45. Daisy
CHAPTER 45
daisy
I stretch and smile to myself before I roll out of bed, giddy with the prospect of seeing my husband again. I go into the bathroom to freshen up before practically skipping to the kitchen to get the coffee started, but I stop abruptly when I find him already standing at the coffee maker.
Landry runs his fingers through his hair and shoots me a shy smile before he steps forward to place a kiss on my cheek, and my face instantly heats up.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he murmurs as he backs away.
“Morning. You’re here early.”
“I didn’t really get a lot of sleep last night. I guess I was looking forward to that coffee you promised me.”
“Uh-huh.” I smirk and step around him to get the coffee brewing, then I turn to the stove and busy myself with the frying pan next. “Eggs?”
“Yeah, sure, thanks,” he says, automatically grabbing the carton from the fridge and setting it down beside me before he leans back against the counter.
“So why couldn’t you sleep last night?” I pose as I crack an egg. “Loren told me you guys talked everything out, and you sounded okay in your texts.”
“Talking to my sister got me thinking … about you, about us. And I felt like I needed to see you right away and tell you about it, even though it seems kind of stupid now,” he rambles nervously.
“No, no,” I reassure him. “I’m glad you’re here. I really did miss you, even if it was only for one night, and I want to hear what’s on your mind.”
He shakes his head, then he smiles adorably. “There’s a lot on my mind this time. It was a long night without you.”
I bite my lip and take a step closer, reaching out to brush my fingertips over his shirt. “Well, then, maybe we shouldn’t spend the night apart again.”
His confidence grows in front of me, and he pulls me in for a short kiss before backing away just enough to graze his nose over mine. Then he goes in to kiss me again, as if he’d planned to stop but couldn’t resist coming back for more.
“Daisy,” he begins once he finally comes up for air, “I’m moving out.”
“What?”
He gazes at me and slides his hands up to cup my cheeks. “I can’t live with you anymore,” he says softly. “Because I’m in love with you.”
The joy I feel after hearing him say that is only slightly overshadowed by the part about him leaving me. “I love you, too,” I manage, “but I don’t understand.”
“Last night brought up some big feelings for me, both good and bad. And as much as it sucked in the moment, I think I was able to resolve some of the stuff with my family that’s been holding me back all this time. I know it probably seems like I’ve been avoiding commitment because I’m afraid of getting hurt, but the truth is that I never trusted myself not to screw it all up. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting someone I loved the same way I seem to hurt my friends and family all the time, so I convinced myself that it was all too reckless.”
“I’m sorry you felt that way for so long. And I’m glad you worked through a lot of it,” I say, furrowing my brow. “But the only way you can hurt me now is by pulling away from me.”
He shakes his head. “I know that. And even though screwing up is inevitable, I also learned about this thing called an apology, which makes relationships seem a little less risky.” I laugh softly before he goes on. “Then I thought if there was ever someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life apologizing to, someone I’d give my last breath to make sure she was happy, it’s you. Because I love you, Daisy. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel so safe and loved, like I can be myself. And I can’t stand being apart from you, either.” He pauses and gulps before he continues. “I’m pretty sure that means I want to make you my wife for real, because I’ve finally figured out what I need to be happy, and it all comes back to you.”
“Wow,” I spit out breathlessly. “I … I don’t know what to say.”
He smirks. “That’s a first, right?”
I nod. “Mm-hmm.”
“That’s okay. I know something else we can do for a while until you find your voice again.”
This time he slides his right hand up to cup my jaw as he grasps my hip with the left and urges me closer to him. His fingertips curl around and dig into the fabric of my dress as he leans in to kiss me. He surprises me by pushing his tongue into my mouth immediately and pressing his body against mine, warming me from the inside out. It’s slow and tender but heated and hungry at the same time. My arms drape around his neck, and he moves his right hand down to my backside so that he’s almost lifting me.
“This is why,” he says in between kisses, “I’m moving out, just for now.”
“Hmm?” I squeak. I’d all but forgotten that point.
His mouth travels down to my neck as he continues. “I want to be your real husband. I want to give you all the things a husband gives his wife, and I want us to start right now.”
“You do?” I ask breathlessly.
“Very, very badly,” he growls, his beard scraping my skin. “So much so that I’m willing to do anything for it, even if it means amending our wedding vows.”
“Is that so?” I manage to croak out.
“Yes. But I imagine we’d need to make it official, in church this time, with all our friends and family there to witness our first consecrated make out session.”
I tilt my head back as he nips at my shoulder. “Let me guess … you’re afraid I’m going to let you start collecting on that marital debt now, and you think moving out is going to minimize the opportunity for that to happen?”
“That’s part of it, yes. But I also need to prove to you that I’ve really changed my mind about marriage and that I’m not just conceding for the extracurriculars.” He pulls away and smiles as he runs a fingertip down my arm, making me shiver.
I press my lips together, stifling a grin. “You’re so smushy,” I accidentally say.
“I’m what?” He studies me carefully.
“Smushy,” I repeat, my cheeks darkening. “Sexy and mushy at the same time.”
He chuckles. “I take it that’s a good thing?”
“The best,” I whisper.
“Is that what you want when I propose, then?” His eyes search mine, and although he’s trying to sound lighthearted, I can tell he’s looking for my reassurance.
“ When you propose?”
His mouth turns up in a wry smile. “Well, yeah. You didn’t think I’d tell you all this if I didn’t mean to follow through, right? Or try and cheat you out of the full experience?”
My breath catches in my throat, and it takes me a couple of tries to speak. “You don’t have to go through any of that. I love you, and I want a real wedding as soon as you’re ready.”
“You deserve smushy,” he replies, running his thumb over my cheek now. I realize after a second that he’s tracing my freckles. “If we do this, if you marry me for real, I have to make sure you won’t have any regrets. And you can’t know that unless we actually date first.”
“Date?”
He nods. “Yes. It’s the only way to?—”
“Landry, we’ve been living together for months . I can’t imagine there’s anything left to learn about one another, and certainly nothing that could change how I feel about you.”
“But you’re not exactly getting a choice this way. I don’t want you to think back on this later and realize you stayed with me by default because I’m all you’ve ever known.”
“You’re all I want to know,” I breathe.
“Because you never got to live on your own, and I don’t want to take that away from you, either.”
I laugh incredulously. “I don’t want to live alone. I want you .”
“Please,” he begs. “Let me do this right.”
“Hey, if you need more time, just say so,” I tell him. “Full transparency.”
He shakes his head and offers me a sad smile. “I want you to have more time. I need to know you’d choose me again, even if I hadn’t helped you.”
“Moving out isn’t going to change anything, because there’s no part of you that could resist helping someone in need. And no part of me could resist falling for a man as selfless as you, one who finds so much joy in helping others.” He blinks down at me, his eyes watering. “But if you feel like this is something you need to do to keep us from falling into sin together, then you should do it. You should also know that it’s going to backfire on you, because it’s only making me fall deeper in love with you and want you that much more.”
His brows draw together, and his throat bobs. “You know, everyone wants to blame the Big Bad Wolf. But I don’t think Little Red was all that stupid. She had to have known he was a wolf, right? I mean, wasn’t she just messing with him?”
I bite my lip and slide my hand up his chest. “Maybe they were both misunderstood. Maybe she had a thing for wolves.”
“Yeah. Maybe the wolf should have been climbing towers instead,” he adds with a smile, running his hand over my hair.