Chapter Twenty-Nine
Kelly
Three Months Later
Ipoured my coffee into a to-go thermos and headed for my truck. It was raining heavily on my way in, so I was almost late for my first appointment today. When I walked in, I waved quickly at Kalani and then went straight to my office. This had been our routine for the last few months.
I hadn’t heard from Reese at all. I’d thought about calling her, texting her, or even mailing her a freaking letter. But every time I considered reaching out, I saw the same scared look in her eyes. If she wanted to be here, she would be.
I was getting updates from Beth, but she had been busy herself over the last few months.
She had officially filed for divorce and was taking Derek to court.
I guess she had signed a prenup, and that punch of hers was coming back to bite her in the ass.
Her “violence” meant she was going to get anything.
Money had become tight on a teacher’s salary, and I knew she had taken a second job at Iona’s Place, waiting tables on the weekends to try to make ends meet.
I cleared my desk and pulled up the day's schedule. It was a Friday, which usually meant we were busy as people tried to get their animals seen before the weekend. Today was no exception.
Lately, I enjoyed being at work. It definitely beat moping at home.
I hated the silence, and the small reminders of Reese were everywhere.
I hadn’t even noticed until she was gone how much she had wrapped herself around my life.
Things I used to enjoy doing before were now tainted with the memory of her.
Even family dinner was ruined for me. I tried going back that first Sunday after she left, but it wasn’t the same. Tutu and Reese’s absences were overwhelming. Not to mention the tension between mostly Kalani and me.
I sat at that same table where I was raised, nearly breaking into tears when I saw Reese’s name next to mine. I almost forgot I had dared her to carve her name there. I spent the entire night tracing the feeling of her name, hoping to capture some part of her essence.
Mom was always quick to forgive, and she seemed genuinely sad for me. No one else had spoken to me about the fiasco, but Kalani swore up and down that she was never going to forget the deceit.
I felt like a ghost of the person I once was. I could see the effect it had on my family, and so I hadn’t been back to a family dinner since.
I heard a knock at my door and mumbled a ‘come in’ without even looking up. I was waiting, expecting to hear Kalani’s voice, when Tutu cleared her throat.
“Tutu!” I jumped up and hurried to help my frail grandmother to the seat across from my desk. She was leaning all her weight on a cane, her left side still not fully recovered from the stroke she had on New Year’s Eve. Before I could reach her, she hit me with her cane—hard.
“Tutu!” I cried out, holding my shin in pain.
“Sit down, child. We need to have a talk.”
I did as I was told, too scared to be whacked again.
I nervously stroked the beard I had grown over the past few months.
She slumped into the chair and took a moment to sit up straight.
She had been doing well and making progress at the rehabilitation center.
She was hesitant at first but realized she needed the extra care and expertise.
She was expected to move back in with my parents soon.
“What do I owe—”
“Shut the hell up. I’m not here to talk about me,” she interrupted me. Tutu had never talked to me like this. In fact, I had never heard her talk to anyone like this before.
“When the hell are you coming back to family dinner? I am not above finding you and dragging you there myself.” In the last few months, she had lost a lot of weight. Her cheeks weren’t as rosy as they once were and were now sinking in. Her eyes looked tired.
“I’ve just been busy.” I stared straight at the papers on my desk, emphasizing my point.
“Bullshit,” she said, her eyes unblinking.
“What?” I asked incredulously. Where did my sweet Tutu go?
“You heard me. That’s all bullshit. This family raised you to be better than this.” She slowly crossed her arms across her chest.
“What do you mean?”
“I know that you loved Reese. You didn’t have to tell me. Hell, you didn’t have to tell anyone. We could all see it.”
“Tutu...I—”
“No, keiki! This is important,” she silenced me. “I knew you weren’t dating from the second I saw you guys. But I could tell there was something between you. A spark I haven’t seen between two people in a long time.”
“You knew?” My eyes widened.
“Even as a child, you were a shit liar, Kelly. And Reese was even worse. Now stop interrupting me.”
My mouth shut instantly.
“Are you really going to let something like this ruin your life?” She narrowed her eyes at me in what I thought was disappointment. “The love of your life walked away, and you aren’t going to chase after her? I have let you sit in your self-pity long enough.”
“She doesn’t want me chasing her. She made that very clear,” I said.
“I saw the love in her eyes for you, too. You can’t fake that kind of love. Yes, she’s gone. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.”
“Yes, it does.” I pulled my hands through my hair and sighed. “I feel like I kind of died. Like when she left, she took my soul with her, and now it’s just my body left here,” I admitted.
“You got hit by a rogue wave. It was rough, and it unfortunately happened. But you can come back from this. You can still get back onto that boat and paddle after her.”
“I tried. But this wasn’t just a rogue wave. This was a straight-up tsunami that slammed me onto the shore. There’s no boat left,” I sighed.
“You can’t simply build another boat?” She winked.
“Do you mean start dating other women?” At least since Reese had left, there had been no random blind dates.
“No, you lolo. I mean, make that boat again and go after your woman. I didn’t live this long to see you sad, Kelly. It’s not who you are.”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I finally said.
“I know who you are, and so did Reese.” Her warm brown eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled.
“Please, don’t say her name.” I tugged at my chest as if my heart might explode.
“They say that time heals all scars. But,” I rubbed my chest like the scar was physical, “this one won’t.
I know that it won’t. It’s going to stay there as a reminder that the one woman I ever loved is never going to love me back.
I can love her all I want, and that’s not going to change how she feels. Only she can do that.”
“She’s going to come around. Even if I have to make her,” she whispered this so quietly that I wasn’t sure she had actually said it.
With a grunt, she started to stand, and I did the same. She waved me off, and I sat back down. She slowly made her way to the door and stopped just before opening it. She turned her head back around, her crinkly brown eyes locking onto mine.
“Kelly, I need you to make me a promise. Don’t let this break your boat. And shave your damn face. You look feral.”
I stayed silent, unsure I could make this promise to her. The boat part, at least. I probably should’ve shaved my face because I was starting to scare the cats that came into the clinic.
“Aloha,” she sang. Before I could say a word, she opened the door and left.
Her words stuck with me for the rest of the day. ‘Don’t let this break your boat’ replayed over and over again. I wanted to make that promise, but knew I wasn’t capable of it anymore.