44. Landry
CHAPTER 44
landry
“I know you’re in there, Landry. Dad told me.”
I groan and roll my eyes at the ceiling instead of answering the knock at my bedroom door.
“I’m coming in,” Loren warns me.
“You don’t want to do that. I’m naked,” I lie. Even though I’m already feeling slightly better, between Tenley’s pep talk and the borderline heart-to-heart exchange with my dad, I still don’t feel like hashing this out with Loren right now.
“Gird your loins, then, because I’m not leaving until you let me in to apologize.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Suit yourself.”
Loren cracks open the door and gropes for the light switch with one hand while covering her eyes with the other. “Is it safe to look?”
I grunt when the bright light makes my head throb, and I’m tempted to hop out of bed and drop my drawers. But I honestly don’t have the energy to moon her right now, even if she does deserve it.
“What do you want, Lo?”
She peeks through her fingers hesitantly, then she comes over to sit at the foot of my bed once she sees the coast is clear. “Hmm … a night nanny, a few Reese’s Christmas trees, and the ability to take back most of the horrible crap I said earlier would all be nice.”
I huff as I move to sit up. “What, you feel guilty now that your husband set the record straight?”
“No,” she pouts. “I felt guilty while I was saying it, too. I was just so angry that I couldn’t stop myself, even though I knew most of it wasn’t true.”
Maybe we’re not as different as I thought.
She pauses and stares at me strangely. “Did you trim your chest hair or something?”
I glare back at her as I scratch my bare chest. “What is wrong with you?”
“A lot,” she replies with a sigh. “It looks nice, by the way. You know, you’re not a bad-looking guy, Landry. You could stand to flaunt your assets a little more.”
“What for? I already have a wife, remember?” I reply dryly.
“Aha! I thought this was a marriage of convenience,” she points out, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Regardless of my reasons for marrying Daisy, I wouldn’t disrespect her by dating around. I’m not that desperate to get laid,” I grumble. That last part’s not quite as true today as it was yesterday, though.
“Then why’d you suddenly start grooming yourself?” she asks accusingly.
I cross my arms while I think of a reply. “Maybe I thought my wife would like it.” I sigh. “Not because I’ve been trying to sleep with her or anything. But maybe I just can’t help doing stuff she’d approve of, all right?”
“Because you accidentally fell for her, even though you didn’t want to?”
Now I’m the one pouting. “Maybe.”
She smiles and reaches out to pat my leg. “La- aan ,” she drawls. “That’s so sweet.”
“No, it’s not,” I retort. “It’s like you said before, I’m too old and mean for her. She’s probably only into me because I’m the first man she’s gotten close to. None of this is right or fair, and?—”
“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said any of that. If you have feelings for Daisy, then you deserve the chance to see that through. You’re both adults. The age difference shouldn’t matter.”
I shake my head. “I might have thought for a second that it was okay, but you did the right thing by reminding me I’m not good enough for her.”
Her shoulders droop, and her eyes water again. “Tell me you don’t really believe that?”
“Of course I do,” I say, my voice thick.
“Is it because of what I said, or did you feel that way before?”
“I’ve never felt good enough for anyone, much less Daisy,” I admit, looking down at my hands.
“Is that why you’re so anti-commitment, because you’re afraid of burdening someone? Because you don’t want anyone to feel like they’re stuck with you once they realize you’re not worth it?”
I swallow hard. No use lying now, since I can’t feel any worse. “Yeah. Mostly.”
She surprises me by scooting closer and sliding her much smaller hand over mine. “I get it, you know. Boy, do I.”
I glance up at her, remembering what Blake had confessed to me before about Loren having trouble with her self-worth. “Is that why you hesitated when he proposed?”
She nods. “The only part of me that didn’t want to be with Blake was the part that was convinced he could never really love me or that he’d get tired of me after a while. I couldn’t risk ending up like Mom.”
“But you’re nothing like her. And Blake obviously loves you and the girls too much for that,” I find myself telling her.
“Yeah, well, pregnancy hormones don’t care about the truth or your feelings. They made me think Blake was only fulfilling an obligation, that it was impossible to believe him when he said he loved me.”
I shake my head. “He wasn’t just taking care of you because he had to. I mean, even I could see he’d do anything for you. When you love someone that much, you can’t help yourself.”
She shrugs and smiles. “I know that now, but it was hard to see it a few months ago. Just like it’s probably hard for you to recognize what you have with Daisy.”
I’m quiet for a while as I think about what she’s saying. “Why do you care so much about what happens between Daisy and me?” I ask again.
“Because I love you,” she chokes out, her eyes watering again, “despite the way I’ve done such a shitty job of showing it.”
