Chapter 25
Ellie
My alarm goes off causing me to roll over and groan loudly before turning it off. I tossed and turned all night, thinking about Jamie and the way his lips felt on mine. How his fingers felt inside me. How his dick filled me so completely.
“How many times have you dreamt of me since we reconnected? How many times have you played with yourself to the thought of me? Tell me, Sweetheart.”
How could he make me so wet by just the tone of his voice?
He was so… demanding. When we were younger, we didn’t really know what we were doing.
But now that we’re adults… a lot has changed.
I cringe at the thought of him with other women.
I’m not stupid. He’s a hot hockey player for a professional hockey team.
Of course he’s slept with plenty of women, just as I’ve slept with other men. I just… I don’t like thinking about it.
I think back to my talk last night with Lainey and Gwen.
One thing I left out was how I found Jamie there in that locker room, having a panic attack and being so vulnerable.
That’s the second time I’ve found him in that condition.
I don’t remember him having panic attacks before, but I can’t imagine the pressure he’s under.
His knee, the kids, getting back to his career. That’s a lot for anyone, but especially for Jamie who’s only dream since we were kids was the NHL.
Although sometimes I question if it was his dream, or his fathers.
Yes, Jamie always liked hockey. He loved watching games with his dad, and he grew up playing on the pond in his backyard in the winter.
But he got more serious about it after his dad passed.
I wonder if he promised him he’d go pro, and now that he’s not, Jamie feels guilty.
Or I’m way off base and it has nothing to do with his father and everything to do with the fact that he loves the sport. Either way, he’s under a lot of stress. Was fucking me just a way to release that stress? Did he use me?
Oh, shut up, Ellie. No, he didn’t use you. He told you how much he wanted you.
Shaking my head, I try my best to start thinking about how I’m going to bring up the fundraiser to the kids. I’ll do it at the end of class, that way, they’ll wait until after rehearsal to hate me.
I’ve already submitted the plan to Dean Ashby, and he was all for it. He loved the idea of the two departments getting together to create something memorable. He mostly loved all the way the school would make money.
So, it’s a go. Now I just have to get through several weekends working with Jamie to make this night perfect. What can go wrong, right?
When I walk into the kitchen, Jamie is standing at the island eating a plateful of scrambled eggs.
My eyes skim his toned body in his black athletic pants and a black zip up that hugs his muscles so tightly, I could probably count every one of them.
His brown hair flops to one side and his eyes are focused on his phone that lies on the counter.
I make my way over to the coffee maker and pull out a mug from the cupboard above.
I feel his gaze on my back and my cheeks heat.
Then, I feel his presence behind me, his body heat enveloping me like a hug.
He reaches above my head, grabs a mug from the cupboard, and places it down on the counter, his arm brushing mine.
Goosebumps break out all over my body. It was barely a touch, but it hit me like a live wire.
And then I feel him move my hair from my right shoulder and slide it over to the left before his mouth is next to my ear. I feel his hot breath on my cheek.
“Would you mind pouring me a glass, too?” he says in a husky tone that makes me want to turn my head slightly and let him kiss me. I nod. “Thank you, Sweetheart.”
And then he walks away, back to his eggs that are probably cold by now.
“Was it necessary to get that close to me to ask that?” I ask, trying my best to keep my breathing under control.
He chuckles. “Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.”
I roll my eyes, watching the coffee pour into my cup.
“Maybe I didn’t,” I shrug as I remove my cup and put his under the machine, clicking the button again and waiting for the coffee to pour.
The scent of sandalwood and vanilla assault my senses, and when I turn around, Jamie is right there.
He boxes me in, his hands on either side of me planted on the counter.
My heartbeat skyrockets, and my breath hitches. What the hell is he doing?
“You sure enjoyed me being close to you yesterday in the locker room,” he taunts. “In fact, you were begging me to touch you.”
I can feel how hot my cheeks are. My pussy clenches and I already know I’m wet. He doesn’t even have to touch me. I’m pathetic.
“I was not begging,” I lie. Jamie rolls his eyes.
“Come on, Sweetheart. There’s no need to deny it.”
“I… I’m not,” I stutter. “I don’t have time for this. I have to go to rehearsal.”
He moves an inch closer, his body practically against mine, and holy god, why do I want it to be?
“I bet that if I bent you over this counter right now and fucked you until you screamed my name, you’d let me.”
