Chapter 5
what is so different?
HAYDEN
When my alarm goes off, the room is slightly lit, thanks to the sunlight slicing through the gap between the curtains.
I fix my focus on the ceiling and wait for the oh so familiar weight to settle in.
Minutes pass, but the suffocating sensation doesn’t come.
I don’t feel light, but I can breathe. Looks like my brain has chosen not to torture me for the first time in a week.
When my phone buzzes on the nightstand, I frown at it. Because of my sleeping habits, no one calls this early. I pick it up, and when Ines’ name flashes across the screen, I answer immediately.
“Hey. You’re up early.” I rub the back of my neck. “I was gonna call you later. I got the LEGO set you told me about the last time I saw you.”
“Sleeping in is a privilege when you live with a two-year-old,” she says with a light laugh. “Or a kid in general. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“Nah. Believe it or not, I was actually already up.” I wander down the hallway to the bathroom. “I thought I’d stop by later. Is that okay? I bought some toys for your little man.”
“Always.” She sighs. “You’re always welcome at our place.”
“Awesome. I have places to be this morning, but I can swing by around lunchtime. What do you guys want to eat?”
“You don’t have to—”
My chest tightens. She’s always so quick to turn down help. Dammit. “I want to,” I tell her. “Come on, give me something.”
She lets out a long exhale and chuckles softly. “If you insist. Santi is obsessed with the chocolate croissants from the pastry shop near the park, and I love their coffee.”
“Caramel latte?” I ask as I flip on the bathroom light. I immediately regret it. Squinting, I flip it off again.
“Um…yeah. I’m surprised you remember.”
“As much coffee as I’ve picked up for you? I’d be a total ass if I didn’t know what you liked by now.” I lick my dry lips. “So, caffeine for you, croissants for Santi. Got it.”
Ines sounds softer by the end of the call.
Hopeful, even. It warms my heart; that’s exactly why I’m doing it.
I don’t want Owen’s widow to be alone during the grieving process, so I’ve made an effort to visit often.
Since the funeral, we’ve both needed the company of someone familiar, someone to lean on when the weight of Owen’s decision became impossible to ignore.
Jimmy and Bo are grieving too, but they weren’t anywhere near as close to Owen as I was, and they surely weren’t the ones to find him that morning.
Some days, a call from her is what keeps me going, what pushes me to crawl out of my bed and leave this apartment.
Ines has no family in the US, no one but Santi and me.
Owen’s parents are around, but her relationship with them has been strained since his death.
If the parent of my significant other blamed me for their death, I probably would’ve done what Ines did and gone no contact too.
It’s her right as Santi’s mom to keep him from people with such hate in their hearts, and that’s what I said to Owen’s mother when she begged me to convince Ines to let them see their grandson. I’ve been on her shit list ever since.
Being around Ines and Santi brings me comfort. We were never all that close before we lost Owen, but now, she’s like my anchor, steadying me when my legs can’t hold my weight. I’m the only person she can count on, and I have to be strong for her. I suspect I’m grounding her too.
All I want is to support her and her little boy. She’s family, just like Riley.
Shit.
I need to get going. With any luck, my timing will work out.
On my way to the studio, I stop at a café to order what I remember as Riley’s go-to: iced flat white with oat milk.
The barista recognizes me, but thankfully, all I get are a few curious glances and one request for an autograph.
Once my order is ready, I snag it from the pickup counter.
I’m proud for a whole thirty seconds before a feminine voice bursts my bubble.
“That hasn’t been her favorite for six months.”
I frown and turn, finding myself face-to-face with Nastya.
She’s in a white summer dress paired with golden sandals, her red hair collected into a high ponytail.
She’s beautiful, but I’d be lying if I said she doesn’t terrify me.
Green eyes glued to my face, she studies me as if I’m some animal prepped for dissection.
“Hey. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
She blinks and cants her head to the side, her ponytail brushing her shoulder. “No, Hayden, it’s me who didn’t expect to see you at the café where Ry and I get our coffee almost every day. You are the anomaly here.”
Chuckling, I shake my head. This girl is a menace.
She’s an incredible dancer. Not Riley’s level good but still awesome. It’s fucking sad that her tibia fracture from a couple of years ago got in the way of her career.
