Chapter 34
ride me, baby
HAYDEN
I thought it would be weird to sit at the piano after so long. Instead, my fingers buzz, my heart thrumming to the rhythm of the music I’m playing.
But I can’t get it right. No matter how many times I try, nothing sounds like the melody that came to me in the doctor’s office.
It was loud and clear after we heard the baby’s heartbeat.
I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.
Listening to the staccato beat was an out-of-body experience. The wave of tenderness that washed over me left me in awe. Riley is growing a life inside her belly, a life we created together. I swear, I already love this baby more than anything in the world.
The melody came the moment Dr. Bell turned off the Doppler.
I listened to her instructions, putting up a barrier in my mind so I didn’t miss a thing.
But as soon as we left the clinic, it hit me again.
It’s nothing like the songs I’ve written for Sabotage, but I want to get it right.
This is the first melody since Owen’s death.
The symbolism isn’t lost on me. Owen’s life ended, and I couldn’t write music. I hear my baby’s heartbeat, a sign of new life, and after seven long months, the desire to write returns.
It’s almost like Owen is telling me it’s time to move on.
If it’s true, I hear you, man.
There isn’t a day I don’t miss him, especially now, as we prepare for the album’s release. But over the last few weeks, I’ve felt lighter, more at ease. I no longer want to spend all day hiding beneath the covers, and I’m not tempted to rot on the couch anymore.
All because of Riley.
Her presence, her laughter, her voice—day by day, they’re healing me, stitching me back together.
She gives me purpose, and I’m at my happiest when I’m with her.
And Jesus Christ, do I want her, but I’m scared as shit that I’ll fuck it up.
I don’t want to fall apart with her. I don’t want to lose her.
Just the possibility of hurting her has me keeping my distance.
I shake my head, wishing I could shake the thoughts loose. They’re tainting my mind, and I’m already struggling to remember the melody.
My fingers stumble over the same damn keys, and I curse. Why can’t I get it right?
“Is that the melody you were humming in the park?” Her voice sends goosebumps scattering along my skin.
She stops beside the piano, her hair in a bun on top of her head, a few blue flyaways framing her face.
Her white tee is oversized, and her dark blue shorts make her legs look long and tan.
My skin hums in the way it always does when she’s around.
Heat and desire mix, setting my whole fucking body on fire.
I need to resist it.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Trying to get it down, but…something is off.”
She nods absentmindedly and joins me on the piano bench, her shoulder brushing mine, and suddenly, all my worries feel insignificant.
Thank fuck I’m sitting. Otherwise, my knees would probably give out. My heart is beating so fast, it feels like it’s ready to run, with her as its final destination.
I’m screwed.
“Maybe you just need a little help.” She grins.
I smirk because it’s easier than admitting that my heart is begging me to make a move. “You? Please. You can’t even clap on beat.”
She gasps, her jaw dropping. Then, she slaps my arm. “Rude. I have a very good sense of rhythm, thank you very much.”
I laugh. “Prove it.”
I’m full of shit. She does have a great sense of rhythm, and she also has a beautiful voice, but I love to tease her. And right now, I need a distraction from the inappropriate thoughts pummeling me.
So, I play a ridiculous tune, and she hums along. Before I realize it’s happening, I’m playing the melody I’ve been trying to work out. Her soft voice puts the pieces together for me. I’ve been struggling for over an hour to figure it out, and all this time, the answer was Riley. She’s the key.
I snag my pencil and note sheet, humming the rhythm on repeat. All the while, she watches me. When I’ve got it all down, I put the note sheet back on the music stand and turn to her.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “You made me lose myself in the moment, in the music, and it worked. I finally got it right.”
“Congratulations.” She gives me a shy smile. “I can’t wait to hear it when it’s done.”
“Not sure it’s right for Sabotage, but who knows?”
She’s too close. Her warmth infiltrates my senses, her scent, even her breathing. Riley is an aphrodisiac, and I desperately need to stop myself from giving in.
I clear my throat. “What do you think of Dr. Bell, by the way? Do you like her?”
Her eyebrows pull together, like the change of subject has thrown her off. “She’s nice, very professional. She asked me a gazillion questions, gave me some really good advice.” She shrugs. “I asked her if sex was safe, and she said yes.”
My spine snaps straight. “Why?”
“Why did I ask, or why did she say yes?”
“Why did you ask?”
She shrugs. “Just in case.”
Just in case.
The thought of anyone else touching her makes me see red. I swallow past the bile rising in my throat, ignoring how my blood boils in my veins.
Before I can stop myself, I ask, “So your question didn’t have anything to do with me?”
“No.” A flush creeps up her neck. It’s adorable. “Just…in general.”
Liar. The nervous lilt in her voice and the way she can’t look at me tell me I’m right. She asked because of me.
“God.” I huff, head dropped back. “Why do you make everything harder?”
She shifts away a fraction. “What do you mean?”
“You make it so fucking hard to pretend I’m not into you,” I all but growl.
Her lips part. This close, when she looks at me like that, all the promises I made to myself, all the rules I tried to set, go right out the fucking window.
I cup the back of her neck and pull her in.
Her breath hitches, and I snap. I kiss her deep and fast, like I’m starving and she’s the first meal I’ve had in days.
I slip my tongue inside her mouth, deepening the connection.
She melts into me, her fingers in my hair, tugging in a way that brings the most pleasurable pain.
As she arches against me, I slip my lips down her neck. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I ask against her throat.
“Hayden…”
“Say it.” I snake my hand around her waist and pull her into me.
“I want you,” she breathes.
Her admission unravels me.
I pull her onto my lap, guiding her legs on either side of my hips. She braces herself with a hand on the keys behind her, and the movement makes the piano groan with a dull, off-key thud. The sound hangs in the air as I suck on her neck, but her moan quickly drowns it out.