His eyebrow raises as if he’s challenging me. Do I like the sound of that? Yes, yes I do. Will I let that happen? No. Because I need time to think about whether or not I want to even pursue anything with this man and having sex with him again will not help.
“You’re wrong,” I tell him, even though we both know it’s not true. “Now let me go. I have to get to work, and so do you.”
Jamie tilts his head. “Alright, Sweetheart. If you say so.”
He pushes off the counter, and I immediately miss the warmth the closeness of his body was providing. I inhale shakily, my morning completely thrown off due to the unexpected closeness to Jamie.
Get it together, Ellie. You don’t let men distract you. You are smarter than that, stronger than that. You didn’t come here looking for a man. You came here to work.
I walk hastily out of the kitchen, leaving my coffee behind. I can feel Jamie’s eyes watching me as I go which makes me move faster.
Once I’m safely in my car, my head falls to the steering wheel. I shouldn’t be letting Jamie in my head like this. It’s not healthy. I need to tell him that the sex was a one-time thing, and we can’t let it happen again. That’s what’s best for both of us.
Starting the engine, I make my way down the driveway and head toward campus.
My phone begins to ring over the loudspeaker.
When Freddie’s name pops up on the screen, I grin like an idiot.
We text here and there, but we’ve both been so busy that we haven’t been able to have an actual conversation.
Not that we can have one now since I’m on my way to work, but a few minutes is better than none.
“Hello? Is this Professor Monroe?” Freddie teases. I roll my eyes with a smile.
“Hey, Freddie. I’ve missed you and your sense of humor.”
“Hey babes. It’s been too long. How’s your new life at the University? How’s directing? Everything you thought it would be?” he asks as I pull into the parking lot.
“Directing is good. My students are really talented, and they listen to me so that’s good…” I say, my voice fading off.
“Umm, what aren’t you telling me?” Freddie asks, and I can imagine his face with his eyes narrowed and a curious smile.
“Okay, you remember how I told you I was being forced to live with my asshole ex?”
“Yes…oh my god. You guys fucked. You dirty little—”
“Hey! Yes, we uh… we had sex. But now it’s weird and awkward and I don’t know how to act!” I say, a bit of panic in voice.
“Wait, okay. Where did you guys do it? Like in his room or yours? Or maybe right on the couch?” he inquires and my face heats as I think of that night.
Me lying on that bench, naked and completely bared to him.
Him standing over me, all muscle and power.
Completely opposite of how vulnerable he’d been when I found him.
“The locker room…” I cringe.
“Ellie Monroe! Who are you?” Freddie asks facetiously. I cover my face with my hands, my head shaking.
Groaning, I say, “I know, I know. I don’t know what came over me. He was there, he was saying all the right things, and he looked… God, he looked so good. It was like I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Well, why is it awkward?” he asks.
I sigh. “I think it’s only awkward for me. Jamie seems to be flirtier, and I think he thinks it’s going to happen again,” I explain. Actually, I don’t think. I know. If what happened in the kitchen this morning is any indication, he most definitely wants it to happen again.
“And it’s not?” Freddie prods.
“No. It can’t. We work together.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No.” Shit. Is that the only reason I don’t want it to happen?
No, because I’m still worried about what will happen if he heals and goes back to his team.
Will he just leave again? Does he assume this is just sex and he’s not going to take it further?
My mind spins with different scenarios. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. This spiral.
“El, you know I love you. I want what’s best for you.
I know what he did to you was shitty, and I totally get it if you’re questioning things.
In fact, you should be. Men suck. But if there’s any part of you that wants to give it chance, I’ll be here for you.
Whether the ending is happy or everything crashes and burns. Got it?”
A stupid tear escapes my eye and runs down my cheek. “Thank you,” I say, sniffling. My eyes catch on the time on my dash. “Shit, Freddie. I’m late, I have to go. I’ll call you soon, okay?”
“You better. I need weekly updates, Bitch. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I tell him before hanging up.
Staring out of my windshield, I watch as students walk into the building in front of me.
I remember when I was one of them not too long ago.
Everything was so much simpler then. I partied with my friends, I had fun, did some stupid shit.
Yes, my father got arrested, but that was a long time coming.
But most importantly, I’d forgotten Jamie and my past. I’d moved on.
Now look where I am. I’m a freaking mess, and I have to go and direct for several hours while trying not to think of the one man I shouldn’t want.
Closing my eyes, I take a long, deep calming breath. And then I jump so hard I almost hit my head on the car ceiling when a tapping sound comes from my window.