“Because I’m your brother, and you have to love me,” I correct her. “And you want to make sure I’m just content enough to stay out of your way.”
“No,” she says and reaches out to squeeze my hand this time. “I love our parents because I have to. I love Lilley because she’s my big sister, and she’s fun. But you, Landry, I love you because of who you are—one of the most loyal, selfless, and caring humans I’ve ever known. You were my very first friend, my ally, and the one person I could always depend on, no matter what. But regardless of the fact that you’re my brother, you deserve to feel loved and appreciated, completely apart from everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ve overcome to become the man you are today.”
I blink away the moisture in my eyes. “Even if I’m still an ass most of the time?” I venture after a while.
“No buts , remember?” she says, laughing and bringing her free hand up to swipe at her cheeks. “Although, it has been brought to my attention that I may have antagonized you a time or two, and therefore I might have caused you to develop or even sharpen your brute disposition over the years …”
“I wonder who was brave enough to raise that point,” I reply, unable to stop myself from smiling.
“I suppose both of our spouses have had to learn that we Reeds have a tendency to get short-tempered when we’re anxious, especially when it comes to our parental responsibilities,” she quips.
I sniffle and wipe my own nose. “Parental responsibilities?”
She sighs. “I’m sorry I was too stupid to say this before … but thank you for taking care of me all this time. I think I’ve been so wrapped up in my own grief that I never stopped to consider yours. You never got the chance to be sad or angry about us having to raise ourselves; you just did what needed to be done, despite not getting the love, recognition, and acceptance you deserved, especially from Mom, Dad, and me.”
My brow furrows. “I didn’t do any of that because I wanted you to think you owed me anything. I was only trying to protect you and spare you from the way they made me feel.” I pause and exhale before I continue. “And maybe a small part of me thought I could make them proud, you know? Maybe if I kept Mom under control and made sure you were safe and had everything you needed, then Dad would say I was doing a good job at something … for once.”
She reaches up to cover her mouth, and I shake my head again
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to?—”
“No, Landry,” she says through her tears. “To hell with Mom and Dad. I mean, sure, they could have been worse, but the nicest thing they’ve done is teach us exactly what not to do as parents. I’m sure I’ve already started making plenty of my own mistakes, but I’ll be damned if I let my kids grow up feeling this way.” She exhales and dries her face before she continues. “Okay, maybe not to hell with them, but …”
I huff out a laugh and sniff. “Like you said, we still have to love them, right?”
“Look, I’m no therapist, and I totally recommend getting one, by the way, but I think you need to hear this. Letting go of my expectations for our parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’d held on to this ideal for so long, and I thought it was enough to forgive them for making me feel like I wasn’t worthy of their attention. But I couldn’t learn to love myself until I made the conscious decision to love them for who they are, too. It’s like … I had to mourn the mother I thought I should’ve had and accept the one I did have for who she is and what she’s actually capable of. It wasn’t fair of me to keep resenting Mom for falling short, especially once I realized she really was trying, in her own way. And we’ll probably never have the mother-daughter relationship I wanted, but I’m grateful for what we do have now.”
Her words sound so wise that I have to open and close my mouth a few times before I can form a response. “I guess I could be doing that, too, but with Dad.”
“Maybe we’re all doing that with one another?” she offers.
“Yeah. Maybe.” I look down at our joined hands. “I’m proud of you, though. You’re much better at adulting than I’ve given you credit for, and you’re already an amazing mom.”
“It took a lot of help, some of it professional, but I think I’m getting there. And you,” she reaches up to poke my shoulder, “are going to be an incredible father one day, in spite of all this, all right?”
“I’m never going to be a father,” I tell her with a rueful smile. “I can’t even stop myself from trying to break up your marriage, much less be bothered to attempt one myself. Well, a real marriage, anyway.”
“You could never break up my marriage,” she declares with a laugh. “And it’s not your fault that Blake and I ended up taking the long road, either. In fact, you’re not going to like this, but one of my biggest weaknesses has always been hearing Blake say, ‘I’m not afraid of Landry Reed,’ in his husky, bedroom voice.” She lowers her tone and bounces her eyebrows suggestively, and I grimace as I scoot farther away from her.
“Why do you always have to go and make it so much weirder than it needs to be?”
“Because I’m a weirdo, and it’s fun making you squirm,” she replies with a grin, and I roll my eyes. “You didn’t seriously think what happened back there could cause an actual rift between Blake and me, did you?”
I shrug, embarrassed. “Well, yeah. You seemed pretty upset with all of us.”
“Pssht.” She waves off my trepidation. “I’m a brat, remember? That’s why I married a man who isn’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit.”
“So, you’re not fighting anymore?”
