Chapter 39
Jamie
My pulse races and my hands shake as I stand in my office looking into the mirror that hangs on the wall.
My face looks pale and my cheeks are bright red.
I look like I’ve just skated twelve laps around the rink, except I haven’t.
In fact, I haven’t done anything but sit here going over the routine for the fundraiser.
The Wolves are in the auditorium with the theatre kids rehearsing one last time before they take the ice.
There’s less than an hour before showtime, and I can’t get my fucking breathing under control enough to feel like I can leave this room. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve performed in front of way bigger crowds in bigger arenas.
This should be a piece of cake. So why does my brain think this is the end of the world?
Taking a deep breath in, I release it shakily as I stare back at myself in the mirror. I’m okay. Everything’s okay. I’m okay. Everything’s okay. I repeat this mantra a hundred times before ultimately giving up and fall back into my chair at the desk.
Fuck, I’m freaking out. I feel my heartbeat pick up, and my entire body is filled with adrenaline and the urge to vomit. I rub a clammy hand over my face and try to focus on my breathing. My leg moves up and down in quick succession under the desk.
Get it together, Patterson. It’s just a dance. It’s short, and it’s for Ellie. Think about Ellie.
As if she heard my thoughts, she appears at my door, knocking once before opening the door slowly. When she sees me, her face drops and her smile turns to worry. She rushes over, kneeling in front of me, and her tiny hands cup my face as she tries to get my eyes to focus on her.
“Jesus, Jamie. What happened? Are you okay?” she asks, panic laced in her voice.
“I’m good. I just…I need a minute,” I croak.
“You’re shaking, Jamie,” she says, and I turn away from her because she’s already seen me like this far too many times for my liking. She pulls me back though, not letting me hide within myself.
“Hey, Jamie. Look at me. What is it? What’s wrong? Is it the dance? You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
I shake my head, feeling completely fucking stupid. I rub my sweating palms on my jeans a few times before Ellie grabs them.
My adrenaline is at an all time high, my immune system shitting the bed on me. The loud ringing in my ears intensifies and my vision becomes blurry. Fuck, I’m going to pass out.
“Jamie, focus on my voice. Focus on me,” she tries again. “Feel this?” she squeezes my hands. “That’s real. Feel this?” she places her hands on my cheeks. “And this?” her warm lips meet mine, and she kisses me softly. I can feel the panic attack slowing, my pulse steadying. “I love you, Jamie.”
My hands feel steadier, my brain quieter, the ringing is gone. Ellie’s face comes into view as I open my eyes, and she looks like an angel. She loves me.
“Good, take some slow, deep breaths. That’s it,” she coos. I do as she says, taking a breath in and letting it go slowly. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Are you nervous about the show?” she asks, her worry still obvious.
Shrugging, I take a sip from my water bottle. “I don’t know. I didn’t think I was, but I guess I must be.”
She clutches my thigh and peers up at me with those emerald eyes. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t feel comfortable. I won’t be angry with you,” she assures me.
“No, I’m going to do it. I just needed to freak out first. I’m good, I promise” I tell her with a smile. “Let’s go kick some ass, yeah?
She nods, holding her hand out and helping me stand. Before we leave the room, I take a few more deep breaths. Let’s do this.
The arena is full of life. Voices carry and echo off the walls, people walk up and down the stands as they find their seats. Burgundy fabric wraps around the boards. Gold spotlights sweep across center ice, highlighting the Ellington logo.
Students pack the lower sections, and faculty and donors fill the upper sections. It looks just like what Ellie had described in the meetings. The tech crew and hockey guys really outdid themselves.
Ellie comes up from behind, stopping next to me. She looks hot and professional in her black pantsuit and heels. I want to devour her here and now, but I contain myself. As much as I’d like to go for round two today, I have to keep it together for both our sakes.
“Oh my god,” she breathes. “It’s perfect.”
I look down at her and my chest squeezes as I watch her smile grow wider, her cheeks pink from the cold and eyes wide as she takes it all in like it’s magic.
“Told you hockey draws a crowd,” I say with a chuckle.
The announcer’s voice booms overhead.
“Welcome to Ellington University’s Pucks and Props night!”
The arena explodes. Ellie and I share one last look before heading to our respective areas with our students.
The theatre kids take the ice first, their first excerpt making the crowd laugh, and at the end, everyone’s clapping.
From what I could tell, it seems to be some kind of love story.
The leads, April and Leo I think, did a great job at keeping everyone engaged.
The props are awesome and everything went smoothly.
From across the rink, I find Ellie standing proud and tall, her hands clasped together under her chin as she admires her students work and the response from the audience.
As soon as the music switches, the Wolves take the ice, jumping over the boards and getting set up for their scrimmage game.
The crowd goes nuts, and it seems to fire up the boys even more.
Half of the team wears our home jerseys, and the other half sports the away jerseys.
They look like actual pros out there. I never thought I’d see the day, honestly.
These guys were a total fucking mess. But it seems like whatever I did these past few months paid off.
When the scrimmage is over, the theatre kids come back out and perform again.
We take turns going back and forth like this for an hour.
By the looks of it, this crowd is loving every second of it, thank fuck.
I didn’t expect us to be able to pull something like this off. I don’t think its ever been done.
I just hope that for as much as they seem to enjoy it, they dig into their pockets at the end of the night so all of this wasn’t for nothing.
All night, I’ve caught Ellie watching everything like it’s magic, and every time our eyes meet, my anxiety seems to dissipate. So, I’d say the real magic… is her.
This was all her vision. Sure, I helped execute it.
I got the team ready. I helped where I could, but she did the rest. I’m so fucking proud of her.
She’s been busting her ass working on this and the play.
I’m sure I made everything even more difficult for her, adding me into the mix.
But she’s handled everything with confidence and tenacity. She always has.
By the time we’ve finished with the scrimmage, and the theatre kids have finished their performances, we’re all spent. But it’s not over yet.
Shaking my hands out at my sides, I take few calming breaths before stepping out onto the empty ice where the crew has laid down a large tarp for us.
I’ve never enjoyed public speaking. In fact, I’ve always kind of avoided it, but there’s no avoiding it now, so here goes nothing.
It’s only a few words, Jamie. It’ll be fine.
You’ve done thousands of interviews; you can get through this.
I tap the mic clipped to my collar and fight the urge to say, ‘is this thing on?’
Clearing my throat, I begin. “Thank you all for coming to Pucks and Props night. We appreciate you being here and donating to our Arts and Athletic departments. Now, you’ve seen the theatre department act.
You’ve seen the hockey team show off.” I pause, letting the crowd settle. “What happens when you combine them?”
As I walk off the ice and back to the bench, the lights drop and the arena gasps. Darkness swallows everything except for a single gold spotlight burning at center rink.
I watch Ellie from across the ice as she counts down to her cue. She doesn’t look nervous or stressed. She looks calm and collected, the complete opposite of what I’m feeling right now.
This is it. This is the finale.