Chapter 16
LILY
The worst part isn’t what Colt said. It’s that I let myself believe this was real before he actually said it wasn’t.
I let myself believe he meant every word, every kiss, every touch.
The way we spoke about the same trauma, except that mine was steps behind me, and his was coming up. I thought I’d help him see how life can still move on.
I let myself believe that in the middle of all his storm, this grump of a guy still chose me.
Turns out, he just borrowed me.
So I do what I’ve always done when something hurts. I work. I’m calm, cool, and professional, and I bury my heart where he can’t touch it.
I walked away from him, left him standing there, and didn’t look back.
It’s now one in the afternoon, and I’ve had more than my share of a full day.
But I keep going. I have more sponsor calls lined up, vendor follow-ups, and, of course, the upcoming rodeo we’ve been planning to draw in a fresh crowd.
Staying busy is my safe place. Busy won’t let me cry, ache, or dwell on what-ifs. Busy definitely doesn’t let me remember how he felt inside me.
I’ve called a meeting to go over the lineup for this upcoming rodeo, and the Callahan family filters in like they always do. Will first, quiet and watchful. Maria next, bright and sharp-eyed. Levi after them, sauntering in like he owns all the oxygen.
And then Colt.
He pauses in the doorway when he sees me. I don’t know what he expected, but he should know better than to think I would have left or that he would find me crying. Nope, I won’t do it. I’m here to work, and if he thinks my time here is just temporary, then I have work to do before I leave.
“Good afternoon, everyone,” I say, voice neutral.
“Hi, and how are yous” follow then there’s a moment of silence before Colt answers, rougher than necessary. “Hey.”
Okay, we’re both adults. Considering last week, he was unable to keep his hands off of me, and his mother caught us twice making out in the tack room, this “hey” is a sign of things falling apart.
Levi drops into a chair, watching my every move. “So,” he says lightly, “anyone here feel like committing emotional crimes today?”
“Not funny,” I say without looking up.
His chair squeaks as he shifts. “Yeah…” he mutters. “Okay.”
Maria comes to stand beside my desk and gently sets a hand on my shoulder.
“You okay, honey?” she asks quietly.
I organize my papers and say, “I’m fine.”
She hums like she doesn’t believe me, because she’s a mother and could find a lie in a locked safe.
“Alright,” she says softly. “If you need anything…”
I nod once. “Thank you.”
Colt moves around the room like a man trying not to touch a live wire and settles for leaning against the back table. He looks down at his boots and takes his hat off, laying it on the table behind him, crossing his arms, and placing that scowl on his face.
So predictable.
“Okay, I wanted you all here as we make this call. This is one of the biggest sponsors Hearts RoundUp could get for this upcoming rodeo, and I want us all on the same page.” I clear my throat.
“Please only contribute if you have something worthwhile to say.” At that, the phone starts to ring, and I place him on speaker.
“Morning, Mr. Dillard. Thank you for your time. I’m Lily Mercer, the new operations and sponsorship lead for Hearts RoundUp. I’m here with the Callahan family.” I keep my voice calm and confident.
“Hello, Lily, it’s a pleasure to speak with you. I’ve heard great things about your work ethic. I think the Callahans are in wonderful hands. Hello, Will! Hope all is well with the family.”
A throat is cleared, and I refuse to acknowledge it.
“Hey there, Dill,” Will says, and I smile at the familiarity these two share. “Long time, but I’m happy to have you here now.”
“You got it, bud.”
I cut back in. “Thank you, Mr. Dillard, that means a lot. We’re restructuring sponsor packages to increase brand visibility,” I continue smoothly. “That includes on-site signage, announcer reads, social features, and optional VIP seating–”
Colt mutters something under his breath, and Levi glances at him in warning.
I don’t react and quickly try to cover my stutter. I won’t let Colt Callahan drag me into emotion in front of a sponsor. I cough, “Excuse me. Optional VIP seating will be a main draw, especially once we go over the lineup for the rodeo.”
I hear Mr. Dillard clap in the background and whistle. “This is what I'm ready to hear! Who ya got, Ms. Mercer?”
I smile at Will and Maria as they both lean toward the call. “Cole Maddox, current King of the Reins winner. Beau Calhoun–”
“Beau? He’s the winner of the Iron Saddle! Whew, girl, you know how to work magic!”
“He is a crowd favorite, so I think he’ll be very beneficial.”
“Who else?” Mr. Dillard asks excitedly.
“Silas Crowe, his last title was at Lords of the Bull Rope in Amarillo. We’ll also have the NextGen Kids riding. And if you haven’t seen them yet, you’re not going to want to miss it. They’re amazing at such a young age, and I can’t wait to see them come up into the adult roles.”
“Those are some big names. You did really well. Anyone else?” Mr. Dillard asks.
I know what he’s getting at. He wants to hear a Callahan name on the call card, especially for their hometown rodeo.
“I’m glad you asked, Mr. Dillard,” I give a wink to Levi, and I see Colt stand.
