Chapter 6
you’re not joking
RILEY
I could’ve put music on, and usually, I do.
But today, I’m craving silence. Too many thoughts have coiled inside my head, making it difficult to focus on anything for too long.
Thank God I made it through my morning class without too much difficulty.
They’re the hardest group I’ve ever had.
The eight-year-olds are mischief personified, and I’ve never met children with so much attitude.
Luckily, they love me. If only they could all get along.
It would save me from having to put out so many fires.
I swear, I wasn’t like that at their age.
The moment the thought pops into my head, I freeze. What the hell? I sound like my mom! Goodness, I need to snap out of it.
With a deep breath, I recenter myself and focus on my stretch again.
The knock on the door startles me. When a way too familiar voice says, “Hi, Ry baby. I hope I’m not interrupting,” I genuinely consider my mostly sleepless night is causing me to hallucinate. Because…why would he be here?
I look up and find Hayden in the mirror.
He looks infuriatingly gorgeous, especially for a man who looked like he was barely surviving last night.
He’s in a black tee, dark blue jeans, and black sneakers.
His bleached hair is naturally messy, the sides short, and he looks boyish now that the scruff on his face is gone, though the tattoos covering his neck and arms give him an edgier look. My mouth goes dry as I drink him in.
What is he doing here? And with coffee?
“Ry?”
Only when he says my name do I realize I’m staring. Oh my fucking God! I sit up too fast and nearly pull my hamstring. Real graceful, Riley.
“Hi, Hade,” I say in a high-pitched voice, my cheeks heating. The whole situation gets worse with each second. Clearing my throat, I force back my embarrassment and stand. “What are you doing here?”
Grinning, he saunters in and holds out the plastic cup. “A thank-you for looking out for me. And also an apology for being a pain in the ass last night.”
I take the cup and slowly press it to my lips. The moment the flavor hits my tongue, I turn into a gooey mess. “This is my favorite.”
“I’m glad you like it.” He threads his fingers through his hair. “Though I have to give Nastya all the credit. I ran into her at the coffee shop.”
Oh.
A weird flicker of disappointment flashes in my head. Silly Riley. Did you really think he’d remember such a small detail about you?
Stop this. I mentally scold myself even as I plaster on a smile. “Thanks. It’s perfect.”
“Don’t tell your best friend, but she’s scary. I was afraid to argue when she told me my initial order was wrong and I had to buy another drink for you.”
I let out a laugh. “Sounds like Nastya all right.” I bring my drink to my lips, giving myself an excuse to look at him over the rim.
He’s quiet, taking in the space—the mirrors, the barre, the soft scuffs on the floors, the little desk in the corner.
He looks…lighter today. Not quite as free of burdens as he used to be, but better.
The shadows under his eyes are gone, the grief subdued.
When he catches me staring, he raises an eyebrow. “What?”
“Nothing.” My heart clenches. “You just look…more alive than you did yesterday. I like it.”
“Took a shower like you suggested. I cleaned up the apartment and went to bed early. Even made fried eggs for breakfast this morning. I’ve got a long way to go, but I call it progress.”
A hint of relief threads its way through me. “Good to hear. But what are you doing here? I’m not buying into this whole Good Samaritan thing. It’s not you.”
Hayden plops himself down on the floor, stretches his legs in front of him, and leans back on his hands. With a sheepish smile, he says, “I was in the neighborhood.”
I lower myself onto the floor and give him a skeptical look.
He sighs, his shoulders drooping. “Okay. Fine. I’m in desperate need of a distraction.”
“And what does that have to do with me?” I set the cup on the floor beside me.
“I really did want to thank you for yesterday.” He scratches the back of his neck, his attention roaming for a moment before locking on me again.
“But I also realized your company distracts me from my problems, gives me a break from my…thoughts. Quiets my mind. I thought I’d ask if we could maybe hang out together from time to time.
” He swallows, the roses tattooed on his neck moving up and down with his Adam’s apple.
“If you say no, I’ll totally understand. There’s no pressure.”
I blink. His explanation gives some context for sure, yet… “When you say you want to hang out from time to time, what do you mean?”
“Just that. We hang out when you have time. Go out for lunch or dinner. Take a walk. See a movie. That kind of thing.”
There was a time in my life when a request like this from him would’ve knocked me on my ass.
I would’ve given anything to be noticed by him.
Now? I’ve been around long enough to know he’d never be interested in me, that he wouldn’t make a good partner for me, and with this pesky crush that won’t die, subjecting myself to more time with him is a straight line to heartbreak. My heartbreak.
“I don’t know how we can make that work,” I lie.
He pops up one shoulder easily. “Are you still going dancing on Friday?”
I nod.
“Then maybe I can go with you.”
“Nastya will be there too,” I deadpan.
“Okay.” He tips his head to the side. “You think she’d be against it?”
Absolutely, but not for reasons I can say aloud.
“I’ll need to ask her.” I pick up my cup and take a sip. “We wanted to have fun, let loose a little. I thought I might meet a new guy.” I arch an eyebrow. “You sure you want to join our madness?”
