Chapter Twenty-Three #2
He leaned in, and it took everything I had not to pull away.
He didn’t touch me, but he got so close I could feel his breath against my ear.
“Listen here, Blizzard, what I need is something I’m pretty sure you’re not offering.
You’d probably do well to learn not to offer shit when you’re not ready for it. ”
His nearness made it hard to think. I struggled to work through my own thoughts, to come up with a response, so leave it to my mouth to move before my brain could get involved. “I can feel the corruption. There’s no reason to say no.”
“You think? Because I can assure you that if you guide me, your little no-touching rule is going right the fuck out the window. You think I couldn’t feel you the last time we did this?
You can act a prude, you can act like you don’t want it, but I can fucking smell you.
I know exactly how wet you get. I can feel what you want from me.
And with me in this mood? Trust me, I’m going to take full advantage of it.
” He crowded me, stepping in even closer so the heat of his body seared me.
“I gotta wonder if you’ve ever experienced that.
You ever guided someone while they were between those pretty thighs of yours?
While their tongue was lapping at your clit?
I’ve heard that as good as it is for the esper, it’s even better for the guide. ”
His words reached so deep that I couldn’t believe it.
They went past fantasy, to desires I didn’t even know I had.
Other espers had tried to say things like that to me, but it had never mattered.
It had never sparked anything inside of me beyond disgust. So why was it that when Ingram said it, it tempted me?
When he made those promises, I wanted him to prove them.
I wanted to know if he spoke the truth, if he could get me there, if I could be normal and feel that way. That desire scared me as much as it excited me. It was new, didn’t feel like me, and the unknown nature terrified me.
“This isn’t about that,” I whispered, wishing my voice were stronger, more certain. “You need guiding—that’s all that matters.”
“You sure? Because I can see the way your nipples are hard, and I’m pretty fucking sure that ain’t the only sign.
So you giving in? You going to spread those pretty little thighs of yours?
First me, then the others? Gonne let all three of us fuck any hole on you we want? Ain’t you just a giver, then?”
His words shocked me, graphic and daring. Before I thought about it, my palm flew, striking him on his cheek.
Which was entirely unacceptable. He was clearly hurt, but that seemed the only reaction available to me. It was as though that woke me up, a way to break this spell between us, to remove the hold he—and the words he’d said—had on me.
He didn’t react to the hit, not so much as moving, as though it hadn’t happened at all. He chuckled, then said in a soft voice, “So we’ve both got some boundaries. Let’s not cross those lines, huh?”
With that, he strolled off, past me, still limping but with his back straight. It was as though he wanted to make damn sure that he didn’t appear weak. A whoosh of freezing air exploded out from the portal as it collapsed, as the purple shimmering surface disappeared and left nothing in its wake.
These smaller dungeons didn’t scar the land like the larger ones, the overlap minor. It meant once it closed, little evidence remained.
However, it had left its mark on me… Weakness filled my legs, making them heavy and useless. I feared that attempting a single step would cause me to topple and fall flat on my face.
“So regular touching is a no-go, but you don’t mind some roughness?” Carter’s voice was as jovial as ever, as though I hadn’t just slapped a man in front of him. If anything, he seemed more amused than anything.
“Shut up,” I muttered.
“Why? Come on, Yun, it was nice to see a little backbone. I mean, they don’t call you Blizzard for nothing. I like seeing your snarl, and Ingram could use a little frostbite now and then.”
I turned toward him, rewarded by a bright smile that seemed more honest than usual. It felt as though he was telling me it really was okay, that it wasn’t a big deal, that I had no reason to feel so slighted.
“Where’s he going?” I asked.
Shear approached along with Kenyon, but neither of them spoke. That sure said they didn’t want to answer.
But why?
It wasn’t like I controlled him.
He’s screwed every willing guide. The words came back to me from earlier, when the other guide had spoken about him. It explained what no one wanted to say.
If Ingram was heading off like that to be with another guide when he had one waiting for him—well, that looked pretty bad on my part. It was one hell of a slight against me, as though I’d failed—especially when I’d offered.
“Right,” I said, hating the way it hurt. There was no good reason for that to hurt my feelings, right? We had no real bond between us, weren’t anything to one another beyond guide and esper—and even that was new.
Maybe this was one of those things where it really was just stupid emotions. Guiding created a closeness—no matter how temporary—between two people. Even if I refused to touch in order to prevent anything happening, to make me more comfortable, that didn’t change that I might feel closer to him.
I’d heard people talk about one-night stands, about a possessiveness after that. Was that what I felt?
I blew out a long breath when I couldn’t come up with anything else. “Let’s go,” I said, forcing myself to smile, to push down those doubts or, worse, what they might mean.
I couldn’t let myself fall victim to them, to madness, to stupidity and instinct. Espers didn’t give a damn about guides, not beyond what we could offer them. They all ended up the same way.
There was no happily-ever-after when it came to espers. They spent their lives fighting until it either killed them, or they gave in to the ever-growing corruption inside them.
And when that happened?
Well, they became the monsters I knew they could be.
I won’t ever let that happen again.