11. Chelsi
CHAPTER ELEVEN
chelsi
I didn’t want to come out tonight. I wanted to wallow in misery on the couch or rot in bed, but Kate refused to let me, insisting I needed to rejoin the land of the living.
That’s the only reason I’m nestled at a VIP table in a bar in downtown Nashville with Kate, Sophia, Anna, and Addison, begrudgingly attending their monthly girls’ night out.
It hasn’t taken Kate long to establish a core group of friends in Nashville.
I’m extremely grateful she has other people in her corner who better understand her new lifestyle than I possibly could.
Sophia is married to another famous country musician, Luke, and has been a fantastic sounding board for Kate as she’s gone through the gauntlet of public opinion since she started dating Jake.
Meanwhile, Addison has my dream job as a stylist, catering to countless musicians and celebrities across the country.
She’s helped Kate on numerous occasions with her red-carpet looks, and I’ve inserted myself into those conversations as much as possible.
My eyes skim the room, taking in the crowd, the glow cast by the neon lights, and a relatively unknown country musician walking across the stage.
Normally, this type of place would be right up my alley.
I’d let loose with a few drinks, dance with a stranger or two, and likely end up in someone’s bed by the end of the night.
Not anymore. That version of me is gone.
Beat down by the reality of the world and coming to terms with my future of being alone.
“Do you see the guy over there, checking Chelsi out? I swear his eyes have been locked on her for at least five minutes,” Anna says before taking a sip of her cosmopolitan.
Her blonde hair is curled, hitting below her shoulders.
She’s wearing a pink mini dress with matching stilettos that add three inches to her five-foot-four-inch frame.
Addison jerks her head in the direction of the man Anna is referencing. “Damn! He’s hot. Chelsi, you should give him a nod or something. See if you can get him to come over here and say hi.”
I sigh, tapping my nails on the wooden table. “Not interested.”
“You didn’t even look at him,” Kate adds, nudging my arm with her elbow. “At least check him out before shooting down the idea.”
What is happening? Is she trying to be my wing woman? This would be a new development. Kate’s usually the one against me meeting random guys at a bar.
Shaking my head, I glance in his direction for a brief second, catching his eye before I look back down at the table. “He’s cute. Still not interested.”
“Would you be interested if, perhaps, one of the guys who works with Jake asked you out?” Kate takes a sip of her Sauvignon Blanc. “There are a few who would love the opportunity to get to know you better. Shane, Zac…”
“Don’t forget about Alex. He’s single and has that incredibly hot and broody ‘don’t mess with me’ vibe,” Addison adds. “I bet his panache for control translates everywhere.” She wiggles her eyebrows and grins.
While everyone in Jake’s band and team is easy to talk to, there’s something different about Alex.
Maybe that’s why I always feel inclined to randomly text him whenever something reminds me of him, occasionally communicating with him only via emoji or GIF so he has to decipher the meaning of my responses.
I don’t know why, but I love pushing his buttons.
Ruffling his strict adherence to the rules and watching him respond.
It’s why I got so much pleasure out of seeing him squirm when I wore only a towel.
Although he’s clearly attracted to me, he doesn’t put in any effort to get to know me better, like I’ve seen from Shane, Zac, and Jimmy.
“Don’t forget Jimmy. He’s always down for a good time…or so I’ve heard,” Sophia teases.
“Anyone but Jimmy,” Kate mutters, massaging her temples. “Seriously. You can date anyone on the entire planet as long as it’s not Jimmy.”
I sigh loudly. “Like I said before…I’m not interested.”
I don’t want to ruin everyone’s good time, but I also don’t want to be here.
I’d much rather be in a pair of sweatpants, binging episodes of Gossip Girl or 90210.
Not wearing skinny jeans, a sheer black top with a black bra, a leather jacket, and a pair of designer shoes that cost more than a month’s rent.
Although I might look amazing and ready for a night on the town, my mind and heart aren’t ready to leave the house, let alone socialize.
“Who the hell broke Chelsi?” Sophia asks, scrunching her brow as she glances around the table. “I was only joking about Jimmy, but any of the other guys in Jake’s band would be a catch.”
“We can thank Logan and her asshole ex-boss. She’s been wallowing ever since her life blew up. I hoped a night out on the town would do her some good,” Kate replies, staring at me with worry and frustration. “She claims to have given up on men. I didn’t think she was serious, but now…”
“I am. Don’t need a man. Don’t want one.
” I take a large drink of my martini, enjoying the burn of the gin as it flows down my throat.