“Why not?” He leans forward, smiling at me as if we’re conspiring together, his dark green eyes warm. “I can even be your wingman.”
I scoff. Right. Next, he’ll say he can help me teach Swan Lake to five-year-olds. “My wingman?”
“Sure. I can give you a man’s perspective on the guys who approach you. I could observe, screen your options, help weed out the jackasses before they even have a chance to ask you out.”
Laughter bubbles out of me. He’s fucking ridiculous.
“Let’s say I agree.” I straighten and then cross my legs. “You go dancing with Nastya and me, and then what? Are you going to sit at the bar and judge my potential dates based on how they act around me?”
“Yes.”
“What if someone recognizes you?” And they will, because he is Hayden Hale. His face has been plastered all over socials and gossip blogs for months.
“I’ll tell them they’re mistaken.” The corner of his mouth tips up. “I’ll have zero bias, and I won’t be trying to impress anyone or meet anyone myself.”
“You’re not joking,” I conclude, horrified.
“Dead serious,” he says. “If I can give you some insight and help keep you from ending up with another stupid fucker, then I’m in. Plus, it will distract me from my issues.”
I open my mouth and close it. I don’t even know what to say.
The door creaks open, and two of the girls enrolled in my next class peek in. The moment they spot Hayden, they retreat.
Slowly, he gets up and holds his hand out. I let him pull me to my feet then instantly retract my hand. The number of butterflies assaulting my insides after that gesture alone is concerning.
He dips his head. “Think about it. Please.”
With that, he’s gone, leaving me utterly confused.
The ten-year-olds who make up my last class of the day make my heart sing as they rehearse The Sleeping Beauty waltz.
The girls glide across the floor, their arms rounded, their feet pointed, just like I’ve taught them.
They move a little too quickly during some of the transitions, but their timing is getting better.
Elena catches my eye, and I smile. She reminds me a lot of Story.
She’s talented, and if she wanted to dance professionally, she would have a successful career.
All through the hour-long class, I vacillate between being focused on the girls and spiraling internally.
It’s nearly impossible to banish Hayden from my mind.
He looked alive during our little conversation, genuinely engaged and earnest. I didn’t notice a sliver of the pretense I’ve seen so often from him lately.
His proposal to screen my possible dates is ridiculous, but what do I have to lose?
If coming out with us could help get him on the path to healing, then it’s worth being part of his weird social experiment.
If it means him finding happiness again, I can deal with the confusion his presence always causes.
If I’ll get to see his genuine smile again, then why not?
Once I’m done with classes for the day, I join Nastya across the street at our favorite lunch spot, Dana’s Table.
“I just want to confirm I’ve got it right,” Nastya says, her tone full of disbelief. “Hayden wants to go out with us so he can…filter out potentially bad dates?”
I nod, keeping my attention on my salad.
“And you didn’t laugh in his face?”
Finally, I peer up at her. “I actually did. He didn’t care.”
“It doesn’t make any sense.” She shakes her head. “But what makes even less sense is that you look like you’re considering it.”
With a sigh, I set my fork on the plate. “Because I am,” I admit. “He looked so much better today than he did last night. And if coming out with us helps him feel like himself again, I can’t say no, no matter how weird the suggestion is.”
She snorts. “You are so delusional, you know that? Ry, it’s not weird—it’s dangerous.”
My stomach sinks. “Why?”
“Hello? Because you’re into him. If he’s there, no other guy will have a chance.”
As I think through a response, I pat my lips with a napkin.
Then, I take a deep breath and meet her gaze.
“What if you’re wrong? What if it’s exactly what I need in order to let go of my stupid fantasies?
I’ll flirt with other guys, and he won’t care one bit.
It’ll be concrete proof he has no interest in me.
A reminder he’ll never look at me that way. ”
“We have a saying in Russian: klin klinom vyshibayut. Basically, it means ‘fight fire with fire.’ But I don’t think it’ll work the way you think.”
I open my mouth to argue with her, but she raises her hand and goes on.
“I’ll respect whatever decision you make. Only you can decide what’s best for you. If you think it’s a good idea, invite him. I’ll be nice.”
Ridiculously, I break into a grin.
“Let me amend that. I will try to be nice. But no promises.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” Warmth spreads over my skin, filling me with happiness. I’m blessed to have a friend like her, even on days when she’s ready to bite my head off.
When we part ways, I head toward the subway, taking in my surroundings.
The city buzzes around me, the sounds of cars, conversations, and faint music a familiar soundtrack.
The lively atmosphere makes me lift my head higher and keep my back straighter.
Even my steps are faster, more rhythmic, so when I pull out my phone to send a quick text to Hayden, it feels like I’m doing it in slow motion.
Me:
Hi again. Talked to Nastya. You can come Friday. I’ll send you the details later.
I hesitate for a second then type another message.
Me:
The first round of drinks is on you, and if you scare anyone off, I’ll make you do pliés for my socials.
I hit send before I can change my mind, and then I pocket my phone and smile into the sun.