CH 39 - #change
#change
Madison
“I can’t believe my baby boy is a year old already,” I said.
Meredith, Tanner, Bella, Beau, my parents, and I were lounging in the ranch house living room after having a small birthday party for Beau. My mom made him a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting, with a red number-one candle stuck in the middle.
For the memory, I took several photos of Beau sitting in his high chair with a slice of cake on the tray, then I videoed him reaching for the cake, squishing his chubby fingers into it, and stuffing part of it in his mouth.
When he first tasted it, his eyes grew big, and he nodded, grunting once.
That was his funny way of letting everyone know he liked the cake.
The only word he’d actually spoken so far was “mama,” which thrilled me.
“It looks like Beau is about ready to take a nap,” my dad said, pointing at him in my arms and grinning.
“He is.”
“Lay him on the pallet your mom made for him over there. We can keep a close eye on him that way.”
I got up with Beau, placed him on his stomach, and stroked his hair until he fell sound asleep.
“If y’all don’t mind, I think I’m going to take a run to get some more of this pregnancy weight off me,” I said.
My mom and sister waved me off, Meredith telling me to hush. I went to put on my New Balance running shoes anyway. I was already in sweats since it was February and chilly outside. I didn’t mind the temperature, though. It was refreshing.
Since my arrival at my parents’ house two days ago, I’d ventured outside, looking around the ranch.
I even went into the barn where Luke used to keep Casper.
Looking up at the loft and remembering the argument that Luke and I had, then the sex that got me pregnant with Beau, I closed my eyes, wishing I could touch his daddy again.
One place I hadn’t gone to was Luke’s cabin.
On my way back from my run, I decided to take that dirt road on the right to see where I’d made incredible memories with a ruggedly handsome cowboy.
As I walked up the front porch steps, my heart raced.
When I tried to open the door, it was locked, but I had the spare key Luke told me to keep in my pocket.
I still had the barbed wire halo and note he’d given me, too, tucked away in a box in my closet at my house.
Walking around Luke’s cabin, where no one else had lived since he left the ranch for another, I breathed in the woodsy scent in the air.
When I entered Luke’s bedroom, I stared at his bed, replaying the passion we’d shared in it.
Then I went over to it and lay down, running my fingers across the top of the comforter.
Maybe it was all in my head, but I could still sense Luke here, or anywhere I was.
It’d been that way since the first time we had sex.
It was a warm, stirring feeling that softly moved through my core.
When I asked my sister for her thoughts on it, she said it was proof that Luke’s soul and mine were still intertwined.
When she told me that, I wondered if Luke still sensed me.
Before I ended our relationship, he’d told me more than once that he felt me with him everywhere he went.
* * *
“Madison, wake up,” my sister said, shaking me, startling me. It was the middle of the night.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Dad. He’s had a heart attack. An ambulance is on the way to the ranch.”
“Oh, my God!” I cried, jumping up. Beau started crying in my bed after hearing me. It woke up Bella beside him. “Where is Dad?” I asked Meredith while picking up Beau and grabbing Bella’s hand.
“In his and Mom’s bedroom, lying down.”
“Hold Bella for me.”
My sister took her, then I rushed down the hallway with Beau on my hip.
As soon as I entered my parents’ bedroom and saw my dad, I knew at once that he wasn’t going to make it.
His eyes were barely open, his skin was pale, and he was sweating, while my mom cried, as helpless as we all were to save my dad.
Looking down at him, he wearily lifted his eyes to me, looked at Beau, and reached for his hand.
“Madison, promise me you’ll make things right with Luke,” my dad croaked out.
I nodded as tears rolled down my cheek. “I promise. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Those were his last words to speak. He was gone. Our family would never be the same.CH 40 - #respect
Luke
Hayden: Call me when you get a minute.
My brother’s text concerned me. He never asked me to call him out of the blue like this unless something serious had happened. After tying the quarter horse I was training to the corral gate by his reins, I called Hayden.
“Hey,” he said on the first ring.
“What’s going on?”
“I just heard through the ranch grapevine that Mr. Livingston died.”
“What?”
“Yeah, he died, supposedly from a heart attack.”
“When?”
“Three days ago.”
“Damn. Mrs. Livingston has got to be devastated.”
“You know what I’m thinking?”
“Nope.”
“We need to go to the funeral whenever and wherever it is. It’s the right thing to do.”