“Hearts RoundUp’s very own Levi Callahan will be the main show.
We’re highlighting barrel racing, specifically broncos, this time. ”
“The fuck we are,” Colt exclaims.
I immediately grab the phone from the holder, taking him off speaker.
Thankfully, all I hear is his cheering in the background, and hopefully, he didn’t hear Colt.
“Yes, we’re all very excited to see Levi ride again.
Mr. Dillard, I hate to cut this short, but I have another call coming up shortly, so I have to run.
I’ll send the contract over shortly. Thank you for your time, and we’ll touch base again in a few days. Bye.”
I wait until I hear the click on his end, and then I slam the phone down in its cradle.
“How dare you!” I bite out. “Do you know what it took to get him? And that lineup?”
“I don’t give a fuck. We look like sellouts with that lineup.”
“Are you crazy? That's the best lineup this place has had in over a year!”
“And where am I in this lineup? Rodeos need bull riders, not fucking horse trotters.”
Levi’s chair scrapes against the tile floor. “Brother, you’re out of line. I’m saving your ass here.”
“Saving me?” Colt laughs nonhumorously.
“You can't ride, Colt,” Will speaks up.
“Says who?”
“Doc Jones.” Maria steps toward Colt, “Honey, I know this is hard, but eventually, you have to have your last ride.”
“I know that. And I will. But it hasn’t happened yet.” He looks right at me. “Put me on that fucking lineup, Lily. I’m riding.”
I shake my head slowly back and forth. “I won’t do it, Colt.”
“You will.”
He’s got me locked in to his stare. My heart is racing, and not just for the simple fact that he’s talking to me. But for the fact that I can’t let him get hurt. He walks out, leaving the four of us staring at each other.
“We’ll go talk to him,” Will says.
Levi waits until his parents step out, then leans toward me, lowering his voice. “That was impressive.”
“What?”
“Standing up to him, keeping your cool after what he said to you out there.”
I furrow my brows. “You heard?”
He nods once.
I shrug. “I’m working,” I say evenly. “Things still need to get done.”
“You’re punishing him,” Levi says.
I stare at him. “By not putting him in the lineup? Come on, Levi, you and I both know he can’t ride anymore. He’s in too much pain and too stubborn to say.”
“I know that, you know that, fuck, Colt knows that, but he’s a man with pride, Lily. You’re going to have to put him on. It’s up to him to decide if it’s his last ride or not.” He pauses, and his mouth tightens. “He didn’t mean it, you know.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not how words work,” I say calmly.
“He’s scared.”
“And I’m not?” I answer. “I’ve been where he is, Levi. I’ve been told I can’t ride anymore, and then I had to find a new calling. I found it, with the rodeo circuit. And I actually thought I found a new beginning here at Hearts RoundUp.”
“I think it’s still here.”
I let out a sigh, exhausted from the day. I begin to gather the paperwork and grab my iPad, but Colt walks back into the office, and the air changes instantly.
He clears his throat like he’s forcing the words out, “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For disrupting the call.”
“Did your mom and dad tell you to say that, or do you mean it?” I sit back at the desk, refusing to look at him. I feel Levi's eyes bouncing between us both, and I only release a breath once Colt takes his exit.
I realize he isn’t used to apologizing; he’s just not used to not getting his way. He speaks, and it happens. I don’t think he’s ever had someone say, “No, you can’t do that,” or “Not like that anymore.” He just has to realize, I’m not being a bitch by leaving his name off; it’s for his own good.
~~
By late afternoon, the sun is slowly working its way past the horizon, and the sky is painted pink. I walk the arena grounds with my iPad, entering data and mentally mapping sponsor placements along the fences.
I’m at the far end of the stalls when I hear footsteps behind me, and I know immediately who it is. I won’t acknowledge his presence; I just keep my head down.
“Lily,” he says. My name on his tongue still does something to me, and I hate it.
I take a breath and turn, calm expression in place. “Yes?”
“I—” he starts and stops, his jaw ticks, and then he tries again. “I didn’t—” He stops again, and I wait. I won’t rescue him or put words in his mouth. I want to hear how he gets out of this on his own.
Finally, he exhales, and the words aren’t an apology. “You really gonna act like I don’t exist now?”
I blink once because of the audacity of this man right now.
“You’re the one who said I’m temporary,” I remind him gently. “I’m just following your lead.”
His eyes darken, and I see pain and fear dance across his face.
Good.
I turn back to my iPad, and my hands stay steady, but my heart? If he looked closely, I bet he could see it beating out of my chest.
Behind me, his voice drops, and he tries again.
“Lily.”
I close my eyes and exhale slowly. But I don't look at him when I say, “I’m here to save your rodeo, Colt.” Then I add, still without looking at him, “Don’t ask me to save you, too, if you’re going to keep pushing me away every time you feel something.”
There’s silence, and then I hear the retreat of his boots. It hurts to hear him walk away, but it's not the first time. And I won't beg. I told him that already, even if I can feel his eyes on my back, willing me to turn around. He’s got to make this choice, not me.