Hawk's Woman

Chapter Fifteen

Hawk was not a happy man. Everyone at the club knew to keep a wide berth from him. It had only been a week since it had blown up in his face, but he was ready to explode. The women didn’t go near him. He dealt with work, the club, and on rare occasions he made it out to the small mechanic shop where he liked to work on project cars. It was where he ended up taking Nikki’s car to get it fixed. He did all the work on her car, as he didn’t trust anyone else to get it right. He was the only person he trusted with her.

Even though he was freezing his balls off, he was under an engine, looking at the rusted parts, knowing it was going to take a lot of work. He didn’t mind getting his hands dirty.

With the snow set to fall, any potential runs came to an end. He, nor his father before him, willingly risked the lives of the club for anyone. They would take the runs that were not a risk to life, and snowy, icy conditions were too extreme to take that chance.

So, he was staying close to home, and every time he saw Trixie or the women at the club, even Lindsey, he was pissed at them. He’d come close to tossing them out on their asses, but he held himself back. It was not their fault that he fucked up. He didn’t have to make their lives harder.

As for Nikki, he was giving her space, but he now knew she worked at a busy fast-food place. She would often take her lunch break in her car, drinking a large cup of coffee.

She didn’t call him or text. According to Darlene, other than one call, she still hadn’t heard from her either. He’d already called ahead to the college and asked for them to hold on her course. He didn’t want her to have to start all over again. Everything was fucked up, and he was pissed off.

“Hey.”

He looked up to see Darlene stepping out of her car and coming toward him. She was wrapped in a large puffy jacket, wearing a wooly hat, scarf, and gloves.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I came to see you. You know, what friends do and all.”

He stared at her and waited.

“I guess you and I are no longer friends?”

“I don’t know what you want, Darlene. It’s getting cold, so I suggest you get your ass back in the car and leave.”

“I had a horrible feeling you were going to say that, but sorry, I can’t do that. I mean, I totally could, but I’m not going to.”

He glared at her. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I came to check on you.”

“If you think you and I are going to have a chance—”

“No, no, no, totally, no,”

Darlene said, holding her hands up. “Look, I know you think I am only after sex, and don’t get me wrong, I totally am. I love being a woman of the club. I love the salon, and I love my life. I’ve got you to thank for that.”

“You made it work,”

Hawk said.

She growled. “Would you stop being a pain in the ass for like two minutes?”

He glared at her. “I can get rid of you just as fast.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know you can, and all right, fine, I’m a pain in the ass, but guess what, it’s not going to stop me from going anywhere. All the club shit aside, I like Nikki. At first, I made it hard for her, because I thought you just had a soft spot for her, and I get it. She’s not like most of the women at the club. She’s different. Fresh. Unique. But she is wasted working at a fast-food place. Totally wasted, and we’ve got Halloween coming up, and I want her back.”

“What do you want me to do? She won’t talk to me.”

Darlene glared at him. “So what, are you just going to give up? Is that all you’re going to do?”

“What do you want from me?”

he asked. There was no point in her saying the obvious. He knew Nikki wasn’t around. He felt the loss of her every single day. It had gotten to the point where he was meeting her every day at their motel room. He loved getting close to her, wrapping his arms around her, and he missed her so bad.

“Did you have no feelings for her at all? Was she just a quick fuck to you? For someone who kept her a secret from the club, spent as much time with her as possible, you know I’m finding that hard to believe.”

“Be careful and remember who you’re speaking to.”

“Cut the bullshit, big man boss routine. I get it. You’re the boss. You’re the one in charge. Trust me, I’m not going to be forgetting it in a hurry. I’m trying to help you. Do you miss her?”

Hawk stood up and wiped his hands on the cloth. After his hands were clean, he lifted his head and looked at Darlene.

She let out a growl. “You know what, whatever. I can’t deal with this.”

She shook her head. “I’m trying to help you get back the woman you lost. Not me. You. But if you don’t want help with that, you’re on your own. There is always a way back to a woman’s heart, Hawk, but first, you’ve got to want it, and I guess you don’t want Nikki that badly.”

She got back to her car, climbed inside, and he listened to her slam the door.

He waited for her to leave, then he got back to work on the car, but it was getting late and the lights he had were not the best. Also, he was so fucking cold. His hands were going numb.

Closing the shop, he made his way toward his bike, climbed onto the machine, and as he rode out with every intention of going back to the clubhouse, he found himself arriving at Nikki’s trailer. There was no sign of her.

The past week, she’d been going back to her mother’s. He already had the mother checked out, and her story was solid, even to her near-death experience. It was all in her medical records, along with her membership of the church and the job. She turned her life around, and now it would seem she was building a relationship with her daughter. He’d sent Nikki right back into her arms.

Straddling his bike, he stared at her trailer, and in his mind he saw Nikki with that smile on her face as she looked up at him. Damn, he missed that.

