Chapter 37 Reeve
THIRTY-SEVEN
reeve
“Cheers to the man,” Cash says over the music, raising an overfilled shot glass of whiskey into the air above our high-top table. Lorenzo, Cam, and I clink our glasses against his, sending liquid running down my fingers.
We’re at the Phantom like every Saturday night, half the bar football players and the other half those who adore us.
I never thought it would get old, especially hours after I broke a record for career touchdown passes during our blowout win this afternoon.
But the compliments are starting to sound hollow, I’m tired of politely turning down girls hungry to flirt with me, and they’ve cranked up the heat in response to the first night of below-freezing temps this season, leaving the crowded room hot and stuffy.
I want to be home in bed with Jade, but she’s working and my friends have been giving me shit for never staying out late anymore, so here I am trying to smile and pretend I’m happy, as I should be after today’s performance.
I slam the shot. “Thanks. Shoulda happened back in September, but when your D is weak, even Superman can’t perform miracles.”
“Well, that was pretty much a miracle pass,” Cash says, which is generous coming from him. He usually prefers to divert all Saturday-night football talk toward his own glowing performance.
Cam nods. “That pass might have been your ticket to the Heisman.”
“Yeah?” Not that I haven’t been thinking the same thing all afternoon, but Cam’s not usually one for sweeping predictions.
“That was the play of the season. You know how many highlight reels you’re going to star in from now until next fall?”
I wait for the quick high this kind of compliment usually delivers, but it never comes.
“This boy’s head is way past Heisman season,” Cash says with a knowing grin. “He’s already moved on to the pros, baby. And all the cash and free pussy that comes with it.”
I laugh. Not because he’s right but because this is our stupid tradition and I’m just realizing how meaningless it feels.
A little arrogance—or, in my case, a lot—is pretty much a prerequisite on our team.
But our pro football futures are one thing we don’t brag about openly.
Maybe it’s just athlete superstition, but it felt like tempting fate.
Only when we were super drunk or super pissed at a coach or super exhausted by yet another grueling hour of running or lifting did we let a little of that talk come out, and only among the few of us who were pretty sure we had a future beyond college ball.
We used to talk about the cars we’d buy.
The new houses we’d pick out for our moms. How many rooms our mansions would have.
Which models and actresses we’d fuck. These fantasies kept us going because we knew they weren’t just fantasies.
This shit happens to real people, and we were among the lucky few.
Unbelievable shit that we could actually believe in.
Now I’m closer than ever and the fantasies aren’t doing it for me anymore.
What do I need a twelve-bedroom house for if I’m sleeping alone?
What can a supermodel do for me that my own girlfriend—I still get high off that word—can’t?
Nobody compares to Jade. Without her next to me, the future I always wanted looks empty.
This thing with her has thrown me completely. Being with Jade is like being on a roller coaster: I’m terrified, I have no control, and it all feels amazing.
“Where’s your girl tonight?” Lorenzo asks like he’s reading my mind.
“Working.”
“You two are for real now, I hear. Never thought I’d see the day you’d tie yourself to one chick.”
I smirk. Neither did I. I haven’t had a girlfriend in so many years, and I was dead certain I wouldn’t anytime soon.
“He doesn’t have to tie up for long,” Cash says. “She’s moving away to Europe, isn’t she?”
“She might not go,” I say without thinking.
Cam stares at me but stays quiet.
“She’s thinking of staying?” Cash asks. “For your ass?”
“I don’t know. Just something she’s toying with.”
Ever since she mentioned not going to Spain the other day, this idea’s been floating around in the back of my head, and I’ve tried to keep it there. Maybe she was just being cute and it meant nothing, but now that I’ve said it out loud, it feels real. Jade’s thinking of staying for me.
That scares me, and it also feels like the one thing that could save me.
“Sorry I’m late,” I tell Jade Thursday night when I walk into the pizza place we agreed to meet at fifteen minutes late.
“I had to spend a little time with the trainer after practice. My shoulder’s acting up again.
” I don’t mention the time I wasted listening to my friends give me shit for missing our usual Thursday-night dinner at Viaggio’s so I can eat with Jade before I head out of town for Saturday’s game.