“Now, if any of you need recommendations on which toys will make you come harder than any man possibly could, let me know. I’m pretty sure I’ve tried everything on the market. ”
Anna chokes on her drink. “Excuse me? You’ve done what?”
“Tried them all.” I rattle off a list of my top favorites, counting them on my fingers so I don’t forget any of the ones that have caused me to black out.
Addison whips out her phone, starting to either take notes or add items to her shopping cart.
“Give them a whirl. You can thank me later.” I point at Kate and Sophia before saying, “Happy to share my favorite ones for couples if you’re interested. ”
“Could you text me a list?” Sophia blushes. “For research purposes…obviously.”
I chuckle. “Yep. Need something to do with my free time. Perhaps I should become a sex toy influencer. Those have to exist, right?” I glance in Anna’s direction.
“Why are you looking at me?” Anna asks, a combination of surprise and dismay on her face. “I wouldn’t know what to do with half the things you just mentioned. Hell, I didn’t even know some of them existed.”
“Oh, sweet Anna. You need someone to corrupt you. Open your eyes to an entirely new world of pleasure. Perhaps Max could be of assistance,” I tease, raising my eyebrows and hoping she’ll finally spill what’s going on between them.
Kate has mentioned they’re thick as thieves, and I know he occasionally stays at her house, even though they claim nothing is going on between them.
Anna groans. “Why does everyone assume Max and I are together? We’re just friends.”
“Friends who like to fuck?” Addison takes a sip of her margarita. “He’s cute and incredibly sweet. I wouldn’t blame you if you were occasionally having a roll in the hay with him.”
“We’re not having…sex,” Anna whispers, leaning closer to the table like she’s afraid someone might hear what she’s saying.
Kate taps her fingers alongside her wine glass. “What about Jason?”
“Yes. Let’s talk about the animosity between Jason and Anna.
I’d love to know where it comes from.” I smirk, grateful the conversation has morphed from talking about my nonexistent love life to putting Anna on the spot.
One of these days, we’re going to break her and find out what’s really going on with her, Jason, and Max.
There’s a story there, and I’m determined to unearth it.
Anna spends the next few minutes professing that Max and she are nothing more than friends and she wouldn’t touch Jason with a ten-foot pole. She also muttered something about how Jason can’t be trusted, but didn’t expand upon why, making me even more curious about their past.
“Why aren’t we helping Chelsi figure out what’s next for her career? Isn’t that a much better use of our time than teasing me about my lack of a sex life?” Anna suggests, politely smiling.
Great. Just when I thought all the attention was off me, it’s coming back in full force.
Addison nods. “Yes. I’d love to know what Chelsi is planning and whether she’ll be staying in Nashville permanently.”
“Probably going to go back to being an accountant,” I reply, taking a big gulp of my cocktail.
Addison’s mouth drops open. “You can’t be serious. You would want to do that?”
I shrug, unsure of what to say in this moment because the last thing I want to do is accounting, yet it’s the safest choice.
“When did you make this decision?” Kate asks, concern laced in her voice. “A few days ago, you were hellbent on not doing that again.”
My shoulders fall. “It’s not definitive. I’m trying to balance reality with my own desires. At some point, I have to become serious about my career. I jumped into a new industry, and it didn’t work out. Does it make sense to risk it all again?”
Kate reaches for my hand, taking it in hers and squeezing.
“Yes. I’m a fairly risk-averse person, and I’ve learned over the past couple of years that good things can come from stepping outside your comfort zone.
You and Jake have both shown me that time and time again.
” She looks in my eyes. “Don’t give up on your dreams, Chelsi.
You’re nowhere near the point of desperation. ”
“I’m not sure what dreams I have for my career anymore.
Besides giving all of you sex toy recs, I don’t know where else my skills lie.
I want to find something I am great at, not just average.
” I clasp my hands tightly together, remembering the adrenaline rush I had when I launched aggressive PR campaigns at my last job.
I want to feel that way again, but I don’t know how.
Addison shakes her head. “You’re so far from average, Chelsi. You have an innate knack for so many things. You just need to find where your passion meets your talent; that’s where the true magic happens.”
It sounds so simple when it comes out of Addison’s mouth. Perhaps it is for everyone else. Hell, it used to be for me, but now I’m questioning every decision I’ve made, wondering if I should’ve taken a different path.
With work.
Relationships.
Everything.
Making a leap of faith in your twenties is a no-brainer.
You don’t know any better and have plenty of time to course-correct.
When you’re in your mid-thirties, it feels different.
You know how precious every minute is and the amount of effort it can take to turn a ship already headed in another direction.
I don’t want to make the wrong choice again.
I need this time to be different.
I can’t watch myself fail again.