Chapter 28
BERNADETTE
The morning started with my father’s phone call, which should have been my first warning that the day was going to be terrible.
I was still in bed, trying to work up the energy to face Sebastian after last night’s panic-induced exit, when my phone rang.
Dad’s name on the screen made my stomach drop.
I’d been dodging him, hoping if I pretended he didn’t exist he would somehow just go away. And that was wrong. He was my father.
But dammit, he was such an asshole. And I wasn’t sure he even loved me like a dad should love his child. His love was conditional. If I did a good job and made him richer, he loved me. If I failed, he withheld his love. I felt like a trained monkey.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Bernadette.” His voice was clipped. Colder than usual. “I’ve been waiting for updates about any violations that would invalidate the policy. You were supposed to check in. I’ve heard nothing.”
I sat up, pulling the sheets around me like a shield. “Things are going smoothly. No problems at all.”
Silence. The kind of silence that meant he was irritated.
“That’s disappointing,” he finally said.
“Disappointing that no one’s been hurt? That the production is running safely?”
“Don’t be obtuse. There’s always something. Equipment failures, safety violations, or maybe some environmental damage. I know my daughter won’t let me down. Look harder.”
The way he said “my daughter”—like it was a threat rather than an endearment—made my skin crawl.
“Dad, everything is fine. You’re not going to have to pay anything out. There are only a few more shots left, and then it’s just the runway show. Everyone’s been incredibly careful.”
“It’s the show I’m worried about.” His tone shifted, became almost eager.
“There’s a major storm system developing in the region.
Depending on which way it turns, all flights to the island could be canceled.
The whole event would collapse. And if Blackwell can’t deliver the runway show they promised, the policy pays out. Substantially.”
I felt sick. “You want the show to get canceled.”
“I want what’s best for the company. If a storm happens to interfere with their plans, that’s an act of God. Not our problem. But it does mean we keep all the premiums they’ve paid without the risk of covering any actual incidents.”
“That’s diabolical.” I struggled to find words. “You have no idea how much work these people have put in. They’ve put millions into this campaign.”
“Again, not our problem. That’s the risk they took when they insured with us.” He paused. “I’m counting on you to document everything properly. Make sure there are no grounds for them to dispute the claim when we deny coverage for weather-related cancellations.”
“You want me to help you screw them over.”
“I want you to do your job. Which is to protect the company’s interests. Or have you forgotten who you work for?”
My hands were shaking. “I haven’t forgotten.”
“Good. Keep me updated. And Bernadette? Don’t let personal feelings cloud your professional judgment. I’ve heard rumors about you and that Blackwell boy.”
My blood ran cold. “There are no personal feelings. I’m doing my job.”
“See that you continue to do it.” He hung up without saying goodbye.
I sat there holding my phone, feeling like I might throw up. My father wanted the show to fail. Wanted these people—people I’d been working with, living with, laughing with—to lose everything they’d worked for. Just so his company could keep money it hadn’t earned.
And he’d heard rumors about me and Sebastian. Which meant other people were talking. Which meant I’d been even less careful than I’d thought.
I thought about the crew who’d warmed up to me after the Safety Bingo game. They all smiled and waved at me. I wouldn’t call them friends, but they weren’t actively trying to ruin my day.
My dad, on the other hand, wanted me isolated. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew what he was doing. It took me a long time and a lot of self-help audiobooks to self-diagnose my issues, but I was pretty sure I figured it out. It was easier to control someone that didn’t have friends. Or family.
Getting a chance to be one of the cool kids had been amazing. Mostly, it was getting to be the woman on Sebastian’s arm. It felt so good to have his attention. I truly felt like I had bloomed. Finally. It only took me twenty-seven years, but I did it.
And my father wanted me to help destroy all of it.
I showered and dressed with little thought about what I was doing.
I needed to be more vigilant than ever. Needed to make sure nothing went wrong in the next few days.
I couldn’t afford any distractions or allow any slip-ups.
I would not give my father anything to use against these people.
It felt like it was me standing in front of them and the operation.
I would do what I had to in order to protect him—them.
And that meant I needed to stay away from Sebastian. I had to end whatever was happening before it compromised me further. My chest ached at the thought, but I pushed the feeling down. It was the right thing to do. I was easily sacrificed for the good of the project.
But it sucked.
