Chapter Sixteen
It wasn’t the same without her. Hawk hated this feeling. He never depended on a woman for anything. The falling snow made him think of Nikki because she loved the fucking snow. He talked to that woman. Made love to that woman. Fucked that woman, and looked forward to spending time with that fucking woman. He changed club business so he could spend time with that woman. That was how fucked he was, and now he couldn’t sleep at night. If he did get the chance to have a wink of sleep, he dreamed about her.
Darlene told him she had some good news. He didn’t know what kind of news this woman could have for him that would make it good. He was far from seeing anything as good news. Everything sucked.
Stepping into the salon was a welcome reprieve from freezing his ass off. Darlene was at the front desk, looking through one of the log books. No one was inside.
“Hasn’t anyone warned you that you should lock your door?” he asked.
“And how would I have let you inside?”
Darlene got to her feet, arms folded, and leaned against the front desk. “You look like shit.”
He’d not shaved in a few days, and the only sleep he’d gotten in the past few weeks was when he snuck into Nikki’s trailer for the night. Since then, he’d not gone back.
“Thanks. I feel great.”
“You don’t look it.”
He glared at her. “Is there a point to this, or are you just going to keep pissing me off?”
Darlene held her hands up. “Consider it nothing.”
She offered him a smile. “I wanted to let you know, Nikki has decided to come back to work for me. She’s going to continue her training at the salon, she’s already reactivated her course. I thought you’d like to know.”
He nodded. “I did. Thanks. This is good news.”
It was the best news he’d heard in a long time. He took a step back, about to head toward the door.
“Wait,”
Darlene said.
He stopped at the door and turned to her.
“I hate to see you like this.”
“What do you want, Darlene?”
“Do you love her?”
He glared at her and once again, she held her hands up. “Look, I’m sorry. I just, I don’t like seeing you like this, and I know it’s because you have feelings for her. You love her. You’ve got to love her.”
“Your point being?”
“Stop being a stubborn asshole, and think of a way to win her back.”
“That’s why you asked me over here? To scream shit at my face?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “I know a lot of the club women are pissed. They wanted you to pick one of them and all that crap, but the truth is, I’ve never seen you so happy than when you look at Nikki. She’s different. I know that. She’s unique, and she’s beautiful and sweet, and nice, and lovely, and so many other things in between. She is amazing. She’s nothing like any of the women at the club. She is her own person, and that shines brighter than ever before.”
Hawk threw his hands up. “So? She wants nothing to do with me.”
“Because she thinks you’re embarrassed by her. You kept her hidden from the club. What is she supposed to think?”
“That I did it because I didn’t want to spoil anything. I didn’t want the guys ruining … everything.”
“Then tell her that. Talk to her.”
“I hurt her,”
Hawk said. “And the last time I tried to talk to her, I got angry and said some things I regretted.”
He wasn’t used to apologizing. He wasn’t used to being in the wrong, and it fucking hurt, big time. He didn’t like it and was a little pissed off with it. Running a hand down his face, he tried not to think about all he had lost. It was messed up.
“Halloween is around the corner,”
Darlene said. “I’m going to try and convince her to dress up and come to the party. You’ve got to be there.”
“Why are you helping me?”
Hawk asked. “There is no benefit for you.”
Darlene sighed. “Because you helped me when no one else would. You got me this. Even if I chose not to come back to the club, to be with the guys, I know you wouldn’t take this away from me.”
“You make me sound like a good person.”
She shrugged. “You are. You are a good person.”
He laughed. He couldn’t help it.
“When it matters, you’re a good person, Hawk. Laugh all you want. I know it’s true, and I will keep telling Nikki, if that is what she needs to hear.”
She shrugged. “I’m offering you my help.”
Hawk nodded.
He reached out to grab the door handle. “She’s not stopping by her trailer. Do you know why?”
He knew she had stopped at her mother’s once, but that was all, wasn’t it?
“She told me her mother has … changed.”
Darlene held her hands open. “She’s spending a lot of time over there, if you want to go and see her.”
Hawk said his goodbyes, left the shop, and got right back onto his bike. He had every intention of going back to the clubhouse, grabbing a bottle of scotch, and drowning his sorrows. That was the plan. Scotch, and it would all be over.
However, he didn’t realize he was heading to Nikki’s mother’s until he brought his bike right outside her house. He turned off the engine and was freezing his balls off. He didn’t know how long he stood there before the door opened. He expected it to be Nikki, however, the woman he assumed was her mother stepped outside.
