Chapter 14
HAL
I find myself outside our rooms, simply standing on the other side of the doorway.
Knowing my beast will not let me linger far from Dawn, I walk through the side entrance, instantly changing when the frigid air from outside hits me.
Since I can still see Dawn and Troza through the viewer, my beast is not fighting me.
I notice Dawn is comforting Troza, and for a moment I almost turn back. My beast is not happy that the females in our care are upset. Even though I am hurt and overwhelmed by the whys of what Troza/Dam did, I think I always knew deep down who she really was, but I never let my mind dwell on it.
I never felt unloved or unwanted … she doted on me to the point that some of the other younglings would tease me from time to time. She never failed to show affection or cheer me on when I needed her support.
Yes, I missed her as much as she did me when I went with Father to train, but SCOUT noticed and found a way for us to talk every rotation.
She was and always has been my mother. I never once considered her less than because of blood.
So why is this bothering me now? Is it her story, the sacrifice she made to be my mother, or the way she knew how we would be treated by our kind?
I wonder how many others secretly yearn for the same but know the consequences if they follow through.
Being a male, things like this have seldom ever crossed my mind, but now that I have Dawn, how many others would seek out another simply not to be alone? Change is never easy, but now I wonder if this needs addressing.
The winds have grown stronger this past rising, and I can see the frost is near, as the summits are now covered.
I turn back toward the viewer, watching Troza finish the job I started with Dawn’s hair.
I can already see a bond forming between the two of them, and it does my heart good to know they will have each other if I am not around.
I stay out here longer than I need to, but currently, I do not want to discuss this with Troza any further. A light, but deep growl reaches my ears, and just before I can turn, a thousand-pound ice bear is sitting squarely on my chest.
“Qanuk, get off me you big lump!”
She growls playfully before lowering her head and nuzzling against mine. I laugh and shove at her until she finally rolls off, leaving me grunting as I sit up.
“My, you have thickened up this past rising. Where have you been hiding?”
She roots around my hand, grunting as though I should somehow understand every sound. I reach up and ruffle the thick scruff around her neck. In retaliation, she gently catches my arm between her teeth and rolls, taking me with her as we tumble through the snow.
It is a game we used to play when she was little.
“If the others could see you right now, you would never live it down.”
A flash of red catches Qanuk’s attention.
I glance toward the compound and see Dawn sitting on the edge of one of the viewers in her room, watching us. I lift my hand and wave. She returns it with a huge smile before pointing toward Qanuk beside me.
Of course, Qanuk must investigate.
She bounds toward the wall, sending snow flying in every direction. Before I can stop her, her massive paws land against the viewer. Dawn jerks backward, startled.
Qanuk looks through the clear panel at her.
Then she looks back at me. Then at Dawn again.
She seems completely confused as to why there is a strange female on the other side of the wall who will not play with her.
I grab Qanuk around her fat neck, pulling her away from the viewer, not entirely certain how much punishment the clear panels can take from a thousand-pound ice bear.
Dawn slowly makes her way back toward us and presses her hand against the other side. Qanuk immediately leans forward and licks the panel where Dawn’s hand rests. I cannot help laughing. A moment later, Qanuk turns around and pounces on me again.
I lose track of how many times we wrestle in the snow. She rolls me over, I shove her away, and she comes barreling back. By the time she finally tires of the game, my fur is soaked and full of snow, and I am laughing so hard my sides ache.
Qanuk gives me one last lick along the jaw, then as suddenly as she appeared, she disappears into the snow. Her massive white form blends effortlessly into the harsh landscape until there is nothing left to see.
I sit here for a long moment, staring after her. I had not realized how much I needed this. Dawn has been watching the entire time. Even though I am not ready to face Troza yet, eventually I make my way back inside.
I shake the snow from my fur as I step into the hall separating the outside from our main rooms. Just as I reach my door, an idea occurs to me. When I finally place my hand on the sensor, I find Dawn standing on her side of the membrane, looking at me with obvious concern.
“You were playing with a polar bear.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Do you know how dangerous those things are?”
“Qanuk is an ice Gojira.”
“Having a fancy name for the bear doesn’t make me feel any better or safer. I about had a heart attack when she pounced on you out there.”
I chuckle. “I know better than some that they are dangerous, but Qanuk is different. We have been playing together since she was little.”
Dawn’s expression softens, but she still looks unconvinced.
“I was out hunting with Oset when I found her trapped beneath a fallen timber. It took both of us to get it off her. Oset thought I was crazy for getting anywhere near her, but we managed to free her.”
“You just walked up to an injured ice Gojira?”
“She was a cub.”
Dawn gives me a look.
“Still.”
“Still,” I agree with a grin.
“Oset was ready to fight her once we got the timber off, but I just knelt down and she came right to me, completely trusting.” The memory makes me shake my head.
“I put salve on her leg, and she disappeared into the snow. I never expected to see her again. Then that night, I woke in the darkness only to find her sleeping right beside me.”
Dawn’s eyes widen.
“She stayed with us for the rest of the trip. When I returned to mine and Troza’s cave, she slept outside for a few risings, but I could tell she was getting restless.
I remember feeding her early one rising and just as I was about to head back inside, she reached out with that enormous paw of hers and pulled me toward her. ”
Dawn laughs softly. “Like she was giving you a hug?”
“Exactly.”
I look back toward the viewer and the snow beyond it.
“Since then, she still finds me every so often. I never know when she’ll appear, and I can go a long time without seeing her. But whenever she does show, she always remembers me.”
For a moment, neither of us say anything.
I can still feel the warmth of Qanuk’s fur, hear her playful growl, and remember the weight of that enormous paw pulling me into her. Dangerous or not, she has never once made me afraid of her. She only ever reminds me that even in a world as harsh as ours, some bonds do not need words to survive.
I shake vigorously, trying to get the rest of the snow out of my fur, and Dawn laughs.
“You look like a big puppy just after a bath. Are you not even a little cold after being out there that long? I was beginning to worry since the snow just kept getting deeper.”
“Do you dislike it?”
“What, the snow? No, not at all. I love how clean and unique it is … after all, no two flakes are the same.”
“Are you up for a change of scenery?”
“I am, but you are not playing well with others right now, and I’m too sore to fight any other girls if they come sniffing around ya.”
“Where I am going, you can keep your claws in, little Roja. Grab your jacket and come here. I am not going to change forms yet.”