“That’s okay.” She lays a careful hand on my arm and kisses me. All the tension in my muscles melts. “Are you all right?” Her voice is a soft, gentle tone I rarely hear out of Jade.
“I am now.”
She smiles. I’ll never get tired of seeing the sweetness under all her hard edges. “Are you still starting Saturday?”
“Yeah, it’s no big deal. Still planning on killing it on the field.” I wink. “Too bad I won’t have my good-luck charm in the stands.”
“They should really make room for girlfriends on those fancy chartered flights.” She reaches for my hand. “Now let’s find a table. I already ordered at the counter.”
She looks so pretty tonight. Her hair is up in a ponytail that’s come loose, so her face is framed by wisps and tendrils of pink and strawberry-blond strands.
Her jeans are skintight as always, but her pale-pink sweater hangs loose on one shoulder, showing off her delicate collarbones and a tangle of fine gold necklaces.
As she leads me to a table, every guy in the place turns to look at her, but I don’t care because I’m staring, too, and Jade is all mine.
Tension creeps back into my shoulders as I remember what I need to say to her.
I told myself that if she brings up Spanish or Spain or even says the word taco with the slightest hint of accent, I’m going to tell her she’s right to reconsider her plans.
Whether I’ll find the balls to actually do it and risk her rejection?
That’s another story. But I don’t want to carry this question in my head any longer.
Tomorrow the team flies to Ohio for Saturday’s game, so I won’t see Jade until Saturday night at the earliest.
I try to stay engaged while Jade goes on a rant about our manager, Cecily, but all I can think about is what I need to tell her.
Is it nuts that I’m reconsidering my carefully planned future after such a short time with her?
Or is it more nuts that I’m about to ask her to reconsider her own future, knowing that if she decides not to, nothing will ever be the same between us.
The guy working the counter sets a pizza down on the table between us. I smile watching Jade lunge for a slice and tear off a huge bite.
“So hungry,” she mutters by way of explanation.
I take my own slice and taste it. “I gotta be honest: This might be the worst pizza I’ve ever eaten. And when I was in high school, gas station pizza was a staple.”
Jade nods. “It’s bad, but only marginally worse than every other pizza place around here.”
“Yeah, the shit food options might be the one thing I don’t miss about college next year.”
“I hear Spain is a carnivore’s dream.” She raises her eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe I’ll take you out to dinner sometime.”
I glance up as a bell rings and the glass front door opens. The fortysomething guy who walks in looks really familiar. I can’t place him, but I know I should be able to. Friend of Cam’s parents, maybe. I duck my head and hope he doesn’t see me.
“So will you visit me?” Jade asks.
“What?”
She’s watching me closely. “I said will you visit me? Take your big, fancy private jet to Spain and visit me and the cockroaches in my crumbling shitbox apartment?”
I swallow, the pizza turned cold and hard in my throat.
I blink at her like some big, stupid animal, ’cause that’s exactly what I am: a complete moron who just realized that while I’ve been fantasizing about her in the stands every Sunday and in my bed every night, she hasn’t had a single second thought about her plans to move halfway around the world.
She looks at me expectantly, smiling because even the idea of me visiting like we’re old friends is a joke to her. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the gut. Twice.
“Um, hello? Should I take that as a no?” she asks.
“No. I mean yeah.” What was the question anyway?
Will I go to Spain to visit the girl I was starting to believe might be at my side for .
. . well, forever? At the counter beyond Jade’s head, the guy whose name I should know has noticed me.
He smiles and gives me a nod. Flustered, I give a halfhearted nod and return to Jade, who’s staring at me.
“Yeah, I guess we’ll just see what happens with football. ” I don’t even know what I’m saying.
Stone-cold silence is what I get in response, but what the hell kind of answer did she expect?
Yeah, sure, Jade, I’ll fly out to Spain and we’ll sip wine and giggle about that time I started thinking I could marry you and you studied super hard for a Spanish exam so you could get as far away from me as humanly possible.
And then maybe I’ll watch you fuck some Spanish guy to really bring it on home.
