Rory
Fifteen
Dr. Isabelle Griffith was a godsend and, my God, this woman needed more money. I told her it was an emergency, but not the I would kill myself if I didn’t talk to you kind of emergency.
Izzy—she gave me permission to call her that—was dressed down in jeans and a Georgia state tee with her auburn hair in a messy bun. The look reminded me of the girls I hated in college, but she was an angel. Izzy smiled at me before adjusting her notepad.
“Are you ready to dive into this downward spiral and splatter at rock bottom?” I had to use humor or else I would cry.
She arched her brow. “Did I just join a suicide pact?”
“We can sign it in blood right now.” I sighed.
I had to be careful with Izzy. While we had a friendship, she was still my psychiatrist and the best goddamn therapist I knew.
Too much humor would lead to a three-day grippy sock vacation.
I came here to rip the Band-Aid off. “Okay. So I am fine. Definitely didn’t sleep with a hot stranger who happens to be an enemy and think about her for the last two weeks. ”
She tipped her head, her brow inching up as she studied me curiously. “Was it impulsive? Did you sleep before this choice was made?”
“I mean aren’t one-night stands normally impulsive?” I laughed. “And I did have maybe three hours of sleep before I went to enemy territory. I also might’ve sorta kinda got triggered before I went to the bar.”
She set her pen down. “Uh huh. And what was your mindset at that moment?”
“That I needed to get out.”
“So then you went to the bar when you were already triggered and sleep-deprived?” When she said it like that, it sounded horrible. “Are you sure it wasn’t an impulsive choice to distract yourself from what was going on in your mind?”
“Nope.” I answered with unwavering confidence. “I didn’t sleep with her to have control of what happened. I wanted to. When I walked into the bar, I saw her and the connection was instant. I like sex, but I am also picky. Plus, she made the first move.”
She scribbled in her notepad. “Any regrets?”
I shook my head. “None. Sometimes I feel bad, but not with her. It was the best night of my life and I had orgasms. She didn’t judge me or question my scars. She said I was art.”
“Are you planning on seeing her again?”
“Iz, it was a one-time thing. I’m insane. Legally and hypothetically. That and she lives in Crestview.”
Izzy straightened in her chair. She knew about the feud.
Hell, she knew about everything that wasn’t borderline illegal that happened in Briarwood.
I was a blabbermouth and talking about unrelated things kept Izzy distracted slightly until she reeled me in.
“Ahh, so we’re bordering on enemies to lovers. ”
“I don’t care about Cinder’s feud. But it makes me feel like a horrible sister because Diesel was her father, and she lost him in such a brutal way.”
Before he was killed, I only had a handful of conversations with him.
Diesel died a few weeks before I tried to kill myself.
It was a difficult time for everyone, but I couldn’t handle being a burden.
Cinder never called me a burden, but I felt like one at the time.
I think that was when Morgan knew she could make her move on me.
She knew what to say to make me gush and feel safe.
“Fast attachment is something we talked about,” Izzy explained. Damn, we were diving into therapy today. “But I know you. I know how you catch feelings. It seems this woman affected you.”
I groaned. Well, hell. I thought this was supposed to help me. “You know, I expected you to tell me no. I am not mentally sane to deal with this.”
She crossed her legs and folded her hands. “I can tell you no all the time, but will you listen?” Good point. “Rory, you know I’ll tell you to do a lot of things, but this is something you have to choose for yourself.”
I knew she would answer like a therapist, but it was fully my choice to do this or not. I wanted to see if these feelings, two weeks later, were something I should chase or be left in the dark. “Okay. I’ll think about it more.”
I didn’t want to dive into things with a woman I didn’t know that well.
Sex was one thing, but feelings and everything else?
I joked about it, but I had issues. My trauma and everything else didn’t define me, but I still had to live with it.
Widow and Vesper weren’t mine, but diving into this with a stranger?
Future me might benefit from it, but present Rory?
How the hell would I tell a woman I was fucked up?
Like yes, I was on medicine and in therapy, but sometimes I had very bad days.
“Why don’t you tell your sister about it?”
“Uhhh no. She hates anyone associated with Crestview because of what the leader did to Diesel. I get it, but at the same time, it’s not something I am emotionally attached to.”
“Well then, Rory, be selfish. You worry about making everyone else happy, so make yourself happy. I know you’re scared of attachment, but you deserve to be happy. The right person will love you, every part of you, even the parts of you that you don’t like.”
I sighed, and thanked her for today’s therapy session before I headed out. I needed a sign before I made a fool of myself, and I had the perfect person to ask.
I pulled out my phone and texted Babs, who abandoned me for college, but I couldn’t blame her.
Babs was my soul sister, my platonic soulmate.
We met during college orientation. I decided I wanted to move on with my life, and at nineteen, I went to community college.
Babs was also there. We were both trying to figure out what we wanted to do in life.
Babs was a year younger than me and in her last year of pre-med at Jacksonville State, then she’d be in med school somewhere. I loved her, and I was glad she got out of Briarwood, but fuck her for leaving me. I wish I got out, but Briarwood was my home, and so was Cinder.
ME
Bitch when are you coming back home? I need some soul sister TLC.
BABS
I’ll be home soon! I promise! I miss you!
ME
I’m gonna wither away
BABS
LOL, please don’t. I have to do a few tests and I’ll be home! I promise.