Chapter 18
It’s Real
The girls picked me up early for me to pick out my dress. I was moving slow all morning, not feeling like even leaving the house, but knew I had to.
Love walked me down to the truck. My girls were yelling and shit, ready to hype me up. I kissed Love, then tried to put a smile on my face as I got into the truck.
“I can’t wait to see all of us in our dresses,” Deja said. They ordered their dresses online and had to get them fitted.
I nodded. “Yeah, me too, but y’all better act like y’all got some sense in there.”
They all laughed.
“Come on now,” Kenya said. “You know we can’t make any promises.”
We all laughed, and Kenya started to pour up drinks. I took a cup that Renee passed to me, took a sip, and instantly felt sick, but kept that to myself.
By the time we got to the bridal boutique, Kenya had a lil’ camera and was already recording, staying close to me with the camera all in my face.
The four of us walked in together, immediately being greeted by one of the consultants.
The place was beautiful. White walls, soft lighting, dresses hanging everywhere.
It looked exactly like the background of the different dress pictures that I looked at online, making me think about when I was a kid and dreamed of this day.
We started with the bridesmaid dresses first, which turned into what I thought it would be.
Fuckin chaos.
Kenya loved her dress. It fit her right, and didn’t need to be tailored too much.
Deja’s dress needed to be taken out some. We all looked at her.
“Well, they only had a size small. I thought I could do it.”
Kenya sucked her teeth. “You know all that ass could not fit in no damn size small.”
Kenya’s dress was a lil’ too big, but also too small for Deja.
I sat down and took a deep breath, listening to the tailor explain to them what they would have to do and that they had enough time to get it done.
Kenya came and sat next to me.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just a lot going on.”
She agreed.
“Have you thought about moving the wedding up?”
“I have,” I shot back. “But I don’t know if I should. I had a panic attack the other day. Moving it up might cause another one.” I let out a sigh. “Plus, everything is paid for and ready for October.”
The tailor got finished, and then my girls looked at me as if they weren’t just trippin.
“Are you ready to pick out your dress?” Renee asked.
I slightly smiled. “As ready as I will ever be.”
I stood up and started walking around the store with them following me. Kenya picked out some dresses that were too casual. Deja picked out some that had too much going on, and Renee? I don’t know what the hell that girl was on. I didn’t like the shit she picked. It was all just a big NO.
After about twenty minutes of them helping me, I went off on my own and was looking. I had pictures and ideas in my head, but I wasn’t finding anything close to it. Not even the consultants were helping me.
I was about to say we were going to have to go to another store when I turned the corner and found it.
I walked up to this cream-colored dress on a mannequin.
The consultant who was trying to help me caught me staring at the dress.
“Do you want to try it on?”
I nodded, couldn’t even make the words out.
Her and her coworker got the dress down for me and took me into a dressing room. After they helped me get into it, I turned around, and I was in awe of myself.
The cream-colored dress was draped. It was flowy. It showed just enough skin around my waist and my arms. It was low cut. It was all that I wanted.
I smiled at myself for the first time all day and grabbed my phone and FaceTime’d my mama.
I checked the time over there, trying to see what she could have been doing, then she finally picked up.
I propped the phone up so she could see me.
She grabbed her mouth, and I saw the tears forming in her eyes.
“Don’t cry, you gonna make me cry,” I said, looking up at the ceiling, trying to hold back my tears.
“I am sorry,” she said softly. “You just look so pretty, and you look happy.”
I held back my tears. “I love this dress, and I am happy, overwhelmed, but happy.”
My mama let out a deep breath.
“What is bothering you, honey? We haven’t talked in a while.”
“I know, it’s been a lot going on, between work, planning the wedding, and Love’s son moving in, it’s been a lot.”
Ma nodded. “So, you’ve been thrown into your stepmom role early, on top of everything else.”
I nodded. “I have, but he is not the issue. It is everything else.”
“Baby, have you talked to Love about that?”
“I have, and Love is so supportive. I love how he is there for me, but I don’t know, I don’t want to put too much on his plate either,” I responded.
Ma paused. “Baby, do you want to have a wedding?”
“I want to marry Love,” I shot back.
Ma laughed. “Baby, you can still marry him without the wedding.”
I thought about what she said.
“But I feel like I deserve this—all of this. I want this.”
“You can want it, but do you need it? If Love is enough for you, y’all can do something small,” Ma responded.
“Girl, are you okay in there?” Kenya said, knocking on the door.
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a second,” I responded to Kenya, then looked back at Ma.
“Ma, my friends are with me, and I have been ducked off in here.”
“Well, go out there and finish up. Send me a picture.”
“I will, Mama.”
We hung up. I got my face together and walked out, and when my girls saw me, their mouths dropped.
“Islahhh…” Renee said.
“Girl, that dress was made for you,” Kenya said.
I walked up on this lil’ stand and stood in the mirror.
“How are you feelin’, Islah?” Deja asked.
I took a second, looking at myself, taking a pic for my mom, then I turned and looked at them.