The reason she doesn’t dance professionally is well-known, but what I don’t know is why Riley quit ballet.
I’ve asked many times, but she’s never opened up about it.
Piper won’t tell me either. There were no injuries, and if there’d been a scandal, I think I would’ve heard.
A year ago, she left the company she danced for and started teaching at a prestigious studio owned by Adelaide Brown, another former ballerina.
Between that mystery and my coffee fuckup, I’m beginning to wonder if I know Riley at all.
“Ry doesn’t drink oat milk anymore,” Nastya says, bringing me back to reality. “Switched to almond. And she always orders an extra shot of espresso.”
“Okay.” I frown at the cup in my hand. “I suppose I don’t need this anymore.”
With an eye roll, Nastya takes the cup from my hand. She tosses it in the trash then strides to the counter. “Iced flat white with two shots of espresso and almond milk.” She jabs her manicured thumb at me. “It’s on him.”
“Damn, you’re bossy,” I tell Nastya as the barista moves to the espresso machine. “The kids you teach must be scared of you.”
A ghost of a smile spreads across her lips. “I work with teenagers. Gotta be a little scary if I want them to listen. I leave the littles to Ry. She’s the soft one while I’m…me.”
“Ry baby can be strict too, at least with me.”
She narrows her eyes.
“What?” I shift awkwardly, slipping my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
“What are you doing here?” she asks rather than answering my question.
“Just wanted to stop by and thank her for checking on me yesterday.” I nod at the barista. “I’m trying to be nice.”
“And you would’ve failed, but I guess the effort counts.”
“Then I’m lucky you showed up for coffee yourself.”
She smirks. “Please. I saw you walking in, and I have a sixth sense for guys who have no idea what they’re doing.”
“Then how come Ry continues to date assholes?”
This time, the smile that blooms on her face is real and infectious. “Touché.” She picks up the cup containing the correct drink and holds it out to me. “But in my defense, she’s too stubborn to actually listen to me.”
“Stubbornness definitely runs in the family. Piper is the same way.”
“They are sisters, after all.” With a click of her tongue, Nastya heads to the door. “Riley’s stretching between classes. Room fourteen. Try not to be weird.”
I let out a laugh. “No promises.”
I’ve only been inside this place twice, but I find room fourteen quickly.
Quietly, I stand outside the door and watch Riley through the glass.
She’s on the floor, dressed in black leggings and a black crop top.
She’s added blue highlights to her blonde hair and has it pulled into a bun on top of her head.
With one leg extended, she keeps the other tucked behind her in a deep lunge, her spine elongated and her arms resting on the floor.
A loose strand of hair falls across her cheek, but she does nothing to fix it. She’s completely lost in her own world.
I can’t move, and I can’t look away.
She shifts, folding over into another stretch, reaching for her toes, her forehead nearly grazing the tops of her knees.
The movement is fluid, like water sliding down a waterslide.
It’s like her body knows what to do on its own.
A soft exhale leaves her lips—in the silence of the empty room, the sound travels all the way to me at the door.
My throat tightens as I watch. Her movements are slow, graceful, mesmerizing. My body warms from the inside out so thoroughly, I worry the drink in my hand will be room temperature before I give it to her. I can’t take my eyes off her.
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her stretch, and I’ve watched her dance numerous times.
Yet, today is different. Watching her now is connecting me to my past, a direct link to who I was before.
Before Sabotage signed with the label. Before the band’s success.
Before the world tour. Before I lost my friend. Before the grief.
Riley is part of my old life. She belongs to a past free of sorrow and regret. With my parents, Hunter, and Piper almost three thousand miles away, maybe she’s the closest thing I have to home.
No matter how much I want to convince myself I’m here just to say hi and thank you, the reality is I need her, more than I realized until this moment.
Yes, Ines and Santi give me purpose. They get me out of my apartment and moving through the world, but the only time I’ve felt like myself in the last four months was when Riley was around.
I bite the inside of my cheek as my thoughts race and my heartbeat takes off. I need a plan. I need to get my life back. Being near Riley makes me hopeful again, but I don’t want her to feel obligated, so how do I make this work?
Dammit, I never expected to come to this conclusion when I decided to see her today.
The lightheartedness flooding me is almost foreign as I knock twice on the doorframe.