Ten
Avianna
The guys talk some more, and I zone out going over everything that Declan said.
My mom being ?part of the mafia was something that was never on my mind at all.
When I think of my mom, I remember her smile, the way her eyes creased when she laughed at something my dad said.
Her tending to her garden and the way she would hum while baking cookies in our kitchen.
The fact that she had a hit on her is just crazy to me.
She never acted as if anything was ever wrong.
A thought occurs to me: what if Uncle Jamie found out about the hit on Mom?
Hawk turns my chair so that I'm facing him. “What’s wrong, darlin I felt you stiffen.” All talking stops around the table, and everyone focuses on me.
“What if Uncle Jamie found out about the hit on Mom? Was there money attached to the hit?”
Declan and Nolan share a look before looking back at me.
“It was a five million dollar hit. Though Granda made sure it got buried, he staged it like your mom died in Ireland. But it is possible that he found out about it. Granda was the only one who knew where your mom went, and he died with that secret.”
Nolan tells me with a serious expression on his face.
“Nolan is right, it is possible some people from the past have been talking and Jamie got word about it. It’s not unheard of in our world.”
I slump back in my chair, feeling drained.
I feel like I have more questions than answers right now.
My head is spinning trying to figure this all out.
Hawk pulls me to his side. “It’s going to be okay Avianna, I'm going to make sure of it. We all are.”
He kisses the top of my head, and I lean into his touch. “Are you ready to head home?”
I look up at him and smile. “Yeah, I am. It’s all been a lot today. I just need some time to wrap my head around it.”
Hawk helps me stand up, and my body feels heavy. “I’m taking Avianna home.” He goes over to talk to Blade as Declan and Nolan walk over to me.
“You seem to have a good support system here. If you need anything, call me and I will make it happen. Mo mhuintir go deo.”
I smile, remembering the saying; it’s the same one Mom used to say to me. “Our family forever. Mom taught me that.”
He takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, and right now he doesn’t look like the mob boss as he smiles at me.
He’s family. “Your mom lived by that. I was hoping to have a package delivered by the time I came here. I had some family back home box up your mom's things while growing up. Granda was sentimental and kept everything. It’s now yours,
and I hope it gives you some insight into who your mom really was.”
Tears spring to my eyes as I pull him into a hug, surprising him. “Thank you so much.” My throat feels tight from all the tears I’m trying to hold back. I let him go and give Nolan a hug as well, and watch as Stone and Ghost take them out of the room to take them to the house they are staying at.
Hawk wraps his arms around me from behind, and I lean back into him. “What was that about?”
“Declan said he has a package of my mom’s things from when she grew up in Ireland coming. He wants me to know who my mom really was.”
“That’s nice of him, darlin. I’m glad you have family in your corner. Come on, let's go home and I will run you a bath. You need to relax.” Hawk grabs my hand as we walk out of the room and head out of the clubhouse.
I allow him to lead me, as my mind is going in so many directions with all the information that I’ve gotten today.
I take a deep breath once I reach outside; the sun shining high, blinding me for a second.
Hawk and his family live in a little slice of heaven behind the compound walls.
No onlookers. Just peace and quiet. Hawk helps me on the bike and makes the short trip to his house.
I don't say anything as Hawk pulls into his garage and kills the engine.
I still don’t say anything as he lifts me off the bike and carries me inside and up the stairs.
He walks into the bedroom and lets me down as he steps into the bathroom.
My mind is going in so many directions that I don’t know which one to focus on first.
I'm slightly aware of Hawk filling up the bathtub as I stand inside the door watching him.
I pull my cutoff and leave it on the bed as I walk back into the bathroom to see the tub filled with bubbles, making me smile.
He stands back up and walks over to me, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. “I will be downstairs. Take your time, darlin.” With that, he kisses my head and walks out the door, closing it softly behind him. He knows I need time to wrap my head around all this, and I love him all the more for it.
I strip out of my clothes and with shaky legs I step into the tub, lowering myself into the hot bubbles.
I lean back, resting my head as the first tear slips down my face.
Everything I thought I knew was a lie. My mom wasn’t who I thought she was.
I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that she was part of the Mafia.
Looking back at the person she was, I can see how charming she was and brought the toughest men to their knees.
