CH 43 - #touch
#touch
Luke
I had just walked into my cabin’s kitchen after taking a shower when I heard three light knocks on the front door and went over to it, opening it. “Madison,” I said, shocked to see her.
She looked me over, her eyes growing big. “I’ve caught you at a bad time. Sorry.”
“You haven’t caught me at a bad time. Is everything alright?”
“Yes.”
She’d stopped saying yep.
“Why did you come here?” I asked.
“I would like to talk to you.”
“Talk to me then.”
She cleared her throat, looking me over a second time. “Would you mind getting dressed first?”
I glanced down, remembering that the only thing covering me was a hand towel that I’d draped over my left shoulder and a bath towel that I’d wrapped around my waist after showering. “I apologize, my brain left me for a sec.”
“It’s okay.”
“Come on inside and make yourself at home while I throw on some clothes.”
I moved back from the doorway, Madison averting her eyes from me as she stepped through it.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I said after I’d closed the door.
“I’m going to sit on your couch.”
“Alright.”
Walking down the hallway to my bedroom, I took a deep breath. The last thing I ever expected was for Madison to come here. I wondered what she wanted to talk to me about. When I joined her in my living room, I sat in my recliner.
“I apologize again for not being decent when you got here. I wasn’t expecting anybody to show up, especially you,” I said.
“Luke, it’s fine.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Everything from my dad dying to you and Beau.”
“I’m really sorry about your dad’s passing. I couldn’t believe it when I found out. He had a heart attack, right?”
“He did, despite doing his best to stay in good health, but heart issues run on his side of the family.”
“Do you have any?”
“Not that I’m aware of, but I run, trying to be proactive about my health.”
“I have to confess something to you. I opened a fake Instagram account after we were over and watched your profile, trying to keep tabs on how you and Bella were doing. I noticed in the Halloween costume photo of you and her that you weren’t as thin as when I last saw you in person.
I was happy that you had put on a little weight because you needed to.
Now I know that you were pregnant with Beau and obviously not running anymore. ”
Madison nodded. “Right.”
“You closed your Instagram account not long after that. Was it because you were trying to hide your pregnancy?”
“No.”
She’d stopped saying nope too.
“Then what was your reasoning, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“I don’t mind. I closed my account because of some of Ty’s and my mutual guy friends’ occasional comments on Bella’s photos, saying how proud Ty is of her. It was such a joke, especially after Ty signed over his custody rights of Bella to me.”
My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. “What?”
“He did after my attorney had him served with modification papers restricting his standard visitation and also adding supervision to it. You remember how terribly it went when he came to Amarillo that weekend and took Bella with him to a hotel.”
“Yep, I do.” I shook my head. “Excuse me, I’m just trying to wrap my head around Ty giving up Bella. I could never do that.”
“Because you aren’t him. You’re a real man. You’re responsible and love deeply.”
I studied Madison’s tired eyes. “Are you okay with what Ty chose to do?”
“I am. No longer having to deal with him has been a huge relief.”
“What did Bella do?”
“I didn’t tell her about Ty signing over his rights to her. After a few weeks, she asked me why he hadn’t picked her up. I told her that he wasn’t going to anymore. She shrugged and said, ‘Okay,’ so nonchalantly. She hasn’t mentioned Ty since.”
“What about his parents?”
“Not them either.”
“Is Ty still paying child support for Bella?”
“No, that was part of his giving her up. Money and his image have always meant more to him than she ever did.”
“He never deserved her. He never deserved you either.”
Madison gave me a backward smile. “Thanks for saying that.”
“It’s true. About child support… I want to give you some cash to take care of Beau before you leave. If you’ll give me your mailing address, I’ll send you a check every month.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”
“Madison, I want to. The father in me wants to. It’s the least I can do. Is a couple of thousand a month enough?”
“It’s too much.”
“It can’t be. I know kids cost a lot.”
She stared at me, chewing on her bottom lip. “I want you to do something else before bringing your money into the mix. Spend time with Beau, get to know him while he gets to know you. Let’s see how it goes.”
“Alright. How long are you planning to stay on the ranch?”
“Indefinitely. My mom needs me to help her sort through everything. Besides, her being around Bella and Beau will do her a world of good.”
“Do you think she’ll keep the ranch?”
“As long as she feels like she can handle all the responsibilities of running it. I’m planning to help her do that too.”
“I hope you still have your cowgirl hat and boots that I got for you.”
“I do,” Madison chuckled, a little light filling her eyes.
“May I ask you some more questions about Beau?”
“As many as you want.”
“How was your pregnancy with him?”
