CH 42 - #newreality
#newreality
Luke
“Madison let you hold Beau?” Hayden asked, surprised. We were standing beside his truck after leaving the ranch house.
“Yep, she did. I watched her nurse him in her bedroom, too, which used to be mine.”
“I can’t believe you’ve got a kid. A son!”
“When I looked into his eyes, we connected. I felt it in my soul.”
“It was really selfish of Madison not to tell you about him the second she found out she was pregnant.”
“She had her reason.”
“Which is?”
“She said she didn’t want to burden me, but Beau wouldn’t have been a burden. He’s the biggest blessing of my life.”
“Did Madison say anything about you and her?”
“After I did. I told her that she left me without saying goodbye. She said that she thought a clean break was best because she and I are different, and so are our lifestyles. I pointed out to her that while she was here all those weeks, she was happy and whole.”
“Do you think there’s a future for you and her?”
“Nope. My only contact with her will be about my seeing Beau.”
“Are you going to do anything to cover your ass legally as his father?”
“I won’t need to as long as Madison is cooperative with me. I believe she will be.”
“What about paying her child support?”
“I’ve got to discuss the amount with her.”
“Don’t let her take you to the cleaners.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “She’s not going to do that, but I’m paying her above what’s required. Children are expensive. Madison has footed the entire bill on Beau all this time.”
“When are you going to see him again?”
“Soon, I hope. I’m going to contact Mr. Culberson, tell him what’s going on, and that I need a few days off from work.”
“Where will you stay?”
“My old cabin. Mrs. Livingston told me I could. No one’s been in it since I left.”
Hayden sighed and ran his hands down his face. “I ain’t believing all this.”
“How do you feel about being an uncle?”
“It’s cool, I guess. I just won’t be around Beau that much because of my job’s location. Same as yours. I don’t see how you’re going to make things work with Madison, visitation-wise, since she lives in Dallas.”
“I will do whatever is necessary.”
“You don’t seem that torn up about seeing and talking to her.”
“I got a lot of it out when I confronted her back at the ranch house. She and I both cried.”
“You’ll always love her.I nodded. “Because she was the one for me. I still believe she is, but I can’t convince her of it.”
“When are you going to tell Mom that she has a grandson?”
“Later today. I’ve also got to go shopping for some clothes, shampoo, deodorant, and all since I obviously don’t have that with me.”
Hayden left a couple of minutes later. I walked back to my truck and got in to call Mr. Culberson. He was understanding and supportive of my decision to take a few days off to get to know my son.
Wanting to get my shopping out of the way, I drove into town and picked up everything I needed, plus a few groceries. As I was driving back onto the ranch, several folks passed by me as they left. Mr. Livingston’s memorial service must have ended.
After I parked in front of my cabin, I stared out my windshield at it, remembering the damage the tornado did to it, as well as Madison helping me pick up outside after the storm. We worked together for days around the ranch, doing whatever was necessary to get everything back to how it had been.
When I walked into my bedroom, I noticed the comforter on the bed was a little messed up. On my last morning here, I made sure everything was neat and orderly. Someone had been here without Mrs. Livingston’s knowledge.
I went over to my bed and looked down at it, zeroing in on two long strands of red hair on the pillow closest to me.
I carefully picked them up and twirled them around two of my fingers in the shape of an infinity symbol while wondering when it was that Madison came here.
It had to have been since she arrived for her Dad’s memorial service.
I opened my wallet and tucked her hair into it beside the other infinity symbol of her hair that I made on another occasion, then I went to the kitchen to open my new bottle of Buffalo Trace and pour myself some.
Sitting on my couch in silence except for the ticking of the clock on the wall behind me, I looked toward the kitchen.
I could still picture Madison dancing around it, dressed in only a white apron, thong, and the cowgirl boots I bought for her while cooking supper for us.
I could also still picture her sitting on the counter beside the sink while we had sex.
Not needing to go down that rabbit hole any further, I downed my glass of whiskey and stood up to get myself another. Once I had, I went outside, sat on the front porch steps, and called my mom to tell her that she was a grandmother.
She and I talked for over an hour. Of course, she was thrilled to know about Beau. She just hated that Madison had kept me from knowing about him until now. I hated it, too, but there was no good to be had from dwelling on it. We all needed to move forward and make the best of this situation.
Before sunset, I took a drive around the ranch to check out the corral, barn, bunkhouse, and my family’s cemetery.
I went there first and walked around the sacred plot of land, listening to the wind chimes hanging from the mesquite trees.
Afterward, I sat down beside my dad’s grave and talked to him.
“You’d be proud to know you have a grandson.
He is me made over, Dad, except for his hair color.
It’s red like his mother’s. I wish you could’ve met them both.
If you could put in a good word for me with the Big Man upstairs, I’d appreciate your asking Him to help me navigate these new waters with Madison and our little boy, Beau.
I’m excited, but I’m also scared. If I’m half the father you were to me, I’ll be doing good. ”
Once I’d gathered myself, I went back to my truck and drove to the corral, parking next to the gate.
As I walked around, looking at everything and reminiscing about all the quarter horses I’d broken in and trained, I heard a sweet voice call my name and turned around.
Bella was running toward me as fast as she could, smiling, while Meredith followed her.
“Look at you, angel! You have grown so much!” I said when Bella neared me, then I picked her up and hugged her as she hugged me, giggling.
“I’ve missed you and Casper.”
“We’ve missed you, too.”
“I have a little brother. His name is Beau.”
“I know.”
“His hair is like mine.”
“And your mommy’s.”
Bella nodded, still smiling at me. “Where is Casper?”
“He’s at the new ranch that I work at now.”
“But this is his home.”
“Not anymore, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Luke,” Meredith said, walking up to Bella and me.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. It’s been a long day.”
“Yep, it has been.”
“This one here,” she said, pointing at Bella, “saw you from the front living room window and squealed. She had to come see you.”
“I appreciate you letting her. I’ve missed her a lot.”
I looked back at Bella, a smile still on her face. She placed her little hands on my cheeks and rubbed the tip of her nose back and forth across mine. “That’s an Eskimo kiss.”
“I know. Thank you for giving me one.”
“I love you, Luke.”
Her words shot straight to my heart. “I love you too.”
“I need to get her back to the ranch house,” Meredith said.
I looked at her, nodded, and put Bella down. She looked at her aunt and shook her head no, saying she didn’t want to go. She wanted to stay with me.
I squatted down and held her hands. “I’ll be here tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see you then.”
“Okay,” she said, her emerald eyes welling up.
I hugged her while staring up at Meredith, watching us. “Thanks for bringing her out here.”
“Of course.”
“How is Beau doing?” I asked, standing up, but keeping my hand on the back of Bella’s head.
“Wonderfully. He’s milk-drunk from Madison nursing him and is sleeping.”
“That’s good. Would you please let your mom know I’m going to stay at my old cabin for a few days and hang out on the ranch? She told me earlier that I could anytime.”
“Yeah, no prob.”
I looked down at Bella. “You have sweet dreams tonight.”
She nodded. As she and Meredith were returning to the ranch house, I watched them, and then I saw Madison step onto the front porch.
She looked at her sister and Bella, her focus on me next.
Meredith and Bella reached her, the three of them going inside.
Madison closed the door behind them and reopened it, sticking her head out and looking at me again.
We stared at each other, Madison finally turning around and disappearing from my view again as my heart ached.