She always had a smile on her face and devoted her life to Dad and me, always making sure dinner was on the table for when he got home.
Family was everything to her, and she instilled that in me.
By the time I’m done crying, my chest hurts and small hiccups come out.
The bathwater has long since cooled, but I can’t bring myself to leave.
My thoughts keep drifting to my parents, not just to their deaths, but to the strange, aching fact that the world has continued afterward.
I try to remember the exact sound of my mom calling my name from another room, the weight of my father’s hand against my shoulder as we stood smiling for our last family picture, but my memory has softened at the edges,
the voices now a faint soft whisper and that frightens me more than grief itself.
The loneliness of it settles over me in waves: the realization that there is no longer anyone alive who remembers me from the very beginning.
Well, there is Uncle Jamie, but that is a lost cause since he made sure to burn all the photos and videos of my parents and me.
I shiver as the water becomes too cold. Standing up, I grab a towel off the rack, wrapping it around myself.
I let the water out and grab my clothes.
Wanting to put on something comfortable, I walk into the bedroom and right into the closet to grab a pair of sleep shorts along with one of Hawk’s shirts.
I forgo the bra and underwear because I can’t be bothered and head down the stairs.
I find Hawk sitting in the living room, sipping from a tumbler of dark liquid.
The TV is on, but I don’t think he's even watching it.
He looks like a man who has the weight of the world on his shoulders.
As soon as I walk in, his head snaps in my direction, and his eyes narrow as he stands up and walks my way. “You've been crying?” He pushes a piece of hair that’s fallen out of my bun. I lean into his touch.
I know I probably look a mess right now with my eyes puffy.
I wrap my arms around myself, looking at him.
It's a little scary how he sees everything.
I’m not used to someone caring for me, so it’s going to take me time to get used to it again.
“Yeah, everything hit me all at once, and I needed to let it out. Uncle Jamie would get mad at me whenever I cried about my parents, so I learned to keep it in. But today it all just came rushing to the surface, you know. It felt like I had lost them all over again.”
Hawk doesn't waste any time as he wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and let him hold me. “Fuck, darlin I'm so sorry. If you need to cry, scream, or whatever you let it out. That bastard should never have told you to hide your feelings. You feel what you need to feel. I'm right here for you.”
He walks me to the couch and sits me down and wraps a throw around my legs, tucking me in, making me smile.
For a badass biker, he really has a sweet side to him, but I have a feeling that only I get to see it.
I watch him walk over to the bar and pour another drink.
He comes back and hands me a drink. I might not be old enough, but my birthday is tomorrow, so it's close enough.
I take a sip, and the whiskey warms my insides, making me sigh. “Thank you. It's just been a crazy day of revelations.”
“Hell, anyone would be overwhelmed with all that you've been through. But you're not alone anymore. I'm not going anywhere, and it's my job to take care of all your needs. But darlin when I get my hands on your uncle, there won't be anything left of him.
He's done unspeakable things and has to answer for those. Not just by me and my brothers, but by Declan and his men. I just need you to understand that.”
The serious look in Hawk's eyes should frighten me as he talks about ending my uncle's life, but I don't have an ounce of sympathy in me.
He took something from me that I will never get back, and he deserves everything that is coming to him.
His greed is going to be the end of him.
And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. That is something I can live with.
I drain the last of my drink and set the glass on the table. A resolve settles over me. “I have one request, though.”
Hawk grabs my hand and rubs my knuckles back and forth. “Anything, darlin.”
I turn in my seat to face him. I need him to see my face for what I’m about to say next. “When you catch him and you have him tied up, I want to have a word with him. I need to look him in the eye before he takes his last breath.”
Hawk smiles at me, and it's showing me the side of him most people would fear. It's dark and delicious, and it's doing things to me it shouldn't. “You've got it, darlin.”
I've come to the realization that Uncle Jamie can't hurt me anymore.
He’s done that for too many years, and it stops now.
I will no longer fear the man who has tormented me.
I'm my mother's daughter. While my last name may be Quinn, the O’Feeney blood flows within me, and Uncle Jamie will soon realize his mistake.
You don't mess with my family and get away with it.
Mom's thinking was right. It's not a black and white world, but soon it's going to be bleeding red.