Chapter Thirty-Three
Yun
I wanted to crawl into a hole so small that I could never escape it.
I’d been scared before, hated where I’d ended up, but I’d never experienced humiliation like this.
It was good to know that no matter how crazy my life got, there were still times I got to experience something totally new.
Ingram stood there, in the doorway, staring at me like I was the most delicious meal he’d ever laid eyes on.
I didn’t come close to believing that, though, since I knew he had more than his share of women in his background.
I wasn’t nearly confident or foolish enough to think I was the prettiest girl around, so I didn’t get the reason for him staring like that’.
The strangest part of it was the tension there, between us.
I recalled when another esper had walked in on me in the shower. It had been an honest mistake—at least, his shock had made it seem that way—but when he’d spotted me, he’d gotten a door slammed in his face. I hadn’t needed to think twice about it, making my feelings and rejection beyond clear.
This was different.
This sparking electricity ran between us, something that pinned me in place, that made me wonder…what if?
I couldn’t answer that. Fuck, I didn’t even know what I was asking exactly. What if I didn’t turn him away? What if I gave in, just a little, and experienced something for the first time?
I’d never wanted that before, had never even been tempted by the idea. It had turned my stomach, made me flinch away and react by baring my teeth.
This time, though? I wondered what it felt like, how it would end if I gave in.
“Curious?” His voice came out rough and low, making him sound like the predator he was.
I dragged my tongue across my lips then nodded, unable to lie, to deny it. What would be the point? There was no way he couldn’t read it on my face.
There were times to lie and times to just admit the truth—half-naked and legs spread seemed like as good a time as any to admit it.
Especially to Ingram.
I might have felt differently if Kenyon stood there, or Carter, but Ingram? The man was a walking dildo from what I’d seen, so I had no reason to feel self-conscious about anything.
His lips curled up on one side into a smirk that made my heart speed faster. He took a step forward, the action causing me to scoot further away up on the bed.
He tilted his head, his smile dimming for a moment before he slid shut the useless door again—this time with him on the inside. “You’re still gonna play that whole no-touching game?”
I gulped, but nodded. Sure, this was embarrassing enough, but I didn’t think I could handle the idea of him actually putting his hands on me. That was too much space for me to cross, no matter how it might tempt me.
And I didn’t want to lose control and end up hurting him.
He came closer, seating himself at the end of the bed, his gaze intense and locked on me. It made him a monster, and me? The prey that he chased. Was this what they saw before they died?
No, that wasn’t it. He was a stealth specialist—they saw nothing before they died.
“Go on, then. You don’t let anyone else touch you, so I want to see you doing it yourself. I want to see your fingers between your legs, rubbing that pretty little clit of yours again.”
“And you’ll just sit there?” Boy, did I sound untrusting.
Not that anyone would blame me. Who would trust him? Especially with that smirk?
He laughed as though my question were stupid.
“Just sit here? Not a fucking chance, not when I’ve got a show like this in front of me.
Don’t worry, though, no matter what a pervert I am, I’m not about to touch someone who doesn’t want it.
” He undid his pants with a quick jerk of his fingers, then pulled down the zipper.
They were loose pants, which meant the fabric moved down enough for him to draw his cock from them—my first time seeing him like that.
And I could understand how he got so many willing partners. He was thick and long, with a line of piercings that ran up the bottom of his shaft.
What the hell?
“I hear it feels fucking fantastic,” he all but growled, his hand already moving along his shaft. “At least, I’ve never gotten any complaints when I’ve fucked someone with these.” He dragged his fingers over each piercing, the action drawing my attention like a lure.
I shivered, which made me realize I’d started to move my fingers against my clit again without even noticing. It was like the sight of him turned me on so much that I couldn’t help it, sucked into the moment by the promise in his voice and the sudden dryness in my mouth.
Maybe I should have put an end to this, should have drawn clearer lines between us, held those lines as I had typically always done before. Except, that proved impossible.
I guided him at the same time, the action instinctual and driving up my need more. As the corruption poured into me, I didn’t bother to ignore it as I usually did, didn’t try to shove the sensations and cravings into a tiny box buried inside me so deeply that I couldn’t access it.
Why not experience it just this once? Just let myself fall into that abyss, no matter how terrifying, how difficult?
I didn’t bother to even hide my interest—what was the point in doing that when he could see exactly how much I wanted this—and watched him. Somehow, the movement of his hand over his cock was one of the hottest things I’d ever seen.
Why?
The sight of anyone—clothed or unclothed—hadn’t ever done a thing for me.
There had been a time, back before everything had changed, when I’d thought—maybe? It hadn’t been interest so much as curiosity, a desire to know something that I hadn’t experienced.
As a preteen, and into my early teen years, I’d seen what most kids did—brief glimpses of movies where they showed people naked.