“Hello,” she said.
Hawk didn’t believe people could change, but he also knew Nikki was no liar. The shit he heard about this woman was bad enough, it’s a wonder he hadn’t gone and killed her.
“I guess we should do this again. I’m Ethel Brown, Nikki’s mother,”
she said, holding out her hand.
She had wrapped a cardigan around herself. He stared at her hand but didn’t take it. She kept it in the air for a couple of seconds, and then pulled it away.
“I take it from our last meeting my daughter told you … some things.”
“She told me plenty.”
Ethel nodded. “I was a bad mom.”
Hawk leaned on his handlebars and stared at her intently. “Is this all an act?” he asked.
Ethel smiled but it was a sad one. “No, it’s not an act.”
“I’ve known men who nearly died, and it hasn’t changed them one bit.”
The woman before him nodded. “Yeah, for me, I died for a few seconds, and it was the strangest feeling in the world. I didn’t float off to some magical place where there was birdsong and roses, and love and peace. I went to Hell.”
He stared at Ethel.
“Yeah, I believe Hell exists, and right now there’s a place for me, for everything I have done. You know, when you’re drugged and drunk and can only think of getting your next fix, it’s easy to do and say the shit we do and say. It’s a lot harder when you’re in a room that is replaying some of your worst moments in life. Where you get to see the hell you put your only daughter through.”
He stared at Ethel and even though she looked straight into his eyes, it was like she was transported back to whatever place she had been at when she was dead.
She shook her head. “You sink so low, you watch how you burned that bridge, and then it’s like you’re laughed at as you’re revived. You get to live, and as you do, you get a choice. Carry on living the way you did, knowing that the hell is just building. Or, you take another chance and you make changes. I made those changes. I once was a believer in God and the church. My own mother was a God-fearing woman. I lost my faith. I lost everything by the choices I made, and now I’m back on the right path. You can believe this is an act, until you go to Hell. Until you see the evil you did and what is waiting for you, you’ll never know. I need to make amends with my daughter. I need to know she is loved and happy. I need to know if you’re here to torment her, or if you’re here to love her.”
Hawk knew he could taunt, tease, and play the dumb card, but he had a sneaking suspicion this woman might actually be on his side. He looked at her and wasn’t sure if he should tell her the truth.
Seconds passed. The cold was seeping into his bones. He didn’t like this, but there was nothing else he could do.
“I love her,”
he said. “I love her and I fucked up, and I have no way of winning her back.”
“You’re right. You messed up, but I have come to see in the last couple of days, that my daughter is the forgiving type. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday soon, she might. You’ve just got to be patient.”
She smiled at him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hawk.”
“Does this mean you’re on my side?” he asked.
“This means I’m on the side of whatever my daughter chooses.”
And with that, she was gone.
Hawk stayed on his bike, even as the flurries started to fall. He hated the fucking snow. It was a pain in the ass.
He was about to start his bike up and head back to the clubhouse when the door opened and there was the woman he loved, stepping out. She was dressed in a pair of pajamas, and she had also thrown on a jacket. Her long brown hair was pulled back.
“What are you doing here?”
she asked, coming toward him.
“Sightseeing,” he said.
He saw the humor on her lips, although she tried to hide it. Nikki did like his sense of humor. He had missed her so damn much.
“There is not a whole lot to see in the dark,” she said.
“I ate carrots. I can see fine.”
She ducked her head, and he knew she was smiling. He wanted her to smile at him.
“Darlene told me,”
Hawk said.
“Yeah, I was talking with my mom and it got me thinking that it isn’t right for me to not finish the course, you know?”
“I’m glad. I want you to have everything your heart desires.”
She finally looked up at him. “Why?”
“You deserve it, Nikki. You always have.”
She stared at him for several seconds, and that turned into minutes. The snow had started to fall thickly around them, which pulled her gaze away from him.
“It’s getting cold. You better head back to the clubhouse.”
“I miss you,”
Hawk said.
This drew her attention back to him.
“I miss you.”
“Hawk, we don’t have to do this.”
“I was never embarrassed by you,”
Hawk said. “I know this is not going to sound good, but I didn’t expect it to last. You and me. Nothing ever lasts, and I didn’t want the guys to know about you. I didn’t want to give you the chance to find someone else.”
She frowned. “You think I would have found someone else?”
“I don’t know what I thought.”
Hawk shrugged. “I’m used to women who are happy to be passed around. I’m not used to virgins. You were my first, Nikki. I fucked it up. I know that, but I wanted you all to myself, because I’m a selfish bastard. I wanted you to know that, but it’s not because I was embarrassed by you. I didn’t want to share you.”