“I love this dress. I don’t think I need to try any other dresses on.”
“I don’t think so either,” all my girls said at the same time.
The consultants came up pin the dress where they needed to take it in and put a veil on my head that matched perfectly.
“Yesss! This is it,” Kenya added.
I nodded, “I love everything about this.”
The girls talked behind me while I zoned out, still looking at myself.
Standing in the dress made everything feel so much more real. The time was flying by. The guys had their suits done, the venue had been picked, and now this—we were almost at the finish line.
I walked down from the stand, and the consultants helped me get outta the dress. When I walked back out, the girls were looking at me all silly.
“So you down for a spa day?” Renee asked.
I shook my head. “Y’all, I don’t have it in me today. I am not feeling the best.”
“Are you okay?” Deja asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, just didn’t get that much sleep last night.”
“Well, tell Love to stay off you so you can get some rest on your day off.”
We walked out of the boutique and hopped into the truck waiting for us.
We talked about the last lil’ things I needed to do. Then they switched to what they think Love’s niggas was gonna look like in their suits.
I agreed with them, but the nigga I was worried about was Love.
We got to my place, and the girls hopped out with me and hugged me.
“We will see you at work tomorrow, get you some rest tonight,” Deja yelled as I walked inside.
Once I got up to my floor, I walked slow as hell down the hall, tired as fuck, and ready to lay down.
I walked in to hearing the game going on and smiled, hearing them go back and forth.
Once they saw me, they paused the game, and both walked over and greeted me.
“How was it?” Love asked.
“I found my dress!”
Amir clapped while Love looked me up and down.
“I can’t wait to see you in it, mamas. Why don’t we go out to eat?”
I really wasn’t up to it, but fuck it.
“Yeah, let me change.”
I went into our room and changed into something comfortable before meeting them back in the living room. Amir was already by the door waiting on us, talking about some restaurant he wanted to try while Love grabbed his keys on the counter and his Glock out of the drawer.
The whole ride there, they went back and forth about basketball. Amir swore one player was better than another while Love kept telling him he didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. I sat in the passenger seat, listening to them argue and smiling to myself.
For the first time in a while, my head wasn’t filled with wedding planning.
I wasn’t thinking about the guest list.
I wasn’t thinking about table seating.
I wasn’t thinking about the other lil’ things I needed to do.
I was just enjoying my family.
We went to Marcel. The hostess recognized Love, and we were led to the table.
I ordered some lemonade with Amir, while Love got a Henny and Coke and just smiled at me. I didn’t react to it.
After Amir ordered appetizers, Love ordered our food so we wouldn’t have a long wait.
After the waitress was gone, Amir started talking and telling us where he thought we should go for our honeymoon, trying to convince us to take him with us.
Love kept acting like he wasn’t listening, but every time Amir brought something up, Love had a hard time not reacting to it.
Watching them together always did something to me because neither one of them realized how much they looked alike.
Not just physically. But the way they talk, the way they carried themselves, and their lil’ attitudes they both had.
It was like watching the same person at two different stages of life.
Once we got our food, that boy went quiet and dug into his food, giving me and Love time to talk.
“I see you got juice,” he said through bites of food.
I smirked and looked around. “Because I drunk with the girls earlier.”
Love nodded his head. “I hear you...”
He gave me a look, but didn’t speak on it anymore.
I finished what I could eat while Love kept giving me looks while talking to Amir.
He got us some to-go boxes while getting the check, then leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“Are you okay?”
I sighed. “I’m just tired,” I said low.
“I’ma rub your body once we get home.”
I smirked and nodded.
Once we got home, I hugged Amir and went straight to the room. After Love made, put the food up, and made sure Amir was okay, he came into the room and shut the door behind him.
He went into the bathroom. I could hear the tub running, and he walked back out to me.
“Come here, my mamas, let a real nigga take care of you.”
Love took my clothes off me, gave deep kisses as he held my body close to him. He walked me backward into the bathroom and had the bathtub ready for me with bubbles, rose petals, and light-up candles.
I backed up from him.
“When the fuck did you do all of this?” I asked, knowing I didn’t see none of that shit in his hands.
He laughed as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pushing me toward the tub.
“I brought this shit in when you were gone and put it under the sink.”
I laughed.
He helped me in and poured the warm water down my back, then sat at the end of the tub, rubbing my feet.
“I am glad that I met you,” he said softly. “You have brought so much to my life and such a lil’ bit of time, and I am glad I get to be the nigga that helps you heal.”
I swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears.
“I am glad I have you, baby. The way you step for me is like no other. I’m glad I finally got my person.”
After my bath, we got into bed, and I went slam to sleep, cuddled in Love’s arms until I woke up in the middle of the night and rushed to the bathroom and threw up quietly while trying not to wake Love. Once I was done, I went and brushed my teeth, then leaned against the counter.
I didn’t need to second-guess. I didn’t need to take a test.
Me and Love was having a baby.
I placed my hand on my stomach with a smile. I was finally getting everything I wanted—everything I had prayed for.
And it still felt too good to be true.