get in your truck. Your choice.”
“Are you going to tell her about this conversation?”
“Since we agreed to keep a separation outside these visits, I should, but I won’t. Don’t make me regret it.”
Which could be her being an idiot once again, but until she had all the facts, she wasn’t so sure what direction to go in.
“Everything okay?” Julie asked when she got out.
“Yes. Just standing outside getting some air. We were both here early,” she said. “Right, Billy?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t we go to the other side of the car and talk if you need to let me know anything?” Julie said.
“Nothing that can’t be said in front of Billy.
Might be easier anyway so he knows it’s from me and not secondhand.
Gracie is having fun at daycare this summer.
She’ll tell you about her activities. She’s riding her bike all the time around the development and loves the openness of it.
Last Saturday, on July Fourth she watched a fireworks video on a neighbor’s phone while she lit some sparklers. ”
“That’s not safe,” Billy argued.
“They are sparklers and completely safe with me standing there and having my hands by hers and taking them away before they even finished, but my neighbor is a doctor so all is good. You might hear her talk about it and can ask.”
She was waiting for Billy to ask if it was a guy, young, old, single or not. He didn’t. He wouldn’t think she’d date since he’d called her cold enough in the last year of their marriage.
It had more to do with her love dying and her body had no time for what her heart was struggling with.
And the fact she’d offered for him to ask said that she wouldn’t be hiding much of interest to him. Maybe a dirty game on her part, but she didn’t want to be accused of withholding or lying about anything.
“I’m glad she had a good time.” Billy said.
“Me too. She’s thrilled and was excited to come today, as you can tell by her bouncing in the seat in the car.”
The AC was blasting and her daughter’s hair was moving around while she put her hands up to her face in prayer to get out and have fun.
Arden laughed, turned and noticed Billy’s grin lifting some.
She wanted to believe there was hope and that she wasn’t weak, but she just didn’t know.
“If that is all, then I think we can go inside. You’re going to return here at four to pick Gracie up?” Julie asked.
“I’ll be here.” She opened the car door and let her daughter out. “Are you ready to have a good time with Dad and Ms. Julie?”
“Yes,” Gracie said, jumping up and down. “Can we get ice cream today too, Dad?”
“It’s on my list of things to do. There is a Stewarts not that far and there is an exhibit inside about them. I thought it’d be nice to get a treat after.”
Arden smiled over that bit of knowledge telling her that Billy had done some research. He knew his daughter loved ice cream and wanted to come here.
He was trying for Gracie, but she wasn’t so sure what his thoughts were on her.
Or what he might do to get his way to have more time with his daughter.
It might be best to meet this woman he was seeing sooner rather than later.