“I had major morning sickness in the first trimester that stretched well beyond the morning. I was literally nauseous all day and lived on Sprite and crackers. Once my second trimester arrived, I was good and started eating like crazy.”
“Was there anything in particular you craved?” I asked, thankful that Madison was willing to share all of this with me.
“I couldn’t eat enough string mozzarella cheese, Lays potato chips, pistachios, dill pickles, and Nerds candy.”
I grinned. “That’s quite a variety. Do you still crave any of what you mentioned?”
“Only Nerds, but that’s been my favorite candy since I was a teenager. I never asked you if you have a favorite.”
“Mine is Hershey’s chocolate nuggets with almonds.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“They were my dad’s too. The little things in life that bring a person joy.”
“Little things mean a lot.”
Madison and I gazed into each other’s eyes as the seconds passed between us.
“How long are you going to be here?” she asked.
“A few days, then I’ll head back to Culberson Ranch. I wanted to soak in the reality of my having a son while spending some time with him.”
“When would you like to?”
“Every day I’m here.”
“Why don’t you come over to the ranch house tomorrow at eleven?”
“Alright. Do you need me to bring anything?”
“Just yourself. You can hang out in the living room with Beau and Bella. You know she’s going to be all over you.”
“I have missed her. She’s grown so much.”
“I know, she’s all legs now.”
“Does she know I’m Beau’s father?”
“Not yet. I’m going to tell her in the morning.”
“How did you explain your having Beau to her?”
“I told her it was magic.”
I looked over Madison’s beautiful face. “You and I did make some magic when we were together, and more than making our son.”
Madison smiled wistfully. “We did. I have a confession for you. The night you texted me, hoping Bella and I were doing well, I was in the process of texting you.”
“I never received your message.”
“I know, I deleted it.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Actually, I was going to send you a newborn photo of Beau, along with his birth weight and length, then I decided not to open that door with you. I thought it was best to leave you alone and let you live your life.”
I swallowed hard, studying Madison’s eyes.
“One other confession I have for you is about my dad. The last thing he said to me before he died, besides telling me that he loved me, was to promise him that I would make things right with you for Beau.”
“Did you promise him you would?”
“Yes. Because of everything that had to be done following his death, I hadn’t thought about when I would reach out to you; then Hayden showed up at the memorial.
When I saw him, I figured you would too.
I was a nervous wreck, watching for you, not knowing how to handle…
” Madison shook her head, choked up. “Luke, I’m so sorry about all of this.
I truly did what I believed was best for you. ”
“Did you not think it was best for Beau to have me in his life?”
“I’ve essentially raised Bella by myself, and she’s great.
I thought I could do the same with Beau, but he does need you in his life.
He’s so much like you. He’s a sweetie, and he’s also rough and tough, so active.
He was like that while I was pregnant with him, rolling in my tummy and kicking the fire out of me. ”
I sighed, imagining him doing that. “Do you have the newborn photo of him that you were going to text to me on your cellphone?”
“I do.”
“May I see it?”
“Of course.” Madison pulled her cellphone from her yoga pants pocket, scrolled through the screen with her fingertip, got up from the couch, and came over to me. “Here,” she said, handing me her cellphone.
The moment I saw Beau, with that bright red hair, crying, and the umbilical cord still attached to him, I covered my mouth to muffle my crying and looked up at Madison, standing in front of me. Her eyes were brimming with tears.
“I would’ve given anything to be there with you that day,” I choked out.
“I’m sorry I made you miss it. If I could do things over, I would. I would’ve told you that I was pregnant the day I found out. I would’ve let you be as involved as you wanted.”
“About you getting pregnant… I assumed you were on birth control.”
“I’ve never been, but I kept close tabs on my menstrual cycle, knowing when it was safe for me to have sex. I lost track when I was with you and got pregnant the night we were together in the hay loft.”
“Do you regret meeting me?”
“No.”
“Do you regret getting pregnant with Beau?”
“Never. He’s such a blessing.”
Madison and I kept staring into each other’s eyes. “Would you like to see the video of him when he was born?” she asked.
“Please.”
As I watched our son come into the world, take his first breath, and cry, tears streamed down my face.
Then I saw him placed in Madison’s arms by a nurse.
He stopped crying the moment she held him.
I looked up at her, both of our faces wet.
She reached out and held mine in her hand.
I leaned into it and closed my eyes. That was the first physical contact I’d had with Madison since she ended things with me last year. Her touch still got to me.
About ten minutes later, she left to go back to the ranch house.
I was sitting in my recliner again when my cellphone chimed and kept chiming.
Madison texted me not only the photo and video of Beau that I’d already seen, but several others of him from his first year.
After looking at all of them, I went to bed, emotionally wiped out, yet so thankful to have my son in my life now.