“Technically, I’m still pretending to be mad, but that’s only so he’ll suck up to me later,” she says matter-of-factly. Then she cups her mouth and whispers, “Also, I made Tenley check my chart before I left, and we’re not in the clear for makeup sex for another day or two. So I may have to drag this out a little longer if I don’t want to end up pregnant again.”
I cringe. “Would you stop doing that?”
“Nope.” She smiles again. “Not until you admit how badly you wanna do all that mushy, lovey-dovey, spicy stuff with Daisy.”
I groan. “I’ve had enough talking about our love lives for one night, especially while I’m still sitting here in my underwear.”
“Ew.” She scrunches up her nose and wiggles back to the foot of the bed. “You didn’t tell me you weren’t wearing pants. And I held your hand and everything.”
“Actually, I told you I was naked, and you came in anyway,” I retort dryly.
“Because I assumed you were lying,” she mutters before she glances back at me. “At least tell me you’ll consider doing all the mushy, lovey-dovey, spicy stuff with Daisy?”
I exhale loudly, unable to hide my smile now. “Maybe. If I haven’t pushed her away yet.”
She stares expectantly. “You do realize she’s been into you this whole time, right?”
“Even though my chest hair was overgrown?” I pose, reaching up to scratch again.
She scoffs. “You could probably shave a heart between your pecs, and she’d think it was adorable.”
“She probably would,” I agree with a laugh.
“Daisy’s pretty adorable, too, though,” Loren adds, nudging my leg again.
“Yeah, she is.” I don’t even bother disguising the fondness in my voice.
“She’s also hot. I mean, I don’t blame you for marrying her.” Loren purses her lips.
I stifle a smirk. “You know me, I can’t resist a damsel in distress.”
“Especially when she’s marriage-of-convenience-turned-real-thing material.”
“Eh, I’m not sure I’m even into that sort of thing,” I muse, and her face breaks into a wide grin.
“Oooh, you want to kiss her, love her, and mar-rry her …” she sings and mimics Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality .
I shrug. “Maybe. And maybe I’ve already done all those things.”
Loren squeals, and I shush her, not wanting her to wake our dad. “Landry, do you really love her?” she whispers.
“If I do, I’m certainly not going to admit it to you before I get the chance to tell her .”
She only coos and bats her eyelashes at me. “Come on, promise me you’ll declare your undying love for Daisy and ask her to marry you for real and make babies and grow old together? Please? It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you, I swear!” I force a scowl at her, but she adds pleading hands. “Marriage of convenience is my favorite romance trope! You have to live happily ever after now.” I grunt, and she continues, “Do it for me. Do it for your nieces, so they’ll grow up believing in true love and all that.”
“Can’t they just look at their parents and godparents for that?” I offer, smiling.
“Then do it for yourself, because you deserve your own little family.” My chest tightens again when she says it. “Please, Lando?”
“Go home, Lo-Lo,” I reply mockingly before shoving her off my bed with my feet. “Shouldn’t you be off tending to your husband and your kids?”
She clicks her tongue as she stumbles and rises to her feet. “Fine. But Blake’s probably waiting for me with a sexy apology and that bag of Reese’s trees. So if I get knocked up, I’m blaming you.”
I shake my head, instinctively readying myself for a lecture about spacing her pregnancies, especially after such a traumatic delivery. But I hear Daisy’s voice in the back of my head telling me that Loren’s an adult and that she and Blake know better. And that being a medical professional doesn’t give me the right to boss my sister around.
Loving and supportive …
“Yeah, yeah. Text me when you get home safely,” I say to her instead.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she retorts, sticking out her tongue.
I smile and take a fortifying breath. “Thank you, Lo. For this. It means more to me than you think.”
Her expression softens. “I needed this, too,” she says with a shy shrug. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Merry Christmas. Oh, and don’t forget to text your wife and tell her you love her as well.”
“Merry Christmas. And don’t tell me what to do,” I say, holding up my middle finger.
She grins and flips me off in return before slipping out the door, and I pick up my phone as soon as she’s gone.
Landry
Hi. I’m sorry about earlier. I figured you knew by now, but I’m staying at my dad’s place for the night.
Daisy
I’m just glad to hear you’re safe.
How are you feeling?
Landry
Cold. Lonely.
Missing you.
How are you?
Daisy
Same.
Landry
I’ll be back in the morning, I promise.
Daisy
You gosh darn well better be.
Landry
Daisy Colette LaFleur … I’m gonna need you to watch your language, young lady.
Daisy
Why don’t you get over here and make me?
I gulp and shake my head as I stare down at the phone, my heart racing and my stomach burning with desire. Then I toss the blankets aside and allow my feet to hit the ground before I think better of it.