My stomach feels like lead, and I swear the temperature in the restaurant has dropped thirty degrees. I know I should be saying something right now, but I’ve got nothing.
Jade balls up her napkin, crosses her arms, and slides her chair back from the table with an unapologetic screech. Her eyes settle on me. “You never even thought about visiting me in Spain, did you?”
“It’s not that.”
“You did think about it? Because you seem completely blown away by my question. I might as well have asked if you planned on joining the circus next year.”
“Okay, I never thought specifically about flying to Spain to see you; you’re right. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about the whole Spain thing.”
“Oh god.” She shakes her head. “Just save it.”
“Jade—” I start.
“No. It’s clear we’re in two different places. I’m sorry I asked. I—” Her voice wavers. “I made a stupid assumption.”
“Look, I think about us all the time.” Jade looks at me, her eyes fiery with emotion.
So she was asking for something real from me.
But how do I tell her just how real I want to be with her?
How do I tell her I was arrogant enough to believe she might axe her Spain plans for me?
She’s talking about friendly visits, maybe with some wine and sex thrown in, and I’m talking drop everything and come with me wherever my career takes me.
“I thought you were reconsidering Spain altogether.”
“Oh.” Surprise flits across her face. “I was for a little while, but I changed my mind. I submitted my registration for the interview last week.”
“Changed your mind.” Fuck. Fear surges inside me. I hate how much power this woman has over me. All she has to do is change her mind and I’m completely and utterly alone. How did I get to this place? “And you never bothered to tell me?”
“I didn’t realize you even knew I was considering not going to Spain.”
I snort. “I’m no Einstein, Jade, but I can pick up on subtleties like you telling me you don’t need Spain as long as you have me.”
She swallows. “I’m sorry, I should have been—see, that’s why I don’t like being forced to talk about my feelings.”
“Ah, so it’s my fault.”
“No, I—” She shakes her head. “Forget that part. I thought we might be able to make it work . . .” Her voice is small, like she’s afraid of the words. “Long distance.”
I stare at her, hurt overwhelming me as the future I’ve stupidly let myself imagine in crisp, perfect detail falls away.
I’m a fucking idiot. Long distance. Somehow this hurts worse than her wanting a friendly visit next year.
She does want to be with me—just not enough to change a single thing in her life.
She doesn’t understand how much I need her at my side.
“Reeve?”
I swallow. “I can’t do long distance, Jade.”
She blinks in surprise. “So you’ve thought of us being together but only if I’m here? Only if I sacrifice my plans for you?”
“Long distance would never work. On two different continents for years? I’m not doing that.” I sound so certain, but I don’t know who’s talking right now, me or the side of me who’s so angry and hurt and bitter that I want to turn it all back on her.
I see the hurt in her eyes as my own stupid words echo between us. “So is that an ultimatum?”
“Reeve!”
I look up to find the fortysomething dude smiling down at me, and suddenly it clicks: Brian Atkins, the sports reporter who wrote that glowing article about me for the city paper back in September.
The guy I’m hoping will vote for me to win the Heisman.
“Mr. Atkins,” I say, trying to hide my agitation as I reach out to shake his hand. “Great to see you again.”
“Brian,” he corrects me affably. “Fantastic game on Saturday. Congratulations on the record, that’s really something. So great to see your season’s on the upswing.”
“Thanks, Brian.” I smile hard, trying to make up for the fact that I can’t think of a single thing to say to this guy right now.
I glance over at Jade, who still looks pissed.
She’s not even gonna pretend to be polite.
There’s a brief awkward silence as Brian follows my gaze.
“Oh. Brian, this is my girlfriend, Jade.”
“Nice to meet you,” Brian says. “Sorry to interrupt your dinner. I just saw Reeve over here and wanted to offer a quick congratulations.”
“No, that’s okay,” Jade says, getting to her feet. “I was on my way out.”
I try to smile like everything’s cool. “You can’t hang out a minute?”
“Nice meeting you,” Jade says, looking at Brian apologetically. But by the time her eyes meet mine, they’ve gone cold. “See you later.”