Ch 38 - #welcome
#welcome
Madison
Song: “Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas, “I Just Wanted You To Know” by Mark Chesnutt
“I want this song playing when Beau is born. Promise me you’ll do it,” I told Meredith.
“I promise. ‘Little Wonders’ is perfect. I want to ask you something, though. What last name are you going to give your little boy?”
“For the longest time, it was going to be our maiden name since I changed mine back to Livingston, and also made Bella a Livingston after Ty gave up his custody rights to her. But my heart is telling me that Beau should have Luke’s last name.”
“Well, he is a Harrison, but think ahead to when he starts school and gets older. He’ll want to know why his last name is different from yours and Bella’s. What will you tell him?”
“The truth. I know he’s going to ask me if he can see his father one day. I’ll deal with that when the time comes.”
I got up from my couch to get some more ice water. As I was waddling back into the living room to rejoin Meredith, I felt a warm gush between my legs and looked down, gasping. “Oh shit!”
My sister jumped up. “Your water just broke!”
“I know! What do I do? I mean, Bella is with Mom and Dad in Amarillo.”
“I will call them to tell them what’s happened.”
“I thought these were just Braxton-Hicks contractions that I was having.”
“Obviously not.”
“I’m two weeks early.
“Beau will be fine. He’s already a big baby boy. Let’s get some dry pants for you, then I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“Everything has been so different with this pregnancy.”
“Different father, different genes.”
“Oh, God, Meredith,” I said, breaking down.
She hugged me. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll be beside you the whole time.”
“Why is Luke all I can think about right now?”
“Because you’re still in love with him and are about to give birth to his son.”
My sister had me packed up and ready to go in a flash, then helped me to her car. When we arrived at the hospital, personnel immediately took me to the labor and delivery floor and put me in a private room.
“Okay, Mom, Dad, and Bella are on the road now, heading to Dallas,” Meredith said, looking up from her cellphone.
“They’re not going to make it here in time for Beau’s birth,” I said, wincing from a contraction beginning.
“Deep, intentional breaths, Madison.”
I nodded, the pain lessening about a minute later. “It’s getting worse.”
“Which is to be expected.”
“It wasn’t like this with Bella. Labor with her didn’t hurt to this degree. I know I deserve the pain for not telling Luke I was pregnant.”
“Don’t go there. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“It’s kind of hard not to. I’ve felt guilty all these months. If you only knew how many times I started to contact Luke.”
“What stopped you?”
“I just kept thinking that he didn’t need all of this baggage. He’s free to live his cowboy life without complications.”
“Odds are that he hasn’t stopped thinking about you and loving you and missing you and wanting you back. Bella, too.”
I shook my head. “That’s all water under the bridge. Shit, here comes another contraction.”
Just then, my doctor came into my room. “Are you ready to have this baby?” she asked me, smiling.
“Yep… Yes.” I looked at Meredith. She’d caught my Luke-lingo-slip-up and gave me a sympathetic smile.
“I’m going to check your dilation now,” my doctor said, lifting the sheet off my legs. A moment later, she looked at me and nodded. “It’s almost time. We’ve got to move you to a delivery room.”
“Okay. I want my sister to stay with me.”
“Of course.”
My contractions were coming so fast and even harder once I was in the delivery room. The nurses were scrambling around while my doctor sat on a stool between my legs.
“This hurts so bad!” I cried, squeezing my sister’s hand.
“You’re doing a great job. I’m videoing every bit of this.”
Twenty minutes later, bearing down as hard as I could and screaming through my clenched teeth, Luke’s son and mine came into the world with red hair, weighing 10 pounds, 5 ounces, and 21 ? inches long. He was beautiful.
Holding him to my chest, all I could do was cry while my sister played “Little Wonders” on my cellphone and used hers to keep recording and taking photos of Beau and me.
“He’s perfect,” she said, smiling down at me.
I nodded and kissed his button nose. “I love him so much.”
“I’ve got another little one to spoil now.”
“Mom and Dad do too.”
When they and Bella arrived at the hospital a few hours later, all three were immediately smitten with Beau. Bella was the first to hold him as she sat beside me in my bed, and then my parents had their turn.
Two days later, I took Beau home with me.
I was lucky that my mom and dad were able to stay with me to help with him and tend to Bella’s needs, as well.
Meredith and Tanner came over several times to see the newest addition to our family.
They also held and burped him after I nursed him.
He was such a hungry boy, his appetite reminding me of Luke’s.
After having my parents with me for a week, I felt confident about being on my own, taking care of both Beau and Bella. My mom and dad stayed for another three days anyway—their spoiling in full force.
When I first told them that I wasn’t going to let Luke know about my pregnancy, they weren’t happy about it, but finally accepted it, just as my sister did. I was grateful that they loved and supported me unconditionally, even when we didn’t see eye to eye.
My parents were back in Amarillo and had been for a month, FaceTiming me on several occasions to see Beau and talk to Bella. She was asleep in my bed while I rocked her brother in the same chair I’d rocked her in.
Gazing down into Beau’s long-lashed hazel eyes as he nursed me, I was looking into Luke’s. They were identical. Beau was identical to his daddy, except for his red hair, which I was proud he had. My Dad also was.
After Beau fell asleep, I laid him in his bassinette beside my bed, then snuggled up to Bella.
After a few minutes, I grabbed my cellphone off my nightstand and opened my photo app to look at the photos that I’d snapped of Luke, plus the ones of us together.
Seeing them choked me up and made me want to reach out to Luke.
I finally gave in and began typing out my text to him when I received one that shocked me.
Luke: I hope you and Bella are doing well. You don’t have to respond. I just wanted you to know you and your mini-me have never left my mind or heart.
I kept staring at my cellphone screen, my hand trembling, when Luke sent me a link to a song: “I Just Wanted You To Know” by Mark Chesnutt. I knew it because of my Dad. He had always been a big fan of classic country music.
I quietly got out of bed, holding my cellphone to my chest, and went into the living room and sat on the couch.
Knowing better than to do it, I did it anyway.
I tapped on the song link, bawling while listening to the lyrics, “Through the vine, I heard your life has turned out well. As for mine, you know it’s really hard to tell ‘cause now and then what might have been interferes with what might be. I just wanted you to know, sometimes, driving home at night, I let your memory take control and you’re sitting by my side.
I turn up the radio and cruise down old Route 59.
Girl, it’s solid gold. Well, I’ll let you go. I just wanted you to know.”
When the song ended, I deleted what I’d started to text to Luke: Beau’s birthdate, weight, and length, and also the first photo Meredith took of him after he was born. It was of my doctor holding up Beau, crying, the umbilical cord still attached to him.