He climbed off his bike, grabbed the spare key he had made, and let himself into her trailer. Even though she hadn’t been back, the trailer was still clean. It was cold, so he turned the heat on and then sat at her kitchen table, pressing the tips of his fingers together as he looked around.

He should leave. He had a perfectly good bed back at the clubhouse. Nikki leaving him, breaking things off should have been a good thing, only she broke things off with him, rather than he being the one to end it. He didn’t like it one bit, but Hawk knew he had no right to be pissed.

Getting to his feet, he had every intention of leaving, only the door to her bedroom was slightly ajar, and he couldn’t resist going inside to look. The moment he did, the scent of her surrounded him. Damn it. He missed her.

There was no getting away from the feeling. He missed her and wanted her back so badly. He sat on the edge of her bed, which was still neatly made.

What did he have to do to prove he wanted her back? Beg? He was not a begging man.

Sure, he’d lied and manipulated, but he hadn’t stepped out on her. He hadn’t fucked Trixie, and he wasn’t embarrassed by her. The truth was, he wanted her all to himself without having to share her. What was so wrong with that?

He liked being near her. She was one of the few women he enjoyed spending time with. Did he have to apologize for that?

Running his hands over his thighs, he felt himself overcome with a wave of tiredness. He was finding this exhausting. Nikki was so damn stubborn she was willing to quit the job she loved and the career she wanted, to get away from him. He had to change that.

He leaned back against the bed and sank into her sheets. The bed was hard and not very comfortable, but the scent of her was what kept him there on her bed, enjoying her. It wasn’t nearly as good as having his arms wrapped around her, but it would have to do.

Darlene was wrong. He didn’t need to do anything to win her back. Nikki would come to her senses, and she would cave to him. Even as sleep started to take hold of him, he knew that was a lie.

****

The following morning, Hawk was standing by Nikki’s car, in her mother’s driveway, waiting for her to come out.

In the past week, he might have taken up stalking, but he wanted to make sure Nikki was okay. The last thing he wanted was for her to end up in danger, or hurt, or something stupid. He had to remember that letter on her window. Nothing else had come from that letter, but he wasn’t willing to risk it.

Sleeping in Nikki’s bed had given him a good chance to rest, although he was still tired.

There had been a small layer of snow through the night. Not enough to bring traffic or businesses to a halt, but a dusting to make everything look positively beautiful.

He didn’t have to wait long for Nikki to step out of her mother’s house. The moment she caught sight of him, she stopped.

Seconds passed as they just looked at each other.

“What are you doing here?”

she asked.

“I came to see you.”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know you’re upset and I can see why, but we need to talk.”

“No, I don’t need to talk to you.”

He clenched his hands into fists. “Are you going to be this stubborn? Are you going to play the martyr, is that it?”

His reaction got the response he needed.

“How dare you? Who do you think you are that you can come here—”

“I’m the man that has pushed you to the point where you’re willing to let it get in the way of your future. Your happy future. The career choice you always wanted. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were stronger than that.”

“It’s all based on a lie!”

“Who gives a fuck what it’s based on? Sure, I helped you get your foot in the door. No one was going to hire you, not even Darlene. Not because of your mom, but because you had no experience. I helped, and if you want to throw all of that away because you’re pissed at me now, that is on you.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Nikki asked.

“Giving you a reality check. Yes, I fucked up. I lied and manipulated, but I never cheated on you. You can hate me all you want, but right now, the fact you are going to a job you hate, is on you. You want to make me pay, continue to do the job you love. You want me to suffer, let me see you every day and know I can’t touch you. I can’t be with you, but don’t ruin your life out of some stubborn, stupid, moral high game. You’re better than that.”

He turned on his heel and went back to his bike, moving out of the driveway so she had the chance to leave.

Nikki didn’t get back into her car. She glared at him, and then after a few moments, she climbed into the car. She drove all the way to the drive-thru, just as he expected her to.

He stayed for ten minutes, and then he headed back to the clubhouse and parked his bike. Pulling out his cell phone, he sent Darlene a text to let her know he’d talked to Nikki.

Darlene: What did you do?

Hawk: I handled it.

Darlene: How?

Hawk: Let me know if she comes back.

He wasn’t interested in continuing talking, so he made his way back into the clubhouse. The men nodded in his direction, but no one dared talk to him, which was how he liked it. Making his way to his private room, he came to a stop when he saw Sandy inside, but she had a big old basket of laundry, which she was folding.

“Don’t mind me. I’m not here. Just doing the laundry and heading to Dan’s room next.”

She held a bunch of laundry in her hands.

“Don’t worry about it.”

He removed his leather cut, draping it over the chair in the corner. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, say you caught my dad with another woman. It wasn’t what you thought, but it was all being read the wrong way. What would he have to do to make it up to you?”