That had been rather innocent, though—nothing like this.
And those men hadn’t looked anything like Ingram, either.
His shirt rode up, exposing his stomach, the muscles standing out sharply, showing just how little fat he had.
Tattoos rested over that skin, making me wonder if there was a bit of him unadorned by tattoos or piercings.
Some were colorful, others monochrome, some with bright lines and others faded, suggesting they’d been added years ago.
It made me want to have him stripped entirely, to trace the line of each tattoo, to see him in all his glory. I wanted the time to taste him, to savor every inch of him, to do as I pleased for once.
I lacked the bravery for that, so instead I allowed my gaze to take him in, at least what little I could see.
“That look you have…”
His voice came out thick and heady, something I wanted to feel whispered against my ear. I craved the feeling of someone wanting me, of losing myself.
I imagined it as I teased my clit, chasing the sensations that drew me closer to my release.
In my mind, I wasn’t broken, wasn’t a shell of the person I could have been. Instead, I welcomed Ingram, both of us hungry for the same thing, willing to find that pleasure in each other, capable of giving ourselves over to it.
He’d be rough—I was sure of it. Nothing about him screamed gentle, after all. He had the experience to turn my own body against me, and I wanted him to expend every bit of that knowledge on me.
“You know, I could fuck you. Guarantee you’d enjoy it, that I wouldn’t stop until you had your fill. Could waste away the boring fucking hours here doing something a lot more fun.”
I shook my head but kept my hand moving, stroking over my sensitive clit, wishing for a moment that I’d packed all ’the toys Ingram had’ left for me. A vibrator right about now would have easily gotten the job done, pushing me over that edge without nearly as much work.
“You sure are taking your time,” Ingram said. “You fuck yourself like a girl not used to doing it.”
I turned my gaze from his, unable to stop the shame there. Not even good at this, huh?
“Look at me.” The words were rumbled out, a demand that had me looking right at him.
“You really don’t have much experience, huh?
Ain’t making fun of you, just pointing it out.
Fuck, it’s a turn-on. I’m not usually into virgins or prudes, but something about you makes me think I might have had that all turned around.
Come on, sweetheart, do whatever feels good.
I want to watch you get yourself off, see how you figure out what feels best, what you like, what you don’t.
Make it easier when you finally let me between those thighs of yours. ”
Normally, words like that would cause me to freak out, would repel me, make me want to run. The way he spoke made my cunt twitch in desperation, wanting something that had been denied to me my whole life.
He stared, and I wondered if he could tell the effect his voice had on me. Did he know it excited me? Did he realize how close to begging him I felt?
The fire in his eyes told me he probably knew exactly how little it would take to agree. I’d fold so quickly, with the tiniest push.
“You’d say yes if I asked again, wouldn’t you?
” He laughed, the tone broken by a deep, masculine groan.
“I’m not about to do that, though. I want you begging for me when I do fuck you—when, not if.
You aren’t ready to submit like that yet, and that’s fine with me.
I don’t have a problem waiting until you’re just that hard up, until you don’t have a speck of doubt.
Until then, why don’t you be my good girl and come? ”
Those words lit a fire inside of me, made it impossible to resist anything. Why? The idea of being called a good girl was insulting.
At least when I was wearing pants. It seemed pantsless was an entirely different thing, and I reacted in the opposite way.
A surge of pleasure rushed through me—a mixture of his words along with the guiding I did automatically, the flow of energy from him to me—and it pulled me like the current in a river, something I couldn’t resist or fight against. It poured over me, crashing into me with such power that I could only arch my back and experience it.
My eyes shut, as though my brain couldn’t filter through all the stimuli that assaulted me. I parted my lips but couldn’t draw breath as I came hard, as the muscles in my back and my thighs all tightened to an almost painful point.
I remained on that edge for so long that my chest ached.
It eased, my body going lax, my muscles too weak to even consider moving.
I opened my eyes again to find Ingram there, his eyes brighter than usual, a sure sign of his emotions, his desires.
His chest rose and fell in rapid pants, the seed that covered his hand showed that he’d come, but he was far from satisfied.
It left me confused, unsure how to address this, how to figure out where to go from here. I felt as though I’d crossed a line I’d never thought I would, one I’d guarded with everything I was for so long.
“Close your eyes and get some rest,” Ingram said. “Best way to work through shit in my experience.”
“And you sure know how to deal with this sort of thing, don’t you?”
He smirked as he rose, not bothering to do up his pants, to hide anything. He just kept the hand sticky with his cum away from him. “Yeah, I do, so listen to me and stop overthinking. Sweet dreams, Blizzard.” He offered a wink, then walked out, leaving me there all on my own.
How the hell was I going to face any of them tomorrow?
Post-nut clarity is a bitch.