She laughed. “Wow. You know, it sounds like you’re saying the sweetest things, but at the same time, you can’t even trust me?”
Hawk frowned. “Hold on a fucking minute—”
“No! You hold on. You didn’t want to share me? You wanted to be a selfish bastard? Why not trust me? Clearly, I’m not like the women you’re used to, and so what if a guy actually … flirted with me or hit on me? So fucking what. You didn’t even give me the chance to turn his ass down. I don’t know what kind of women you are used to, but I’m not like them. I was with you, Hawk, because I liked you. I was attracted to you, and not because you’re the president of the damn club or anything like that. I wanted you and only you, and you didn’t give me a chance to prove it to you.”
She shook her head.
Hawk gritted his teeth. “That is not what I meant.”
“No? You could have fooled me.”
She shook her head. “Good night, Hawk.”
He watched her go, and he was so pissed at himself, he didn’t know how to say the right things.
****
The following day, Nikki was exhausted, but she knew there was no point in putting off emptying the trailer. She didn’t need it anymore, and it was getting close to rent-paying day. The sooner it was empty and she handed the keys over, the better.
She pulled up outside her trailer the following morning. Climbing out of her car, she gave a stretch and another yawn. She flicked through her keys, finding the one for the trailer, and let herself inside.
Rubbing her eyes, she knew she had to put on some makeup, but she just wanted to grab her things, take them back home, and head to work. Her mother had tried to talk about Hawk last night, and she knew her mother meant well, but she didn’t want to talk about Hawk. He missed her. She believed him. She wanted to believe everything he said, but she couldn’t help seeing the point he was making—that the women in his life were not to be trusted or relied upon.
Nikki closed the door behind her and glanced toward the corner, only to come to a stop when she saw Diana sitting at the dining room table. Only, something was very odd about Diana. Her ex-friend was very pale, almost white, and there was a stillness about her.
Nikki froze in place.
Her best friend was dead.
She felt a panic rise inside her.
Diana was dead at her trailer. She didn’t know what to think. For several seconds, she didn’t know what to do. One side of her brain was telling her to call the cops. The other side was telling her to call Hawk.
She knew Hawk had paid Diana a visit, but there was no way he would kill her.
Years of experience told her she couldn’t trust the cops.
There was only one person to call.
Her heart raced and she felt like she was going to be sick. Pulling out her cell phone, she pulled up Hawk’s number. Each time she had scrolled through her phone, she had hovered over his number, unsure if she should delete it or not, but something always held her back. Now, she knew why. She pressed “dial,”
and waited.
Nikki tried not to look at her former best friend, but she kept finding her gaze drawn to the corpse.
Diana was dead.
Her friend had been a piece of work, but Nikki had never wished her dead. This was not the ending Diana deserved. Not that she ever expected to see her friend again.
Hawk answered on the fifth ring. “Nikki, what’s up?” he asked.
“I need you to come to the trailer,” she said.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t … just come, and make it fast.”
She hung up before he could say anything more.
Staring at her friend, Nikki couldn’t move. She was going to throw up, and she had no choice but to rush to the sink, where she vomited. She pressed a hand to her mouth, trying to contain the next wave of sickness. Diana was dead in the trailer. What the fuck? She was in the trailer with a dead body and she didn’t call the cops. She called Hawk. What the hell was wrong with her?
Seconds passed. Minutes, possibly hours, and at one point, she had to wonder if Hawk would come to her. She hadn’t exactly given him a good reason after last night.
Nikki moved by the door and tried not to look at Diana. At the sound of a bike, she felt relieved and opened the door. Hawk parked his bike beside her car and rushed toward her.
“Nikki, baby, what is it?” he asked.
She pointed. Words were impossible.
He stepped inside the trailer and looked to where she pointed. He stood frozen.
“She was here when I came to the trailer. She’s dead, Hawk. She’s dead.”
He reached for the back of her neck and pulled her toward him. “I’ve got you, Nikki. I’ve got you.”
She didn’t even realize it was his arms she needed until he wrapped them around her. She was so grateful to him. Nikki didn’t fight it. The tears she kept at bay flooded out and down her cheeks.
“It’s okay.”
“What do I do?”
Nikki asked. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how Diana died. I don’t … what are the cops going to think? I’m going to jail.”