Sandy laughed. “I don’t imagine your father would ever get caught in such a situation.”

He sighed. “Yeah, that’s my dad.”

“You’re having woman troubles?”

Sandy asked.

He looked at Sandy, and he didn’t want to talk to her about his troubles, but she was the only one in the club he could trust. There was Darlene as well, but he didn’t want to get started with her.

“You could say that.”

“Your dad would have never gotten into that position, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t in the past. He always had a way with words. There are flowers, but if you’re not interested in anything long-term, then I also wouldn’t string this woman along.”

“You’re right,”

Hawk said.

She lifted the laundry basket. “I’m glad to have been of some help.”

Sandy left his bedroom and once again his thoughts were back on Nikki. He didn’t know if he could even see her being a member of the club as his old lady. Did he want her as his old lady? Did he want to give her up? Fuck, no. He knew he didn’t want to give her up, and that meant he had no choice. He wanted her as his old lady, and he intended to make that happen.

****

Quitting her job had been hard, but David understood. There were no hard feelings, and he didn’t even ask her to work out the last of her shift.

Nikki didn’t like letting people down, but Hawk was right. Not about making him suffer. She didn’t want to make him suffer, but she also didn’t want this chance to go to waste. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She had already struggled to put herself through college and get a job. This was her chance to have both. To learn.

So, after lunchtime, she made her way to Darlene’s shop, parking in the back, where she was supposed to. Now that she didn’t have to hide Hawk away, she was able to be herself.

She made her way to the front of the shop, and Darlene was currently with a client, finishing up a blow-dry.

The moment Darlene looked at her, she smiled. “It’s about time you showed up. You want to grab a broom? I’m just finishing Francine’s hair, and then we’ll talk.”

Nikki smiled at the other staff and made her way to the back. Her hair was pinned back from wearing her cap this morning, but she quickly ruffled her fingers through the length. She didn’t have any makeup on, but she quickly pinched her cheeks to bring some color to her face.

Once that was done, she went to the cleaning closet, grabbed the broom, made her way toward the front of the shop, and starting working like she had never been gone.

She cleaned up the hair and tidied the trash cans. Before she made her way over, she called the course manager to let them know she would like to continue. Hawk had asked them to hold her spot. She didn’t know for sure if she was happy about his interference, but she wasn’t going to complain. This was her chance to have what she wanted.

Darlene finished with Francine and then took her to the back where her office was. It was a small office, and when she asked about it a few weeks ago, Darlene had told her she didn’t need a big office. The true magic was in the main shop as well as the stockroom. An office was for all the admin crap she had to do, which she hated.

“So, does this mean what I think it means?”

Darlene asked.

“If it’s okay with you. I am so sorry about walking out of here that day. It was just a little too much, and I know it’s stupid—”

“It’s not stupid.”

Darlene folded her arms across her chest. “I’m not going to pretend to know what arrangement you and Hawk had, but I know you, Nikki, and I know that a quick hookup or sharing your guy with the club would not have been something you were into.”

“We didn’t even talk about any of that.”

She shrugged. “I … it … just kind of happened.”

“And sometimes that is exactly what happens. I’m not here to defend Hawk or make his case for him. If he wants to do that, he can do it on his own. What I will say is … if he told you nothing happened, then I know it didn’t. Even Trixie said nothing happened. She wants to make it right, and he’s been a pain in the ass at the club. A lot of people are afraid of him.”

“They are?”

“Yeah, he’s been a grouch since it ended with the two of you.”

“Would you forgive him?”

Nikki asked.

Darlene held her hands up. “I can’t answer this one for you, babe. This is between you and Hawk. I can’t even be biased, seeing as I’m part of the club, and he’s a pain in the ass at the best of times. He’s also a quiet partner in this place. His dad didn’t see the vision I had for this place, but Hawk did.”

“You like him?”

Nikki asked.

“Like, respect, it’s all perspective. He’s a good guy for the most part, but he has also always been trained to take over the club. I know he’s not been the same without you.”

Darlene reached out and ran a hand down her arm. “You’re back, though, for good?”

“Yes, yes, I am, and I will do whatever it takes to catch up.”

“You didn’t miss much, but we’ve got a facial in fifteen minutes, and then I’ve got a date night makeup to do. You can observe and I’ll ask questions. Your course lesson is tomorrow night, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re going to it?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Good. That is what I like to hear.”

Darlene clapped her hands. “Let’s go and get started.”

For the rest of the day, Nikki tried not to think about Hawk. None of the club women arrived, and she immersed herself in the work.

Darlene was in top form with all her questions. She did get a couple wrong, and she made a quick note to grab her things from the trailer so she could study. Her mother was making Chinese food tonight, and she was loving the attention from her mother. It was like stepping into a dream. This was how she always wanted it to be, and she was not going to miss a moment of it.

