Chapter 13 #2
Beyond the opening was a cavern. Massive. Ancient. Untouched. No one else knew it existed, and I made sure it stayed that way.
When I arrived there, I hunted and gathered while I still could, forcing myself to keep moving even when my body began to betray me. I knew what was coming. I knew that near the end I would become too weak to hunt, to gather, and perhaps to even stand.
Just like the ones before it, the next rising began. He decided to come early. I had just bent down to lift a water barrel I had carved from one of the old timbers when I felt the warmth of his life sack release.
For one heartbeat, I froze. Then instinct took over.
I didn’t panic, I couldn’t afford to. There was no one to depend on but myself.
I knew there was time, and I had prepared for this moment every rotation since I realized he was growing inside me.
I went through every preparation I had made, forcing myself to breathe through the fear and the pain. Then everything became a blur.
Pain.
Darkness.
Time.
Until suddenly, there was a cry.
His cry.
My senses slowly returned, and when I opened my eyes, slightly dazed and a little confused, somehow, he was in my arms.
My son.
My beautiful son. I remember staring at him and thinking that surely no creature had ever been given anything more precious.
I wanted to carry him back and show him off to everyone, shout his existence to the entire world. Show them how perfect he was and let them know that I had brought him into this world. But I could not! Because if I did, I would lose everything.
My career.
My place and a stable home.
Possibly even my son.
So, I lied … Again.
The avalanche that had torn through Cordilleran Summit and several of the lower valleys had happened only a few rotations before I returned to one of the gatherings.
I used it as my excuse. I told them I had heard crying while making my way through the devastation and that I had found the youngling among the ruins.
His mother was dead.
There was no one else. No one questioned me. No one looked close enough to see the truth.
DaR knew. Of course, he knew. And in secret, he made sure I had all the credits ever needed for the youngling and myself.
But he respected my choice because he knew how my race felt about outsiders and how strict they were about their customs. He asked only that I send him reports on his growth and regular holovids so he could watch him grow from a distance.
But he also warned me that he would intervene if he at any time he thought he was in danger.
And so, the rotations passed. I watched my son grow, held him when he cried, laughed when he discovered something new, kissed his brow when he slept, and memorized every inch of him because some part of me always feared the rising someone would take him away.
Orbital rotations passed with nothing but love.
Then the males began asking about his training, and I refused every one of them, time and again.
I did not want their ways pushed onto my son.
I wanted him to form his own ideas and break away from the nonsense that had ruled my race all this time.
Although I knew I could not protect him forever, surrendering him was still too difficult.
Eventually, I had to reach out to DaR and tell him what was happening.
And he came for his son. My son … HaL.
He announced that HaL was his son and that he would respect his mother’s privacy. No one questioned him, after all, it was Commander DaR, so what he said was practically law. But the moment DaR lifted HaL into his arms, everything changed.
HaL changed.
There was no denying it then. The resemblance was unmistakable, not to mention the runes that marked his body.
He was the Commander’s son. From that moment forward, everyone knew who his father was, but only one other person knew of me.
His mother’s identity remained hidden—not only from the others, but still from my own son.
He had always called me Dam because I raised him so no one thought anything of it. But when DaR finally took him away to train with his brothers, something inside me shattered. I sank into an abyss of darkness I was not sure I would ever climb out of. For a tic, I almost followed him.
Almost.
Then HaL began contacting me. He would tell me about his adventures, his brothers, his training. He would laugh and tell me stories, sometimes so excited that he would talk over himself.
And I listened to everything he said, absorbing his words into my very soul.
Because hearing his voice was enough to keep me alive.
I watched from a distance as the little boy I had once held against my chest became a strong male.
A good male. The kind of male I had always prayed he would become.
You have no idea how many times I listened to HaL talk about the cavern he fell into and wanted to tell him I knew, but because I was a coward, I simply listened.
Reliving each place he described and the memories they held for me.
I was so proud of him that sometimes it hurt to breathe.
Eventually, I learned to accept his place in this world and mine beside him. I have never regretted the decision I made. Not once! Not even when I had to watch my son leave me. Not even when I knew I could never tell him the truth.
Because my secrets gave him a life.
A name.
A future.
And if I had to lose everything to give him those things, then I would make the same choice all over again, even now, knowing what I do.
I also know that if my true mate is still out there somewhere, he would never accept me. Because a male knows. He always knows when his mate is not pure, and mine would know the moment he took me.”
Tears flow freely down her weathered cheeks, and my heart hurts for them both as the love is apparent in the way they look at each other, but I wonder if HaL feels betrayed, as I’m not sure how I would feel in his place.
“Why Now?” HaL’s voice is soft, but you can feel the emotions behind it.
“Because of Dawn and the trials you will be facing from the ones who will never accept her. You both deserve to know that what you have is real. You can have the family, the career, and everything else your heart desires because the Lord of Light has blessed you with a bond few get. Do not allow the poison of others to destroy your bond. Anything you want badly enough is always a possibility.”
HaL doesn’t say anything, he simply gets up, his huge frame vibrating with all the emotions he’s trying to keep contained.
His large hand lands lightly on my shoulder, squeezing gently before he reaches over and reverently kisses Troza on top of her head.
Then he calmly walks out of the room, taking all the air with him on his way.
The moment the door slides closed, Troza collapses onto the stool where he had been sitting, and I turn toward her, not sure if there is anything I can say to help.
Her sobs tug at my heart, and I gently lean toward her, pulling her much larger frame into my smaller arms, noticing that the cast she had on me is gone and somehow, in the middle of all this, I didn’t notice her removing it.
Troza leans against me lightly as I gently rub her back, completely clueless about what to say.
“I should have told him … so many times I wanted to, but I was a coward.”
“No, you were a scared mother and I am not sure I would have done anything differently in your place. I just hate that because of HaL you never got a guy of your own. These men need a damn reality check around here.”
“Maybe your generation will be the ones to break the binds holding so many back. I have prayed and still pray to the Lord of Light that HaL can and will forgive me.”
“I think he already did when he kissed you on the head, but he just needs a minute to process all this. Wouldn’t you in his place?”
“Yes, I would, but I am just not sure how to proceed now. I am so thankful he has you, Dawn. It does my heart good to know he will feel the love of a true mate. I often worried when the others started gathering here and he was never drawn to anyone, if I had doomed him to a life alone? That my sin had somehow marked him, but the moment he rushed you into that medical center, my heart sped up because I too knew what his father’s runes meant.
I also knew my secret was coming to an end.
I just wonder if HaL will feel obligated to tell the others now. ”
“Well, I’m sure he would never be ashamed of you, but if he already calls you mother in front of everyone, why change a good thing?”
After a bit, Troza sits up and wipes her eyes, only to tilt her head and laugh as her eyes roam over me. “Lord youngling, he has left you with quite the mess. Turn around and let us see if these old fingers can still function enough to get you presentable.”
I turn back around while she quickly works her way through the rest of my hair. My mind replays everything she’s just said, and I wonder how HaL is going to handle this.