Chapter Twenty-Eight
Reese
The week that followed went by quickly, yet not fast enough at the same time.
After my night at the hospital with the Iona family, I booked my plane ticket out of Hawaii.
When I tried to book it, I could barely see the screen through my tears.
I didn’t even know where I was going until I clicked ‘purchase’ on a one-way ticket to Salt Lake City.
I had called my mom afterward, explaining that I was between contracts and needed a place to stay. She was shocked, but happily agreed and promised to pick me up from the airport.
My hospital manager had been understanding when I stated I had a family emergency and needed to end my contract two weeks early. He let me know that he would keep the staff position open for a few more weeks, but after that, they would need to hire someone.I had no plans to contact him.
I had cried countless nights with Beth and Pickles by my side.
While I had spent my New Year’s in the hospital, Beth had come home early from a party at a fellow teacher’s house to find her husband in bed with another woman. It seemed Derek hadn’t always been working all those late nights, and most of his business trips were actually for pleasure.
I’d come home to Beth sobbing as she tried to explain she had kicked him out, and he hadn’t come back since.
Now, my eyes still felt puffy, and my fingers trembled as I finished zipping up my last suitcase. I opened the door to my room and stopped dead in my tracks when I heard his voice.
“I don’t care what you think, Derek. I’m here to see Reese.” It was Kelly’s voice that came from down the stairs.
“I don’t think you heard me, dick. She doesn’t want to see you.”
“Last I heard, you weren’t even living here,” Kelly said in a dangerously low voice, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. Had he been talking to Beth?
I considered for a second running back to my room and hiding. I could have just locked myself in there and waited for Kelly to leave. Eventually, he would give up. But I couldn’t do that. My flight was leaving in three hours, and I couldn’t miss it.
I heard a door open at the end of the hall and watched an even puffier-eyed Beth walk toward me. She might be the only person who has cried more than I have lately. I met her at the top of the stairs.
Beth whispered, “What is Kelly doing here? Did you know Derek was here?”
I couldn’t seem to find my voice, and settled on just shaking my head ‘no.’
“That’s none of your fucking business. Besides, Reese probably exaggerated what happened. She’s been a bad influence on my wife,” Derek laughed, but there was no humor in his voice.
“Never talk about Reese again,” Kelly threatened.
“Or what, pretty boy? What are you going to do about it?” There was a taunting tone to Derek’s voice that made me want to punch him in the face.
Beth launched down the stairs at this. I quickly followed and saw Derek grabbing at Kelly’s shirt collar.
“Derek, what the fuck are you doing here? What are you doing to Kelly?” Beth’s face was beet red, and I could almost see the cartoon steam coming off her head.
Kelly looked right at me and ripped out of Derek’s grasp. “Reese—” He reached his hand out like I was floating away. I might as well have been.
I could almost feel my hand rising to reach for Kelly when I saw a flash of skin and heard the deep ‘thunk’ of bone meeting bone.
One moment, Kelly was reaching for me, and the next, he was on the ground, holding his nose, and blood was gushing out.
Derek was panting as he held his hand in agony.
“Kelly!” I screamed, and my feet were already carrying me to him.
“What the fuck!” Beth screamed. I looked back to see her ball up her fist, moving so fast as she punched Derek in the eye. Derek fell back, and I was amazed at what my tiny cousin could dish out. “Leave, or I’ll call the police,” Beth said as she pushed Derek towards the door.
He looked at her in total shock, as if it was the first time he’d truly seen her.
“You’ll regret ever putting hands on me, you little bitch. You won’t have a penny to your name without me,” Derek called out.
I took Kelly by the arm and led him toward the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood and Derek’s threats behind us.
I didn’t bother looking back at Derek, knowing Beth could handle her own.
He didn’t say a word as I grabbed a kitchen towel.
When I tried to pull Kelly’s hand away from his face, I saw the quick release of ruby red blood.
I gently pressed the towel to his nose, hoping to stop the bleeding.
“Thanks,” he said, and my heartbeat slowed a little, knowing he was okay.
“You didn’t say anything to him after he hit you. You didn’t even touch him.” My voice sounded small in the massive space.
“I grew up with three older siblings. I know when to pick my fights. Not only is that guy huge, but he would probably sue me if I assaulted him on his own property. But trust me, I wanted to kick his ass the second he said your name.”
I continued to hold pressure, and I stared into the dark blue of Kelly’s eyes. “You didn’t have to come see me,” I said, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable.
He narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t have to come see you? What are you even talking about? I didn’t even know you were leaving until I got a text from Beth this morning. Were you just going to leave? Not say anything to me and act as if nothing happened?”
“I don’t belong here.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You just don’t want to belong here. But you do. I just don’t get why you don’t want to,” he said.
I looked away, trying to find the words that would make sense to him. But I couldn’t even explain this to myself.
“Reese,” Kelly said softly as he reached out and cupped my face.
“I’m not meant to stay here.” The words weren’t more than a whisper.
“Why?” he whispered back.