Hawk grabbed her face, making her look at him. “You’re going to pack everything up. Take it to your mother’s place. Then, you’re going to work. You’re going to forget you ever came to the trailer.”
“But I … I’m going to live with my mom. I don’t need this trailer.”
“Then give me the keys. Let me take care of this for you.”
“What happened to her, Hawk? I thought … I don’t know what I thought.”
“I didn’t kill her,”
Hawk said. “She was very much alive and leaving town when I last saw her.”
Nikki started to sob.
“Go, do as I’ve asked, and trust me, I’m going to deal with all of this. You’re not going to worry about a thing, are you?”
She sniffled.
He stroked the tears away from her face. “Don’t. I’ll take care of this.”
“We need to call the cops.”
“I’ll take care of it. Trust me.”
She didn’t know how he was going to take care of everything, but she nodded. She had no idea what to do.
Hawk used his body to block her view of Diana, and then she rushed to the bedroom. She didn’t have a lot of belongings, so she was able to pack them quickly. Her hands shook so badly. Within a matter of minutes, her car was packed, she gave Hawk the keys, and then she was back on the road, heading toward her mother’s.
Ethel had already left for the morning. She had a shift at the church, and then onto her job.
Nikki went through the motions—unloading her car, moving everything back into her bedroom, and then once that was done, she made her way back to the car and drove to the salon.
Darlene was waiting for her with open arms. She went straight into them.
“I’ve got you,”
Darlene said.
It was early. The salon wasn’t even open yet, and Hawk had already contacted her to be there for her. She didn’t want to think about what Hawk had done. There was no way Hawk would kill Diana and leave the body like that.
Also, she had seen the note on the table: YOU’RE NEXT.
Those words had been written on a single piece of paper, right next to the body. Someone was going to try to kill her. Someone who had decided to kill Diana. She had no idea what kind of enemies Diana had. As far as she knew, Diana was a bitch but only to get what she wanted. What kind of enemies could Diana have, that meant Nikki might be next?
Darlene let her go, and they moved toward the back of the salon. She sat down, feeling numb.
Darlene came back to her, carrying a mug of hot chocolate. They had a small vending machine that served an assortment of tea, coffee, and hot chocolate. She took the cup and thanked her. Staring across the surface, she lifted it to her lips and blew.
“Do you know?”
Nikki asked.
“Hawk let me know what you found,”
Darlene said.
“You’re not shocked?”
“I am shocked that it was Diana.”
Darlene frowned. “Last I heard, after Hawk and the girls paid her a visit, it was agreed she was going to leave town to stay away from you. He didn’t like that Diana had hurt you.”
Nikki took a sip of the hot chocolate. “There was a piece of paper saying, ‘You’re next.’ That’s what it said.”
Darlene looked at her.
She frowned. “Wait, there was another piece of paper on my car I completely forgot about it.”
“A letter?”
“I can’t even remember what it said, but it looked exactly like that letter.”
Darlene pressed her lips together.
“Do you think it’s related?”
“I don’t know,”
Darlene said.
Nikki reached out and put her hot chocolate on the desk. “I’m so stupid. What if I had told Hawk? He might have been able to save Diana.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Someone left a note on my windshield, and I was afraid Hawk would consider me too much trouble and would end things. Now, Diana is dead, and there was a letter warning me that I was next. You’re telling me there isn’t a link?”
“Do you even remember what the letter said? It could have been a prank?”
Darlene asked.
“Yeah, only why am I suddenly feeling like it’s not, and I could have saved Diana?”
She got to her feet, as did Darlene.
“Stop it,”
Darlene said. “You don’t know why Diana is dead. You don’t know what caused it. You have to stop this.”
Nikki pressed her hands to her face.
“From what I heard, Diana had a lot of male attention and a lot of issues. It might have been drugs. For all you know, Diana might have done this on purpose. She might have broken into your trailer, took a deadly concoction of drugs, writing you that note to torment you. There are any number of reasons. You’ve got to stop this.”
Nikki felt the tears seeping out of her eyes. She felt so sick.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said.
“I know what you do. You drink that hot chocolate, and you take a deep breath. You’ve got a full day of work. Did you bring your makeup?”
Nikki nodded.
“Good. Then you get your face on, and we work.”
“How can you do this?”
Darlene shrugged. “It’s not the first dead body and I don’t think it is going to be the last I’ve ever dealt with. This is club, Nikki.”
“What does that even mean?”
Nikki asked.
“You decided to pick the club over the cops. The club has your back. Hawk is going to make all of this go away, but you made your choice today. It’s club or nothing.”