The day went by a lot faster than she would have liked. One moment she was busy working, the next it was time to finish the cleanup and be on her way. Heading outside the back, Darlene winced.

“I really hope this snow holds off.”

“Why?”

“If it gets too bad, I have no choice but to close the shop. It’s too dangerous to open, and I’ll have to rebook everyone. Snow is beautiful and it makes me think of Christmas, but it is a pain in the ass.”

She let out a growl. “You drive safely.”

Nikki made her way to her car and climbed inside. She didn’t linger but quickly headed out, going toward her trailer where she parked up and ran inside. Picking up her school bag, she took one last lingering look at the place, and then locked up, got back in her car, and went straight to her mother’s house. Her mother had already given her a spare key that morning, and she let herself in. The scents of ginger and garlic were quite strong.

“Mom, I’m home,”

she said and smiled as within seconds, Ethel called out to her from the kitchen.

She stepped inside, and sure enough, her mother was standing at a wok, and there was a lot of smoke. Her mother had a red face.

“Trust the process, baby,”

Ethel said.

Nikki laughed, leaning up against the door.

“You’re a little late. Was everything okay at work?”

“Oh, yeah, everything was fine. I mean, I quit my job and went back to the salon.”

“You did, that is great news, honey. I’m so pleased you decided to do that.”

“You are?”

“Yes. That place was making you miserable. Good money or not, it’s not good to be miserable at a job, especially when you have the opportunity to do what you love.”

Ethel flipped the contents in the wok and gave a little chuckle. “Ready to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m starving. So, I had to go back to my trailer, grab my school bag as it has all the materials I need.”

“Speaking of your trailer, I wanted to talk to you about something,”

Ethel said.

She served up the contents of the wok. Nikki looked, and she was pretty sure she saw noodles, bell peppers, chicken, and thinly sliced carrots, and it all looked super juicy.

Once the bowls were full, Nikki grabbed both and followed her mother into the dining room.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

Nikki asked, grabbing her set of chopsticks and taking a mouthful of food. She did remember to blow across the surface at the last minute, which was a close one, as it nearly burned her face off.

“I know this might be a bit soon, but how would you feel about … coming back to live with me?”

Ethel asked.

Nikki froze with the next chopstick full of noodles about to go into her mouth. She stared at her mother and didn’t know what to say. Should she say yes? No?

“I know we’ve got a long way to go, and we’re building bridges, but I love having you here. This is your home as much as it is mine. I love cooking you breakfast and dinner.”

“You’d want me to come back and live with you?”

“I know we had an awful beginning, and I totally understand if you’re not a hundred percent sure of everything right now. I just want you to know I love you, and I love taking care of you. The past week has been one of the best of my life, and I know it’s because I finally got chance to spend it with my little girl. Will you at least think about it?”

Nikki stared at her mother.

Yes, it is true they had not had a great beginning. It was terrible and for a long time, she’d hated her mother. But, and this was a pretty big but, this was the only place she could think to go. The past week, she had come straight home. She did stop off at the trailer to grab more clothes, and tonight to grab her bag, but that was it. Was there a point to keep paying rent on a trailer that was not getting lived in and sitting idly?

This was a big risk. She didn’t know her mother well enough, not like this. She knew her old mother. She decided to take the risk.

“I’d love to,”

Nikki said.

Ethel’s smile widened. “You will?”

“I’ve got to get some of my stuff, but I’d love to move back in with you.”

She frowned. “I know it tends to have to be the other way around. I have to kind of move out—”

“Don’t.”

Ethel grabbed her hands. “Thank you, Nikki. Thank you so much.”

She saw the tears in her mother’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have been wanting this for so long. I thought the day would never come, and I knew there was a chance I was never going to get your forgiveness, but this is a start. I promise you, Nikki, I will never be that woman again. She was part of me, but that part is dead, and she is not coming back. I’m stronger now. I’m in charge, no one else.”

Nikki held onto her mother’s hands. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I had something to fight for, Nikki, and it was you. I wanted to fight for you, to be the mother you always deserved.”

She reached out and cupped her cheek. “Thank you.”

This felt awkward to Nikki. She was still a little nervous around her mother, but she smiled at her and tried her best not to reject the love coming her way.

This was her mother’s path. Moving in with her was going to take some getting used to. She had no doubt about it, but living at the trailer, all alone … she wanted that even less.

Picking up her chopsticks, she grabbed some more noodles and shoveled them into her mouth. At least she was hungry.

“So, are you going to tell me if this means you’ve forgiven that man?”

Ethel asked. “I saw him in the driveway this morning.”

“Is that a problem?”

“I don’t mind at all. I just don’t want any trouble.”

“There’s not going to be any trouble.”

“And are you together with him?”

“No,”

Nikki said. “Not right now.”