I sighed, took off my hat, and stared up at the blue sky, my thoughts racing between paying my respects to Mr. Livingston and seeing his beautiful youngest daughter again, which I knew I would if I went to her dad’s funeral.
“I don’t know if I can, Hayden.”
“Yes, you can. Doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy for you. I understand why, but we both need to do this.”
After a long moment, I said, “I’ll go. Find out when the service is and its location.”
“I will, and then I’ll let you know.”
“I can’t believe Mr. Livingston died. He was physically fit. Active.”
“That doesn’t always equate to being in good health. Obviously.”
Hayden and I hung up. I kept standing beside the corral gate, my head in a fog. I had just finished putting the horse I’d been training back in his stall when I received a text.
Hayden: The funeral is on Saturday at noon on the ranch.
Me: Mr. Livingston is going to be buried there?
Hayden: There’s just going to be a memorial for him. He was cremated.
* * *
The days dragged on for me, leading up to Mr. Livingston’s funeral. I was nervous, anxious, and sad all in one about going. Today was the day, though. I was on my way to Amarillo, coming from Childress, while my brother was coming from Dumas to what used to be our home.
Approaching it two hours later, I saw dozens of vehicles parked ahead of me, along both sides of the driveway, and in front of the ranch house.
I pulled my truck over, turned off the engine, and stared out my windshield as my heart pounded.
After about a minute, I got out and began walking toward the gathering of folks.
I passed by Hayden’s truck on my right, then I spotted Madison’s red BMW parked directly in front of the ranch house, making my stomach flip. Some people were walking around outside, while others sat on the porch, talking and sipping different beverages.
When I reached the porch, I tipped my hat at an older man to my left, went to the front door, and lightly knocked on it.
“You can go on in,” the man said.
“Thank you, sir.”
As soon as I stepped inside, I took off my hat and glanced around, seeing Mrs. Livingston straight across from me, standing in the living room, speaking with a woman her age.
She noticed me, smiled kindly, and excused herself to come over to me.
We met at the living room entrance and embraced, Mrs. Livingston resting her head on my shoulder as she quietly cried.
“Luke, it is so good to see you. Thank you for coming. I know Charles would’ve greatly appreciated you and Hayden being here,” she said, looking up at me, wiping her eyes and nose with the tissue in her hand.
“It’s my honor to be here, ma’am. I am so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. It was a shock losing him so suddenly.”
“I can only imagine.”
“How have you been?”
“Fine. Busy at Culberson Ranch.”
“Do you like it there?”
“Yes, ma’am, but it’ll never be like here. This ranch will always be my home.”
“You know you’re welcome here any time. You and your brother, both.”
“I appreciate that. I plan to come back to visit my dad’s grave on his birthday.”
“Spend the night in your cabin. No one has stayed in it since you left.”
“I might do that. Thank you.”
She smiled at me and patted my cheek. “Again, it is so good to see you.”
“It is you, too. Would you happen to know where Hayden is?”
“Last I saw him, he was in the kitchen visiting with everyone in there and snacking on the food.”
“Of course he’s eating the food,” I chuckled.
“Help yourself to as much as you want of it. So many people brought different dishes here. My family and I will never be able to eat everything.”
“Alright.”
Mrs. Livingston paused and searched my eyes. “Madison has already seen your brother, but has avoided him as he has her.”
“Yes, ma’am, he’s rather bitter about the way she ended my relationship with her.”
“Which is understandable. I had my own struggles with it. Madison hasn’t said anything to me, but I know she’s been anticipating your showing up here. I can’t promise you how it will go.”
“I’m not expecting anything from her.”
“You may once you see her.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll find out. Just don’t hate her, please. She did what she believed was best.”
Mrs. Livingston patted my cheek again and walked off, heading toward another woman her age who’d just come inside the ranch house. They hugged and began talking.
When I turned back around, my breath caught in my throat from seeing Madison walking across the far side of the living room. She was wearing a black dress, black pantyhose, and black high heels, her red hair curled and brushing back and forth across her waist.
I kept watching her as she went over to speak to a man who seemed my age, then headed back through the living room.
Halfway across it, she came to an abrupt stop and looked to her left.
The moment our eyes met, Madison and I both took a deep breath, remaining frozen in place.
Seconds kept passing, and then she left the room. I went outside to pull myself together.