My mouth is on hers again. Her lips are so soft, I never want to stop kissing her. She glides her hands around my shoulders, down my chest. Everywhere she touches, my skin burns. She rolls her hips, grinding herself over my erection. I’m so fucking hard, I could come on the spot.
“I want to feel you,” I whisper. “I want to feel your greedy little cunt around my dick.”
“You have me…”
With a chuckle, I suck hard on her collarbone, knowing there’ll be evidence of it tomorrow. “Fuck, I love marking you.”
She stands, her ass hitting the keys, that off-key sound ringing in the air again. I pull down her shorts and then her panties. Bottom lip trapped between her teeth, she steps out of them. Her gaze is on my lap as I pull my hard cock out of my sweatpants.
A thought flashes through my mind right as lightning arcs across the sky. I’ve never done it with anyone. Ever. But I desperately want to do it with her.
I place my hands on her ass cheeks, pulling her to me. As we lock eyes, thunder rumbles outside the window, like the city itself is warning me I’m crossing a line I can’t uncross.
But I can’t stop. Not with her.
“Can I fuck you bare?” I whisper. “I’ve never done it before.”
“I’m already pregnant, and we both got tested after that first appointment.” She leans in, her breaths mingling with mine. “I want to feel all of you.”
I grip my shaft as she lowers herself onto me. When I’m seated halfway, she grasps my shoulders. “Your ladder…”
“Shh, baby,” I murmur, pressing my fingers to her clit and rubbing. “You know you can take it.”
Nodding, she takes me deeper. Heavy rain hammers the window, but I barely hear it. Her breathing and her moans take up all the space in my brain.
“Oh my God…” She throws her head back on a moan. “I’m so full…”
“Not yet, baby…” Fingers slick from her arousal, I double my efforts. “Take your shirt off.”
Her T-shirt lands on the floor, and then her tits are right there, practically in my face. They’re fuller now, and her puckered nipples make my mouth water. I dive in and suck one into my mouth. The moan she lets out is pure sin.
“Just a little more, Ry baby…”
Slowly, she takes me all the way to the hilt, panting as she goes, her hair damp and sticking to her forehead.
Nothing has ever felt as good as she does. “Jesus, you feel perfect…”
She rides me deep and slow, rotating her hips in a way that makes me see stars. Her moans tangle with the thunder, with the heavy rain crashing against the window.
“Fuck,” I groan, burying my face in the hollow of her neck. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me. I think about you all the time…”
I cup the back of her neck and pull her face toward mine. Our lips connect, tongues curling around each other. I massage her tits, tugging on her nipples as she picks up her pace. She chases her orgasm, her movements rougher, and given the fire burning in my lower abdomen, I’m not far behind.
Every second carves her into my being, tattoos her deep under my skin.
“Your dick and your ladder… You feel so good.” She digs her nails into my shoulders and drags them down my back, scratching me. It’s fucking everything.
“Ride me, baby,” I whisper between groans. “You’re fucking me so well…”
Head thrown back, she fucks me hard, making my vision blur. Clutching her ass, I help her move. She clings to me, her body slick with sweat, her forehead on mine, her hot breath fanning my face.
“I’m gonna come…” she screams, her hips moving frantically, and the move triggers my own release.
She clenches around me, and my vision goes black. I come hard, spilling myself inside her. Arms wrapped around her waist, I hold her close as she rides out her orgasm.
Hands down, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. If I made a list of the hottest moments of my life, she’d be at the very top. No one has ever fucked me the way she did—and I’ve never fucked anyone like I fucked her.
This is insanity.
Even after we’re dressed, we find ourselves tangled together, this time on the couch, a far more comfortable spot than the bench.
As we catch our breaths, arms wrapped around each other, the storm continues to rage outside like a curious witness.
She’s soft and warm. It feels like letting her go would split me open.
Her eyes glimmer in the dim light of the room, her lips swollen from all the kisses.
I can’t look away.
She’s the most stunning woman in the world…and she wants me. All of me. Not even my broken, ugly parts scare her. And it feels right to be with her, like we belong together.
Her lips part as if she’s going to speak.
Panic flares inside me. I won’t be able to say no to her, and I won’t be able to lie to her either.
So, before she can ask any questions, before she can make any kind of declaration, I say, “I like you, Ry. Hell, that’s not even close.
You get under my skin in ways I didn’t think I was capable of feeling again.
” I drag a hand over my face, eyes on the window.
“But I’m not okay. You know that. You’ve seen more of it than anyone else.
And what scares me isn’t the relationship—it’s me.
I couldn’t save my best friend. I didn’t even see how bad he was until it was too late; that guilt sits in my chest and it doesn’t want to go away.
I don’t trust myself not to…miss something again, to not hurt the people who depend on me. ”
I swallow around the bile clogging my throat, my chest constricting.
“You’re carrying our baby. And the idea of pulling you into the storm that I am?
It’s terrifying. Because if I screw this up…
if I screw you up, I’ll never get back from that.
I’m not saying ‘no’ because I don’t want you.
I do, God, I do. I’m saying it because I’m afraid me wanting you will destroy everything good in your life. ”
Her face falls. “What are we supposed to do then? Pretend this didn’t mean anything? That it was just another last last time?”
My throat closes. “It means…so much.” I try to catch her eyes, but she won’t look at me. “The thought of ruining what we have is unbearable. I can’t lose you.”
She chews on her cheek, her attention on the wall ahead. Then, she takes a deep breath and slowly untangles herself from me. “I think I’ll go to bed.” She stands and heads out of the room, throwing a dull-sounding “night” over her shoulder.
The rain continues pounding against the windows as I sit on the couch, my head in my hands.
Fuck. Why does it feel like I already ruined us?