I pulled the towel away to see that the bleeding had almost completely stopped. I handed him the towel and stepped back a few feet. The cold air in the kitchen settled in without his body warmth next to me.
“I’ve never truly had a home. I don’t know how to do any of this,” I motioned to the empty kitchen like that would explain it.
“We’ll figure it out together,” he pleaded.
“Kelly, I learned a long time ago to stop caring about others before they stopped caring about me. Every time I moved to a new state, the friends from my past always stopped caring first. My own dad walked away from me. It’s much easier to handle heartbreak if you never get close to people in the first place. ”
“But then you’ll never know happiness or love. You can’t spend your whole life avoiding heartbreak. The loss and sadness are what help us appreciate the good things in life. Please, don’t leave.” He tried to close the gap, but I stepped back further until my back hit the cold stone counters.
“You feel that way right now, but give it time and—” I started to argue.
“No. If you leave right now, I’ll always miss the gold in your eyes. It could be ninety years from now, and when I close my eyes for the last time, it would still be your eyes that I see.”
I was speechless at his confession.
“Topanga Reese Phillips.” He closed the distance between us, placing his hands on the counter on each side of my hips. “I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier. I have loved you for a long time, but I was too scared to say it. But I’m not scared anymore.”
“You don’t mean that,” I tried to push him away, feeling the burn of oncoming tears at the edges of my eyes. He didn’t budge.
“I’ve never been more serious in my entire life.” His eyes begged me to trust him, but I couldn’t. “You are the one. I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else, and I know you feel the same way.”
“But what about what happened with your family?”
“That’ll fix itself,” he said, completely unconcerned.
“Kelly, they know that we were lying to them! They took me in like one of their own, and I lied to them for months. I can’t come back from that.”
“Nobody cares about that. Do you know why it feels like they took you in? Because they love you, and they care about you. Were we lying to them in the beginning? Sure. But what we have is real, Reese. Your relationships with my family members are real. You’re a part of us now.
But hell, if you don’t want to stay, then I’ll leave and go with you. ”
I could feel my pulse thudding in my ears. “You can’t leave. You love your home.”
“I love you more,” he said.
I couldn’t ask him to give up his whole life here.
Especially not just for me. Maybe at first it would be okay, but he’d eventually realize I wasn’t worth the sacrifice.
He’d end up resenting me. I couldn’t do that to him.
So, I said the only thing I could think of, “I don’t want to be a part of your family,” I said as the words burned my tongue.
I didn’t mean any of that, but it didn’t matter.
I ducked under his arms and headed for the stairs.
“Please,” he said, and I looked back and saw his eyes were misty. “Please, don’t do this. I know you don’t mean that.”
“I have no choice.” My voice broke as my chest tightened.
Kelly walked toward me slowly, standing one step below, forcing us to face each other. “You don’t have to be scared.”
“I’m not the only one who is scared. You think you’re so brave, Kelly? Why haven’t you gone looking for your biological mother?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I regretted them immediately.
He staggered back as if I had physically slapped him, and I might as well have.
I was prepared for him to yell back at me, but he didn’t. He looked at me for what felt like a lifetime, my hurtful words hanging between us. Slowly, he stepped forward until his forehead was pressed to mine, and I let him. For one brief moment, the heartache eased before he sighed, pulling back.
“You were never going to stay,” he said.
I said nothing.
He took my silence for what it was. I was a coward, and we both knew it.
I watched a single tear roll down his face.
Up close, his eyes were the darkest midnight blue I’d ever seen.
He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, his hand lingering briefly before lowering to the base of my neck.
He touched me so softly as his eyes scanned my face, as if trying to memorize it.
“When I met you, you seemed like you were lost at sea,” he said softly, and my heart ached in my chest. “Like you were just waiting for someone to bring you back to the shore. I thought maybe, if I loved you enough, I could save you. I have struggled my whole life feeling like I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough of other people’s love.
When I met you, I finally felt complete.
Like I didn’t have to be anyone but myself to deserve your love.
It didn’t matter what my past was. It made me believe I could do the same for you.
But I finally realized I will never be able to save you.
And neither is anyone else. I came with my rescue boat, but you weren’t brave enough to reach out and get on. ”
“Reese, if you want a life, a home, or a family, you’ll have to be the one to make it happen. Nobody else. Even if it’s not with me, I hope one day you’re brave enough to choose that for yourself.”
I went to open my mouth to argue, but nothing came out.
“I just really wish that life could have been with me.” He bent down and kissed my forehead ever so softly.
He held me there for a second, though not nearly long enough, before he released me. His eyes were full of tears, and I tried to hold back the sobs that were trying to escape from my body. My forehead burned with the absence of his lips. It was the same burning that was overtaking my heart.
He turned to head for the door. I followed him out like a ghost, not saying a word. The front entryway was empty now, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to care where Derek and Beth went.
Kelly reached for the door and pulled it open. He paused for a moment and looked back towards me. The saddest and faintest smile grazed his lips. He took in a long breath and then left without another word.
I was alone, just like I thought I wanted.