Yesterday had been amazing. I loved hanging out with Sebastian. We had a good time. I knew he had enjoyed himself. You couldn’t fake what we had.
No way.
That had been the real deal.
I realized I was starving. Yesterday had been busy and I thought about sneaking into the food tent after I left Sebastian’s bungalow, but then I thought about Cookie catching me pilfering the goods and I wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t chop my hands off.
The food tent was busy when I arrived, crew members loading up on fuel before the big Venus shoot. I grabbed a plate without really looking at what I was putting on it—fruit, toast, some eggs, and there was even bacon. The real stuff. Not the turkey bacon I got stuck with the other day.
I could feel the buzz of excitement all around me. I wasn’t involved in the conversations, but I could feel the energy. I wanted to be a part of all of it. I wanted to be a cool kid.
Then I saw him. Or sensed him. I couldn’t say which came first, but there he was.
Sebastian stood on the other side of the tent, talking with Clarissa and Portia.
He was showing them something on his phone, and both models were leaning in close, laughing at whatever he was showing them.
Clarissa touched his arm. Portia flipped her perfect hair. They were practically straddling him.
Jealousy stabbed through me, sharp and irrational and completely unwelcome.
Had he been with them before? Probably. They were gorgeous and obviously very interested.
Why wouldn’t they hook up? Single, beautiful people that traveled to the most gorgeous places in the world together were bound to hook up.
And the green-eyed monster roared to life. I was going to Hulk out any second.
I hated myself for it. Hated that I cared who he talked to.
Hated that I wanted him to be over here with me instead of over there with them.
It disgusted me that some pathetic part of me wanted to be one of those beautiful women he showed things to on his phone, instead of the uptight insurance rep he’d slept with when no one was looking.
Like I was the dirty secret. I had to stay in the shadows.
“You could be a model,” he’d said yesterday. But he was probably just being kind. Making me feel better about looking ridiculous standing out there in the water.
The models were his world. I was just temporary. A vacation from reality. Like trying the mild sauce on your taco instead of the hot stuff you were used to. Just for shits and giggles.
I found a table and sat down, pushing food around my plate without eating. I had been hungry but now I had lost my appetite.
“Morning, darling.” Annika slid into the seat across from me, looking far too cheerful for this early in the morning. “Big day today. The Venus shoot. Very exciting.”
“Mm-hmm.”
She studied me with those knowing eyes. “So. How’s your boy toy?”
“He’s not my toy.” I stopped, took a breath. “There’s nothing going on.”
“Bernadette, I’m a woman that has lived a lot of years and been on more of these little adventures than I can count. I’m very direct. I know you spent the night with him. I won’t say anything. Power to the young people enjoying their youth. So, I ask again, how’s your boy toy?”
“He’s not my anything,” I said with disgust. “It was just… it’s not real. It’s just a fling. Something temporary that doesn’t mean anything.”
Annika didn’t look convinced. “If you say so.”
“I do say so.” I stabbed at a piece of melon. “In a few days, his family arrives. Then we do the runway show. Then we all go home and forget this ever happened.”
“Will you forget?”
No, I thought. Never. I’ll remember every second of this for the rest of my life.
“Of course,” I said instead. “It’s just a fling.”
“Mm-hmm.” Annika sipped her coffee. “And that’s why you keep looking at him like your heart is breaking?”
I forced myself not to look over at where Sebastian still stood with the models. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t.” She set down her coffee. “Can I give you some advice? From someone who’s been around a lot longer than you?”
“I don’t think I want to hear it.”
“I’m going to give it anyway. That boy over there?” She nodded toward Sebastian. “He likes you. I’ve known him for years and I’ve never seen him like this. So whatever you’re running from, whatever fear is telling you this can’t work,maybe consider that it’s wrong.”
My throat felt tight. “It doesn’t matter how he feels or how I feel. The reality is that this can’t work. Our lives don’t fit together. My job depends on me being objective. My father would never approve.”
“Because you’ve decided it can’t, or because you’re scared to try?”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. Because she was right and I hated it.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said with a soft sigh. “I knew exactly what it was from the minute it started. I’m a practical woman. I don’t get caught up. I’m logical and pragmatic. I allowed myself a little fun and that’s that.”
She smiled and it was very clear she thought I was full of shit.
Hell, even I struggled to believe my own bullshit.