“Dammit, Landry,” I mutter to myself before I take a few calming breaths and swing my legs back into the bed.
Landry
We’ll talk in the morning, Blondie. Have my coffee ready early.
Daisy
I told you I’d make you a morning person.
Landry
Double check the locks before you go to bed.
Daisy
What’s the point when the Big Bad Wolf has a key?
I tap my fist against the headboard behind me and whimper. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way before. Whatever it is that Daisy’s been using to get me to do her bidding is even more potent when she uses it to flirt. It’s torturous, wanting her this way and having her so close and easily coaxed into satisfying that yearning, yet knowing it’s not the right thing to do. And it’s only been a couple of days.
Daisy
Landry?
Are you driving home yet?
What if I told you my dress was caught in my hair again? Would you come to my rescue and help me out of it?
I growl and toss the phone down. How am I going to survive going back home after this? I’m not a particularly lustful man, but I am human—a very impulsive one, at that. I’ve done everything in my power to resist my attraction to Daisy, and it’s only grown stronger with time. There’s only so much I can take of my hot-to-go wife practically begging me to consummate our marriage before I’m bound to break, especially since I’ve never actually managed to resist giving her anything she’s asked me for before. And this is something I’d really like to give her.
Thalassemia, giardiasis, cryptosporidiosis, strongyloidiasis, toxocariasis … I take a deep breath before I work up the courage to text her back.
Landry
Sorry, wifey. I think it’s best if I stay here tonight.
Daisy
But it’s Christmas …
Landry
I know. But I need a few more hours to clear my head, okay?
Do me a favor and push your dresser over to block your bedroom door.
Daisy
Fine. Merry Christmas, hubby. See you in the morning.
I’ll try to untangle my dress before then.
Landry
*heart react*
I’m grinning to myself and reveling in that warm, fuzzy state that only Daisy’s attention puts me in when it hits me—this is why people get married. Why wouldn’t I want to feel like this for the rest of my life, especially now that I’ve learned there’s less risk involved? After all, didn’t Loren and Tenley both just teach me that a little humility and a good apology go a long way and that I actually deserve to experience this degree of love and acceptance?
I stand up and begin pacing my old bedroom while running my fingers through my hair. I need Daisy more than she needs me, and I’ve got to figure out how to make her my wife for real, even if that means swallowing my pride and admitting that I actually want all the things I’ve been fighting against for most of my life. I already know I’m in love with her. Hell, I’d figured that out as soon as I’d allowed myself to think about her romantically. And while I haven’t been able to admit it out loud yet, I’m pretty sure she understands how I feel, since she can practically read my mind at this point.
Daisy was right about us all along. She’s my person. I can’t imagine having to spend another day without her, and I have to make sure she knows that.
I’ve got to tell her right now—I can’t afford to waste another second.
She needs to know that I’m crazy in love with her, that I’m willing to do anything to turn this into a real marriage, that I want to dote on her and take care of her forever, and maybe even make a couple of babies together.
I’m about to reach for my pants when I force myself to stop and think this through. If I were to go home right now and declare all this to Daisy, there’s a pretty good chance we’d end up making that last part happen sooner than later. And maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, except we’d want to check in with her neurologist beforehand to make sure pregnancy and delivery would be safe for both her and our potential children. I also want to make sure Daisy’s ready before I allow us to take that risk.
Instead of acting on my impulses and intrusive thoughts, I’ve managed to pause and fully consider the long-term consequences, both good and bad. And I obviously need to get my dumbass back into bed before I screw this up.
I pick up my phone one more time.
Landry
Hey, man. Can I ask you a question?
Rowan
You just did.
Landry
Is already being legally married grounds for fast-tracking a church wedding?
Rowan
I’m honestly not sure, but I’ll take this as a good sign as far as my sister’s virtue is concerned.
Landry
Don’t you have a priest on speed dial or something?
Rowan
It’s Christmas, Landry. I’d rather save my favors for a real emergency.
Landry
This could be considered an emergency.
My phone rings, and I laugh to myself before I answer the call. “Where are you?” Rowan demands.
“I’m at my old man’s house for the night. It’s a long story. Daisy’s at our place.”
“All right,” he says with a sigh. “You—stay put. I’ll get an answer by tomorrow.”
I smirk harder. “You’re my second-to-favorite LaFleur, you know.”
He grunts. “Yeah. And you’re my second-to-favorite Reed.”
“Hey,” I protest. “How did I end up ranking below Loren after the way she screwed you over?”
“Oh no, your sister is third on the list. I was talking about your mom,” he replies, obviously pleased with himself, and I can’t help but laugh.